dril archive

STOP THE POST STREAM. PULL THE PLUG ON IT. END THIS MADNESS. GET THESE DAMN POSTS OFF MY TIME LINR "LOUSY!!" "WE DON'T WANT EM!!"

slave to Woke retweeted

@xAssSoFat @Foreverdesirae suck.the. Ball's. honey

slave to Woke retweeted

Happy. to.be.welcomed

slave to Woke retweeted

@OreoFanatic @Foreverdesir..thankful. for. life. and. All.the. greatness. that comes. with. it

i posted on here earlier about how ihad a leather belt wrapped around my nuts and not a single person asked if i was ok. Fuck you

worst food of 2016 : Bread
Where to begin. Bread is a piece of shit and its no wonder its commonly associated with the worst drink, "Water".

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Look again at the post. I did indeed sign it, with a 'D' for dril, after referring to you as a Frau. (german woman) Checkmate.

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario *Fraud

CONTEMPTUOUS NIGHTMARE: (blowing farts w/ mouth)
ME: Sir! I demand your opinion regarding Organized Gender's influence on corn prices. SIR!!

BLATHERING SHITE: the Dems VP Pick should be subway;s own Jared
ME: That man is in jail. Have you done any research prior to this discussion

In reply to 9 V O L T

@9_volt88 no

in the planning stages, for a new feature of my account which i have tentatively titled " The Three Posts. " more info coming soon of this.

-go about my day seeking energy in my life as a Bieng of intelligence
-if your sperm count is complete dog shit, i will not even talk to you

In reply to slave to Woke

@dril none of them were good. Sorry

folks.. reply to this message with your Finest tweet, and i just might drop it a Like... my way of "Giving back" to the community... Thank u

Cant wait to catch all the exclusive trailers and live events at #GamerGate in Los Angeles this week. Looks to be the best gamer gate yet

ouh yes!! THe boys have spoken, and they want more! More jokes about the ape! My one man show , entitled "Not-So-Great Ape" will explore th

In reply to Spaceman Spiff IX

@ZatchDeutsch forwarded to Admin .

In reply to @bitchmale

@bitchmale @prefect_beanis @powerful_ceo Un-Tag me U fucking degenerate cobs of dog shit. You dirt beneath my heel

handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!

In reply to slave to Woke

@CeliaPienkosz never own me

@CeliaPienkosz this is shameful

to everyone who thinksn im some sort of dip shit regarding video of me eating a pocket pussy, please rest assured i hated every moment of it

unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

t o the guy who told me they took the ape to the hospital and cured him, Fuck You.

A MERE Musing From A Troubled Husband, Strengthened Through Time: "Let the birds have their bird seed, and unto us boys, the Beer seed"

was a tad dismayed to find a Rat Brain in my favorite KFC Snacker Meal, B ut the friendly cashier assured me it was merely Intestinal Matter

the other day a trolling Shit sent me the message, "Googoo Gaagaa ". Twitter has indeed threatened to close my account if i dont retweet him

For your Friday Enjoyment; A "Shit List" of folks I've banned from my Radio Shack: Monica Louinsky, The Honey Boo Boo, Octo Mom, & "Snooki".

I TELL YA IT NEVER FAILS !! WENT TO GET MY MAIL AND A HIPSTER HIT ME WITH THE STRONGEST STREAM OF URINE I EVER SAW ! KNOCKED ME ON MY DUFF !

examining the Ape Case: perhaps many are mirthful of its death as apes are akin to Golems & Vampires, cinematic villains of the classic era,

INTERVIEWER: we looked you up. you dont even have a twitter account, which is good
ME: Actually i was suspended for posting "Gumby shit ass"

stunning: mindful adult , decked out in complete set of riot gear - takes out entire stampede of horses using wisdom and tactic's

my entire face turns purple as i try to enjoy my cup of monday coffee while all my coworkers rush into my office to watch me fail once again

oh u think this is funny mother fucker?(Kills ape) YOu consider this comedy? (kills naother ape) and my Missing Plane jokes are bad? Yeah ok

back in the dog house after the wife caught me photo shopping her into vintage car ads

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjDtydc0fvI

https://vine.co/v/iVKudtx3DQW

kneading my dick and nuts like a wad of dough on a bench at pay less shoe store. i do not appear to be enjoying myself. im frowning actually

i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc

In reply to Jessica Paquette (active @ cohost/mastodon)

@barrelshifter let;s be inclusive

"ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's

1989: the fall of the berlin wall is celebrated, historically revered
2016: i tear down the sneeze guard at old country buffet and get Booed

slave to Woke retweeted

A small mercy is like a summer breeze.

the girls on this site constantly beg me to show them a picture of the clothes i wear while posting. this is them.

just doing some nude sunbathing in this gender neutral target restroom. i hope i dont get my dick sucked

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic Watch it.

You need at least $100 to join Boys Lunch Club. I will count all of the money in your wallet, so do not try to join if you do not have $100.

Just met w/ Boys Lunch Club. Seems to me, That we are very pissed off that teen girls would rather kiss, "Soldier Boy," than Actual Soldiers

online is where i go to get my A B C's... Abused By Cretins

checked my inbox for 2 seconds & immediately saw a genital. could not parse which type of genital it was before tossing my phone out the car

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Risto's Whiff .

@CeliaPienkosz cheers and thank you

@SamAkemi699 jacking off

In reply to Rhythm Bastard - FWA!

@RhythmBastard @Uptomyknees taken to task by the ryhthm bastard

In reply to eboy beetlejuice

@arsenicalice we had 2 cuts of ribeye, a salt shaker half full of salt, a quart of wine, and a whjole galaxy of multi-colored bibs, napkins,

Removing the battery from my phone until the time line becomes less toxic.

can anyone tell me if this is good or not. if this sort of thing is frowned upon i will stop immediately

presented with out comment .

In reply to guys like me are mad for turtle meat

@Arr did you just rob a bank by threatening to open a bottle of diarrhea

Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record?
A: I do not delete my posts

i do not delete my posts. deleting my posts would be akin to razing Abraham Lincolns famous log cabin, just because the trolls are mad at it

In reply to Chris Branch

@cbranch89 THEY MOST CERTAINLY, ARE NOT !

theres no space in the title you shit mouthts. it's one word, it's always been one word, it will forever be "Topgun." i will not delete this

ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out

In reply to matt

@Deathcap_CBR

peppercorn ranch & buttermilk ranch... one of these is good, the other is completely Fucked, and its not my responsibility to tell you which

i wont say more of this. but a couple of the big accounts on here have been souporting swearing culture, by posting swears to the time line.

eating a single Dorito on a bed of Jasmine Rice

my greatest sin is that I've utterly betrayed my "NO FEAR" tower decal by being embarrassingly frightened of birds and butter flies

youre all a Dog of the Coward's order. ill take you across my knee and slap yopur Ass., i will "GIVE UM HELL" as ordred by the great general

images leaked of WildArmsGarret , trusted consigliere of DigimonOtis, taking a bath in one of those old fashioned metal wash tubs

(steps out onto the podium for the annual delivery of his Most Hated "State of the Arbys" address) the state of the Arby's... is strong...

my being a shit head can be traced back to boys school, when i was expelled for using the headmaster's computer to search ebay for " LUNCH "

will not be making any new posts until the 5G Network has been officially rolled out. 4g doesn't cut it anymore. fail to see the point .

(sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

slave to Woke retweeted

@hensawaycom hi me and some mates are willing to be nude waiters for any hen dos and I mean totally nude no aprons like nude butlers

ST PETER: on march 14 2024 you posted simply the words "james earl bond". hope the 34 favs were worth it idiot
ME: They were bitch

spending my entire police shift downloading apps where you smear simulated dog shit all ovefr the screen and becoming completely a dumb ass

id like a few words with this prick

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino photo's shop

slave to Woke retweeted

nuthig i am looking married fatt girl i am 47yers old man

wife hall of Fame

damn it to piss. my wife replaced all of my anti-wife reading materials with Pro-Wife bullshit

i` ve long supported the classic "One Tooth" rule, which states that every time you make a bad post you should have one of your teeth pulled

Every Time I read a new Tweet on my time line. My IQ increases by One Point.

im just about to say that if you come in to the kfc support forum w/ a name like "crisp_Kyle" you can go right ahead & click that logout tab

when MetalGearEric told his 36 followers i have "A Poor Man's Micropenis" and none of my so called allies stepped in to defend my honuor....

LOVELY GIRL FOLLOWER: hey.. i noticed you posted 3 barbed remarks about game stop in a row.. is everything ok?
ME: NO, everything is NOT ok,

some times.. the smartest people you know, are Geniuses

tiodays FunQuote: "Dont forget the WiFi" #FunQuote

i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house

whose idea was to call it "Ice cream parlor" and not "Scoop Kitchen" ?? lets get this joke viral and show my ex-wife landlord whos boss

weeping because of my heroic burden... spending my last dollae at dairy queen to support girl businesses... chowing down between the tears..

please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale thats why they named the restaurant that

i am a classically tragic dumb ass hwo has the burger king logo imprinted in my brain like a baby bird to its mother

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario you;ve fucked up now

despite everything, i am still looking forward to the release of the sequel, "jungle 3 jungle," which was delayed to 2038 because of trolls.

i did not say that the kid from jungle 2 jungle should be sent to Guantanamo bay, i just said it wouldn't be racist if he was

if i catch you taking " SELFIE " at my used car dealership ( BEST deals in the tri-state area) i will shell you from the rear like a coward

my work day consists of my bosses trying to goad me into my cubicle so that i'll just sit in there & jack off isntead of ruining the company

the thing i accidentally posted earlier about putting my used condoms in the dishwasher was a virus. my subsequent meltdown was also a virus

GEN X'ER: Help im shitting on my pants
ME: They have this invention called "toilet" now. Maybe if you hang up the cell phone yould know this

people pay good money to stamp your mail. if you refuse to take the time to thoroughly digest every piece of mail you receive, you are a Cur

Tjhis guy fucking sucks

putting the vacuum on my dick until I stop hearing crumbs go down the tube

when people ask me who my favorite comedian is.. i invoke that wacked weatherman "AL GURE" and get one million dollars worth of retweets

https://vine.co/v/ij01hBBDlLd

the $100000 pyramid is actually fairly fucking cheap for a pyramid

we need less mayors and more sayers (of truth )

id like to muse upon a scenario i came up with just now. a DUMB ASS visits a restaurant, after reading a poor review of it in the newspaper

dropping some more Asexual Nudes into the cloud, to show the girls and the trolls how clean my body is, from years of washing

YES, my dick is shaped like an extremely small snail's shell
NO, you may NOT suck it,

had mny scholarship revoked because of my bumbling 15 tweet routine about how isis attacked the airport because they hate brussel sprouts

All music made past the year 1969 is rap. (sseals self in rebuttal proof chamber for 100 years)

Was Going To Send Ur ScreenPlay To Mr Scorcese Until I Found Out U Were Part Of The Failshit Brigade Who Mocked My Seashell Necklace In 2010

In reply to john₆⁶₆

@Murkax i lvove falling off the guard tower

really hoping that someday my wife will surprise me by sending me a picture of my own dick

@nataliejmooney im one of the friday night lights, from the title

ME: COMPUTER... SORT THE POSTS ON THIS SITE FROM LEAST TO MOST RACIST
COMPUTER: YES MASTER
ME: COMPUTER... PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME THAT

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax that house is clearly on the grid. it sucks

fuck the grid

gonna fill up on milk shakes and do some open carry off the grid

(browsing the secret arbys menu that only boys can look at) ah., lets see, ill take one Spicy Onion Concerto with a dollop of SmartCorn™

first you have democrats and rtepublicans. theyre basically the same thing. then you have green party and uh, the whigs. theyre the same too

helping the waitstaff by wiping the table down with the same disgusting napkin that I just used to sop up all the bullshit off my face

user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table

https://vine.co/v/ipWhOIjnuLJ

https://vine.co/v/ipWKvaFjhwx

https://vine.co/v/ipW7uUtQgJz

https://vine.co/v/ipWaDKFDJut

https://vine.co/v/ipWzOdqrged

Sovereign Citizens Getting Owned Compilation

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN this is photo shop

(poking head up from self suck) augh this tastes like dog shit (goes back for more)

im a marine & accomplished scholar. my sons were alchemized into helicopter fuel to serve their armed brothers. how dare u post penis to me.

my sources tell me that people are allowed to say the word "ass" on HBO. can anyone confirm this

Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers

Leut me make this clear: gloves are Next-Gen mittens , mittens are trash, i will never wear a mitten, i will take down anyone whos mad at me

guy walking around flaunting his mittens around. claiming that nothings better than mittens. i show him my gloves and he flips the fuck out

im being evicted from my home for saying that kfc should sell hamburgers on a public log, and being a general "Dumb Ass" when it comes to IQ

#truth #fact... it is proven that about 80% of people online are violent murderers. wow thats so many. be safe my beloved followers

@dwayne_2016 @realDonaldTrump Leave him alone.

slave to Woke retweeted

Trump man

slave to Woke retweeted

Bob walker its donald trump doing those things im just die hArd trump man

slave to Woke retweeted

Bob walker if gov don t cut. Off head why were 15000 getareens shiped to alanta ga and another 15000 shiped to n dacta fox reported two year

slave to Woke retweeted

Bob walker ive had a farm tractor hit from behing man going 70 mile perhour drug me 50 yards broke 3 picies walked away

"tarzan of the apes" will never become a Turner Classic Movie. shoddy premise. people find pictures of a man yelling in the woods disgusting

tarzan is garbage. he sucks more than anything. people need to stop encouraging his shit by making films of him. go home tarzan. fuck tarzan

pleased to announce that i am pissed off due to Stress,. and the Block All Girls initiative is now officially underway.

glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,

@CeliaPienkosz this is uttlery disgraceful

Former U.S. first lady Nancy Reagan (R) joined by daughter Patti Davis at the premiere of the film "Stuart Little 2"

https://vine.co/v/OlxdEDXLrEB

i tell you folks this damn itunes is something that you cant figure out unless you are a nasa guy

FULLY PREPARED TO TAKE A HIT IN THE OLD FOLLOWER COUNT TO BECOME AN ALL CAPS, ALL BOND ACCOUNT. LIVE THE DREAM. PURGE THOSE BOZOS

THEY SAY A NEW BOND ACTOR IS CHOSEN OUT OF RESPECT EVERY TIME THE REAL LIFE JAMES BOND DIES, AND HELL, FROM WHERE IM SITTING IT CHECKS OUT

NETWORKING IN HOME MARKETS SUCCESS SEMINAR HOSTED BY JAMES BOND HIMSELF? OH YEAH. IM IN. BUT IM GOING TO NEED YOU TO DRIVE ME THERE

AS J. BOND HOLDS IN HIS POSSESSION THE FAMOUS "LISCSENSE TO KILL," I MYSELF HAVE LICSENSE TO TOUCH AS MANY GRAPES AS I PLEASE W/O BUYING ANY

@nataliejmooney im mashing the mute block and report buttons all at once with my big red palms

@nataliejmooney delete this smartass

please read my longform treatise "The Arrogance Of Burger King" available only on my new $70/month content streaming platform "ShitWire Pro'

i couldnt help but notcie you besmirching my nephews Banksy Valhalla, Jordian Computer, Holstein Paypal, and last but not lease, paper mario

" the bitch of bluejeans"

-racist,
-unsanitary condittions (animal near food)
- fake holiday
-ill eviscerate this pic further at a later time.

stealing valor by purchasing fraudulent military gear from etsy,. parading my insane loadouts in front of our vets as they hurl abuse at me,

In reply to Jake Fogelnest

@jakefogelnest @Cryptoterra He thinks it's Cute to come into my mentions and lord his "Hollywood Elite" blood capital over me and my boys

@dwayne_2016 the trolls are also in full bloom as well i see ,

cant wait to hurl them at my foes

imagnie a world where us Common folk are given the blue checkmark and the CELEBs are left out to dry!! Hows that feel, HUh?! Answer me punks

#SaySomethingGoodAboutTwitter you can easily remove it from your screen by clicking the x

crapping fuck... 900 pictures of guns that you absolutely Must see

it was always my idea to fill all the fire engnies with shit and piss to save water. the mayor stole it and planted a bomb in my car

looking for some open comment sections in marine corps training vids to post racist shit on

aangry bird's.. a Corrupted brand. keep far away

before i drop 20.99 on these bad boys..can anyone tell me if im at risk of being murdered by the nsa if i wear these

Im online at the computer, ready to post pitures of my new sandwich, and ive got a hankering for my ass to get kicked

if it werent for the sport of hockey, nobody would give a shit about pucks

Q: Whats ur least favorite finger to be flipped off with
A: the middle one. it pisses me off way more than the other fingers. drives me nuts

get me on some ghostboster sites

huaw yeah you gotta try this shit... just boil the macaroni in the same pot as the spaghetti ... this is called the famous "Double pasta"

attn Waiters: giving me one of the free pens from TD Bank ruins the experience of signing my check. it is a slap in the face. A death threat

U Have Forced Me To Take Extreme Measures To Protect My Business And My Lifestyle. I Now Refuse To Open A Single Email Until April The 12th.

while youre all bowing to the Pig Industrial Complex on false holiday #NationalPigDay,. i will be observing pictures of the noble bull moose

#NationalPigDay no. this is crap . the pig will never have his day. i demand that the "Pig" surrenders this filthy assault on our calendars.

In reply to Funny Joke (parody)

@DougLipson i can confirm today... that dilfers a Dud

vision's...

sorry to all crooks, hucksters, cronies, and phonies... but in this, our year of 2016, police man is sitll king, and the jail, his Kingdom !

listen fuck wit. if you dont want me pissng all down the floor and the walls of your public restroom then make the urinals. bigger

i propose a Bussiness offer of the boy who says"Damn daniel".. i should like for him to grace the company of me & my wife, for twelve jewels

sorry couldnt hear ya over $ rustling about in my wallet. money i saved by subverting toothbrushes. sucking the toothpaste tube like a cock,

THRIEE SIMPLE RULES FOR SPEAKING TO ME OF MY AFFAIRS REGARDING MY INTERACTIONS WITH MY LAWYER'S... STAND DOWN !! GET IN LINE !! FUCK OFF !!

we all know the famous "Five Second Rule"... if you dont throw dropped food in the trash within five seconds it unleashes toxic spores

ill never rinse my farm fresh vegetables. its the responsibility of the greengrocer to rinse my God damn food and if i get poisoned so be it

@CeliaPienkosz never

stumbling through war torn syria with my pants down, begging everyone around me not to feed the trolls

the first step to becoming a Millionaire is to acquire one hundred dollars

people who like to say "Ba ba ba ba " at me <<<< People who hand me their wallet

a boss should be allowed to kick his employees asse's. key to his workers house so he can just come in and start wailing anytime #bottomword

In reply to @snake_memes

@snake_memes no questions at this time

20 treats = 1 snack
3 snacks = 1 meal
3 meals = Boys Daily Intake
180 Treats = Boys Daily Intake
1 Treat = 1 Goody
60 Goody's = 1 meal

im going to get shit on a lot for posting this but i dont care

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLYzoJAsyck this is the most vile thing to be put on tv

paper is a liquid #TheThursdayMorningRamble

someone please. ive bitten into a nasty apple and I don't know how to spit things out of my mouth. ivr never spit before and i need help

givign my social security number to the valentines day app to find out which idiot wants to see my dick the most

for all you twitter birds out there.. a fun idea ive been throwin around: lets make the front page to "WILD WEST" theme..Huh! only on Friday

barby dolls are worthless to me

in 2020 police technology will allow criminals to choose between "hot jail" and "cold jail"

why even bother learning how to hack when i can just have my enemies accounts removed by accusing them of conspiring to piss on grumpy cat

death

if i saw someon e on the street wearing a dunce cap, i would challenge him to my famous Three Trials of wisdom, and soundly defeat him

let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,

ELLEN: But what you're most known for is your use of the infamous N-Word
ENTICED AUDIENCE: Wooo !!
ME: ahh!! ya got me!

IN OUR LIFETIMES... "GOODBYE" TO MOUTH WASH

i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts)

thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

the pursuit of having trhe nicest opinions online... is the only thing that separates us from the god damn animals. the sole reason we exist

@nataliejmooney i think he belongs in the paddy wagon with the rest of the looney tunes

scenario: the duishwasher mouth starts up in some dumb ass baby voice. "GIMME SUM JET DRY!!" i unload my .480 ruger into it without Emotion,

i just thoughgt about those commercials with the stupid fucking mouth in the dishwasher that begs for jet dry & ripped a door off its hinges

id like to report a hacker. he offered me 1000000 to show my dick and didnt cough up the dough when i delivered the goods. i got hacked

@sofieok @sleepygrl94 @InvestInDenim @ellenfromnowon i shooed a young trans person away from my garbage with a broom

MYTH: my posts are for the Pauper
REALITY: my posts are for the Prince

the prophecy fulfilled

https://twitter.com/dril/status/696455919031418880

fuckin Wade

In reply to slave to Woke

@StaggMack he blocked me because of this one.

In reply to Myku Midoriya 🥷🏻🪽

@StaggMack dont do this stag mack

In reply to Myku Midoriya 🥷🏻🪽

@StaggMack Puerto Rican Pisser

In reply to Myku Midoriya 🥷🏻🪽

@StaggMack you soudn like a nerd

In reply to Myku Midoriya 🥷🏻🪽

@StaggMack wow , another bernie bro coming after me just because im posting the truth into their shitty little lives. you Lose bitch

I mdade $400000 just by typing the words "Simpson and garfunkel" back in 2011 and u have the gall to @ me w/ ur little 200 ass follower acct

please dm my agent if you wish to Banter with me in the mentions, so he can send you the proper paperwork. im extremely tired of this shit.

U cant even get a good "Shoe Shine" anymore—the guy just keeps trying to put his mouth on my dick. Is this a Thing now. Is this a Problem

someone please get me in touch with the little boy who died & went to heaven. i want to astral project him into my ex-wifes castle for intel

i enjoy a bit of "Humour" every now and then, but people seriously need to sotp tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances

(looking into a big toilet filled with shit , piss and toilet paper, shaking my head) this is fucking stupid. hardly worth my time

shut the fuck up and kick my ass

In reply to Thrushs Ghudbudy

@DavisMets GET THE FUCK OFF OF HERE

@rigamarock @bug_data @adultblackmale Hurr dee durr .

RAT CHECK... unfollow me ,if youre a sleazy low down RAT!!!!!!!! i will knock your block off, I respect honor, Truth in words and action.

In reply to ItsWesOk

@THEmanimalistic Fuck you mother fucker

an Oscar category for super bowl ads in the future?? perhaps in a less judge mental world,

take ntoe Hollywood: these superbowl ads teach us we can create compelling visual content better than any movie, WITHOUT resort to Vulgarity

fuckin Wade

"i wish they got, WiFi down here" - guy who died in the paris catacombs

-windows covered in trash bags
-arbitrarily sorting the contents of my snack Pack
-pumping racist apps into my nokia at Lightspeed
-frowning

sometimes it seems to me that it is a bit good to say that we could not do our posts without using none other than the humble computer chip.

taking the lords name in vein... #inspire

ME: mr cruise..im also a celeb. i invented the phrase "Barney sucks"
TOM: wow... that phrase is so good, i must use it at least once per day

they say zika virus is the Bastard of 2016, but that distinction must go to my infamous folowers, who i consider to be "Dumber than Dogshit"

donald trump is the best man for the job... and for that he has earned my vote. however, i believe he needs to "Check his priviledge"

1) wise the fuck up,
2) put the same amount of days in all the months
3)people need to put on the damn thinking caps
4) im boycotting months

While your were busy all discussing the black celebrity's ass, i just constructed an authentic Christian abacus using fine tumbled stones

got one of th ose steering wheels you control with your mouth so i can dual wield on the road. top secret technology for friends of police,

girlsl... i shall virtuously employ the expansive breadth of my tech wisdom to protect you all from Daesh... even if you dont follow me...

has any one ever noticed that the good spiderman movies are the ones for adults, and the bad spiderman movies are the ones for children

In reply to Breaking News

@BreakingNews please make a Nude one

THINKING ABOUT WHEN DID "IN GOD WE TRUST" BECOME " WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT"

my favorite tv show characters are "The good guys". My least favorite characters are "The villains"

(Becomes upset by an unsolicited mention of Beetle Bailey on twitter feed, and punishes followers by refusing to post an update for 30mins.)

slave to Woke retweeted

Thinking people should stop counting calories and start counting chemicles.

i shant say more of it .

ah.. why is it that computers can send hateful commentary thorugh the modem... but weren't designed to send something nice.. like a Song

the big seat of my sweat pants sagging beneath the weight of globs of neosporin as i waddlle my fuckface ass off to the impound lot

Fucking yes this . Friendlys has a meatball bar

im the boss of Mensa. every time i close my eyes i have visions of going berserk and spitting on a human face until it is unrecognizasble

i spend a lot of time reading the constatution of the united states of america while grinning ear to ear

will try to become less of an Ape on the day of holy sabbath

just read something fucked up... Not a single picture of stonehenge exists.

first day i got online on a man named Mumbai_Eddie accused me of having diarrhea, so i detached my modem and put it in the sink for 8 years

sick of seeing "Snark" on my feed regarding our nation's presidential candidates. i will be voting for all of them because they seem nice

slave to Woke retweeted

Truth to a #ProgressiveLiberal is like SATL TO A SLUG!

Looking to the day when the World Wide Web matures to become into the World Wise Web.

im known to "Trick or Treat" from my neighbors mail boxes. they love it and it drives them wild. And it`s a bit of fun

slave to Woke retweeted

I will never be racist I'm proud off that

@sofieok @astral_irwin @sleepygrl94 @tiffaynay i dont know who all these fucked up people are!! im sorry! im so sorry!!

@astral_irwin its real

#ToTheGirls2016 im intelligent & clean boy. i have the trigger dicispline of a lion. ive used Torture to cure myself of all mental illness.

Discussing
Reality
Intelligently
Life

U have to listen to this song "Signs" by the five man electrical band... the guy is just owning the fuck out of all these signs, it's insane

more harmful to our web than any computer virus... sick thought's and selfish attitude... pass it on boys...

@hirsutebikini thats disgusting

In reply to Jessica Paquette (active @ cohost/mastodon)

@barrelshifter this account is the Curse of my life

which 46% of you mother fuckers arent buying soap

my most famous tweet, entitled "Jacking off at the Dog Kennel," has earned over ten billion engagements & was retweeted by stephen spielberg

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario today i will be making a bowl of "Home Made" guacamole, with, you guessed it, chips.

get one of those bill gates tubes that turns piss to water, load a big fat backpack with treats, cut the cord, pull the plug, fuck the grid,

got about 50000 posts to catch up on here... thats so many.. thank you my sweet boys

martin luther king did not have a favorite type of lunchables. absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate. @kraftfoods please delete

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@bashfulcoward @adultblackmale we odnt post the word "you" anymore in 2016.

heated debate

rt if you think that "Coors Light Cold Hard Facts" is the "Chevy Clubhouse" of "Dilfer's Dimes"

In reply to Digimon Otis

@DigimonOtis Shut the fuck up

In reply to SLIPPIN’ JIMMY

@KeeganBaca its not that number anymore. you may re tweet it now.

@alliepaca "Green lettuce"

fuck it, ill just come out and say that i think "Iceberg lettuce" is just aobut the worst name you can come up w/ for a damn type of lettuce

im not horny but, lets face the facts people... if youre a girl im gonna click on ya

twiitter dot com baby... the inmates are running the damn asylum.. AND IT THINK THAT IT IS GOOD...!! #StartupIndia

entertaining twisted thoughts of putting bull shit on the back burner

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer draculas politics are actually really good to me you scum bag

FUCK OFF

excuse me sir, i couldnt help but notice that youre in need of a thorough explanation of kegel exercise. ok, it's basically psychic jelqing,

youll never shut me the fuck up , no matter how many times you unfollow me, you will never shut me the fuck upon here!! get lost Cyber scum!

im a monk in real life, the matrix is real and hummingbirds and other really fast animals are proof positive that bullet time eixists

i hold this truth , im just an average joe trying to do my messages here, and i dont have time for fellas who want to take a big crap on me.

In reply to Bernie

@YankeeReddevil steven wrong

none of you are educated in anything, youre all pricks, your dms suck, yoyure terrible at trying to engage my brand like normal human beings

"horny" has killed more people than all the volcanos on earth combined

i will soon be leaking a list of the people who sent me really concerned DMs when i posted that jacking off too much makes your dick smaller

if you say the words "Room temperature" to me ill flip my lid. room temp varies depending on the room. youre talking shit out of your mouth.

@BaltimorePolice going to have to unfollow you, for arresting me

MOST HATED FOODS., 50) PAPA JOHNS ORIGINAL FAMOUS CHEMTRAIL PANZEROTTI 49) THE DEMERITORIOUS DOLLAR NINETY NINE McDIAPER....... MORE TO COME

@sofieok its actually so good,

argh.. (shakes fist) Damn you White people !! ha ha, but seriously though, most whites are actually highly intelligent, and resourceful,

@pilarrianne1700 this post is 2 years old. ive since lost custody of my children and my wife left me. still wild about candles

while you were watching the teen choice awards, i was watching the classic episodes of the teen choice awards from back when they were good.

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat @BronzeHammer sensing some deep-seated resentment over here,

life is aobut too many chairs. you got the tv chair, dinner table chair, the dentists chair, electric chair... thats too many. Tone it down

ah, aint it funny that folks these days are washing childrens mouths out with soap.. when they should be washing their mouths out with Hope,

up until I was about 17 i believed that bugs were baby rats

@MrKerij Beer is the drink of summer. But it can be enjoyed during the other seasons, in moderation.

respect me.. respect my #Setup

@CeliaPienkosz you've ruined my life. Thank you

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM i cant. its an illusion

looking at my own dick in 3d

@sofieok @machiavellino dont @ me

@sofieok @machiavellino grow up,..

Im going to shut the computer off until people learn to be more mature about life. In tge mean time, suck my dick

pal the only "meltdown" im having is my ice cream melting down into my hand while I lay on the beach & laugh while thinking about the trolls

i don't have time ot actually read you peoples posts, but ive been evaluating your engagement metric's and they look like Shit...

its no secret that i sometimes have to scold my hare brained followers rirght in their goofy fucking faces to keep them in line

slin jim

DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor
ME: No,

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino my alerts are already hell. this is the pain we must endure

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino Dont postshit me.

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino im going to put my boots on you

COMPUTER.. FED EX ME A PRINT OUT OF ALL MY GIRL FOLLOWERS SORTED BY THEIR DEVOTION TO CHRIST
COMPUTER... GET ME THE BULE CHECK MARK A.S.A.P.

the best part of winning the power ball lottery has got to be getting my hands on some of that Green stuff also known as money.

@nataliejmooney it's pronounced "yoh-gert"

if you want to make someone on this website really mad, accuse them of poisoning the animals they care for #workseveryDamntime #TheMaster

https://vine.co/v/ib0hPiUY7QO

me and SnakeMom1956 are in love and we are laughing at all of th e people who think that our flintstones themed wedding is a sham

In reply to extremely unreasonable online

@mellow_lello i would never photo shop anything, espiecally when it comes to damn fucked up things like racism. this is a serious account

shame on dailymail & nydailynews for posting my racist ball screenshot without giving credit
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3381659/Freelancer-loses-job-Times-Square-Ball-twitter-account-tweets-hashtag-BallLivesMatter-sparks-outrage.html /> http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/manhattan/times-square-ball-twitter-posts-deletes-balllivesmatter-article-1.2482528

accidentally brought my piss detector into the mens room again and cowered beneath a sink as the deafening screech echoed off the hard tile

@nataliejmooney pathetic of you to back stab me for clicks.

dont know why they deleted this

youre fit for 2015 #yourFitOf2015 https://vine.co/v/iqLYB7eF0Yp

that smug prick baby new year th e piece of shit. ill throw him from my truck the dumb ass mother fucker

Numerous hospitals no longer make a Baby New Year public due to concerns that the infant will become a target for criminals.[13]

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@bashfulcoward @fart is it this

In reply to burn the witch

@adivingstation bi g fan of his work. loved casino and good fellas

in another life...
i would make U stay..

@nataliejmooney hitler

@nataliejmooney i found a basin. its you

@nataliejmooney i piss into my hands and carry it until i can find a basin

sometimes its good to just wipe your ass,

Bllesed

turning my headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my Rivals cannot see me

anguished imbecile pukes up a surprisingly intact mcgriddle while planting an IED in front of best buy

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ Pldease just fav me if you enjoyed the tweet.
I dont have the time to read the replies

the mayor threatens to replace one letter of the english language with the Swastika for each week that his wooden leg is not returned to him

slave to Woke retweeted

@pussdaddyblogs I m sorry, I mistyped your user name. Do not post to me or attack me in here or other places of my accounts. thank you

i will die for my belief that Beer is "The drink of summer"

mystical truth Teller

https://vine.co/v/iKwMWBtFlzP

In reply to Javanshir

@beiua all my vines are me

https://vine.co/v/iKX6gOm9FrQ

just spent the last 10 minutes fishing a pubic hair out of the toilet to avoid any nasty phone calls from the boys at the sewage plant

wife put me in the dog house agauin for failing to get the blue checkmark... and people ask me why im mgtow pua...

im here to tell you that even with 8 kid,s, 6 dogs, debilitating rickets & a filthy waterlogged home, that its still possible to be a Gamer

In reply to veins crazy

@Ketherbound i apologize sir !!!!!!!

this website seems more & more like a place where elitist daddys boys can show off how 'CLEVER" they are, instead of a source for bra advice

mother teresa Aint No Saint, put the green arrows,there, click the heart too

is mother teresa a saint "No she aint"

when thw pope says mother teresa is a saint.. i say she Ain't!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNMoYJhicEY some posting music for all of ya

mother nature and father time arre not real. theyre fake people who were invented to explain trees and clocks to shitheads

every now and then i like to treat myself to a bit of "Lying under oath"

@nataliejmooney fuck ofdf im asleep

@nataliejmooney calling me a weiner now... i shan't respond to this.

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat @Ulillillysses wasnt enough dipshit

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Barney was actually funny & used fairly adult jokes in the early seasons. After all the teenyboppers latched on; it went to shit.

In reply to @ADNLpro

@ADNLpro @neonwario Youre nex't.

(in worst human voice possible) folks rmember to click that fuckin like & subscribe button and leave a comment below in the fuckin box there

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef youwill fucking remove this if you know whats good for you

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax we cant all be burt fucking milford

i hope to one day eat 10'000 calories a day

boy's Rules:
1) the only coffee flavored thing should be COFFEE !!
2) "Shut Da Fuck Up And Keep Ya Head Down"
3) Never consume Oils

@nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer i absolutely used a coupon

In reply to slave to Woke

@nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer anyway I just bought some ice cube trays and a pot at bb&b. they're fine

@nataliejmooney @degg @BronzeHammer i fuvked up. this app is garbage. sorry

yoyu dont choose to be retweeted.. it choose's you

In culture, today, where they have cellphones, it seems, as, though, the most forgotton words in the English language are, "I give a Damn."

AYE... THE OJ SIMPSON VERDICT IS SOMEWHAT SHIT , INNIT!!!!!!

MustardCynic: this is not True Spicy Brown... this is Treason Brown

In reply to baby jeff

@erisu_waito ah, its beautiful,

In reply to Annie the Bird

@1nternetSpades i dont know who that is

In reply to 𐑫 𐑦 𐑫

@fittigy what does that mean. why do people send me messages

another miserable day of Disappointing my followers

piece of shit

@CeliaPienkosz i cannot be sure. i can only base my claims on various extrapolations as i do not look at naked fat men in my life.

based on a bunch of educated assumptions i've made about weight gain, really obese guys must have like the hugest dicks on the planet

I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,

the worst thing you can do in death is make the R.I.P. on your grave actually stand for Racism Is Power

boys im here to tellt you that a high-quality wall paper can make any room look fantastic on the cheap

Setting aside the dumb ass things of life to focus on the truth of intelligense .

dont worry ladies, im not one of those"Bros" who talks to girls about sex stuff. anyway, i have an entire bra stuffed in my mouth right now,

leaving splinters stuck in your fingers is good. its all protien baby

In reply to tom

@flanaganbennett it depends on the fixture you fucking clod

cghecking to see if i have the correct wattage on all of my Light bolbs.. now thats a pizza pie #thatsaPizzaPie

liberating to have gotten all the joke's out of my system sometime back in 2011 so I can now disseminate serious info to the dumb asses here

i can no longer close my eyes. with out seeing a bounty of Farm Fresh groceries being licked by dirty dogs and animals

i look very handmsome in my bow tie and suspenders, holding a big red balloon

spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

i find the private dm chats are an excellent place to "Workshop" my meltdowns & personal attacks against others, before making them public,

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat @swarthyvillain @leyawn i will simply leave u to your circle jerk .

pretending not to be mad while the guy in the next stall over takes a big shit while I try to Meditate

judgementle people deserve to be put into a special kind of electric chair which sends then to hell even if theyre good .

ive started bowing my head and saying grace before reading each post on here... "thank you." "thank you for the posts." that sort of thing,

i wish my opinions were good enough to put on bumper stickers, but alas, i can only say "syria is basically road rash 64" using my mouth

shooting off automatic rifles making horrible diarrhea shit noises as the recoil makes my tiny dick flop around. hell yeah. thats cool to me

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino never

i mailed my detached dick to bolivia to get it enlarged by a professor of Medicine. i am hoping it is returned to me without incident.

beer city USA . my friend s

its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town

ive been sititng in buffalo wild wings for 3 hrs now, refusing to speak with the waiter because of his vile dry lips. i will win this battle

soaking weekly circulars in my own blood and sending them back to Shop-Rite, to teach them a lesson about enticing my wife with bargains

i am a chef now folks. im walking around town in my chefs hat like a real dumbass. everyone hopes i get hit by a car

my followers will be thrilled to hear that i am wearing a very pleasant pair of jeans while reading a variety of articles, on subjects

UNCLE: on sept 14 u posted "my dick is not all its cracked up to be." Explain yourself please
ME: its. a commentary on the economy actually,

i have never condoned "rumpus"

blesssed to have over 200 mannequins propped up around my house in vulgar positions, and the accompanying "Love my manny`s" bumper sticker

my uncles caught me searching "can i still join isis if im racist" on the family computer & are now withholding all holiday treats for 2015.

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ i would charge u double bitch

how do i make it so people have to give me money if they want to reply to my posts

becoming incrediblly Spiritual on the computer... holy fuck...

yes. this guy is me

enya on full blast.. accessing 100 sites per minute

if someone dressed in cclown makeup came up to me and asked to suck my dick, id naturally assume it's a troll,

rooting through some damn womens' purses. all of the things in these purses suck. i don't give a shit

#mondaymotivation

some dumb asses of life just need a damn "BRAIN "

jacking off.. (lights cigarette, takes a big smoke of it) ..i s a Zero Sum fallacy. a jesters game

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino this is based on nothing . entirely fucked

if i ge t one more comment about guns being a type of Glove- im spraying the fuse box with a hose until my computer turns off

A gun is not clothes just because you can wear a holster with a gun inside of it. Jesus christ. Shut thhe fuck up about guns being clothes.

U cant wear a sword. A sword is not clothes. Yes, A SHeathe, is clothes. The sword goes in the sheath, but that doesnt make it clothes bitch

thw most valuable icon on any boys desktop... the famed "My Computer" icon. click that bastard and youre good to go

In reply to Bec Fish

@RebeccaFisher erase

https://vine.co/v/iux13ZLdE9J

https://vine.co/v/iuxitQjn6tW

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario

In reply to twin princess

@sadgirlparty mnegative 50 points for trying to trick me with runes

In reply to leon

@leyawn theres too many of them to block. im gonna lose it

all of you people have rat hands. i am going to be fucking sick

@shibeboy aguh. lord

In reply to ????

@bicyclememes this is photo shop

In reply to Darth Bingus

@bigshot what is the blue shit i see on them. remove it

In reply to 🧟‍♂️

@JohnnySqueasel it sucks

In reply to lil lamby long ears

@transbian i see specks of shit on there

In reply to @RickyRomero@mstdn.social

@RickyRomero i bet you just went ryour entire life growing out that hair on your ring finger, never thinking to remove it, it sucks

In reply to bïg dïck gënïöüs

@nwgoman yoyu appear to be severely ill

finger nail check. everyone please post your fingernails right now for my inspection. i will block you if theyre filthy

In reply to The Sobe Lizards cousin

@shreksghost you need to take all of those cans out and wipe the whole damn thing down with a wet cloth

@wormlog thats too much

LIKE WANTING TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO SAVE BIG BUCKS FOR PENNYS ON THE DOLLAR AND GET RICH CHEAP

In reply to 🌺🍍🌊 tropical Badiou🌴🏖🌞(jad)

@Fazio_N @hehu42 for fun

In reply to :)

@hehu42 never Bitch

ignorance... is a fallacy .my dear pals

how do you clean a shirt

ive never laughged at a piss joke. (sees how impressed everyone is, takes it one step further) in fact, ive never laughed before in my life.

(saying loud enough so people can hear) the matrix is the james bond of steam punk

Unfunny.

(ssees a stock image of a frowning man sitting inside of a doghouse) Hurmph. Asinine.

Rats Are Life Facebook

this shi t

@vaaltiel alright ill fix it soon

@vaaltiel its real

sub way is a pedophile... you guys see about this shit ?

sears deparftment store used to be the best place to meet up with the boys. nowadays theyll let just about any piece of shit inside to shop.

In reply to the twidder haver

@colettelmt im every james bond

torturing my damn dick with corn cob holders in Penance for the foul tone i took with the subway corporation today

is @subway really offering a 10% discount to all Muslims who apologize for the attacks... kind of messed up..

wow.. just watching the cnn channel here.. amazed by how they know all the news so well.. Extraordinary

@DrPhil please kick my out of control teen's ass

2005 me: who the fuck is martin van buren
2015 me: ah yes. DonkeyKongEddie. arrested at gamestop on nov 13 2014, drives a grey honda accord,

https://vine.co/v/iBjmXuZtwDL

https://vine.co/v/iBDLxT5hV1i

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario after being normal for several months, i am now back to r*cist.

sucking on the same big piece of bread for hours and hours ,.

i bet half the people posting "Ah!" on here dont even realize its an acronym for "Acknowledged Heartily"

Yiou have to be really smart to get 250k followers on here. It doesnt just happen to you if you post false info about your ass for 7 years

researching dynamic, groundbreaking new ways to wipe my ass

In reply to @MesaPoIice

@YungPrivilege @mould2k @VinceMechman @polyh3dron locking this thread.

people used to jack off to this guy back in the 90s. not me though

@nataliejmooney its my turds. thank you

(rreads a series of Enlightened posts and becomes smart)
AH. Hm, this is good.
(reads a troll post and becomes a dumb ass)
Damn Fuck !

spice up your life by throwing your favorite coffee mug into the garbage

adding "A Touch of Class" to my home by wrapping all of my game's apparatuse's in tinsel

i feel truly blessed ,knowing that everyone who has spoken ill of my brand is eating bugs in a cold prison cell.

In reply to Jake Fogelnest

@jakefogelnest i dont like him. i'm just looking at him

looking at some pictures of dracula,

dozens upon dozens of the racist new starbuck cups,. filled with urine and placed all over my computer desk like candles on a satanic altar

not many people know this, b ut i actually coined the term "Lunchtime". before then, time and lunch were two entirely immeasurable concepts,

album (120 pics) ben stein kissing wife

@JFightsDragons @dirtgrub no woman can handle my post s

ME: ok now do a search of this. "muppet babies theme - backwards, half speed"
ALFRED HITCHCOCK: Holy Fuck !!

the joke's hall of fame

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ remove

thats it. thats enough. im shutting the computer down ,before i become too powerful

In reply to Scott T.

@NHLFlyera theyre not now

In reply to tibi

@HamousTruck is it. i dont know from good anymore

dual wielding toilet paper

stressed out due to pistachio shit all over my shirt and computer desk . all posts canceled

fellas..tell your girls you will n ot be providing any more sex until the entire female race apologizes for halo 5's dismal metacritic score

ennjoying a big bowl of condoms. twirling them around my fork like spaghetti

yeah like im just going to put bottles of my own damn urine up on the mantel. you fucking idiot. this is celeb urine

huh.. it;s been awhile since i made an actual joke on here. lets see now. boats are basically uh, skeletons, that people use to, trick water

ME: Basiclaly its just a joke we do where whoever says hes El Chapo the most wins
COP: Thats not what a joke is
ME: Well its good either way

some people sing the praises of the one hundred dollar bill... i myself, prefer the humble, time-tested and reliable one dollar bill

hyj

llooking extremely normal today

In reply to Buffalo Wild Wings

@BWWings @MillerLite @StellaArtois U will regret this.

@dwayne_login yes!!! holy shit!

In reply to remade

@slimelizard @elibedlc @teenbus what do teens find funny nowadays. getting "Slimed" onj nickelodeon? farting principals? help me out here

In reply to remade

@slimelizard @elibedlc @teenbus i can guarantee you that im only as racist as the girls im attracted to- and not a tiny bit more

In reply to peace out brotha

@elibedlc @teenbus I AM NOT RACIST!!! THIS IS AN OUT RAGE!! I DEMAND YOU REMOVE THE POSTS AT ONCE!

these people with locked accounts...damn!!! you just know theyre hiding all the good posts in there

the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good.

OPRAH: Take us back to the time you invented the famous Livestrong Bracelet.
ME: well..i was at boston market, just looking at my wrist, and

boys i need a full report on your Scalp Health by uhh 8pm or else ill go ape shit in the dms,

i go outside for the rfirst time in 7 years and a biplane immediately shoots a chemtrail at my dick and makes it 2 inches shorter. typical

ah, So u persecute Jared Fogle just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it

id say my most defining quality is that i instinctively write tremendous amounts of think pieces whenever i see a naked person

4am walgreens haul... re tweet this after the Girls wake up

In reply to Jadzia 🌘

@frknbns this is true power

inspirational... 86 year old man circumcised by doctors in Zaire... "It's never too late" "Blessed."

i shall not be attending boys night, as i have injured myself while attempting to butterfly an auntie annes pretzel stick .

TROLL: Shut down windows
ME: Ah, no

this is the final scheule. do not contact me of this.

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer thank you. they gfave it to me all at once like the applebees guy who was in the news recently

looking forward to my 19,000 dollars

@pigtailamber Absolutely Not.

for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds.

@JFightsDragons i block all gilrs

In reply to slave to Woke

@dril hell tweet

the crusaders fire ballistas into my throbbing diaper- unlesashing a torrent of mustard yellow shit and poisoning the entire village

show us the Boys

In reply to Acme Markets

@acmemarkets i will not give my location. please do not Track me. It did not meet my expectations. A Disgrace to farm fresh bagels

@acmemarkets U call this a "Customer First" shopping experience??? I nearly threw UP !! Food floor. No good

so many Weird Twitter accts asking me to suck their dick in the dms. im njust like, yeah right bub. you havent even retweeted me since 2013.

eat bird shit

In reply to dan.js

@oxygenplug typical that I should be diarrheaed on for sharing my beleifs

got a One Million Dollar idea here. the dewey decimal sytsem... its good right? now imagine using it at Wegmans to find your favorite snacks

scores of Farm Fresh, artisan treats available for my perusal.. Oh Me Oh My

U want more insight into "THe Process," u say? Look no further.

months ago i dreamt about people making their ass cracks longer with surgery. i woke up & immediately put "Crack length" in my drafts folder

AAUh..!! Yeah. Lets all gang up on the guy who gives his children Steroids, just because he has a different opinion. Fucking idiots.

"Valor is the honor of distinction"... the words engraved on the side of my gun, that i force the gamestop employes to repeat out loud to me

i will tell you about the two types of diaper. there's the Functional diaper, worn inside the pants. and the Aesthetic diaper, worn outside.

bad ass

#BenghaziCommittee my dick is normal sized. every morning i use a q-tip dipped in windex to clear scuff marks off of it. i have no illnesses

a fuckin.. rat eating a slice of pizza?? damn,. the guy who filmed this must have gbeen smoking weed.

fuh..just unfollowed about 900 people on here. Feel as thogugh ive matured a lot in my time on this site & expect a higher grade of content.

come. I SHall lead the charge against corrupt Game developers, (Falls face forward ansd a variety of ass medicines spill out of my clothing)

HMm, it seems after years of reading my posts, everoyne is still miserable & dumber than shit. Maybe i should post like 100 more times a day

cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this...

im the guy who ruined Columbus Day by saying he had slaves, and im ruining Back to the Future Day too by saying the film is rife with incest

concerning "Online", ive found there are websites that are often considered the "Good" websites, and others generally understood to be "Bad"

r

slave to Woke retweeted

Today is #NoHornDay, remember noise pollution can be annoying, let us cultivate respect for other road users.

slave to Woke retweeted

Доска почета нашей больницы ))) Впрочем, в Интернете уже борьба за первенство!

big meeting with chinese investors coming up in 5 minutes. need to look sharp and presentable. im running my dick under the faucet

in want of a glass of cold one ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afo0QGHrlUY

slave to Woke retweeted

The whole world is badshit insane... STOP FIGHTING against others.

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario didnt know they stack shit , that high

what if "DONALD TRUMP" was the ceo of NetFlix? I think itd go a little something like this...! (gestures racistly) What a world What a world

In reply to cashman

@DrMoneypants And yours.

@chris_merriam im just a man w ho loves his beavis

@chris_merriam deray blocked me for no reason. if he wants to challenge me i will absolutely prove im less racist than him. stay out of this

@chris_merriam @Lowenaffchen sorry, yoyure right. im trying to delete it now but i cant because of a virus. Ah! This is terrible

@chris_merriam @Lowenaffchen thank you for protecting a grown man from beavis puns

i love my beavis. And yours

In reply to guys like me are mad for turtle meat

@Arr @AtDawnTheyTweet @degg rest assured im constantly surrounded by flies

dont make me jump over that fuckinh counter and teach your low wage chefs the difference between "Extra" and "Double" meat ball

arbys refuses to honor special bulletin offering a free "Roastbeef Snack" to all divorced men... lots of upset divorced men at this arbys,..

i was so wound up over trolls this morning i forgot to wipe my ass. i pulled my pants up and the shit coalesced into a wad on my lower back.

the torture of being a Top Influencer on the hateful, chaotic earth...

In reply to katie

@pepperkatie sorrty. im not a racist. i just thought these slogans were too good not to post

coming up with some new racism slogans... "Racism: Never knew it could be this good" "Racism: Gotta geddit" "Racism: Now that's what's nice"

I Hope So

forced to remove my famous "DANGER: MAY CONTAIN LETHAL LEVELS OF SARCASM !!" sign from the front door of the poolside shed that i live in

In reply to @mikefossey

@animaldrumss Go outside from the computer .

, Fuck you !!

FURTHER MORe, any future tweet i make may now randomly be designated as a "Hell Tweet", meaning if you reply to it , you will be blocked,

37 souls who will never again be allowed to engage with my red hot brand, bnecause they posted during hell hour and spat in the face of god

the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost

instituting a new feature on my feed called "The Hell Hour". the hell hour begins now

the only hthing i hate more than crashing my ford truck is justin biebers dick. which was recently shown to me in pictures

ready to accept nine hundred dollars into my life

taking sips from a big fat thermos with the isis flag on it. thinking about inventing an app that tells me when lunch time is

@beneathurfeet shit and prick my ass

@beneathurfeet

In reply to Jessica Paquette (active @ cohost/mastodon)

@barrelshifter i can think of nothing nobler to die for

at the advice of my doctor, ive decided to piss, but only in small amounts out of respect for the #NoPiss challenge. i will limit my piss.

going strong into hour 8 of #NoPiss. feeling unprecedented spiritual growth. unfollow me if youre upset because this isnt "Funny" or "good".

Approaching hour 5 of the #NoPiss challenge. This is very fucking serious and real. Bafflingly, no one has requested to interview me yet

In reply to ''Steve''

@extranapkins i saw the other day- theyre selling it $2 a gallon now. Unbelievable.

seems like to me that in this foul economy the only thing "On the Up and Up" is the damn gas prices, thath we all gotta break the bank for .

ive completed the first hour of my 2 day #NoPiss challenge. i am searching for media outlets who would like to document my struggle

im still allowed to jack off. jacking off does not count as pissing. please let me have this

ive decided to abstain from urination for two days, to punish myself for letting my kolut score dip below 70 again

(in the 'lets get ready to rumble' man's voice) lllllleeets get ready to post some good shit

(ddumb ass, squinting at the tv, struggling to comprehend "The Flintstones") why are they wearing those outfits

@CeliaPienkosz i only fav tweets that exhilarate the mind and soul, groundbreaking content which challenges the established status quo

" A fucking bastard lives here "

In reply to teajay🔜AX

@terriakijerky oh theyre up

i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again

https://vine.co/v/e2wwB76m7vr

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Fairly, yes, actually.

https://vine.co/v/e2J5Uz6EBel

RE: Restaurant Etiquette >> I've been a waiter for 9 years, and I like it when people snap their fingers at me. So your commant is invalid.

In reply to @foucault_45

@foucault_45 Agreed, actually

(smoking cig on stage) Ya know, like i always say, these fuckers dont know a damn thing of common sense. COupons are like free money. Use em

these guys tried to run a hospital in AFGHANISTAN?? hello?? i dont know if you noticed, but theres a war there? U gotta use your heads folks

oh, youvve read a few academic papers on the matter? cute. i have read over 100000 posts.

https://vine.co/v/eQ3JWvWZjMb

@antonwheel stop tlaking to me. youre diminishing my Art

@antonwheel thanks

(intentionally spoken within earshot of severral arbys girls) ah fuck. my hands smell like steroids from using steroids all day

dead certainly., if my pit bulls could speak... they would say "please, please increase my power"

i sincerely hope all of you remembered to powder your keyboards and mice to prevent Hand damage during your normal 16 hr browsing sessions

if u think its fucked up that men & women are allowed to eat the same kinds of food, type the word "yes" into your browser bar & click on it

Antonio Vivaldi six violin concertos, strings & continuo in A major " Burger King Theme " Op. 2 N°11 published in Venice by Bortoli - 1708

hwow many favs are worth the equivalent of a human life... id say about 70

In reply to @Ulillillysses

@Ulillillysses http://www.buzzfeed.com/jwherrman/weird-twitter-the-oral-history#.tfa08KzPa

In reply to Jason Lupaș

@jasonlupas wgat

log me in to the on-line city where the links are blue and the girls Dm Me......

The entire King Soopers store at 80th & Wadsworth is staffed with Federal Agents not authorized by any judge,

FOOL: Foot & mouth disease isnt necessarily good
ME: Ive had it with this shit. Im showing this to your employer
FOOL: Dont. I have a family

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic @CeliaPienkosz @Doritos do not interfere with my negotiations please

@Snowden please do a wiki leak addressing the mistreatment of gamer`s by viacom

@Doritos Give mme my fucking coupons you cock sucking rats. I deserve at least 4 coupons for posting kindly of your nauseating animal fodder

i think when we get caught up in our gadgets and email, we forget to sit down and appreciate that time-tested classic doritos

please show me pins i can wear that will make me look very handsome in churdh

my romantic girl friend sees the super blood moon reflected in my greased back hair and pledges then and there to bow to christ our master

@dwayne759384752 @neonwario @DinkMagic @animaldrumss dont do it. 1million followers is more powerful than the nuke #NoMillion

pissed off because people are watching their precious football instead of asking me why im pissed off

Duur!! Thanks for clown baiting me. Idiot

ME: (pulls soaked pair of jnco jeans out of sons aquarium) Ah wahts this. You cant continue to live here if you do this
SON: Im a smoker now

looking how to become more cyber

I find my self. walking the hallowed halls of Harverd university , thinking wisely to my self. upon the quest, for Knowledge...

(truyng to stumble across the next big two-word phrase that gets really popular for no reason) udhhu.. bird hell owl. big hell. owl hell

Waiiter, i have not received my Farm Fresh olives, and my steak is far too Unctuous. Please tell the chef to go back to 9 gag.

SCreaming while the road workers slowly pave a road on top of me using my own tax dollar

i have never in my life- shit my pants or had an erection. it is ludicrous to claim other wise

in the midst of jade helm 15 and high gas prices. a good boy looks to the stars and asks where have all the angels Gone ...............

In reply to @Perfect_Beanis

@Perfect_Beanis normal hamburger with that doritos flair

droitos should make hamburgers

NEWSWEEK: WHat can be said. youre a spectacular brand. like hitler without the racism
ME: I am exactly indeed like hitler without the racism

Thheres just not enough moisture in food now a days. Run that shit under the faucet

@dwayne759384752 get more than 3 friends. you stooge

In reply to No I Didn’t

@AndyRichter @nataliejmooney @animaldrumss folks, please. this is a private matter between me and the heartless criminal

@nataliejmooney

@nataliejmooney youve once again broken the sacred confidentiality of the text message. i've nothing to say to u.

someone on here asked me my opinion of Worcestershire sauce... but i dont feel ready to share that at this time.

Ready to enjoy my Farm Fresh Mozzarella Sticks from Bertuccis, retweet my favorite celebs, and post some worms-eye pics of my Genitals & Ass

folks the only thing higher than Cheetch & Chong—is gas prices
(audience goes wild, hooting,screaming; starting Great Gas Price Riot of '15)

as a real life professional Chef , i refuse to buy any packaged food that isn't marked with the words "Limited Edition"

apparently pharmacies think theyre grocery shops now. selling food product instead of focusing on exceptional pill service. Get real, punk !

i know i will catch endless flak for this. but I am of the belief, that the tried and true Suit and Tie, is a Classic

@ninwoman BRIDE OF DECEIT

I TAKE BACK EVERY KIND THING I'VE SAID ABOUT THE GIRLS ON HERE ! SHALLOW AND CRUEL ! HEART LESS DEVILS ! MANIPULATING MY POSTS & TRICKING ME

In reply to @BarackSaysWooo

@BarackSaysWooo @DZwooo im methodical bitch. your the random guy

FOOL: Love to get a bee in my bonnet
ME: theres no possible way you could love that. take this down immediately
FOOL: Ah, foiled again

In reply to slave to Woke

@dril don't reply to this. i already know it's a good joke

im the guy who originally cooked up the "garden of eatin" joke. thats my bit. im just saying it out in the open here & now. trolls be damned

just noticed the new washcloths ive been showering with have the FoodNetwork logo. this is my biggest failure to date

@nataliejmooney once again natalie, your repulsive attitude towards online authority figures has caused me to SHIT myself in terror

to me, the white and yellow lines that get painted to the roads are mostly a nuisance. i say let's #TakeEmOff

http://cutcaster.com/photo/100533773-Cool-Arab-Man/ announcin,g in 2016 my new brand alliance with cool arab man

Jack Ass: Arguably, in many ways, a "Two-fer" could conceivably be worse than a "One-fer"
ME: I'd will not even dignify that with a response

2 celeb headlines i came up with, in case one of them does something: "Hasta Travolta, Baby" "Bieber does it again. Ah, but thats hollywood"

In reply to The Sobe Lizards cousin

@shreksghost

i cried during the schene where richie rich revealed the mcdonalds in his house. if you dont like it, move on

CHEF: mon signor!! leaving the tails on the shrimp is good! it is tre bien
ME: Im going to nuke you with live ammo. Im the guy from the crow

i pay good money to load my sons bag with treats, and if Erasmus Infowars Copfucker wants to devour them in the university library, so be it

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM @frknbns here u go virdgens. 831B-0000-001E-7606

half wit bumpkin here, looking for new snacks

startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no

ME: was thinkin about how I could incorporate the phrase "obama breeze" into my next post. Thoughts?
TOM CRUISE: its solid gold baby. Killer

funny how ppeople get faved for posting "Humour", but when i post about how deeply in love i am with the girls here i get the old Brush off

ME: ill take.. one Cruisp bird w/ extra bird sauce please
KFC CLERK: Huh?
ME: (gives him the Wink of Irony)
KFC CLERK: Ah! The Wink of Irony

imbecile goes viral after telling tgifridays waiter that his caesar dressing is "too spicy"

mE: i'll take eggland's WORST, please
grocery clerk (min wage): Good joke sir

i shall say this only; ive ended peoples careers by reporting them for "Ironic" typos & spelling errors., i do not give a shit. im a warrior

i fuucking love being sent to Juvie Hall

Houly fuck.. They did it. They replaced all the HF corn syrup w/ pure cane sugar. My minds absolutly blown by this shitty drink for children

In reply to Diego Conquist

@Dconquist mr bean is a complete dope. his oddball capers are crass and unrealistic. i frown while watching this show.

theres never been a horny me,
and never shall i horny be,
And If this sacred vow shall break,
I pray the lord my posts to take

fingers ranked by how good it is to show them to people:
1. thumb
2. pinky
3. ring
4. index
5. middle

steal this listicle,u corrupted fucks

@CeliaPienkosz my tweets are good way less often than 20%. damn, with a 20% success rate i'd have my own hbo special by now

extremmely turned on by Fav Denial , heavily worked up by women declining to fav my posts

please let me cover my entire webpage in jungle camo so soldiers can research vital murder info on the battlefield without being spotted

In reply to Tyra Danks

@CreepinItTrill I hate bodys

Announcing new feature called #Rubadubdub where my followers are encourgaged to post pics of themself inside the bathtub. Ban me i dont care

LIAR: Free data plan. is absolutely not good. It's something I don't think we should want
ME: Im not to touch this one with a 10 foot pole

STREET TOUGH: HEY. VERIFIED ACCTS ARENT FAVING U ANYMORE. WHATS THE DEAL
ME:(pretending not to hear, fumbling w/ keys to open my shitty car)

In reply to @pr0spector88

@pr0spector88 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wWrogm4ibk

Nuffs aid. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need i say more? Nuff said. Need I say more? Nuff said. Need I say

fav if you think adults should have access to toilet time
retweet to see the face of G-OD
ignore and get th e word "Liar" branded into flesh

15 years ago the most shocking thing online was a picture of a man spreading his ass cheeks open. today, it's my opinions about Wet shaving

@dwayne759384752 Ah, thats a Blocked.

@dwayne759384752 should i do this?? boys?

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep Gah . Delete it

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep Lets see u do better.

https://vine.co/v/eIKb0TlVIpb

Im going to make 1000 videos of fuck nasa.

i rise; spreading my arms, exuding fluorescent spheres of energy, each representing an Unfollower, Cuasing me a great deal of pain,Screaming

(vomits while dioing pushups at the gym and resists every attempt from professional trainers to stop me from continuing)

the inventor of the famous "Love to Scrimp, Hate to Save" tweet... FINALLy taking pop culture to task... "You gotta see it to believe it"

Love To Scrimp, Hate To Save #TheFinalWordOfIt

if you want the real bargains during boys night out... gotta go with the Children's menu... every time

Im sorry? Are u "Going in" on me?? Am I being "Gone In" upon just for p osting my time-tested opinions about girls holding forks incorrectly

In reply to Mr. Rum

@Goos_rum No sex on this profile

i believe that jade healm 15, and the markets going haywire, youve got a "Witch's Brew" of bull shit

The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen

each 'Ridge' in your crinkle-cut potato chip costs 4 gallons of precious slave blood to create and adds a satisfying "Cruntch" to every bite

im a bush-league yokel who should be put on the floor

bramds

the most popular of my weekly features is returning in 2016. thats roight folks. #WaterboyWednesday no further info at this time.

Once again, those dastardly, Devious trolls have installed a device underneath my computer desk that shoots me in the dick every time i post

Ah!! Ah! once again, the flap-jawed trolls have deliberately misinterpreted my constant attempts to get a girl friend on here as " Sexual "

released statement regarding Grumpy Cat urinary tract infection: "Grumpy Cat is in a lot of pain, but still wants to entertain you at shows"

front of my shirt: " YES: MY PATIO IS HAND-WASHED "
back of my shirt: a convenient bullseye so people can shoot me if they want to

bush was the president who likes oil. correct? so what i think is that its actually "Castor oil", because he leaves a bad taste in my mout!!

slave to Woke retweeted

Like everyone, we are deeply offended by the fake story and ad created by The Onion.

feeling devilishly Racist today... might apply just a smidgen of Blackface before i go out chasing cars

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ @nataliejmooney im sorry everyone. i should not have commented on the ribs. i never could have known this would happen

@CeliaPienkosz @nataliejmooney i respectfully will not

@nataliejmooney @CeliaPienkosz Childish. i dont have time for links

In reply to derek

@respected_loner @nataliejmooney ill simply let the fav counts do the talking. as i normally do when dealing with cra[p.

@nataliejmooney u cant bruise a rib. only the skin around it #Annihilated

am I the most dark & twisted psycho god online?? hm lets see:
- When the dow jones industrial average goes down i say simply the word "Good"

windows..on behalf of all boys online, INCLUDING the trolls, id like to extend a well-deserve "Thank You" for putting updates in my computer

i have every net flick

UNITED NATIONS: ah!! please help us! we need just a normal man's opinion!! we got you a seat
ME: How'm I to trust you, while God is bleeding

hm.. the essentials... well what can i say. you gotta have em baby

tormenting lab animals with my huge vibrating ass

If you do this: Fuck you

i hear in some cultures they crap in their hand first before putting it in the toilet. thats fucked up to me. just shit it directly in there

survey - please tell me which one is "Most good":
>Perfect meadows in every direction
>A Man wheezing into the toilet
>Bobs BigBoy PattyMelt

Priest: and the lord said, take this delicious McDonald and eat it, for it is my body and it will be given up, for you
Me: Insanley badass.

LawAndOrderGal has entered JeansChat
LEVIS_GAURDIAN: NEED A FUCKING DRAINAGE RIG THAT WONT SCALD MY THIGHS
LawAndOrderGal has left JeansChat

@dwayne759384752

(pitching the Michelin Man) hes this big white dipshit and people associate him with tires for some reason. he has no personality. no jokes

the maligned Villains of my story., my ass and dick, are known to drive my readers the most wild and turbochagrge engagements & impressions

founnd a cicada skin stuck to my nefarious pud

i can only hope that when a kangaroo court of dipshits comes to haul me to prison that i have the grace and humility not to get mad at them

the infamous millennials are more interested in (consults notepad) being nickeled and dimed by the tax man than (squints) distilling vinegar

i know im a dumb ass for expecting a serious response from the chucklefuck brigade, but can someone please tell me if im circumcised or not

In reply to Molon

@molon_labia @JARosenberg12 no.that's a cruel myth

SUCJK MY DICK

"don't tread of me", the famous words of that good snake who doesn't want to get stepped on, the noble slithering bastard I relate to most

alrigt jack asses. before you "Go In" on me, heres a quick recap of the jokes i invented:
- Dogs (Anything mentioning them)
- The Weed Fairy

mods!! mods! one of those obscene low follower count boys stole a lick from the delicious lolly that Father bought me!! ah! how dreadful !

now you see, what i like to do is consider my page to be a "No Frown Zone", because of the consistently good quality of my messages i put up

#TenThingsNotToSayToAWriter im going to piss all over your car. for being a Writer.

its disgusting to create the illusion on tv that animals are talking with cgi or otherwise. a disgraceful tactic

suigh... this weeks Bone Head award goes, once again, to my ex-wife, who just bought a stupid ass looking refrigerator

@nataliejmooney thank you. this is the kindest thing a girl ever did for me. feeling blessed

what is the best kind of acid to spray my own dick with as a joke

In reply to leon

@leyawn my portfolio

Does anyone know how important is this.

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer well i cant follow yiou now that you've asked for it. then everyone will be asking for the damn follow, and i cant handle that

In reply to @CokeyBlaylock

@diarrhea @BronzeHammer i followed you after you promised to wear the diaper to work if you reached 5000 followers. i needed it to happen

evvery other Friday the sheriff guides me around the jailhouse and lets me expose myself to the villains, and thats #MyTGIF

In reply to Gregory Fulton

@fultonmedic237 i forgot him

Bugs Bunny: B
Elmer Fudd: A-
Tweety Bird: F
Daffy Duck: C+
Porky Pig: D+
Theyre the only ones i can think of right now. My hands are shaking

sponsors are telling me not to post them. but idont give a fuck. im sick of being pushed around. this is my account & thats the bottom word

im assigning a letter grade to all the looney tunes at 10:00PM EST sharp. this is a once in a lifetime event. please do not miss it

my repulsive cohorts and I are searching the woods for tree sap so we can rub it all over our hands and improve our golf grip

In reply to Matt

@MGoldberg451 Fool!! Bastard!

"Crowdpleasers"... Now these, I like

just indignantly threw $799 gamer keyboard into koi pond because i got pissed off by the craze that is sweeping the nation known as Planking

the adrenaline rush i get from posting gives me the energy to walk to the toilet, and the endorphins i get from shitting allow me to post

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef Goodboy goodboy

In reply to 🌞

@awful_noise erased by government

w*akes up on the morning of july 18th 2015 sick and tired of Snooki and HoneyBooBoo* Wheres my damn nuke bomb...

In reply to the twidder haver

@colettelmt Whos that

In reply to db

@dogboner @DinkMagic @BronzeHammer doesnt matter whose mouth they find them in. we'll all be dead. who cares

archaeologists 1000yrs from now are going to find my embalmed turds and assume they were part of some sacred ritual. NOpe im just a dumb ass

trolls: Lets jerk off to the teletubbies and. barney
me (to followers): Are u seeing this. Are you seeing thi s. Am i the only sane man left

does anyone have any tips and tricks for someone about to own a Balcony. Can i take beer on it

In reply to That's Our Dings!

@ItsDings because its good to

i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times

on one hand $2000 will barely even cover the cost of my large amount of mansions. on the other hand i respect the wild flava brand immensely

sell my account to "Wild Flava" (@FlavaWild) for $2000? this is perhaps the most difficult decision i;ll ever face .

@dwayne274928572

wow this 40lb bag of dog food is only $30... why do dogs get all the bargains

In reply to we

@BevisSimpson i iwsh he blocked me so i could talk shit about him, but now i have to say the gofundme is good and im glad hes doing it.

@dwayne274928572 you deserve my worst offer, which is "2"

my q uote of the season "Its almost summer time so lets hop in the pool"

scarce, low quality content and an abundance of wrong opinions is the reason the cavemen went extinct. thats my beliefs bitch

honey mustard likers... heres a one million dollar idea for you "honey ketchup"

(sees no soliciting sign outside Wendy's) damn it!!! fuck! i really wanted to solicit to wendys!!

just remember what it is we're all fighting fo.r...

When you "FAve" me, you are effectively throwing a " Treat " into my mouth

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario @dwayne274928572 "Gotcha"

@dwayne274928572 @neonwario They both stink

CLICK ON MY POST 10000 TIMES IF YOU ARE WORKED UP OVER COMPUTERS

i show up at the range wearing a t-shirt that says "I Wont Wear The Earplugs" and i m promptly directed back to my car by staff members

*ffires 400 rounds at a piece of shit log until it slumps over* Take that adam landza

ME: hey ed. whats good to shoot at the range today
ED: Someone threw a big bag of packing peanuts out there. Its good to hit it with bullets

always take my stagecoach full of pit bulls to the Range . because my girls love to watch me shoot

iwant to be pummeled with carpet beaters by eastern european grandmas and make big awful clouds of dust

In reply to we

@BevisSimpson Perhaps consider making that option available in the future for those of us who don't eat out of the dumspter.

In reply to we

@BevisSimpson well if it was allowed, id go with a banana thats the average amount of ripe, as i believe it offers the "Best of both worlds"

THis is not a "Meltdown". Its a normal opinion

THe Eagles is a team of football who i respect & admire. Their commitment to touchdowns is good. They are athletic when it comes to sports

@dwayne274928572 bark up the wrong damn tree ass whiper

my page is a tornado of Slur's...
my inbox is a viper pit of horseplay...
my desktop is a Clown's Tent for bastards...

every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as "Graceful"

my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infants

In reply to 🧿w🧿

@iggy_uffda @iam_fernando well, he blocked me now, so i cant

In reply to Rosebud

@iam_fernando HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

In reply to Rosebud

@iam_fernando i dont know hwho that is

(bowed head solemnly rises from deep thought) Intellidgence is the strength of wisdom

why'd there suffering in this world.................

In reply to @AgileTablet

@AgileTablet second result for "playing violin"

In reply to provider

@victorecabarren "flouride 666"

please everyone search for shit like "autism microchip" on youtube and look at all the thumbnails on their videos

if you like the band "Shinedown" you will love this video of me getting trounced by police officers while demanding to meet them

#FreeSlurpeeDay they dont ever wash the slurpe machines. the cops found a shitty waynes world baseball cap inside one of them

Frowning Principal Exposed To Beer Content On Time Line

im the dip shit top replier who goes into every thread about someone being afraid of moving out and says "Dont forget to buy a plundger"

never knew that anything was good or bad until i got on the computer, i had always assumed that everything was Average until i got yelled at

the Ins & Outs of my ass; "Regarded As Low Quality" by famous Dr. House, in banned episode unfit for public consumption, Bullshit Bullshit.

i will not close my account until the sport of golf is rightfully named "golfball" like the other ball sports

there is no such thing as a baby animal. they are all adults from birth. sorry if my opinion offends you

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN this is what boy's day is all about. just some boys going to pool

In reply to derek

@respected_loner Asap, cretin

THinking of a "Boy's Day" of twitter..won't post specifics due to trolls, but basically all girls will nicely be asked to log out for 24hrs,

im a reasonable mans son who thinks that putting a dash of venom into my favorite roast pork hoagie will make it Spicy instead of killing me

well it goes to show you that the trolls will gladly stoop so low as to shit upon the #classiccombo of spaghetti& meatballs we all hold dear

spaghetti and meatballs... now theres a #ClassicCombo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihPDL-j1UEw

every room in every home must have a Host

i love to hover hand my gf in pictures. (gets Owned across various media) sorry. Sorry everyone. I forgot that was bad

In reply to Brandon McCarthy

@BMcCarthy32 stick to the "Dug Out", chump !!!

its me again, from the website. admit that the berenstain bears are for adults or i will strategically headbutt your father to death

the "No Bullshit" award goes to this guy for being bossed around by gas station employees & giving them a poor review

Waiter, by the advice of the Chicago Tribune Id like a Dash of Ground Cumin on my Farm Fresh Egg. Oh! Too much! I withdraw this transaction,

In reply to ♏️🆔

@burn_spear @JoseCanseco @JustinABC13 @HillcatBaseball Jsut count the faves. Thats what i say. The people of twitter want urine

In reply to Jose Canseco

@JoseCanseco @JustinABC13 @HillcatBaseball I hope hes ready to see a man urinate on the field of baseball

i think my goal in life is to start a football team named "The Baseball Preferrers" and our gimmick is to get as many penalties as possible

(passes a man in a hardhat toiling over a roadside utility cabinet in 100 degree weather in my black convertible) Nice Fedora Dip Shit

i absolutely deserve tax credit for offering my respectable toilet to government employees whenever i can

It'd be an honor for you to use my toilet Mr. Mailman. I must make clear i dont intend to film you or collect your waste. My toilet is clean

i offer my toilet to the mail man everyday. my toilets not good enough for the big important mailman apparently. mailman is a bad job anyway

commercial idea for Michelob Ultra—a bumbling imbecile ransacks his apartment to find the guy who took a dump in his glass of michelob ultra

Have you ever wanted to click X on a bastard

#NewFastFoods Fast bread

you pick up some political cartoon paper & see a shitty grave drawing captioned with "Burt Be-Gone" and its intended to be respectful & nice

In reply to ''Steve''

@extranapkins my frank assessment: theyre both bad.,

In reply to derek

@respected_loner i dont promote circus acts.

soirry. i didnt know retweeting "fuck lobsterfest" would make me lose 200 followers. ive learned my lesson so feel free to follow me again

slave to Woke retweeted

@seanmcmann YEAH FUCK LOBSTER FEST!

slave to Woke retweeted

Fuck lobster fest!!!

slave to Woke retweeted

I hate bull shit!

slave to Woke retweeted

@ItsCHELSEY it's never to early for Twitterafterdark when your horny.

slave to Woke retweeted

watching pregnant man

slave to Woke retweeted

在bbrother新書裡看到你的側臉，鼻頭一酸，我不能哭，因為我們已經回不到過去了。

slave to Woke retweeted

You say you miss me you say all you want to do is kiss me,but at the end you are with another guy so you just diss me..

slave to Woke retweeted

If a hot ass woman walks by, we're going to check her out! #truth

slave to Woke retweeted

Listen Girls. We don't care about your fucking feelings. We just want to Fuck You Right In The Pussy! #GirlProblems #truth

slave to Woke retweeted

Real guys are are athletic and can play every sport with no problem

slave to Woke retweeted

No matter what you do. Do not get sexual with a woman over a text message before getting sexual with her in person. Big mistake.

slave to Woke retweeted

SR 429 will be closed THURSDAY night between @SR414info and 441 from 11 pm to 5 am. Use @SR451info as an alternate. http://ow.ly/i/5k0Dp

@jures i only jack off for the amusmement of my followers, who have come to expect this sort of bullshit from my account.

phaw!! 2am!.. time to go hit the hay (jacks off and comes back ot the computer)

In reply to Cornelius Low Hardenbergh

@TrimGod69 im constantly expanding

the boys are enjoying their fave jukebox when ths sarge steps in
SARGE: TURN OFF THE DAMN JUKE BOX! ITS WAR
ME: Fuck u sarge. The armys crap

In reply to Virgil Texas

@virgiltexas @leyawn @lukezim @dendycrew @crushingbort @respected_loner

if you don't know how to use a Lathe you deserve to eat dog shit

just deleted 23,000 tweets at the request of Sbarro. feeling Purified

if you odn't subscribe to every last one of my vague, yet cocksure beliefs regarding the Portuguese , i will never make eye contact with you

rodent website

if youre one of the guys who blocked me on here, i Forgive you, and im ready for you to unblock me now.

@whine_country @kcgreenn he belongs at the circus with his friends

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn krusty should not be on the simpson family's roof. this is hell

people get mad at me when i riff on Current Events so ill just say this. im enjoying cooking turds on the grill regardless of what day it is

im startingmy own version of bill maher's "new rules" called "Good rules". It's going to fucking suck

long horn steakhouse should not refuse to honor my coupons just because theyre wet

unban me from college

"Litter Box Fucker"
AUDIENCE: (LAughing already)
WORKING CLASS JOE: Im going to fuck the litter box now.
AUDIENCE: AWuooo! Hoo hoo!

DVD: FBI WARNING
Me: oh boy here we go
DVD: The board advises you to have lots of fun watching this Hollywood movie
Me: Ah.. It's a nice one

yes sir. im sorry sir. (hangs up) that was the mayor of reddit. he wants this account spick and span of dick jokes before the handover

Geting my dick sucked in Unreal Engine 4. Flushing toilet in Unreal Engine 4. Having shit beat out of me by greasers in Unreal Engine 4. Wow

The jokes, Ladies and gentlemn. The jokes

entire bullshit of gas prices deconstructed by large boy who is partial towards treating him self

In reply to Dan O'Sullivan (👻 NOW *LIVE* ON GHOST 👻 )

@Bro_Pair you yack off in the replies with the rest of the rabble like you are doing now

i challenge anyone who would bring shit to me to a one on one hockey match. goalie vs goalie in the frozen arena. three pucks

click that fave button if i did good.

listen here blues traveler. pretty much all musicians travel you dumb ass. you should name your band "blues redundant guy"

@dwayne274928572 thank also you.

In reply to @mikefossey

@animaldrumss please read all of them and reply back to me when you are done

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic check it out if you have the time

pleae check this out: Hostler Magazine

Nobody Checks My Son For Head Lice With Out Getting Past My Police Issue Hollow Point Smith & Wesson Which Gives Everyone It Shoots Leukemia

@JimCarrey im the pro-neurotoxin, anti-vaccine, son of a bitch cop!!! i love rolling around in disease and spreading it to dumbass civilians

@dwayne274928572 you know what. http://www.tvguide.com im not here to do your home work.

@dwayne274928572 hes from the tv

" If U like a good song
I wont steer ya wrong
Cocaine
Its Got guitar and drums
So please listen to some
Cocaine "

and folks.. we cant forget aobut Tennis Shoes (Audience boos.) Are you Tennis, or are you shoes? Who'd'y'a'think'ya're ? (Applause)

just meeting up with one of my real life friends; pictured here.

ive trademarked the term "The guy who fucks up" so if you see someone else using it pleaase stick my Fair Use brochures to their car

The dog days of summer,. Its the dog days of summer everyone (Flapping gums aboutn othing, doesnt know what dog day is, knows he fucked up)

replying to massive amounts of flagrant screwball tweets with words like "Tedious" followed by a period

donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon

always looking for exicting new up and comers in the realm of breathtaking digital online content to block

what can i say. my hatres are my motivators (gets pic of nude man covered in syrup sent to inbox) FUCk. Please stop

doing my Civic Duty (evading tax's) while laughing at trolls threatenning to do arson to my house

In reply to The Sobe Lizards cousin

@shreksghost Sftu. Thanks for making me dry heave

In reply to The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down

@thechristmasape @niceboops no

In reply to BooDoo

@BooDooPerson prison of lies

MarioGodKenneth is stuck in israeli prison again and ive received $0 in donations towards his bail.

do not shorw me your mystifying cowboy slurs at this point and time

In reply to Gabe B.

@Captain_Chaox thank you gabe b

ssure. ill concede that this landmark decision is a step in the right direction. BUt people who pre-order games are still getting swindled .

What can i say. WHen its the game of politics, its open season on everyone who has entitled and ignorant views of opinions. No filter

In reply to N628TS

@Robbie_gr im waiting for all the celebs to weigh in before i can offer my official verdict on tthe controversial flag of the confederacy.

any one who posts snark of my dear friend Bobby Jingle gets the head blowqn off shot gun style and is not allowed to have a real grave .

dictating some more nice posts to my keyboard boy while my wife straps me to the big spinning crross

this would be Twitter, a Web site for fu&%in' adults. Yeah

committing unforgivable crimes against nautre in my laboratory ,trying to create the next genetically discombobulated meme animal

DIVORCE GURU: gaming is a right, not a privilege. remember that always.
ME: Thank you divorce guru

now youve done it, teens. the official mr bean account is closing because you all kept calling him dad

limiting the thursday nite rant to one day of the week ... its just not good for gthe brand

people are telling me that i have no right to post the thursday nite rant on a tuesday. SCREAMING it to me

In reply to hoops

@aloadofhupla Sorry

In reply to ✞

@PersianFarrah dm gumline pics

how come nobody ever helps me when im playing team foot ball. i beg for the other players to help me and they refuse to #theThursdayNiteRant

;i help girls now

In reply to db

@dogboner you Hog. you Rat

@SadLarry3 i'll heal him

youll all be glad to know that my soul has undergone some much needed healing after i apologized for the earthquakes which killed thousands.

my "Ass Ceremony" is solely to blame for all thre bad earthquakes. if i knew it would have caused the earthquakes i would not have done it.

"before we begin todays ball game, user @Dril would like a few words on Dairy Queen" the audience boos as i traipse the field in my tiny car

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150618075033.htm you will pry it from my cold muscular hands, fucker

In reply to Pogchampion Wooser

@wooser69 thats where it goes. this is normal

guess what. i have the brain of a Human. i have a Human's brain

oculus allows you to smoke wii remote like a cigar and blow heaps of smoke in celebs faces

beautiful e3 conference from the Police. THreatened to trap all crooks. Spinning handcuffs around. Elaborate boot play. No games to announce

digging thorugh all the trash cans and dumpsters at e3 in search of condoms containing genetically superior gamer cum

dont !!!!

(POsturing like a dip shit at the public pool) My father owns no small number of shares at the smirnoff ice company. Let me be the lifeguard

(in forced toughguy voice ) What the fuck is a clove of garlic. Around here we call it piece of garlic

Shut the fuck up

I hate the really small salt shakers and long for the times when we owould be inclined to more often use the big salt shakers at restaurants

#MyDreamCarWouldHave a big ass i could fuck

@Saddam846 watching him desperately try to dissipate the vulgar dust cloud by blowing on it moved me to tears