dril archive

what th the bope use "google glass" #retweetthisifYouragirl

the banned version of "'lord of the flies" where the conch is replaced by a fat immobile pug dog

wendy's contest to win lunch with dick vitale cancelled due to 'sex people'. entries infused with distinct erotic musk handed over to police

In reply to deb

@slidingsideways not even legendary blade Masamune could offer these awful creatures a death as swift & honorable as my patented Ass Crush

#atlanticecon please disable all of your wi-fi devices to prevent Gremlins from entering this trustsphere of minds. inflation is a myth. bye

In reply to wolf pupy

@wolfpupy mnever. my signature technique could bring serious injury if attempted by a layman

@danieleastman Yes

as a lad i often drew 2 adjacent circles in a crude attempt to portray an Ass. ive since matured and only draw asses of the utmost precision

@RAREMIRAGE corn on the cob

@Rad_Bug i can not sleep sound knowing a disgusting criminal is out there hogging my rightful Like`s

tthis asshole brought home a tekken lanyard with "Phil" written on it in magic marker and wants to use it with the keys to his new buick .

youtube recommending large amount of gamestop dumpster dive videos to me; perhaps hteyve implemented a new algorithm which detects "Misery"

sheriff's department transmission decoded by anonymous: "Please Keep Rowdy Beasts Away From Mayor During Dog Show"--what could it all mean??

i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the gestures i make with my ass

full investigation: bring me the man who threw a dildo on stage during my TEd talk. also the men who encouraged him by hooting and whistling

dont know how a vandal wrote "Likes to Fuck" on my resume, but i do not like to fuck. please hire me. i need this job. i hate to fuck, pleas

In reply to @Cryptoterra

@Cryptoterra blood the hedgeohg. mewtwo the hedgehog. dwayne the hedgehog. muscles the hegehog. christ the hedgehog. marcus the hedgehog.

#MentionSomeoneCuteAndBeautiful raynn the hedgehog. akira the hedgehog. mydnyght the hedgehog. venus the polaer bear. gomez the hedgehog.

purchased a cage full of rats in the hope that infusing my home with New Life will fire up my posts a nd score me the Bertucci's deal. amen

cancelling my livetweet of the pa flower show becaus of the SHIT you people have said to me, tthis is the bed you laid in, this is your hell

when people fuck with me on sites i head for the beach and take it out on the crabs. i punch their shitty little bodies, i kick dirt at them

fucked up that people would click X on my feed during what is perhaps the worst crisis i've ever faced. go back to the zoo. miserabl animals

if you feel uncomfortable reading about my balls infection, click X. if not, pour a good big beer and let my feed take you to another world,

i've just been notified by the oracle that late night personality jay leno is currently in Denim Mode.

im redoing the funeral for my ass because nobody took the first one seriously enoguh. too many attendees yapping off & refusing to be seated

@XXXEGGUTOR " BASTARD "

In reply to @RPGremix

@rface0 anoter sony fanboy. move along

no. my bumper sticker of beautiful intergalactic bounty hunter Samus Aran saying "Im Autistic" couldnt have been the reason my car was towed

@CNNSlowNewsDay nascar saga IV: elder blade: honor of car

i paid good money for these sweatpants and i reserve the right to wear them to Game Stop without the wiseass brigade photographing mmy rear.

@tapecrumb @iamohjay http://imgur.com/a/UoHLR heres an album full of Shit from the thing im workig on, enjoy

In reply to Mike Radowitz

@MikesRadTwites @tapecrumb @Adobe ya that's the one

@tapecrumb @Adobe something that i wouldve used an actual animation program to develop i f i had any fucking sense whatsoever @adobe #cocks

NEVER MAKE ANYTHING IN FLASH - FUCK PLEASE GOD @adobe #shit

ddepressed, exhausted imbecile dragging an overturned port-o-john down the interstate, blocking traffic and getting honked at

a particularly rude comment i received today has caused me to fill my pants wih shit. i will not glorify the perpetrator by identifying him.

i just bought an Oscar on the black market and im willing to give it to the first bbw to send me a pic of herself fisting ehr own mouth.

who remembesr the mower man screensaver. who remembers the fear of it. who remembers not even being sure if the screams were coming from you

i want the popular new animated gif of me looking at a messy old trash can while lickin my lips; Removed . Remove it off- site. Log it out.

In reply to jarjouri

@deeptechfunk i reserve the right to blog my yap off in defiance of the trolling groups and hate communities who want to disrupt my cashflow

can almost hear the angels screaming as i plunge the dagger into my chest and abdicate my destiny as He Who Would Forge The Unwettable Denim

if youre reading this NascarDustin, you are requested to appear in court for the crime of firing 600 chi needles into my innocent ass cheeks

raise Hell to end workplace discrimination against men who suffer from PL (Pube Loss). force my boss to pay due tribute to my pristine mound

"although i cannot be the father she needs, i wish my daughter the best of luck on her life path. now let us sound, gentlemen." - konami_boi

konami_Boi gives his baby daugther up for adoption so he can convert her crib into a display case for his exotic collection of sounding rods

did anyone do the "google ass" joke. did anyone do thr joke where "google glass" is changed with the word "ass" in it. hope a nerd sees it

i am the great benghazio . i need Truth for my justice hole #funButSerious #BanMeForMyOpinions #HowDareU #SomosFiOS

ive had it up to here with this benghazi fella. callin up a few rowdy boys to do some jumping jacks on his lawn

Thank you. Closure at last #tcot RT: @Mythbusters Adam and Jamie "Go Benghazi" in the all-new season premiere of Mythbusters, don't miss it!

#FiveWordTEDTalks god is real... (real BOgus) #ThingsGirlsLike free copper wire #LiesToldInSchool principals have sex #MakeLeighLaugh no

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21579211 miracle bird. kfc kfc kfc kfc

I WILL REGRESS INTO PRIMAL FORM AND SHUN MY LOVED ONES IN ORDER TO POWER UP MY CONTENT !! I WILL GET RE-BLOGS AT ANY COST !! AT ANY COST !!

#ThingsGirlsLike Moonlit Sega Rants

#ThingsGirlsLike ccalling me a fucking bastard and strangling me with their legs while my head turns purple and im horny and screaming mad

review: koala kare diaper station with the fuckin bear on it. awful. sorry im not some size 0 model who can use this without it snapping off

sorry. my "wrestle a pile of huge dildos for charity" event was a total imbroglio. all proceeds raised must now go towards my hospital bill

@robo_junkie log off. now. this is not a horny account.

@robo_junkie no. this is a business proposition. no sex

1) i lie face down on sofa 2) infect me witrh lyme disease 3) it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

In reply to KFC

@kfc_colonel "son, if you think we deserve better, let me remind you that the large wooden 'H' affixed to our kitchen wall stands for "Hell"

sequester THIS !! *i show my ass. a dick flops out of my ass. a tiny ass comes out of the hole of the dick coming out of my ass* Fuck obam

"Yo. Lets get some owl tattos." - something a hipster has probably said once in the course of human history #DOUChe #jokeums #heteroBoyLords

PROSECUTION: could you please tell the court who exactly youre referring to when you use the term "Gender Folk"? ME: not to a bastard like U

reading my revolting tweets to a focus group for several hours and escaping on a sled pulled by rats when it is time to pay each of them $25

In reply to Andrew Glaubman

@aglaub13 as i have stated repeatedly on this blog, my favorite philosopher is Ben Stein .

i imagine to the lice who live in my chest hair, my enormous, frowning head is God; their only beacon of hope, thats why i never wear shirts

In reply to DON SONICHU🐖*SQUINTS* THE JEWS

@Sonichu1 subset of lava

sky wiccan, lava wiccan, river wiccan, light wiccan, dark wiccan. thats all the wiccans

to the fanboy who threw acid iat my face near fuddrucker`s, you can destroy my body but The Cloud will preserve my brand for millennia #PS4

remember blowing on the CDs to make them work? blowing on controllers?? memory cards? pplease validate this broken man #PlaystationMemories

i would appreciate it if the words "unconscious hog" were removed from the daily post article about me , as i am no longer unconscious .

THE LAST UNBANNED ALCHEMIST ON EBAY

I AM VERY BAD ARMENIAN LADY ! I AM SO BAD THAT EVEN DEVOL IS AFRAID OF ME ! I WILL TEAR ENYBODYS SPIRIT & GIVE IT TO HIM ; WHO PUT DISLIKE !

ill have no more talk of mystery complaints regarding my screensaver of juiced ass dudes turning into snakes then back into juiced ass dudes

"the best part of U runned down the crack of ya mammas Ass when she-" ugh i fucked that up. wait "best part of yopu run down the ass w-"Shit

everyone screaming at me cus i accidentally made tge dog deaf by yelling memes at it. if the meteor kills us all i wont give a Fuckin Shit !

i would NEVER misappropriate funds from my panera bread gloryhole kickstarter to buy mustard gas,, you BRUTES , oyu selfish, horrible APES

please watch my realtiy drama"shit eaters" about people who eat shit and are constantly goaded into cyclical arguments with their loved ones

so you DONT insure tupperware contaners filled with magazine cutouts of legs & feet? what if i told you some of these badboys are reagen era

not at all unreasonable to assume that everyone who has ever unfollowed me likes to engage in mystic forest ritual to make my muscles tinier

Japanese;Chinese,Korean;Vietnamese are the only Asian women that I have ever known. That is why I use their look and experiences.

This site is dedicated to the love and respect of Asian women. If you are here looking for porn... "MAN ARE YOU IN THE WRONG PLACE!"

IS BLUE TOILET WATER A RETRO 90S THING OR HAVE I JSUT NOT SEEN A CLEAN TOILET FOR 13+ YEARS. PLEASE HELP

before you make fun of the band that me and digimonotis started in 2002 called "Pube Supply", be aware that we didn't know what a pube was.

if someone names their son or daughter "Funny Rubio Water Drink" i swear to god i will write your username on a post-it and post a pic of it

disappointed by lack of respect for the pope by the goofus brigade. i on the other hand respect the mans ass cheeks. i respect the mans legs

during tibetan sky burials theres always the risk that the birds will eat everything except your dick and that people will laugh at the dick

all the wonderful fictional characters i remember from my suburban middle-class 90s childhood break into my home & scrutinize my filthy dick

maestro stands on top of my couch and waves baton perfectly in rhythm with my clicks and scrolls as i block rude accounts & erase sass mouth

open pastebin of LAPD shooter's manifesto. ctrl+f search for injoke staples such as "jeans", "diaper" and "toilet". no results. click x.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Has A New Wine Out. I'm Dying To Try It But I Find His Governing Policies Questionable At Best. Such Is My Life Of Shit.

In reply to gabriel james

@ofoctaves HLUUUUUUUUUl

my old phys ed teacher let`s me kiss his cpr dummy for $15 a pop and that'[s why im more mature than most of people on this fucking web site

please. look at this thing on my ipod that i loaded up. it is called "the geico talking dog" and it is spectacular. please look. please

whoever put "give skeleton huge titty" in the suggestion box: first off, this isnt a suggestion box. its a toys for tots bin. secondly;

mabye this decal of the troll face saying "DID YOU TRY RESTARTING IT??" will make the boys in IT respect me &stop kicking my cube walls down

and here we go again. another civil symposium, bungled up and ruined by me, the horny asexual. everyone always blames me, the horny asexual.

parking garage conquered by disgusting man covered in vaseline

In reply to gabriel james

@ofoctaves mario tennis

In reply to Cornelius Low Hardenbergh

@The_Leinie_King IT SUCKED AND BROKE

"do turds carry gneder. are there male turds & female turds." good question, Walter_PSX. hte answer, however, is not so clear cut im afraid;

In reply to renzo guitar

@NathanielElmer no

please @gangnamjokes. post the first gangnam joke. please. you piece of shit. please dont squat this account and gyp us on the gangnam joke

please put the king of skeletons back underneath his parkig lot before he starts yellin . disrespectful fucking rat people mother fuckers

smear turds all over my dunce cap and kill me

@LEVEL5_IA please explain wjhy your latest game contains a despicable portrayal of the prophet Muhammad?? http://i.imgur.com/1kdsoXm.jpg #allah #islam

i rip off my groundhog handler disguise on stage. "surprise bitchs. groundhog day is fake." i drop kick the fuckin groundhog back to the zoo

In reply to Garbage

@robodex I have never been horny. I have never even thought about becoming horny. Get off line from me.

i jsut imagined a nude body and winded my self

reviewed obama inauguration speech. not ONE mention of "varmints" #ProVarmintPres?? #getUmOut

thanks for banning mme for having the username "WTCPuncher" , even though I registered that name before hte towers blew up in a car accident

what do I model, you ask? i model for those gag golf trophies that are given to bad players by coworkers as a joke. guy with twisted up club

@clxrk starwave, hotflux , gumcore, bigsnap , powerbox, piss-hop, classic mouth, soul flute, birdstep, rock 'N' rol, serbia drum, james bond

instantly the king of jail after telling other inmates that im in for dropkicking "WTFCraig" when he said avatar is a ripfof of bluemangroup

TODAY WE EXPLORE THE LINK BETWEEN WIDESPREAD SOIL EROSION IN HAITI AND MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS BECOMING LESS FUNNY

TODAY WE EXPLORE THE PROVEN INTELLECTUAL ADVANTAGE OF CHILDREN WHO HAD GENERAL HOSPITAL FANFICTION READ TO THEM IN THE WOMB

TODAY WE EXPLORE THE CONTRIBUTIONS THAT WOMEN HAVE MADE TO ARENA PITBULL DEATHMATCH

A GATHERING OF MISCHIEVOUS IMPS FIRE UP THE NINTENDO 64 AND RUN MARIO UP THE ENDLESS STAIRCASE FOR 1 HR

local orgy vibe ruined by man who made terrible dog howls while extremely caught up in the moment - bastard is now imprisoned in astral cube

if heading to the gym and muscleshaming all the sweatnerds aint your idea of a good time then im afraid you are a waste of a daughter

moms boyfriend think `s selling dioramas of discarded tarantula husks perfoming sex acts is "bad"; throws my 30yr old cozy coupe at me daily

attn teens who wolud crack wise abot my grotesque, misshapen ear lobes: i am pissed of, overtaxed and ready to die in the name of Lady Honor

do not contact this account until you have truly felt the pain of a big male.

only thing stopping me from being th 1st diaperbound wiccan 2 scale everest are all the handsome climbers who're prejudiced aganst big peopl

caught sneaking a runestone into the cineplex. the runes they sell at the concession stand are all marked up to shit. thats how htey get ya

i just found out today that my best friend and confidant of 11 years is a beers drinker. this troper is NOT amused

oyu investigate the mysterious object that falls out of my shirt onto a pile of bibles. your worst suspicions are confirmed. it's a hairball

from what i undestand gerrymandering is the process of manipulating districts in such a manner that gnarly dicks show up on the election map

and today's Golden Toilet award goes to the cast of Weekend at Bernie's 1 & 2 ofr disobeying the noble qur'an.

In reply to Spoonicorn

@MrSpoonicorn my posts are top niotch and i keep myself clean

In reply to CyberXican@

@pphafidtl hte nightmare is just beginning. google "sewer myth"

In reply to demi adejuyigbe

@electrolemon fuck yea i remember. backrubs. dunkaroos. bag clips. sunsets. teeth. all these things were sacrificed in the y2k crisis

cyber link this post if youre a good person who remembers the things that are good and are not a bad person who likes things that arent good

so you want to upgrade your jeans. i suggest you gather 3x daenim shards, 2x bug honey, and 4,000 ralphs. only then will u be worth my time.

@drymangobird @dril maybe this make sense to ya. http://i.imgur.com/ZT2QW7p.jpg

*corsses out all the bad posts in perm. marker* mmm . haha. oh yeah. look at that *scrolls down and t he posts move* no. this wont do. oh no

think im gonna bust the window on my microwave open and nuke my ass for a little bit

the man who froze his shit and cut them into tiny disks to fool the coinstar machine is probably the closest thing to real life james bone .

is it spiritually advisable to circumcise my sons if they're conjoined twins attached at the foreskin

nick jr. wanted to publish my memoirs - told them to take a hike with the kid shit

me and my roving band of gorgeous cop punchers suffer the indignity of detecting the scent of piss. we pause and atempt to locate the source

@crystalproteins probably WHACKEN OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck otis

#girltime "dating",as we know it,is an outdated pratice that can be traced back 2 thge pre-sapiens imbecile, hurling turds at their pregnant

the experimental surgical procedure to make my tears stink less was a complete failure. im sorry everyone

In reply to 3 jaar in helmond

@hot0213 THE BABE................................... #RaunchyonMLKBirthday #MLKRaunchyDay

@SexCarl @diaper_wolf horny supremacy

@Katdraken im a Dipshit

@evillalon26 @ILikeStapler he killed himself on friday

In reply to Spoonicorn

@MrSpoonicorn jail

i believe in sex. i work with asphalt and i respect the asphalt. pain is my god and heaven. i am NOT a ＧＡＭＥＲＤＵＣＡＳＵＡＬ. sponsored by nestle

hats off to the shirtless man who found spelling error in my 2yr old tweet but failed to realize that everythng i post is irredeemable filth

slave to Woke retweeted

@dril banksy *

why is it a crime for me to confine garbage using my sweatpants and why does everonye on couchsurfing .org get mad when i yell at them

see if you can ascertain the recurring theme within this artist's compositions http://fusilamiento.deviantart.com/

@castinemachine i got rid of it cus it broke my phone and criminals were usig it to give me heart attacks

In reply to Adam Steinbaugh

@goodreverend @MrSpoonicorn you fuck yourselfs for this bastard move .

used the last remaining amount of my spirit force to transform mny daughter into a mana blade so that she will never cry again #AFathersPain

cheers to whoever poured paint on me while i was handing out pamphlets warning people not to attend MetalGearEric's orgy #FAlseFlag666

i get really upset when matrix haters refer to the greatest cinematic achievement in human history as "bullshit time". youre a fool and liar

@bubblebuttpapa all sports is the same

oh so when a pro foorball player makes a fake GF everoyne sucks his dick but when nice boys like me do it the cops demolish her with batons,

if you have a problem with me kissing pictures of Dragons while driving the bus, fight me. i just ate like 30 hotdogs and im near invincible

In reply to Jables Six One Seven

@jables617 NO NOT HERE

http://ask.fm/dril please. ask me anythig

barricaded in a lawless southern town for calling the one where pikachu choked on an entire apple a "filler episode"

i was going to make a joke about the food pyramid and eating mummies or something but i stopped because occasionally teens look at this feed

In reply to @vinceness

@vinceness hell

In reply to Spoonicorn

@MrSpoonicorn @notdril reported. lock um up

car wash big man. big man thru car was.h can car wash be used on big man. can big man survive car washj. does car wash clean big man. #Bing

#ff @UrineFREE @starwarsman @Blogboi2292 @Diabetes666 @SonictheEduardo @PrimoHoagies @NetworkMan @fanjustthe @tigerwoodsjokes @depresed @toe

In reply to @WilliamTheTaft

@WilliamTheTaft sotp insulting me

fuck wifi http://i.imgur.com/Z40p8.jpg

for years i've put up with the piss lobbyists and their laughable attempts to silence me. i will not use th bathroom again until theyre dead

next slide, please. this is a chart showing piss levels in the lungs of eastern & western public bathroom goers. the discrepancy is obvious.

bathrooms in japan have virtually no piss on them. this is because the culture has instilled a sens e of humility within the people. no piss

i hereby pledge henceforth to never piss on the floor of a public batrhoom. if youre "too cool" to care about this social issue then log off

attn supporters of hashtag #JackOffForTheEagles: thgis is NOT an official, NFL sanctioned method of supporting our birds. use xtreme caution

*reclines in chair a nd ages 2 ,000 years instantly turning into a skeleton and then pile of shit* ah everything's going according to plan

fuck mad people. anger is a disgusting emotion. sick of having my account flagged by people who dont understand The Process

#WhyGunsAreBetterThanLiberals THE 63RD SEAL MUST CONSUME THE SHADE OF BLOODFALL IN COMPLIANCE WITH THE NIGHT COMMAND, ANDMICHAL MOORE IS FAT

cor blimey,. down load the Bing Bar today m'lord, follow MadeaREal,ItsReal_Madea, Madea_FunJoke,& MadeaPuertoRico, my beautiful daugter ~uwa

please dont tell the boys at t he gym that ive been slapping clown urine on my pecs. they may not be totally understanding of the situation.

"the ancient americans had over 20 words for sandwich but only 1 word for betamax. fucked up but real" says a future man to his crystal son

WHO SUMMONE D WRESTLERS TO MY YARD. I DESPERATELY NEED STOMACH MEDS AND IM AFRAID TO GO LEAVE HOSUE. MY BIRDBATH HAS ALREADY BEEN SUPLEXED

in 2023 an unassuming fat man will become the official currency of the united states. the economy will collapse because theres only 1 of him

for hte last time im not badfrog3333 im this guy http://i.imgur.com/Ur8cc.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIRttx1Yr84 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzjd-bUak90 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICR9fBoGsWI badfrog3333

@FailboatSkipper everyone who does this please also google the phrase "is knuckles the echidna black"

in 1942 the US Navy sponsored an experiment which required 64 prisoners in Massachusetts to be injected with cow blood #FemaleLies

if anyone knows what to do if you accidentally swallow an entire cigar while running on the treadmill please contact StogieLad@Yahoo.com

In reply to Cool Pond

@cool_pond @ConorTripler @Princeofass ass is nonsovereign. he is claiming to be the prince of it for page hits.

RESULTS ARE IN: The Pibb Xtra 2012 Gold Prize is rewarded to "Football". The Pibb Xtra 2012 Stinker Award goes to the fireman shooter. Bye

i feel like if i practiced often enough and really focused i could learn how to shave all the hair off of my body using only my fingernails

today's the day that i put on my high heel cowboy boots & stomp the shit out of the fake plastic son that my father raised before i was born

i want to put on a really ugly shirt but i can't because of trolls. AAAGH **unscrews lightbulb from lamp, throws it into toilet, perfect aim

My lawyer has advised me that I should power the box off instead of dealing with hipster comments and trash insults on this sacred holiday.

reminder that if you jerk off tomorrow on christmas y ou are the bastard of earth.

In reply to Willy Spray Vyrus

@burningwhatnot This account is a Brand Opportunity Touchstone used by celebrities & rich policemen and people think it's awful but its not.

ever see a good app and say "oh i gotta get my hands on that app !!"?? that feeling is the spirit blood of my Web Strategy. I Am The Sphere

In reply to Esha

@EshaChainani no

In reply to Lydia Tár Tár Bink’s

@robdelaney everything i post is a disgusting lie

@dogheadcoffee bad

rating a porno "thumbs down" just because thegirl wouldnt take off her blue tooth head set is one of the moust fucked up things i ever did .

Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ I will no longer be answering any sex questions in this website. Ӿ Ӿ Ӿ

im watching my gf transform into wolves . the wolves have the same tattoos that she have. she can turn back into a person when she wants to.

In reply to 🐟 jitka 🐟

@jitka nno. no ball

i need towels sent to my house . this is not a fucking joke this time

@yyler forever

Im about to get wild at 2:30am on this Fucking can of #Beer I found. I am going to use my grandpas knfie to "Shot Gun" it. #ThingsILikeToDo

i hate vuvluzela noise. https://Twitter.com.

@surfercat theyl;l do it until i die and then theyll drag my corpse through the rubble while making awful beast noises

people who write "RT" and copy/paste instead of using the retweet button are the same people who changed clothes in the toilet stalls at gym

#ff @HellYeahTweets @simson @golfblog @HusbandShit @apekiller @JokesFun @xwife @PizzaHutMan @Unemployed_Male @ChristianHacker @babe2 @KFCkid

slave to Woke retweeted

look

pleas tune into my next podcast where i ask what the FUCK angry birds is and viciously mock the first piece of shit caller to answer me

"RSS FEeds? ", i say as i stroke my goatee while leaning on my podcast's huge 3d logo "Never Heard of UM !!!!!!!!!!!!"

In reply to totally bitchin

@whoa__there Im Just The Last Perosn Alive Who Gives A Fuck About The Integrity Of Mom Chat

#MOMCHAT IS TRENDING. #MOMCHAT IS TRENDING. YOU HEARD CORRECTLY, #MOMCHAT IS NOW MAINSTREAM. EASILY ACCESSIBLE BY FALSE MOMS. FUCK TWITTER

In reply to CyberXican@

@pphafidtl no im screaming

i sometimes wonder how shaken the AB/DL community would be if they found out i was injecting my diaper with saline solution instead of Shit

did you know that the bible doesn't actually contain any references to hell? or heaven? or christ?? it just a bunch of names & phone numbers

In reply to john o.

@JO_Wizard WHAT THE...?!?! BUT THAT'S NOT A..... BUT I DON'T WATCH..... BUT YOU... EAAAAAGGHHH

the shaman rises https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/1961035812/nVeBEio1

In reply to ☾lil ☾weedy ☾

@darth__mouth h.

In reply to woke stifler

@Yelix when i kiss a nerds ass

@HORothchild no im boycotting the jpeg image format because it showed me an ass

my nipples are purlpe because of an iron deficiency . NOT because i dont believe in god. so shut the fuck up, grandpop's grave

not many good wiki leaks lately. was hoping Julian woudld find out which individual or agency keeps ripping the gutters off of my house

if you recently dumpster dived a combination dildo/inhaler emblazoned with the hot wheels logo, please return it. thats the only thing i own

i tried to drown myself in the toilet but my neck is too big to allow my face to reach the water so now im downloading some nice blogs

one man stands, bravely defiant, against the impending fury of my massive, raw ass. a Troll snaps a picture and puts it in some history book

In reply to Jose Canseco

@JoseCanseco pissman Ultra

@TiffyWifffy where is he. wheres the ass hole. i hate him

what a terrible coincidence that this shooting happened to occur on Gun Joke Day

#ReplaceBandNamesWithDad nutty professor 2 the klumps

as a youth, the boys would laugh at my large ears & call me "The Ears Bastard". but today, I have every epsIode of Sliders at my fingertips.

"you can take that 666 on down the road" is actually etched into my family crest and i scream it everyday

http://www.imgur.com/e8eHb.png great. dale hates me now. fuck this website

when I dropped out of middle school I went home& watched korean flash animation "i love egg" like 28 times with tears streaming down my face

In reply to Rob

@hollenhammer im afraid that this will forever be one of the temple `s many secrets

a very nude, very fat pink man rolling down the corridors of an ancient temple, gathering dust and dirt like breadcrumbs on a chicken cutlet

In reply to CapsCop

@CapsCop NOPE

i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. "oops sorry." i apologize. "that ones for my dad

EMAIL CAMPAIGN TO MAKE THE BOARD OF HEALTH STOP CLASSIFYING MY GIRL FRIEND AS "POISONOUS"

oh sorry. "TheJRPGMotherFucker666" is my old user handle. from when I was a foolish child. my new one is "CockNBallsCummerShitheadShithead8"

sorry mom, but if U read my posts u would know why I spiked yuor meatloaf like a football & called it a "piece of shit". because i am scared

#ReplaceLyricsWithTwerk pppppppppppppppppppppppppp (big ffarting ass noise) fuck you fuck you fuck you

i dont give a rat FUCk about your personal shit, about your politic's, about your ugly kid and wife, just keep the Christian sand art coming

if i had the technical expertise to make "rage comics", i would do one about the cop who caught me trying to take my computer into the sewer

i have a rare condition which is commonly known a s "pig ear", and if I was born in the 1950s i would have been euthanized #Blessed

#LeaveItIn2012 bin laden. kil;l the piece of shit

my setup: 35 monitors arranged around my swivel chair in a circular fashion, imprisoning me forever in a 3d world of sex pics & sports radio

In reply to Rose McDonald

@JustAdamizer @thebestleef @Battlefield please leave @Battlefield out of this

Jsut saw a turd. I'm done. I'm fucking finished with this. Keep your bullshit snapchat. ENjoy the hell you have created, trolls.

1 nipple, 1 male ass, 2 jeans pics, 1 toilet full of piss,you terrible f ucking people

some ass hole told me to get snapchat so i did and my name on it is "coward" , please make me regret thnis, please shit all over my phone

@modestmusashi becuase i constantly post stupid shit that people hate

i hear by claim this guestbook in the name of the m0nsanto christianz. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u. fuck u.

ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! ZUMBA IS NOT FOR MOMS!! STOP STEALING MY FRIENDS I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE

Beware of the group of hauntingly beautiful Latinoes who will post nonsense on your vlog and hypnotize U into bowing before htier coward god

straight up-- im not here to make friends. im not here to socialize. im here because this is the only professional Mr. Bucket league in town

@_peasants thats disgusting

@_peasants its me !! Hahaha. Did i just fuck your mind? Welcome to the web. Where things aint always as they seem

This is f ucked up. http://allentown.craigslist.com /m4m/ Gangnam-Piss Jesus christ. Holy shit man. Check out this fucked up man.

how high does my postcount have to be before i'm eligible for Mensa

In reply to scum fuck

@TRAPDYNASTY HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 8=======D~~ 8-====D~~~ 8=-====D ~~

@CoolBabyRat I Dont respond to th em. The're wild animals. They fucking want me dead

I want you all t o know that I am not angry. I am acutally laughing at this whole thing. But Piss_089 should ha ve his computer locked up

Piss_089, noted pervert and imbecil,e made the ridiculous claim that i "love touching pieces of trash cans" & that my "gumline is fucked up"

im a 15 year old model, and Morgan Stanley Investment Management Is My Slice #IsMySlice

@ahuj9 diapers are not for babies

my attempt to expand my wardrobr by cramming a pair of Damascus Jeans into the office copier has ended with tragedy. escape the 9/11 reality

people have been printing lots of swears on hot sauce labels as of late

ive been raising my hell mastery quotient with faerie blood & jazz musick to prepare for the town hall thugs coming to collect my leaf waste

In reply to Jaye

@ughaGHOST HMM NOPE

I SUBMERGE MYSELF INTO THE CORE MIND AND CRACK MYSELF INTO THE BIT-WEB, MERGING MY CONSCIOUSNESS WITH ALL 18 EPISODES OF THE GASTINEAU GIRLS

i FIRMLY believe that beloved Super NES luminary "Funky Kong" woul choose Netflix over Hulu , in any Fucking universe you can throw at me

In reply to Rose McDonald

@JustAdamizer @Battlefield im a dirty animal. i m a fucking bastard.

In reply to Rose McDonald

@JustAdamizer @Battlefield It;s called "The Shocker". The pinky finger is meant to be inserted into the anus, as well. You're a huge bastard

In reply to Rose McDonald

@JustAdamizer @Battlefield I recognize that hand gesutre. It is designed to stimulate sex to a womans Pussy (vagina). I will report it

@intoyourheadpod maybe try not blocking me before i can respond "like normal adults do", you heartless, misserrable coward #PigAlert

In reply to Rose McDonald

@JustAdamizer @Battlefield he hollered at me in-game. but. i would not axpect a bastard with a tactless avatar such as yours to understand.

@TalesOfGames may God continue to bless #theGameCraze

In reply to King Without a Clown

@rufus_lipschitz im not changing it until nicholson's lawyers force me to

i apologize for referring to everyone who bought my official scent as "The Sucker Squad" in a private prayer to god that some troll recorded

/ ! \ / ! \ / ! \ " Twizzler " has Acclaimed your Intergram / ! \ / ! \ / ! \ >>> [Learn more about " Twizzler "] >>> [Return To Hub Grid]

In reply to JaBounce86

@JaBounce86 im concerned abou t the width of your head, jabounce86

In reply to ˗ˏˋ ˎˊ˗

@CullanDiffee nascardicktruckcummanballsguyaryanweedcarlegskissercockprick@bignutcorncobfuckass696drainagedeadgarbagedeadmanshit.biz

belittle mme. call me shit. throw hair at me

so i heard they invented a new type of mirror that spares me from having to lay eyes upon my extremely hideous visage. it's called a "wall"

see that dumpster labelled "SLAVE PISS"? bet ya dollars to donuts it's not actually full of slave piss. someone probably wrote it as a joke

In reply to alics crangg

@cranggbangger Keep My Damn Feed Clear Off Gross Shit

i sacrifice my most valuable gift card to the ocean to quell the intensity of the raging waters. forgive me, saladworks .

let's swap wine zines

time for another rant. fuck igloos. shitty ice house.s too cold. for more rants check out my site. send paypal to theloneranter@rantman.com

hey @joshingstern ypou accidentally erased this sick burn http://imgur.com/1PzSH.jpg

wussat? you think my sex beliefs are wrong? well,*tries to point to "THINK AGAIN BUSTER" written on back of shirt but my arms are too short*

:||‡‡‡||: " sex is abnormal " :||‡‡‡||:

No results found for "BORN TO GO FUCK MYSELF"

In reply to @vinceness

@vinceness @Ketherbound contest my spine with a gun

In reply to veins crazy

@Ketherbound @vinceness stay on the computer all day and get sad and huge

i refuse to partake in any hot black friday deals today out of respect for all the dead folks on the benghazi strip #shopping #deals #prayer

@joshingstern please unblock me so we can network our brands

In reply to @joshingstern

@joshingstern whats wrong. can't handle a little politic's?

#ReplaceSongTitlesWithTurkey israel is clowns at the circus, i stand with Muslom, ban fluoride, ban micro chip, all girls please DM me

#8ThingsICantLiveWithOut blame, denial, pity, rationalization, constant validation, superimposing fantasy, overcompensation and SuperPretzel

my uncle is trying to stick my drawing of him (Chibi-Style) on the toilet with a refrigerator magnet. doesnt understand why it's not working

im the ceo of legs

excuse me? did you just call me a " buff dude "?? The proper term is "Muscleman" , you piece of shit

sorry oprah fanboys, but the Oprah MMORPG is a buggy mess, hasn't been patched in 7 years, and i regret playing it daily since i was a child

haha jokes on you halo 4 admins.. my daughter isnt really dying . i lied. thanks for the doublr XP Bitch.

rreddit: IM an insufferable fucking prick. the computer has made me extremely wise ,but im shit,. please post your Racist Roommate Stories

what if instead of chirping birds yelled stuff like "GHETTO !" or "Adoulf" or "ass". they would probably be a funnier animal if they did it.

i whip out two good uzis and shoot up a fence with the words "INMATURE PEOPLE" painted on the sid.e my father thanks me for this, via skype

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef ppoisonous

haha. woah. apparently if you dress up like a police everyone will think you're a real cop and you can trick people into crying and shit

i pull a small american flag out of my pocket and give it a bunch of tiny kisses in my day to ward off liars and cheapskates

@weepysweetmonty there vapid .

@OtomeFunction what did it say before, i forget

why are there online tutorials detailing the proper disposal method of the American flag but none regarding a "Toilet Heteros" gang jacket

woah . the movie theaters are handing out pendants which glow whenever James BOnd gets laid during the movie #Good #ImmersionTech

i demand that the same tax exemptions granted to all religious institutions be given to my small businesses "Ass Church 3d" and "Ass Mosque"

the hell genie cured my crippling fear of Smoking,. but forced me to incur the curse of having perfect skin and legs #InHighSchool #Allah

i have renounced Teen in all its formes, and am now ready to embrace the mom revolution .

slave to Woke retweeted

JEFFERY THE LIB IS NOW JEFFERY THE BLOCKED. HIIS REPLY WAS ZZZZZZZ. I 'VE HAD ENOUGH. THis is insane to back this POTUS.

slave to Woke retweeted

@SimonsStephanie @MittRomney Sorry U are not up to standard for me. Clean it up . Bolcked

slave to Woke retweeted

@RadioAnna @Mark_JekyllHyde Hey U disgusting piece of crap Its Chuck. U'r blocked.

found a bunch of blueprints, street plans and pictures of pregnant women in a suitcase labelled "Pregtopia" in teen son's room. please help

In reply to Hoopz Barkley

@TalesOfGames owhh!! cant wait to sink my Choppers into this release. #theGameCraze

In reply to bug_deal

@bug_deal Mmy submission. http://i.imgur.com/TKAIy.jpg

@pizzahut please fashion me a noose made out of stuffed crust that i can chomp at while i hang myself

today. i will stay home and sharpen my balls. i will Hone My Balls

simpson debate ends with 17 job terminations, 5 injuries, & 3 deaths. the decision is made to continue depicting their nipples as black dots

FOX Broadcasting calls every artist, writer, lawyer & executive together to conclusively decide which color the Simpsons' nipples should be

ive been legally advised to state that the video of me being escorted out of a hospital while clutching a nerf gun ansd making noise is fake

HOLD ON I GOT A JUSTIFICATION FOR THAT *A BUNCH OF SHITTY PIECES OF PAPER FALL OUT OF MY COAT**

im now boycotting my wife's delectable meatloaf until she marches to town hall and reverses her vote of 4 more years for hamburglar mu'bab .

i draw my psycho-blade and stab the shit out of a plastic tub with "waldenbooks" written on the side in magic marker

As Per Tradition, Governor Romney Must Now Kiss The Presidential Legs, In A Show Of Perfect Humility. POTUS Disrespects The Gov By Declining

@sprotster I FUCKING SUCK

well its time for th e thanksgiving jokes. i already put a diaper on the turkey. did i fuck the gravy boat yet?? Need some feedback here.

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @dril im gay too and i love shit and im a nerd

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr your website claims to have been "running the internet since 2001", which cannot be true because its bad

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr haha you beg for paypal donations to keep your terrible website up and yell at people who do the same to eat

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr you got a paypal????

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr haha i probably have like $10000 more than you

In reply to @RatedRiv

@realjasonrivera @Johnklugjr hes right though youre bad

slave to Woke retweeted

@InYOUNGWeTrust I think 9/11 really happened. But everyone has Their opinion on what they think happened.

IM TAKING A CRYSTAL INTO THE VOTING BOOTH ......... #PRANKS

relaly hoping this election isnt a repeat of '04, when i got trapped in a brushpile and mistakenly voted for a bird

https://si0.twimg.com/profile_background_images/40172258/twitter.jpg thank you @toiletmaterial do not vote until you have seen this twitter background

everytime jeff dunham makes his miserable puppets kiss each other a bridge collapses somewhere

HOW WOULD ONE REGISTER FOR THIS SUPPOSED "STRAIGHT PARTY"

@PerformanceFart it does not performancefart

@mastronikolas it does not mastronikolas

In reply to Tuxbeej is on Mastodon (@beej@octodon.social)

@tuxbeej it does not tuxbeej

i just tattooed a qr code to my ass and when you scan it a picture of my ass comes up

@TrillHugs @JeanGreasy its a shit account.

lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. lets focus on piss farms. for the economy. we gotta focus on these piss farms

great news, boys. the town decided not to condemn my home on the condition that i remove the "intolerable meme shit" off my lawn and porch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9zSypO5FMg this has replaced human intimacy in my awufl brain

In reply to 🦁🐒

@Lowenaffchen this is one of the georgia guidestones

the officer detected a single string of cum connecting my sickly brown dick to the Fucked vegetables. "no no" i exclaimed. "its a spiderweb"

As rioters descended upon the white house, he silently sat in the dark with a revolver & a glass of whiskey. His mouth stuffed with SlimJims

President Obama began to question the future of his country. Desperate for answers, he humbly knelt before a crucifix made of Slim Jim `s.

An empassioned Mitt Romney spoke. "My dear Americans." His tone rife with the gracious fortitude of a leader. "We must always eat Slim Jim."

>>YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A GREY CORRIDOR. HOW DO YOU PROCEED? >>PIECE OF SHIT >>SUCH LANGUAGE IS NOT BECOMING OF A KNIGHT. HOW DO YOU PROCEED?

In reply to grown man who calls the ground “the floor”

@boring_as_heck @tropikoala whta can i say. i fucked up. i really dropped the ball on this one. happy halloween

@tropikoala @boring_as_heck oh

*shoves bloindfolded man's hand into a bowl of slimy grapes * and this is God's diaper *sticks hand in spaghetti * and this is God's turds

NOTIFICATION FROM LAST.FM - "RAUNCHY - BILL JUSTIS.MP3" HAS BEEN LOOPING ON YOUR COMPUTER FOR 9 YEARS NOW, AMBULANCE IS COMING

In reply to PekkaMoMo

@PekkaMoMo @mtn_dew try the fucking desert

slave to Woke retweeted

@mtn_dew I live on long island where can I find gamer fuel for halo 4

candidate gary johnson pledges to cut down on online clutter at pizza hut debate, cites rampant misuse of the #Yowza hashtag

apparently there;s a base amount of @mtn_dew you can drink that will make the red cross refuse to accept your blood & i surpassed it, #Yowza

@DigimonOtis I have reached the conclusion that you are a Nerd, and that further association with you will compromise my Brand Integrity.

BRAVE NYC FIREMEN IGNORING ALL EMERGENCY CALLS TO REPAIR MUSCLE MAKER GRILL #HEROES #GODEXISTING #SANDY

i found Heaven https://twitter.com/search/realtime?q=hurricane+benghazi&src=typd

wheres the fucking list of all the tanning salons that are open during th e hurricane #PostTheFuckingList

windows 8 disrespected by scum bags: the age of technoWisdom dies amid the screams of bloated, bleating hog`s &the laughter of moneychangers

In reply to Kaiser Dingus

@DudeGurlz dead

natesilver 538 keep me good from frankenstein, werewolrf, ghosts,spook'ums, ,enchanters, and critters,on this nasty day !! keep me logged IN

how to convince my uncles to combine into one superuncle so that i only have to buy one christmas card? how to do it? how to ddo this? how

i f you see a burlap sack hanging off of an overpass with a dick sticking ot of it thats me trying to fuck hurricane sandy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQlPs62tz7w here is future president jeff boss grilling the rat man for hard answers. the nsa loves to post nasty comments

http://bossforsenate.com/ thsis is the only candidate my followers are allowed to vote for. jeff boss for president on the "NSA did 911" ticket

tried to take two screaming border collies into voting booth & some 90yr old election official fought me& yanked my pants off. fuck voter id

Comments for Golden Shower: by Chris on 18/04/2012 "It sucks" -- by Chrystal on 13/04/2012 "Not good" -- by by Dashawn on 06/04/2012 "Hel"

http://www.androidzoom.com/android_games/arcade_and_action/golden-shower_cdvho.html http://www.pissbank.com/i/home-new3D.png http://www.3dnamewallpapers.com/previewlarge/cd32/piss_off.jpg your pre-election piss links

In reply to Tablets Man

@Tabletsman @DigimonOtis this is tactless even for you , tablets man

In reply to Pigbig 🌝

@LuckyStubbs @DigimonOtis Otis hsas made my life a living hell for 20 years. Fuck it. Im done. You win. I don't care

@DigimonOtis always sayig hes "on campus" but he dosent fucking take any classes he just sits in the cafe and plays with a dirty ass gameboy

@DigimonOtis has no natural lips. its really fucked up and gross. he needs to put on lipstick everyday to make his face normal looking

@DigimonOtis got spooked on 9/11 and tried to hide in a storm drain & the firemen had to yank him out and lecture him for wasting their time

@DigimonOtis cant get a haircut unless his dad goes with him to givr the barber instructions

@DigimonOtis ducked otu of a paintball match to make out with the fattest girl I ever saw and our team ended up losing

@DigimonOtis is a Piece of shit and I found an album under his bed full of pictures of condoleeza rice, like rthe one gaddafi had.

In reply to Digimon Otis

@DigimonOtis Fuck yourself

i am very sorry for all my bullshit @digimonotis i would like to be friends again please just talk to me http://i.imgur.com/EtJWB.jpg

dont forget to write in candidate "Seagrams Ginger Ale" to get "Pointz™" and score some"Geer™". #lynndebate #horsesandbayonets #deathcamps

anyone else catch " MR. PRE$IDENT " applying nail polish during the debate???? nbullshit. highly unpresidential

In reply to @vinceness

@vinceness i rrefer to my self as bullshit all the time

oh my god becky youll never guess who i unfollowed last night~~ cmon! guess!! ok ok ill tell you-- CBSNews

i was born in my motehr's bladder instead of the womb. the doctors called it a "piss birth" #Romnesia

In reply to nicholas greyson ward

@itsnickward 7

In reply to Sid V. Beers

@SidBeers i fixed it. its better

BUY NOW http://www.ebay.com/itm/AUTHENTIC-BIG-TEX-ASHES "AUTHENTIC BIG TEX ASHES" Own a piece of history. Actual Big Tex ashes #BigTex #IllNeverForget

BACK OFF CAPS COP THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR LOWERCASE

"FEAR IS USED 2 ENSLAVE THE MASSES," I SAID AS I RIPPED THE FUCKIN DECORATIVE CARDBOARD SKELETON OFF OF THE COMMUNITY CENTERS BULLETIN BOARD

apology letter to the juadge for grinning in his courtroom whenever someone mentioned my fun & clever web handle (SexBug) during proceedings

"Thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they...pray...in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men." #NationalAssDay

"i said i wanted to meet the KISS dudes! not that i wanted to meet and kiss dudes!" haha dont mind me, im just testing out some new material

now let's see that bad boy in 3d

just because i am allergic to wi-fi doesn't mean i can't respect it and recognize its useful applications. it is me who is wriong, im shit,

the media wont shut their yaps about me http://i.imgur.com/H4OGo.jpg

how much money would have to be given to FOX executives in order to make the dancing football robot say "lets kiss some nerds dicks" on tv

this is fucking stupid *Submit* everyone will hate this *Submit* my worst tweet yet *Submit* this ones okay *Submit* ban me already *Submit*

In reply to Glenn Beck

@glennbeck crime

bullshit jeans. dont buy. made of some kind of rat hair. not denim. i took them to my priest and he refused to bless them

slave to Woke retweeted

I'm proud to announce #1791Denim: REAL American jeans, made by Americans http://1791.com. sj

id like to be able to watch one Reba intro on youtube without seeing a bunch of comments from 3rd world nations threatening to "fuck" the WB

%%%% a gigantic man is batting a ball of yarn around the floor of this @Maggianos little italy restaurant %%%%

it is only natural that any reasonable human being would want to yell at my ass, but throwing spears at it is completely unnecessary

haha i just met a man named TenderWallace on irc who will scrape my teeth in his garage for 25 bucks so this whole dental office can suck it

scenario: i'm sitting in the dentist's chair getting my cavities filled. a stray pube enters the window and lands in my mouth. who's liable

fucking asshole http://i.imgur.com/DrP0n.jpeg

please tell me I wasnt the only one screaming at the tv last night, begging for one of the VP candidates to recognize budweiser's sacrifices

im afraid our fair mayor has been living high off the hog by spending our precious tax money, as evidenced by his username "HighOffTheHog666

please stop coming to the dumpster factory where i work and forcing me to tell diaper jokes. my boss has taken my car away becausr of this

once againl, the "legalize incest" crew has somehow hijacked the protest I organized to ban sorcerers from congress

In reply to adam wilson

@theleanover to battle the trolls and their incessant mouths

my lawyer has just informed me that my official logo resembles an alien with a big dick. this is the My Lai Massacre of personal branding

THE TWIITTER DOT COM PROCESS: THROW PIECES OF SHIT AT THE WALL UNTIL SOMETHING STICKS, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF A WALL IT IS A LARGER PIECE OF SHIT

we all had that kid in school who shaved the Netflix logo into his hair & kept saying "Cant wait to watch some Netflix" #WeAllHadThatKid #90

legally obligated to go door to door and inform neighbors of sex offender status but this is a good opportunity to sell my custom Gamecube's

hogan sex tape #MEDIa #TheMedia #notableSex ##fuckdf #lsd#####asjd#

some info i picked up: the brown recluse spider, lknown for its venomous bite, is not actually brown. also theyre not spiders, theyre birds

which candidate wants to make it illegal for barbershops to kick me out for having a really dirty head. i dont believe in voting, but still

what's that bitch?? you say twitter is a "vacuous cesspool of lackadaisical platitudism"? yeah, i can make up words too: blublubludgyuhgh

#ILoveYouBut my foreskin is tangled up in the axle of a toy car and my leg is turning purple

another fucked up thing. why tdont people in tv & film ever actually shit when they sit on the toilet. why arent we allowed to see the piss.

i theatrically cut open an envelope. "The facts are in, Trolls" i read off of a medical document. "Normal looking man. No evidence of Autism

http://i.imgur.com/UBEVz.jpg im going to rile your fucking dog up with a tambourine, egghead

IF COOLTRAINERDUSTIN ACTUALLY HAD A CRYSTAL THAT U COULD GAZE INTO 2 SEE ALL EPS OF "MIND OF MENCIA" HE WOULD PRETTY MUCGH HAVE 2 SHOW ME IT

http://www.reddit.com/r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu/comments/10z4bu/hipsters/ "Fucking lame" "awfully done, not even funny" "Awful" "100% not a ragecomic"

sometimes ant clever than human http://i.imgur.com/YDpTb.png

@haneefahkhanam alright im gonna

jnust found out me and trig palin have the same agent, no big deal or anything

slow motion film of my ass deflating into a wrinkled mess, my screams can be heard in the backgrond, awful & beast-like due to altered pitch

@bravesandbeer SHIT!! HA HAHAHAHA

ptut a fucked up mix of mountain dew code red and salad dressing and sesame seeds into your hummingbird feeder and watch the world burn

a hair-thin string of spit slowly descends from my lips & delicately makes contact w/ my crumpled up dick. i raise my head & say"ok im good"

http://i.imgur.com/LxOsN.jpg heres some real political insight for u disgusting parasites to gobble up and slap on your bolgs

spent the last 14weeks creating enigmatic rock formations to distract cops while i pump all the fresh produce in town full of anabolic roids

I support DigimonOtis and his right to purchase a synthetic cloaca , and I respect his decision not to fuck it.

nothing more heartwrenching than having to look a man in the eye and say "pal, your brand is nonsense. not even the gurus can salvage this."

Crimes of the Ass (2005) (V) - Recommendations

In reply to The Iron Sheik

@the_ironsheik hawaii

how many druglords do i have to take down to get dog the bounty hunter to unblock me after i threatened to breastfeed him or something

U Have BEen Brought Into Court On The Charge That U Must Lick And Suck On My Cop Boots Mother Fucker - NOTE: THe Judge Is Also Wearing Boots

This is a guy who I imagine likes to jerk the old pole at night& masturbate. This is a guy who uses tired swear words like "Fuck" and "Damn"

I just got word that a disrespectful message towards Dr. Phil has hit Darknet. Users are advised not to download the offending material.

harassing a man at a urinal, claiming i copyrighted piss

theme song to Cheers makes every animal in my house howl untikl i fucking lose it and hurl all their cages across th room into an awful pile

i sit down at my cubicle, roll up m y pants and pick scabs off of my legs for 9 hours, ignoring evoery call & email i receive. i make $76/hr

Sorry, username "MalnourishedBrony" is taken. Sorry, username "MalnourishedBrony2" is taken. Sorry, username "ImKillingMyself" is taken

do not attach pieces of bullshit to m y net log without premission from my lawyer or ill take pictures of my monitor & mail them to the judg

time to revisit Geis http://i.imgur.com/yU50W.jpg

http://www.reddit.com/user/StepDadProblem hahha i beatup guys like this daily

@cranberrysause every reply i receive on twitter is a literary treasure & rivals the collective works of all pulitzer prize winners combined

@cranberrysause trying to reply to thsese fucking messages caus today is Mention Monday & to expand in spocal media it is essential 2 engage

In reply to discontent creator scott b

@SocksMahoney the beer face

a man in a leather jacket emblazoned with "BabeSmoocher" single handeldly ruined my high school experience and is the reason im unemployed

In reply to and my glock

@CumWitch denim

the reason i poured vinegar all over TwistedKenneth's bike ramp is because he made a gross joke about piercing my dog`s nipple

In reply to Cakemittens

@cakemittens no

@CoolBabyRat no

In reply to nick😶‍🌫️

@NickPaul95 no

me and several other eclectic masturbateurs have gathered on capital hill to protest Mr.Skin 's inadequate representation of " Indie " media

yea i totally deserve to be put on the sex offender registry cause i got caught taking pictures of my feet at fiveguys burger and fries. Not

obviously., thsi has only exasperated the issue, and my doctor is a piece of shit. please send me donations to help me shave my self

sorry if i offended anyone during my latest nude-out, the doctor told me to grow my body hair out to cover up the miserable amounts of acne

someone please fucking come to my house and inspect my gums for any sort of discoloration and leave withotu speaking to me

no matter which way ya slice the apple, nine eleven was possibly THE most controversial event of 2001! #EmmyAwards #redcarpetfucker #pissrug

Muslims are currently rigging a poll on the international edition of CNN through a Facebook campaign. Let's show them Reddit power.

gonna need a relaly good explanation from twitter corp. as to why the recently added "me" button leads to a picture of a rat in a clown suit

the ye.ar is 2009 AD. world government has passed the G.R.E.E.D ACt, banning ownership of CD-ROM. hyperlinks have repleaced the dollar .

I LOVE TO ROUGHHOUSE , IM A STRAIGHT TICKET VOTER FOR THE GRAVEROBBER PARTY,AND I BELIEVE THE NUMBER ONE ISSUE IS "MOMS AT THE PUMP"

horny, distressed man causes local planetarium to collapse

HELLO IS THIS "FUCKWEB"?? HOW DO I LOG IN TO "FUCKWEB". GIVE ME ACCESS TO "FUCKWEB" THIS INSTANT. EXCUSE ME?? I AM NOT SHOUTING I AM TALKING

http://i.imgur.com/yN9Fy.png yes

two simple words that will save our shitty, fucked up country from job loss, restore our dominance over china and end taxes: "cyber pinball"

went to kiss my agent on the cheek and i missed and kissed his sunglasses and he called me a fuck up and refuses to get me in iron man 3 now

im good old southern boy and we dont cotton to bollocks .

my name is "hubo" now and not even my dad and all my uncles can change it back to "greg" no matter how many xboxs they step on

anonymous leaks 400 pics of the principals ass on viddler. somewhere a group of police officers stand over a single red rose in reverence

alright everyone. the official superpretzel website has given me word that there is no wrong way to eat a superpretzel. that settles it

No results found for "fuck superpretzel". No results found for "superpretzel is bullshit". No results found for "boycott superpretzel".

http://www.youtube.com/user/GameKisser every youtube account tells a story and i wou.ld like to share with you the tale of "GameKisser"

"Are Game's The Da Vinci Of The Modern Age" the interrogator barks. "What If Super Mario Was Real Life" he slaps the suspect across the face

who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off

"clothes" are a construct you fucking dolt. as well as flintsonte chewable vitamins is a construct, and grandmas house is a construct, prick

dicks have hairs all the way up to the tip, usually so short and fine that they cannot be detected by sensory perception . wax those suckers

what i sent you just now was not my sizzle reel. it was a teaser for my sizzle reel., and if you were in the industry youd fucking know that

i just spent the last hour removing lint and other foreign fibers from every miniscule wrinkle on my dick and i am now ready to enter Church

hello. im calling to report a misprint at the shirt factory. ordered 700 "shit man" tshirts but they all say "shirt man". no i will NOT hold

In reply to מַלְכִּי־צֶדֶק

@streetscoop •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

http://imgur.com/bprXN.jpg GLad to see this. Good to get the political process going. Get the Vote out. "Get Involved"

behead those who insult the prophet muhammad?? haha wow. holy moly. "Thats ur opinion man." -the dube.

do not be alarme.d the repulsive green hue of my dick and legs and stomach is merely a side effect of fucking bags of wet grass constantly

perhaps one of my most egregious viral marketing blunders was inciting radical islam by reading my controversial Dick Clark tweets on vimeo

Vinyl Sticker Description: Unless You Are Nude Don't Touch This Truck
Text On Product: Unless You Are Nude Don't Touch This Truck

@BigDogClub whats the deal with the 911 shirt. i thought big dog was a christian organization

https://twitter.com/MoonPeople this is the most important twitter account in 2012

@natttyyyyyy Im takeing it down, sorry

Obauma, stop giving speeches and get to work locating and executing the Bastard Osama Bin Laden. #Remember911 #Wtc

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat the unthinkable https://twitter.com/#!/search/realtime/9%2F11%20jeans

slave to Woke retweeted

To the people who tweet about 9/11 just to get a bunch of retweets, you make me SICK. This is not something to try to get "popular" over.

I GRIN AS I CAREFULLY TYPE INTO THE MAINFRAME "A NINE AND AN ELEVEN WALK INTO A BAR...." SUDDENLY FBI AGENTS BUST IN AND START FUCKIN MY ASS

SENSING THAT I AM GLUING SEASHELLS TO MY TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR ALLIGATOR SHOES, AN AWARE UNIVERSE TRAVELS BACK IN TIME AND CREATES ITSELF

@TheScienceGuy the natural course of life dictates that by 9000AD hte entire human race will have either died off or evolved into pitbulls .

my spinning 3d head rises from a dumpster full of discarded shrimp who were born fucked up by the bp oil spill. eeyaaghhHHH!!! im ALIVE baby

if u say any fucked up things about the new york world trade nine eleven groundzero tower center tomorrow i will absolutely rip my pubes out

now that kfc has promoted me to "toilet officer", i want to shift the paradigm and change the way people think about shit and piss forever

as a teen the docotr told me my ass cheeks would grow into a normal mans size instead of looking like fucked up hockey pucks. another lie

In reply to Sebastian Patrick

@sebbLz NERD*

by suggesting that i suck your (Female) dick ,u have sufficiently violated at least 3 gneder sacraments and have theirfore earned a " fail"

"Personally I can't stand when a woman says. "Suck my dick," or anything of the like. You're a woman, you don't have a dick." #Me #GoodRedit

my account is of no business to the trolls and their septic ilk . go jack it, fraudsters.spew contemptuous bile on your toilet. not to @dril

Someone created a network called "(my moms name) pussy stinks!" The police said nothing could be done, but Reddit, something has to be done.

RAMPANT INCEST AMONG THE RULING CLASS, GLOBAL SHORTAGE OF DIVINE CRISIS EMERALDS, SANCTIFICATION OF BASTARD ENERGY BULL SHIT MOTHER FUCKER

me and six or seven other worked up, wild eyed heteros are gonna bust up a gas station with grappling hooks to protest obamas new hoagie tax

the wife simply refuses to acknowledge me as the Alpha Smoker and is making me look like a fucking beta smoker in front of all my in-laws

installing sneeze guards at old country buffet is tyranny and they make it far more difficult for me to vomit cigar grease all over the food

slave to Woke retweeted

My friend, not get tongue bite.

Conrad, your friend; of Argentine. (@YouTube http://youtu.be/6R3Qe6G7zRE?a)

@Netflix few taglines to help U elevate ur brand: "Netflix: Boom, baby!!" , "Netflix: Get your net fix.", and. "Netflix: Our brand is HOT!"

pray to god that our children live long enough to be able to watch an astronaut fuck an Alien

TIL a janitor invented flamin' hot cheetos. (http://latino.foxnews.com) submitted 19 hours ago by jj788 117 comments share

In reply to Dan O'Sullivan (👻 NOW *LIVE* ON GHOST 👻 )

@Bro_Pair "charity is the toilet of mankind." -DigimonOtis

i am truly devastated to announce that DigimonOtis is in a coma after getting his arm trapped underneath a beatmania cabinet #PrayForOtis

#IAlwaysThinkAbout the Arts

8 of the navy's finest men rappel into my quarters and change my diaper. i stumble towards the balcony and throw cans at their helicopter

Jailed Man Jumps Head First Into Toilet -- by InsaneOuttakes -- 110,973 views #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF #TGIF

is america ready for an <otaku> james bond? would this post-9/11 culture of fear ever allow an <otaku> james bond to grace the silver screen

look at this classist filth https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=business%20man%20clip%20art&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=2-xHUJKxFef40gGhuYCICA&biw=1720&bih=976&sei=3exHULK-J-Ty0gH144HQCA

the only reason my ex wife wants half of my shit is because i smothered my beautiful bald ass in ink and stamped the divorce papers with it

closing off this childrens' playground until i am done filming parkour montage which i will use as psychological warfare against my landlord

as punishment, the townspeople force me to wear a prominent, scarlet letter "A", which stands for "a big piece of shit who loves crime"

you got me. i was, in fact, cramming my dick between the toilet lid and the bowl to simulate sex. but i was NOT "making a racket" .

gary johnson is the orgy president. gary johnosn has made it clear that he intends to make usa an orgy galaxy. gary johnson has an orgy tent

GM developing car seats which detect how wet your ass is and post the data onto your facebook page, for fun?? fuck eveory thing about this .

the fact is, my children are going to see people wearing Jeans on television, in the movies, and other media. how do i explain that to them

a small, ramshackle town where nearly every adult male has a severe case of blue lung from being forced to work in the denim mines

it is time for me to fuck several pieces of corn, in the stead of a female human. i hope your labor day is full of laughter, joy and wonder.

grandmma, i would like to file a complaint against the soda you keep in the back of your fridge. it is flat and expired, like my dick .

slave to Woke retweeted

chillin at home, going to sand my sons retro tricycle and primer it...

one needs only to read the quote on my favorite coffee mug to understand quite clearly, without a doubt, that i am mad about Content.

i believe we gotta push forward and afford dynamic, web based Content the exact same dignities and legal rights as Human Life

As A Business Man, I Cannot Relate To Sexual-Minded People, However THis So-Called Curse Undoubtedly FIRES UP My Award Winning Content

bested again by the youngsters who hurl entire thistle bushes at my nude body. these masterminds operate on a level that i cannot comprehend

FLORENCE RIVERBOAT JUG MAN AND THE COWARD MURDERERS

THE TWIN TOWER BULL SHIT GOOD TIME BAND

☠☠☠☠ the arab prince of hell obama dances in front of his throne while controlling the death markets with his enchanted baton ☠☠☠☠

i command my exwife to pour gunpowder into my pipe as i grip it between my clenched teeth and read money magazine

roll my big ass over in my favorite chiar and crush 4 of my horseshit wives for blabbing one off while im trying to absorb a beer commercial

slave to Woke retweeted

fui

prolapsed 6 or 7 feet of gangrenous intestine onto the floor of the GOP national convention in my latest of many goof-ups, bloopers, & flubs

knocn knock. "whos there" israel. "israel who" 2012 is real. buy paste

a 3x3 inch picture of my dirty teeth, framed ornately and hung on the wall of a mafia-owned jiffy lube waiting room in louisville, kentucky.

twitter is granting me the world's first Dark Verified Account because shit pumps through my veins like blood and i have a shitty attitude

now that the unofficial, unauthorized Hall and Oates Super PAC is dead I might as well lie face down in the fucking bathtub until im bones .

i have cut @AsexualFilmAnalysis out of my twuitter feed, because my doctor told me if i nod in agreement one more time my spine will rupture

christ. just dreamt that dietpepsi of antileaks obtained the chaos element, came on to my online page & made a mess of my literature. my god

the reason dogs constatntly bark at me everywhere i go is that dogs are animals that were born in shit and are a bullshit animal in history.

This Fucking Sucks http://www.wpclipart.com/smiley/assorted_smiley/clown/clown_smoking.png

#10TurnOns getting lint and crumbs & shit stuck to my back while doig 10,000 sit ups on the unemployment office floor as people trip over me

i will be hung by my ankles and displayed at the zoo until i can prove to the sheriff and city hall that i have Centered myself with christ

if id known he was planning on using it to wipe his dogs shitty mouth i wouldve never allowed XenoMarcus to borrow my monogrammed neckbrace

found in 100 yr time capsule: will o the wisp, a screaming bible, a fistful of shitty paper, some teeth, grandpas pipe, misc turds and husks

i ONLY spray m y dick with @MonsantoCo insect poiosn, i will absolutely accept NO OTHER, my dick is AWFUL and this is the only thing for it

Im Sorry For Dragging My Bull Shit To The Notary Public But If My Jason Bourne Rage Comics Aren't Canonized By Sundown My Wife WILL Leave Me

all the denim on earth is made from the skin of an extinct race of DragonMen who talked on the phone, died at the age of 19 and had cool sex

i plan on attending chad and avril's wedding so i can absorb all the Love and Music Energy and use it to repair the corrupted soul of gaia .

"not all los believe in shangri-la. I personally do believe there something to it. not gonna go into detail do to harrasment via youtube"

OH im so Fucking sorry "Your Majesty", i didnt realize that dick rings were banished in this dystopian piss earth. Ur probably a 9gag poster

more bullshit: enterprise rent-a-car will refuse to serve you if you imply that youre wearing a cock ring, even if its for health reasons

dick stuck in roomba - my dick has become trapped in a roomba, the Bastard of automated cleaning devices - i want 911 please

in Are society, women are constantly fucked and had sex with . it is therefore my duty as a Senator to inspect their pussys for microchips

foudn some excellent Ass Shirts in a big red bag behind the hospital. i am replacing my entire wardrobe of tuxedos and zoot suits,with these

a cop will spank you publicly just for breast feeding your pitbull in public . but when a bug bites you hes all "euhhh i dont arrest bugs"

EVERYONE PLEASE BUY YOUR MAGIC SPELLS BEOFRE AUGUST 30 WHEN EBAY BANS THEM FOR GOOD, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL ANONYMOUS REPRESENTATIVE & HOLLER BS

deep philosophical questions , such as "has a police man ever retweeted me"

i personally blame th e skyrocketing army suicide rate on the Preposterous fucking bullshit i post here on a near daily basis

In reply to The Iron Sheik

@the_ironsheik im fake. wrestle me

nobody seems to realize how many people had to die to bring 3d back to the theaters and its extremely fucked up that interest is waning

im concerned that individuals are uploading images of a sexual nature to the johnny bravo wiki . http://johnnybravo.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles does law exist anymore

my mastercraft. a youtube poop vid that chronicles my spiraling depressive state. a downvote goldmine to the likes of the trolling bastards.

strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian .

if i could only maneuver myself in such a fashion that my dick could fit into the drain of my bathtub id be truly content with my life

LAUGHING AT THE VERY IDEA OF THIS MYTHIC "POLICE MAN" WHO SUPPOSEDLY HAS THE ABILITY TO STOP ME FROM RIPPIN UP CRAB LEGS ON THE CHURCH FLOOR

my name is krayg. i am 49 years old. i have forgone all emotion. i am writing this letter to put an end to the tyranny known as Nick Jr

In reply to milky guey

@zantomun dont be gross on here

as a small business owner i think its bulshit that i have to give 30% of my income to Spain just because obama lost a swordfight to some Fag

#ThingsThatKeepMeAwakeAtNight 62% of teens report achieving a "sexual thrill" by committing acts of violence, up from 38% in 1992 #Rasmussen

if you want a verified account on this website you gotta drink Pepsi ONE™. the food board recommends drinking 1800 Pepsi ONE™s a day

check out my interview in GolfVibe magazine, aobut my newest upcoming tweet, titled "Snowman Fucker"

i want to be responsible for getting carly rae jespen into cigarettes just so i can be sure she's taking a christian brand

These replies are getting out of hand. Im going to lock twitter down for a bit while you savages sort your goddamn lives out. Bye. Whatever

just sitting here waiting for mny nails to dry. i can debate the sex losers all day. but I wont because I possess the inner strength not to

In reply to JCREWmafia

@The_Rev_Dr please refefr to the reply i sent to the bird guy. sex simply does not exist

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush_ as if. a recent gallup poll indicated that 75% of americans believe the geico cavemen are simply homo sapiens wearing makeup

does Theire exist a single caveman who has gained lastable notoriety through his or her accomplishments? Not a one. ban sex and ban caves

it is my understanding that people are afraid to exit the caveman age by removing sex from their lives because of peer pressure and anger

if someone can get me the quran written in saddam hussein's blood i will use it to craft a Blade and i will let you touch the blade one time

1936: alan turing invents the computer and is persecuted for being gay. 2006: s. miyamoto invents the Wii and is persecuted for being Casual

(a) an alternate universe where im gay (b) an alternate universe where im bi (c) an alternate universe where alternate universes aren't real

apparently if you pull pics of the gym teacher's mansion off google street view and draw some ghosts dancin on it the fbi handcuffs your mom

called a "fucking asshole" for slipping cool pictures of rage faces doing hitler things underneath all the doors at the hospital. yeah cool

"the key to making that steak sizzle is to get a nice dry rub from your dry rub man, and prayer. prayer fucking owns" - sun tzu or some shit

replacing my ass cheeks with both hemispheres of my useless brain was a decision i made for MYSELF. i didnt do it to fucking impress twitter

We did not find results for: "GOT TO FIND OUT IF THE RAT WHO BIT MY DICK IS A GIRL ONE PRONTO" Try the suggestions below or type a new quer

special message to the wrestler who got himself on mars and knocked the curiosity robot over--- im going to turn you into Bugs

the xrays indicate you have a laughing skull in your stomach,. youre deathpreg. diont you dare give birth to that bonehead in my office

romney claims obama takes too many showers & dries skin out. in resposne, obama slow;ly steps on mitt's dick & balls with a high heeled shoe

obama accuses romney of being unfunny, and too "Random". romney responds by saying obama'/s "Mad" and his page has too much anime shit on it

if you think this is a freaking humour account. youre a piece of shit. please refer to my listitng in GQ magazine under Arts & Entertainment

need to know who wrote "Micropenis Kisser" on my barbeque grill, because if i actually ever kissed a micropenis i must inform my lips doctor

installed 28 Mods on this pair alone. wrangler, levi.. they all want me dead,m because i refuse to offer them my talents. the jeans hacker .

grown man's ass surgically transplanted onto his son. final wish of a dying father

currently employed as Water Guru at the beach. it's sort of like being a lifeguard except i have no inclination to touch the drowning people

GagBlog.Eu // 12 Most Awkward Honor Killings // The Ten Beer Commandments // Sex Mom Debunks LIBOR Scandal // GagBlog.Eu

the only ones authorized to sneak peeks at my dick are 1) my doctor, 2) my dentist, and 3) my lawyer. as for the trolls? No Dice— Bub.

rip out my chest hiar and shove fistfuls of it into my fat mouth while my slobber-glazed jowls shake about and sprinkle your bosom with spit

my wife. my beautiful wife. i cannot lie to you any longer. the fbi is after me for kicking president obama's Turtle. thats why im screaming

In reply to Mairéad

@20000TinyJars http://www.bensbakery.com/images/bugleg.jpg no rude coment

slave to Woke retweeted

To many gay in here, I'm out ! Screw you KFC !!!!

don't know why people think it's fair to call me "The Piss Judge" just because I pissed all over the floor of my courtroom that one time

never allow yourself to be loved. treat the Burger King brand with respect. celebrate ramadan EVERY month. end moms. vote with ur skateboard

i sense that my Zwinky knows when i'm feeling upset. is it possible that Zwinkys operate on a higher level of consciousness than humans? yes

my birth name is "KFC Sunflower", but you can call me "Shit"

basically i got David (@DavidSpade) over here-- just laughin at all the Virgins that are mad about our bold new definition of Christianity

every 100 years ,the world votes for a new Bible, to replace the old one. i honourably submit: The Joe Dirt Novel, writen by Spade, as bibl.

jacque fresco and i watched the original run of matt groening's "Futurama" together and i pointed at the screen whenever the robot came on

wassup. yoda here. froum "Starwars". i m here to rep pro-ana. remember to eat paper instead of food. may the force be with u . thank you

glued a bunch of steaks to my body & did some poses & got the 2012 olympic muscle man medal & threw it in the trash cause its commercialized

this mug is Perfect. http://i.imgur.com/UvSL0.jpg #PerfectMugs

if that lawyer didnt want his wall punched, he shouldnt have told me my uncle left me a sony walkman filled with cut up bugs in his will

theres bullshit Cybervamp and regualr cybervamp, and im the regular one, and youre the bullshit one cause you do shit like play mario games

fat nude man in guy fawkes mask sucked up by jet engine while doing jumping jacks on runway. the olympics have been cancelled in his honor

LISTEN UP NERD, THE WEIGHTS WITH HIEROGLYPHS ON THEM ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO LIFT UNLESS YOU POSSESS THE CORRESPONDING RUNESTONE, THIS IS HELL GYM

the holmes aurora shooter's main problem was that he did not respect the Guns. hes paying the price because he didnt respect the guns.

the first rule about Guns is to Respect The Guns. NEVER let your dog lick the Guns. and don't point the Guns at anything unless it is bad

#5ReasonsIHateFacebook DIRTY GOVT TRICKS, CRIME CODES, THE 666 MICRO CHIP, BOROUGH COUNCILMAN "RODGE PETRIS" , WAR PLANET-- LOOK UM UP

please get the comedy central roast of My Ass OFF THE AIR. it has been edited to make me seem like a good sport., however im truly pissed of

YOUTUBE VID "GRANDMA FUCKS UP" FINALLY HAS 1,000 VIEWS. TIME TO ROLL OUT THE "GRANDMA FUCKS UP" MERCH AND QUIT MY JOB AS A TOWEL INSPECTOR

I want to be Gargled at. I Want To Be Spit On, Hollered, and Fucked at. I Want To Be Pissed Towards. I Want My God Given Disposal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vHPh-CO8jM dumb man Shit 's and then dies a few years later #WeAre #PennState

if U think the tiny stop signs on the sides of school buses are real Ur probably a huge nerd who had to get his butt wiped by the principal

my korean fan-translation of the mclaughlin group has been CANCELLED due to STIGMATA onset by FUCKERS who kept asking about the RELEASE DATE

let me tell you how i deal with Haters. i collect their piss in a jar and keep it next to my monitor. why?? uhrh. i think it makes them mad

a Nerd corners me to talk about sweaters or somethimg. while he speaks my grimacing head slowly shrinks into a hideous purple knot. he cries

I CAN THINK OF AT LEAST TEN REASONS WHY I WOULD TAKE MY SHIRT OFF AT THE DMV AND NONE OF THEM CONSIDER THE TEMPERATURE

RATIONALIZE YOUR FILTH ONLINE, SCROUNGE THE WEB FOR EMOTION, LOG OFF ANGRY AND GO TO BED SAD

whats the fucking point of even achieving muslim knighthood if i cant wear the ceremonial headdress to Jail #BULLSHIT #CRAMITBUSTER #HELPME

sell shares in pond demons. i;m disappointed in pond demons

buy shares in the Markets. i have a really good feeling about the markets

the unsung heroes of the front lines, the diaper medics who face certain death to change our troops and wipe their asses during heavy combat

LOVER UNBUTTONS MY PANTS AND SEES THE ANKH LOOPED AROUND MY COCK. SHE LOOKS UP AT ME, BUT ITS TOO LATE. IM ALREADY HOLLERIN ABOUT THE ANUBIS

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/351/d/3/ace_ventura_by_zero_maister-d4jclt6.jpg philosopher Gottfried Leibniz theorized that ours is the best of all possible worlds. and im inclined to agre

#WorstFiftyShadesAudioBookNarrator my ass.. heh heh .. OH YEA!!! BLAMMO!! my Fuckin ASS. my ASS. MY FUCKING ASS. read it and weep, bozoes .

i come to u, gentlemnen, with solemn demeanor, for me and NeoGeoLewis agree; the grim state of the Pringles brand can be tolerated no longer

my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed

Are U for Real #AreUForReal

im starting a new feature on twitter called "Are U for Real". Check it out

I Just cried for 9 hrs because i realized i will never have my own Faerie, and NOw i gotta get my car inspected?? SEriously? Are U for REAL

im trans-siberian orcehstra for christsake

IM AN incest-libertarikin transvaginal ultrasound who owns GUn's and i will post a picture of my dick everyday until voting is made illegal

my watch beeps whwich means its time to stand in front of my ex-wife's house and play "Hit THe Road Jack" while dacning and licking her mail

#ReplaceMovieTitleWithCheese the n.w.o and the illuminati orchestrated katrina and colony collaspe || send paypal to BLOODTRUTH@yahoo.com

#RejectedScoutBadges CHALLENGING AUTHORITY. COPING WITH FAILURE. DRINKING DIRTY WATER

the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying

A CEREMONIAL CULLING OF THE HATERS WILL THEN OCCUR, WITH EACH PENN STATE DOOFUS PUNCHING THEIR OWN COCKS INTO THE SAND WHILE SOBBING #WeAre

AMID THE DISASTROUS TORRENT OF JOE PA'S WASTE & ROT, AN IMPROMPTU COMPETITION WILL OCCUR TO SEE WHO CAN SHOUT "FOOT BALL" THE LOUDEST #WeAre

ONE DAY THE ACCUMULATED BODILY WASTE WILL CAUSE JOE PA'S COFFIN TO ERUPT, SHOWERING THE FACES OF HIS WORTHLESS SUPPORTERS WITH FILTH #WeAre

JOE PATERNO IS A LEGEND. THE MOMENT HE WAS BURIED HE IMMEDIATELY GOT 2 WORK FILLING HIS COFFIN WITH PISS, SHIT, & CUM. HES JACKIN OF. #WeAre

indeed, god is starting another great flood but this time he wants the ark filled with a shitload of monster and red bull instead of animals

even if youre not a comics guy, i woud fully recommend grabbin a cigar and experiencing Blondie's 948-strip "BENEDICTION" arc in one sitting

sent to juvie hall for 6 months for rendering 3d skunks

dunnno why people are spending $80 on yellow tinted gaming glasses when you can just piss all over your monitor for a similar effect

my ass has become too powerful for even me to contorl. tonight , i will sit on the hibachi grill at benihana and put an end to this hell

slave to Woke retweeted

@BryannaThomas lol. if you incest. ha.

slave to Woke retweeted

@PurpleGiraffe21 ^_^ fine if you incest ha jk bye:)

@garretlittler My posts at this site are, Really Really, great. Thank you

lets mix the jail and the zoo togehter and have whistles going off constantly so nothing can sleep and spray piss and glue around as a bonus

#10FavoriteRappers "BUMPERCROP", SLUQQQIX, "NONNO", MANDULAQUAI, QUAMFANGO, "HELPER BOY", GWID SMITZ, JAUWLINE, YUGODELPHIA, AND "STAR WORS"

CRASHED RECUMBENT BIKE IN2 SOME FUCKED UP BRAMBLE PATCH WHILE TAKING PICS OF HANGNAIL FOR WIKIPEDIA. MY CRIES FOR HELP ARE MUFFLED BY MY ASS

TheFrugalWearer taught me how to make diapers out of duct tape and packing peanuts, and i will NOT let youtube censor him. america is FUCKED

Let 's Fill The Large Hadron Collider With Garbage Now That They Found Their Shitty Particle

In reply to veins crazy

@Ketherbound it has always been that

itoday i realized that Miracles, Guardian Angels, God, it all exists; when i put 1000 bees on my dick and every single one of them stung it

i jsut made $9 on amazon's Mechanical Turk after clicking on pictures of Silos for 30 hours straight., eat my shit #goingGolt #JOhngolt

whoever keeps adding "none of the characters ever piss or shit" to the "goofs" section of my indie film's IMDB page needs to wrestle my legs

slave to Woke retweeted

I am going to wear my new skinny jeans, along with my #DoctorWhooves shirt tomorrow to church XD totaly #brony swag!

slave to Woke retweeted

I Think Zombie Apocolips Is Coming For Us Next 😳

me and several S&P 500 CEOs often have sleepovers and discuss which MLB players we wanna kiss and try to determine which ones are Neuroqueer

there's almost certainly a cosmic connection between my conversion to Muslim and my ascension from "'Tweet Writer" to "Content Producer".

sometimes i wish my ass would be destroyed by a meteor just so i wouldn't have to take shits anymore

please follow my business associates @ZohanTweet, @Jokes_Zohan, @RacistZohan, @ZohanCroatia, @ZohanMoneyTips, @ZOHAN_REAL, and @MyFunnyZohan

i chew on my philly cheesesteak as i place a camera under the table to film womens' feet. http://Klout.com - The Standard for Influence.

poor spelling is no longer tolerated on this log. this is an adult account now., and i will NOT lose this follow friday to tghe trolls .

thought friday would be a fun day to test run my pizza-pattern necktie, until i ripped my clothes off after being called a "fucking scourge"

i will admit that sometimes i crash my car on purpose just so i can get a faceful of my Denim Airbags

In reply to Annins ✨💫

@anninat yes vabbe

@domgrego Log off.

I already discovered the Higgs-Boson particle in the trash can, with the rest of the hokum . #CERN #God #GodReal #GodIsReal #GodsReal

@PapaJohns why did you unfollow me. what did I do

america the Fuck-State proves once again that ti is bullshit, by locking innocent Toilets in most prison cells without trial

either my chris farley summoning ritual was a success or a Fucking owl got in here again. wherres that god damn light switch

YES. I AM THE HARD ROCK CAFE. YES. I DID ORDER 18 "ROCKABILLY URINALS". JUST PILE THEM UP OUTSIDE OF MY CRIME BASE-- ER I MEAN VAN

@dominos thanks for unfollowing me. You truly are an ignorant pizza company. Guess were a papa john family now

if i ever get Crucified i would like it to be on my official warhammer 40,000 surfboard while my all my pitbulls bark at me

#ToMyFutureKids please tell Past Daddy which 9/11s to prevent

In reply to @homecentercom

@homecentercom sink help

i pin a nerd up against the wall and sink my fist into his stomach. "thats for retweeting me" i strike again. "and THATs for faving me"

yo. dont go swimming in that swamp i just cummed in

im sorry but if my indie bible translation fund doesnt gain any traction soon im going to have to posnt another one of my trade mark rants.

slave to Woke retweeted

#DemocratMovies Old Yeller dog democrat gets shot

mny life goal is to find and make love to the one millionth mom

DICKSLAVE NUMBER 288, DICKSLAVE NUMBER 122, AND DICKSLAVE NUMBER 195 WALK INTO A BAR. THEY ORDER THREE DRINKS AND MAKE POLITE CONVERSATION

at last., after years of legal b.s. i am finally required to be served up to 5 communion wafers at church because im a big fat hungry man

fucking CHRIst. this dipshit clerk at hollister has been rtrying to run my denim credit card thru the reader for like 10 mins. go to College

informed by family that i wont be invited to anymore funerals if i dont develop a jawline, fix my fucked up voice, and fix my fucked up skin

stop it Teens. stop grabbing onto my jeans and SKitching me as i try to run away. im a teen too. im one of you

it has come to my attention that people have been saying sex things, and alcohol things on this site. these posts give me migraines so stop

In reply to amanda bynes

@AmandaBynes RAM A CAR INNTO ME BABY

i hand the doctor my urine sample and he removes a tiny wad of flesh floating around in it. "i believe this is yours" "yeah that's my dick"

eovery single day i thank God for my perfect skin and soft kissable lips as i wrap barbed wire around my arms and legs

calling it: SimAss from Maxis will be 1991's hottest title. greatest Ass simulator I have ever had the pleasure of using.

just realized that skeletons are basically just rocks hitching a free ride inside of our bodies. sad and pissed off

memes of the antarctic

if trucks can wear nuts Then i should be allowed to nail yosemite sam mudflaps to my asscheeks

where do mirrors come from. if i stand in front of a mirror is my reflection also subject to the insurance mandate?? can i touch mirrors ?

some say if you show your ass to the hell mirror you will feel the icy finger of the reaper touch the back of your bals

2020: america elects the first Shirtless president

AMERICA REALLY DEAD THIS TIME. I MEAN IT. ALL NATIONS UNITE TO DONATE BILLIONS OF TONS OF DIRT TO GIVE A PROPER BURIAL TO OUR DEAD COUNTRY

slave to Woke retweeted

Friend bullshit walmart connection

slave to Woke retweeted

Day 2 of this coupon bullshit

with all this talk of nanotechnology the next logical step is miniature girls with cat ears and big dicks injected directly into our blood

BUSTING THROUGHG THE WALL OF KFC WHILE RUNNING ON TOP OF A GIANT ROLLING BARREL LABELLED "BEAK WASTE" , OVER THE HORIZON, GONE FOREVER

jungle of bad ass toilet attachments and accessories turned against me. robot arms shoving toilet paper in my mouth and restraining my dick

muscle milk?? i make my own, thanks. *REVEALS A PERFECT ROW OF NIPPLES ON LEFT BICEP WHILE SOME SERIOUSLY RIPPED DUDES LINE UP FOR A TASTE*

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef NMISERABLE

stop giving $ to these so-called "gyms". realize that u can attain God's Body by finding hot cars and sitting in them til the owner arrives

im going to prank call a bunch of moms in my latest collaboration with MTV Japan

if you see me dragging a compass through the sand, i'm conducting Market Analysis and must not be distracted

proposed Meme Graveyard offers chance to pay respect to the very best online jokes and gags. planned to be built on top of regular graveyard

im going to eat this entire rack of baby back ribs in protest of nasa's bullshit robot on mars

there's a series of codewords that will shut this website down permanently if ever tweeted, and those words are "this is twitter sparta".

do not strain the ass. the best way to take a shit is to electrocute yourself and let it all shoot out naturally. never strain the ass.

This Was Supposed To Be The Summer Of Lonesome George

In reply to Alysa

@hialysa Fact.

pyramid was the first haunted hous.e Fact.

if driving by the dog kennel while gargling into a megaphone doesn't count as "community service" then maybe i should piss in the courtroom

please stop changing the "Gomco Clamp" wikipedia entry, i have the entire article tattooed on my back and im sick of having to update it

did i jsut piss myself? no . these are mood jeans that change color when i am sick of putting up with jokers such as your self

im a 51 yr old man who doesnt know how to wash him self, abnd i love the attention, and i love making ignorant people mad, and im crazy cool

liist of people who drink beer: wastoids, junkfreaks, crimepunks, crankensteins, grimesmackers, pissbois, mudgeeks, roadslime, and meatballs

Reason For Ban : Unfairly denigrating the SuperPretzel™ brand. // Date Ban Will Be Lifted : Never

my opionon on people who use the word "ass" is as follows: these people dont exist to me, therefore ih ave no opinion of them. theyre rotten

president obama orders assassination of the man who holds a "COWBOY ISNT REAL" sign outside of the longhorn steakhouse

slave to Woke retweeted

At my uncles boring funeral reception thing...im starving.

slave to Woke retweeted

Bored at this funeral smh http://instagr.am/p/MOVB7QG53F/

PHANTOM LIMB PAIN #WHITEPEOPLEPROBLENMS

the blue thumnbtacks on this map indicate concentrations of high 月(luna) energy, the red ones are all the panera breads ive been banned from

if scientists have demonstrated that rats can breathe in an oxygen-rich liquid then why cant i breathe while submerged in Pepsi `s

@luciferiano_ grwo up. this is serious

In reply to bruised orange

@nklopfen i live in a hollowed out tortoise shell with a GUN sticking out of the head hole, the closest pronounceable address is "hell"

reddit: my uncle caught me licking my sistser's bicycle seat and now i need u to send me as many mcdonald's monopoly game pieces as possible

when I catch the hater/troll who plunged the legendary sword AssBane into my butcheek I will do a cowboy dance on his tiny nuts & kill myslf

In reply to Chris Becker

@Zeldarox130 piss on mysel.f

well i was going to climb mount everest but this yelp review says theres a nude man at the summit swinging chains around and yelling "fuck u

in short, my greasy chest hair has finally achieved complete fusion with my filthy blues brothers bib, and i am now essentially a cyborg

dont follow me. dont rewteet me. dont fav me. dont look at my page. dont help me. dont click on my pets. dont touch me. dont blog me.

In reply to CapsCop

@CapsCop GO FUC^& A PIPE

MY WORST FEARS CONFIRME, COPS IN SEWER, MEASUIRING MY TOILET STATS AND PUTTING LOUD BUGS IN MY HOUSE AS PUNISHMENT WHENEVER I FUCK UP

im going to drink honey live on camera until the borough responds to my repeated demands to demolish my house with me still inside of it

http://imgur.com/TesEI.jpg "Trash is Good"

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush_ im gonna tr*gger your fuckein grandma by saying "lousy grandson" in her face

gentlmen: a crisis. my official pizza hut rage face widget reports that ive posted the "Wtf Face" 138 times in may 2012 alone. trouble ahead

DESPERATELY MASHING MY HANDPRINTS INTO A HUGE WAD OF MY OWN SHIT ON THE HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME WHILE COPS FILL ME WITH BULLETS

ill be hiding under the floorboards and snorting herbs for stress relief energy until i am ready to face my guinea pigs again

http://i.imgur.com/oFxlA.jpg all is revealed 666

proposed mural of Dr. martin luther king breastfeeding a pitbull wrapped in us flag REJECTED by town "Fucking" hall #DeathEarth #EarthDeath

In reply to Spirit Ghost

@haha_what ye.s im the king of sex and having it. come to my government mandated cage and bring a big sloppy plate of nachos

everoy father's day my dad would take me out on a picnic, and he always filled our picnic basket with dirt, because dirt is the shit of God

if ur wrestling coach calls himself "mr feet pics" and has pictures of feet all over his office, break his trophies for dishonoring the game

guinness coming in 2 mins to film me breaking the coveted "most trash cans knocked over using piss" record but im too sad to put clothes on

#ImSingleBecause my grasp of humen sexuality far exceeds that of eveyr girl

@iRespectGmail mny repulsive tweets were specifically designed to do the exact opposite

@DanStayte my date ended up being 200 rats who scattered throughout my home and with no rat literature i was unable to find their weaknesses

guess who just filled his hot tub with high fructose corn syrup and is ready to take one swee t dip...............

i have defibrillator paddles strapped to each ass cheeck and im ready to bring hell to the nerds

well fucking great. my date's getting here in 10 minutes and im going to look like an imbecile with my bookcase devoid of any rat literature

i can't afford any rat literature because i spent too much money on the elaborate sign over my empty bookcase which reads "RAT LITERATURE"

TO WHOEVER IS SHRIEKING AT ME RIGHT NOW I CANT SEE YOU BECUAS EIM FUCKING RUN OVER BY CARS SO SHUT THE FUCK UP

In reply to 🦁🐒

@Lowenaffchen THIS PROJ. IS MY LIFE AND KICK STARTS ARE MY BLOOD

"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

what happens when kirby swallows the qur'an and is granted its considerable power. my 81 chapter fanfic explores this issue -- and more

how d o i subtly let my hairdresser know that i want her to cut my dick off instead of my hair

the shirtless man at the farmer's market has been talking about "lesbian gravel" to the peanut guy for like an hour

blows on a horn and summons hundreds of Leather Daddies who form a human pyramid which i climb on top of to survive the second great flood

In reply to Duke Quaint Bucket

@quaintbucket @DogBountyHunter i think he blocked me beucase of that tweet

im pretty much the Harlem Globe Trotter's of getting myself forcibly removed from laundromats

ive been wearing the same pair of jeans for 4 years and i only got sepsis once, read Maddox's Alphabet of Manliness or be frend zone forever

the shit i was postng on twitter in the 80s and 90s?? uh yeah, that was the real shit. nowadays its pandering hipster filth and Crude humour

@MiracleGro MIRACLE GROW GAVE MY DOG HEART WORM

someone please send me the recording of orson welles reading off that big list of "you might be a redneck" jokes., i need it beofre 11 PM

STARTING A KICKSTARTER TO GET ME UNBANNED FROM KICKSTARTER. COM AFTER I CALLED IT "PRICKSTARTER" IN A PRIVATE EMAIL

if i cant embed this video of me throwing fireworks at a stump into my dating profile then i might as well just cut my dick off

slave to Woke retweeted

@dril YOU CAN DO THAT AND TREES CRY AND TALK

slave to Woke retweeted

@dril SOMETIMES WHEN YOU ARE IN NATURE AND NO ONE FOR MILES CAN AROUND MY AUNT CONTROLED 1000 ACRES OF FIREWOOD..PECAN CUT THEM DOWN THE CRY

now's the perfect time to take out that nasty Zynga money before it goes sour & invest it directly into The Spice Girls. flame me if u must

SHIRTLESS MAN AT THE FARMERS MARKET WHO EVALUATES THE FOOD BY "LISTENING " TO IT WITH HIS EAR IS BACK.. THINK ILL SIPHON SOME OF HIS MANA

i was bullied and tortured at school because i was the only kid with a waterbed. so i got surgery and became a waterbed. suck my cock trolls

@luciferiano_ i surgically replaced my beard with Lit Cigars . i am sorry. im so so sorry

@luciferiano_ GOOD GIRL

if i could get my hands on the wildman who painted sexy butterfly girls all over my wreckingball i woud tie him up and throw my shoes at him

In reply to repulsiveﷺ

@CBoyardee we did it, bill. we saved japan

"animaniac_fucker" has posted a touching tribute t o the Rwandan Arby's Bombings, please install your CoolBuxVid Media Enhancer to view it

important. http://i.imgur.com/AcAkS.jpg

nows the time when the CEO of the company inspects each employee's shit, and im nervous cus my turds look like fucked up little caterpillers

<MY FATHER> , who had gone missing for 17 years and was presumed dead after failing to return from his ultimate dumpster diving life quest

a <DUMPSTER WITHIN A DUMPSTER>, once in a lifetime find, can be used as Armor or rolled down a steep incline to make A TON of noise

a <MYSTERIOUS CHASM> leading to an unrelenting void, a terrifying nightscape of psychological torture and constant misery. the worst dive

<MUMMIFIED FERRETS>, each one dressed as a cast member of "The Little Rascals". the notable exception of Froggy renders the set incomplete

nice bundle of <URI GELLER PEZ DISPENSERS>, many of which appear to be ruined by human teeth marks but some of them are ok

<IRAQI PROPAGANDA MOUSEPADS> , featuring Uday and Qusay Hussein as babies wearing Costumes at the circus

49 reams of <WALLACE AND GROMIT LEGAL-SIZED STATIONERY>, only a bastard would allow this to tocuh the foul lips of a garbage can.

two hundred <JOHNNY COCHRAN LEWD HUMOR SWEATERS> , the kennel will give ya 20 cents for these , the animals love to wear them and rip em up

about a dozen or so misshapen <ROSS PEROT VICTORY '96 ASHTRAYS> ,woud love to take up smoking just to get some use outta these bad boys

an untampered Sleeve of <TERRY SCHIAVO DECALED FRISBEES> i tell ya, the guy who threw these puppys out is the real frisby.

three unopened boxes of promotional <E.T. "MOONLIGHT ONION" FLAVORED DORITOE'S>, covered in what appears to be machine oil but still good

alright Boys i just spent seven years on a dumpster diving voyage across South America and i got some nice Finds for YA , lets take a look:

to the man in the forest dressed up like a traffic cop, giving all sorts of unauthorized directions and disrupting harmony of nature: FUCK U

as the sun consumes the earth i will stand atop the highest mountain with my arms spread wide , shouting "Bring Back Meebo"

@bobbysburgerpal bobby certainly didnt get his flair & passion for cooking by touching di*ks, so i dont know why your waiter woud touch mine

@longjohnslvrs never thought id get my di*k touched by a staff member at a long john silver's, but here we are. its a madhouse up there

@Famous_Daves so youve always been famous for your bbq, but now your staff can be famous for touching d**ks, namely Mine, earlier today

@pizzahut you claim to offer exceptional service in the field of pizza, however the only thing ur staff is interested in is touching my dick

@CrackerBarrel guess who just touched my di*k??? yeah, it was a cracker barrel waiter.

Help Me Deep Freeze My Beard So It Stinks Less

i ask everyone to watch my recital but before i can begin i immediately slip and fall into the yellowstone supervolcano and my dick explodes

man on mountaintop wont stop yelling "Wanker" , cops cannot reach him buecause of falling rocks

can anyone who has successfully made a surfboard out of their own shit please holler some pointers at me or maybe shoot me if you have a gun

man with "GLUTESLORD" written on sweatband has gone mad with power, destroying nerds with sniper rifle from fortress on the roof of the gym

so apparently if you take all of the autism awareness puzzle piece car decals and put them together you get a cool pic of yoshi as a girl

In reply to @drsleaze

@drsleaze im far too angry to piss anything, let alon e my trademark diaper.

In reply to @drsleaze

@drsleaze im onto you r fucked up tricks, go home and sit on the toilet

In reply to @drsleaze

@drsleaze it;s time to log offline and stop Spamning this addres, fucker troll

In reply to @boxerpaws60

@boxerpaws60 @THEHermanCain herman cain grabbed a lady's ass while thinking about pizza

In reply to @boxerpaws60

@boxerpaws60 @THEHermanCain herman cain fucked a big pizza and got tomato sauce all over his dick and thats why he lost the nomination

today TekkenChauncey claimed that spiders make their webs out of cum and that makes them Gay so i destroyed his mame cabinet with my boots

can you please alter this "PROPERTY OF THE ZOO" tattoo on my back into maybe like a naked gypsy chick

i flash my pistol and hand a note to the cashier at Wendy's. the note reads as follows: "I Want A GF With Bat Wings"

petrified 800 nubile women with mucus and the so-called great state of wyoming wont allow me to build a palace out of their bodies -- fuck u

In reply to ㅤ

@Gyarad0s @digimonotis his tiwiter verification is pending but i can confirm that this is the true otis

In reply to seequint

@seequint digmon otis has locked himself in his closet with several boxes of kashi granola bars for several weeks to "power up" and "focus"

they didnt show "rag fucker" at e3, i was really expecting them to show "rag fucker", disappointed & concerend about future of "rag fucker"

FUCK TWITTER

IF YOURE 1 OF THE 10000 PEOPLE WHO IGNORED ME WHILE I WAS HALF DISSOLVED IN A HOT TUB BEGGING FOR SEX JUSt REMMEBER THAT I OWN CBS BRDCSTING

how many gross rags can i shove into htis decommissioned nintendo game boy before i carry it around town for hours like a lost fucking idiot

banned from BullShit public pool for instantly turning water into Mud by jumping in it, begging lifeguard to end my life, etc and so Foreth

#e3rumors some meme guy will walkout on stage twirlin two pistols and begin kicking cans of Gun Flavored Mountain Dew into a screaming crowd

COOL PIC FOUND, CRAMMED UNDERNEATH THE DRAWERS OF MY DESK AT WORK FOR PERHAPS A DECADE http://www.imgur.com/eAA5T.jpg

.@girl I Wanna Rub Ur Belley

gentlemen, i implore you not to miss the Gamer's Challenge, wherein i will complete donkey kong countyr 3 (italian vrsn) without crying

b3ndr, PepsiCynic, and myself will be streaming an incan healing ritual, intending to absorb blood from viewers to regenerate our foreskins

a mother bird tends to her young until my big sweatpants ass slowly pushes her nest off of the tree

look out for the car with the words "INCEST DEATH" painted on the hood thats always going like 20-30 mph under the speed limit, that ones me

In reply to Will ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

@Bill_Riley "offensive or inappropriate does not automatically equal funny" - GOD

@luciferiano_ @KKenuz yea help me fill em with Shit

In reply to Meep

@KKenuz @luciferiano_ TELL HER IM WAREING A NICE BIG PAIR O' JEANS

middle-aged men have been retreating to the sewers of our fair city to cry. as mayor i will promise to eradicate these terrible crying men

"humankind is so corrupt" i mutter as i sandwich my dick between my badge and gun and take several pics of it with a disposable camera

wassup babe, im the reason Pregnancy-info .net disabled video embedding on their forums, how abuot giving me a nice kiss

.@fBisky d o it mother fucker, i thrive off of hell energy, i feed off of hater bullshit

In reply to bucky

@nalingus sory

BREAKER BREAKER ONE NINE THIS IS BIG SHITTY TRUCK DRIVER HAUL`N A BIG CUMMY DICK ON DOWN 2 SAN QUENTIN PENITENTIARY 2 FUCK ALL THE PRISONERS

im ready to show all of you my trick. watch *spreads arms and screams at the mountainside until an avalanche of boulders engulf me entirely*

In reply to CapsCop

@CapsCop EAT SHIT, COP

IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

if a $40000 check isnt made out to DigimonOtis in the next 3 hours, we WILL hack missouri's official state dog and change it to a dirty boot

ok piss stian, this ralph wiggum tattoo is a long-term investment, meaning its value will grow over time. go read a Economic ' s book, child

and the nobel peace prize goes to... "Fag Poisoner"?? a huge tattooed man takes the stage & bites into the award like a cookie, gives finger

Louis? gosh, it's been years. it's me, Neal, from Law School. anyway, i got this big juicy onion here, was thinking me and you could fuck it

A MAD TYRANT has cracked the admin password for IRC chatroom #DiaperIsrael -- the entirety of DARKNET is in peril

senator rich blumenthal (D-CT) just threw a towel over the parkour mans head. game over, earth is dead

FREE COUPONS - GET 3 SIMPSONS OF YOUR CHOICE PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED IN FULL COLOR ON THE SIDE OF ANY DESERT EAGLE PISTOL - I GOT 'UM

turn on c-span, therse a man with an anonymous mask doing parkour on the senate floor and im rubbing my face on the tv to absorb his energy

my velcro jeans burst open, scattering my secret stash of 2 liter canada dry bottles as I stumble backwards off the roof of the 9/11 buildig

ohhh anOTHER solar eclipse, you say ?? gee i cant wait.. *does the Jerk Off motion until the sun supernovas itself out of shame*

slave to Woke retweeted

RT this if you Love You're mom #HappyMothersDay

"hey, you know what people like to smell while eating?? feet and piss" - guy who decided to put playground tunnels in fast food restaurants

obliviously driving m y car through chernobyl , absorbing lethal anmounts of radiation while looking for cute girls

@Wegmans "Authorities continue searching for clues after a beheading took place at a Wegmans food market" This is absolutely disgusting.

SOME PLACE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL EXISTS "INCEST WEB"

why hasnt twitter verified @AssBoss yet. im certain that he's the real ass boss

from the popular TED talks comes the TED Scream. at first glance, it's a man screaming on stage. but can his screams change the world ???

EVERYONE ON EARTH PLEASE SHOVE YOUR HANDS INTO YOUR POCKETS AND LAY FLAT FACING THE GROUND UNTIL MY LOST "PUSSYMAN" APRON TURNS UP

In reply to Brendan McDonnell

@B_McDonnell @TorresaurusRex honestly i get like 20 unfollows every time something comes out of my awful mouth

BOOOOOO TO M Y 10000TH FOLLOWER @TorresaurusRex BOO YOU PICE OF SHIT EVERYONE THROW YOUR SHOES AT @TorresaurusRex SUCK MY DICK

two thunbs down for ebert's fucked up new mouth

sorry, all. "Let's Play: Pissrealms 2D: Part 314" has been postponed indefinitely, due to an injury i sustained while taking off my shirt

some simpsons dvds fall outta my velvet robe while pouring my date a drink at my penthouse suite. i bend down to check if they got fucked up

priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. "MILLERTIME" lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corspe & sending me to hell

hit by a train while wearing a trenchcoat bloated with family guy jewelry and nobody even helped me pick any of it up because god is twisted

certain theres a special combination of ancient cowboy noises that will get you free shit from QVC and ill keep calling until i FINd it

i saw a man at rofl con with a huge black stain down the ass crack. can another attendee please confirm #roflcon #StainMan

dont u dare step foot into my dojo until youve read oprah's blog post about east asian nutrigenomics and their remarkable immunity to autism

http://napominalka.com/forum/index.php my cool forems

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIT -GOES BELOW GROUND AND ASSIMILATES WITH ROTATING MASS KNOWN AS "SUBTERRANEAN SHIT EARTH"- PROOF THAT HELL ISNT REAL

DICK CLARK CORPSE MARIONETTE TO KICK OFF NEW YEARS 2013 WITH MIRACULOUS POST-MORTEM COUNTDOWN - WE TRULY ARE A BLESSED NATION

http://www.wikifeet.com/Sonia_Sotomayor Got anymore Sonia Sotomayor Feet Pictures? Upload Here

cumstarter. i need 500 liters of cum to start a projec.t i dont know its some bacon blog. who gives a fuck

i murdered my wife my throwing her at a speeding cop car but its ok because i made her out of shit

oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way,

@Sleepys @SleepysCare @SleepysKathy @SleepysLaleta @SleepysChanda @SleepysCathy @SleepysIrina @TomMayberry respect teens, scunbags

yes, i am a 24 year old man, and yes, i am the one who spraypainted the word "Teen" on the side wall of sleepy's mattress porfessionals.

@cnrprnc trey is him and tre is @murlbo and im police

http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=02C-006Z-00001 i wa nt to drown in this

TEARING THE MONA LISA FROM ITS CANVAS AND USING IT 2 CENSOR MY BIG BARE ASS AS I BUMBLE MY WAY OUT OF THE LOUVRE WITH GUARDS SCREAMING AT ME

little known fact: the e3 gaming conference is considered the holy grail of the public urination community

fucking shitty school bully somehwo got his hands on the book of memoirs that i published & read the part about my balls to the entire class

the moment you realize that every piece of furniture you own is just a man in a zentai suit stuck in a rigid pose and they all flee at once

an advanced culture millions of light years away intercepts first earthly message; a craigslist posting succinctly titled "boscov's fuck"

known among variety of local retailers as "oily ass man." banned from mattress giant, pier 1 imports, ikea, raymour & flanigan, and so forth

sorry. fan-made, HD remake of "Bubsy 3D" will never see the light of day, because ive been turned into birds

i light a candle next to photograph of my ex-wife's ass & say tiny prayer before devouring another handful of french's fried onions #WifeAss

CNN: SHITLOAD OF DEAD WOLVES FOUND IN NYC SUBWAY SYSTEM INSPIRES US ALL AS A NATION TO REFLECT UPON MOTHERHOOD AND PERHAPS OUR SELF'S

Check out these amazing pics of fat guys slammin chairs around then a hottie getting fucked by pumpkin head http://i.imgur.com/9bGk9.jpg

YO !! DONT SEXT THAT TEEN

god grant me the serenity 2 accept the Diapers i cant change, the courage to change the Diapers i can, & the wisdom to shit myself profusely

next guy to propose another wild kramer autism theory gets thier ass banned down to chinatown. this is seinfeld forum, not ignorant forums.

ATTN: SICK FUCKS WHO ARE AGGRAVATING MY HEART CONDITION ON PURPOSE BY POSTING DRAMA 2 THE INCEST SUBREDDIT - GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA: "GUN

andy rooney hologram crashes coachella 2013 and berates the audience, calling them "rude" and "a disappointment" #awful

@GreyhoundBus one of your African-American drivers called me a "Kermit-Looking Motherf**ker" and made me feel like a Fool in front of my son

THE COP GROWLS "TAKE OFF TH OSE JEANS, CITIZEN." I COMPLY, REVEALING THE FULL LENGTH DENIM TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE COP SCREAMS; DEFEATED

SARKOZY PRETENDED TO INITIATE HANDSHAKE WITH OBAMA BUT THERE WAS A BABY BIRD IN HIS HAND AND THE BABY BIRD MELTED. ACT OF WAR............

in one proposed timeline, goatboy was a character played by jim breuer on SNL who circulated a jpeg of his ass and became the goatman.

"nobama" legally changes name to "yesbama". approval rating rises 40%

woah. look who's back in town http://i.imgur.com/2eLPP.jpg

workin out in a graduated cylinder. as i gain muscle mass the water level will rise above my head and drown me. this is true muscle suicide

a trail of rose petals leads you to a room bathed in warm candlelight. piled on the sofa is every guinness record book published after 2004

http://i.imgur.com/CuO3O.png

god grant me the strengrh to raise $260 to create Skeleton MMORPG . if this kickstarter fails...im gonna Start Kickin

meeting with CBS execs over possible sitcom "The Diaper Ref" about a referee who wears diaper &describes everyday problems with sports terms

APRIL FOOL ISNT OVER UNTIL AMEX REMOVES OUTSTANDING BALANCE OF $333299 FROM MY ACCOUNT & ACKNOWLEDGES THAT I DIDNT BUY 3000 ASTRONAUT DILDOS

2013: burger king creates "The Doritos Whopper" 2021: orson scott card writes "The Doritos Novel" 2035:removed from matrix. no more doritos

tried to overdose on aquarium pebbles & the hospital laughed at me and the ambulance drivers all took turns whipping me with catheter tubes

@Gayasuof2op "gay magrath"

if you heard a man screaming today it was from when a couple of policemen tried to hoist me into a large bathtub in the town square

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat im not !!!!!!!!!

" the only 'safe sex' is death " - some gym teacher with a skeleton puppet

realdoll corporation accidently sent me a Scarecrow... a sign that I should return to the simple life at my uncle's pumpkin farm?? Probably

someone hacked hte high score board on the java pacman game in monsanto .com's "For Fun" page. just a heads up

the toilet feeler ruins another public restroom with his grubby hands

@Battlefield user named "Garth_Turds" disrupted an in-game memorial service by making obnoxious beatbox noises, can something be done?

i have no idea how that turd got on your ceiling, but it definitely didn't fly out of my shorts while iwas doing a backflip

In reply to trannery o'connor

@69centcone gteens are God on earth

we succeed where many businesses fail, by offering a comprehensive program wherein I (Me) will run your dick over in my wheelchair, for free

In reply to Horse ebooks

@Horse_ebooks uuhh http://i.imgur.com/UvkbP.png

COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS THE "BAD BOY" OF WET BEARD BLOGGING

@ahuj9 i get my ass...............

the Law Man surveys the room, and is able to locate me hiding behind a potted plant thanks to my trail of miserable , fucked up turds

Proud To Employ Disabled Surgeons For All Of My Cosmetic Procedures

hurts , dont it!!!?!

a bully asked me if i wanted a "Hurts Donut" then one thousand ghouls phased through the floor and ceiling and began shitting on me

LIKE A SNAKE SHEDS ITS SKIN, I SHED ANOTHER HARD ROCK CAFE TSHIRT EVERY 7 MONTHS

im a tennis ball and my primary mode of transportation is being pushed around by animal piss

i refuse to patronize Famous Dave's BBQ until they throw cultural sensitivities to the wind and change their name back to "the piss morgue"

WELL I PRINTED OUT MY RESUME, DUNNO WHAT ILL DO WITH THESE OTHER 4999 BOXES OF PROFESSIONAL "IF YOUR A HATER DONT READ THIS" STATIONERY

where cna i get a skeleton who will sit in my fridge all day and hand me the item i want whenever i open it

performance on Antz Role-Playing Forum has been shot ever since police made me register as a sex offender after finding me crying in public

WHy isnt there a crosswalk where 50 year old women can explore their femininity without getting hooted at

In reply to @apartheid

@apartheid how about go drink your self a babys formula pal!!!!!!!!

"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

gonna print out a bunch of pages from rival muscle blogs and scatter them across my driveway & drive my noisy scooter around on top of them

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZYZFON4yIk youtbue championship 2012

@cesarmillan PUT MY DICK ON TV

Want 2 know what's worse than widespread voter fraud?? hipsters putting scary pumpkins on their porch every october

my perfectl #TwitterWifey is a leather sack full of porcelain shards that i can swing at census takers

clicked on discover button& found my "Jokes" are coping technique designed 2 assuage guilt surrounding my faltering relationship with CHrist

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Domino%27s_Pizza

YO *points to spinal cord on brain diagram* THATS THE BRAIN;S DICK

the large hadron collier will never detect the higgs boson particle. the only purpose it has is to rile dogs up

a giant vat of slop in a secret factory has two pipes which lead to the bottling lines, one labeled "GAMER FUEL" and the other "BABY FOOD"

In reply to johnasavoia

@johnasavoia Who Told U About Satan Ass

what do you mean 1800-GOT-JUNK only takes waste "Out" of peoples houses. thats an absurd concept. i will hang the fuck up right now

hello 1800-GOT-JUNK?? PLease come by and give me all the junk you got. shovel it into my home, and my childrens bedrooms, and dont take any