dril archive

Wow....Everyone was tweeting about FREE Biotene Gum at Walgreens. #biotene #drymouth #dental #freestuff #dealseekingmom #dentist #deals

Biotene is by far the #1 dry mouth product in the world !!

evolution of doritos: cool ranch --> cooler ranch --> cool ranch again --> epitome ranch --> lousy ranch --> apotheosis ranch --> shit ranch

some names for potential new nintendos, after the super nintendo: the good nintendo, the nice nintendo, the helpful nintendo; more to come

#SeedPig for podunk nit wit

((pulls gun out in bank) NObody MOVE OR ILL BPLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF (empties a shit load of free lollipops & dog biscuits into big jeans

The Brand Ayatollah

gaining a new followefr.. that, to me, is a real "A-Ha!" moment

Let it be known that I am the sole proprietor of the "Ren Stimpfani" joke, and that all attempts to replicate it are for the garbage can.

alright netheads, Click the damn window out. Go outside. Mnake a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato slice. "Thank me later"

stop flooding the #stolenvalor hashtag with army man shit and only use it to report plagiarized @ Dril content, please and thank you

too much pressure from society saying we all got to learn how to self suck. iwill never self suck my dick and im unfollowing anyone who does

The Two Steaks Bastard .

im seated down, and Ready to get pissed off.........

(i descend from the heavens) I'm uh, netflix is good (i go back up to heaven)

@ElishaMarin the church of nice post,s

@ElishaMarin let me finish,

In reply to @SniparsNiall

@ElishaMarin i live in the church

ah folks i do delcare i am a dumb ass southern gentle man who wouldnt know a re tweet from a ragdoll in this court room to-day

@SniparsNiall only if it's on tv

Well, it'd better damn friday

@marcorubio im sorry for calling you "Unelectable" just because you changed your name to "The Incest President"

@marcorubio help me team marco. please defend my rights

special thank you to that one guy who is really upset about some marco rubio incest joke i made on here and keeps sending me scary emails

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@respected_loner Well, thats your opinion.

shutterstock has hit hte concept of "A young atheist" out of the damn park with this one. bravo

theres a 3rd babe movie where he turns into a human at the end. beautifully done scene. the pigs dream comes true. the government Blocked it

(after hearing the library has games , i arrive at the front desk, disguised as a non-gamer) er.. im here for some.. book's

Hhm, Nope

DisgruntledStepSon

university lost accreditation when nickelodeon slimed the dean, degree is useless, 200000 in debt & back in diapers, love getting ass kicked

prince hussein...wheres my goodboy bailout

my annual "Cum tribute" to the Ford Focus will no longer be archived in the library of congress due to partisan gridlock and meddling taxmen

In reply to NOTNlCE

@Insane_Cultist thats conrad

sen larry craig(R): DuRr I have a wide stance
Me: Cmon. If this guys for real. Then I got a bridge to sell ya.. and I just ran outta bridges

TWITTER APP: THree different guys you know just faved the same damn tweet. This is breathtaking. What are the odds
ME: please locate my wife

@BronzeHammer @nataliejmooney 1-800-VamoOSe

@nataliejmooney im strong

ME: waiter...give me a shitty joe
WAITER: (wow..this guy just ordered a sloppy joe in a bad ass way i never heard before. powerful move.) Ok

cold butter popcorn. tjust throwing that one out there

In reply to NOTNlCE

@Insane_Cultist soon we shall all be meme 's, graceful and dignified on the net, our crude human forms long forgotten

[UmbrageLiker has joined the chat]
PleasantBoy: GET HIM OUT OF HERE
NiceKeeper: NOT ON MY WATCH
KindBarber: FUCK OFF !
Helper: THIS IS AWFUL

i got in the newspaper twice. once for my good posts, and once for screaming while still in the womb somehow

"the online web. truly a touching testament to the power of... deeply Human connections." -what Abe Lincoln would say if he were alive still

ill take.. the whole damn lot !!!!!!

@shrekpissslave @BronzeHammer @robdelaney i was going to reply that it was actually written in "mike judgement" but I backspaced it out

@dwayne846 don't you dare make me type

@dwayne846 get to hell you shape-shifting finagler

telling secretary to hold my calls so i can spend some time lookinh at girls' avatars with a loupe

accidentally severed my spine due to some bogus info i received on the computer

Unamused by trash behaviour .

i fairly tend to use "Sarchasm" to destroy liars mentally, and if that's not yiur cup of tea, i have the 2 words for you which is Suck it !!

@nataliejmooney pleasde do not air out our dirty laundry in front of the good people of twitter

@ElishaMarin Taugh shit.

@nataliejmooney i will protect you and all girls frrom roughhousers

@ElishaMarin hes good in heaven

horseplay is morally indefensible

howling james dean lookalikes circling their choppers around me, swinging chains while i sit in the gravel and borwse the nintendo 3ds eshop

@picture_thinker yeah, i think peices of shit for breakfast likeyou

Sword's. The only blade known to man

if i wasnt constantly debilitated from online-induced stress i could probably kick off the ass of any guy on here

another thing that fuckin sucks is the gerber baby

ME: why am i just the man for the job? lets see. i love hamburgers, i love to help,
HAMBURGER HELPER CEO: Leave these hallowed halls at once

@noahleegerman its just onne of those things you look at and say "oh its nice"

@noahleegerman its good

im all about getting out there and putting the posts up like im bad outta hell

@ElishaMarin a piece of crap

I will be your Father. I will take you as my Son and teach you the ways of online. We will hold hands as our follower count reaches infinity

@_Hermit_Thrush_ i said im sorry. ive taken my lashes upon the cross. my brand is still good and anyone who cant see that is worthless

Sigh. Mistakes were made, folks. http://pastebin.com/5KcDJdiz

this account is now 100%, fully unbridled, Racist. Fuck you !!!

my reaction when people react to pictures of my reaction when im reacting to something good

@Georgiejackk i m single man looking for gf

Im singel bissness owner looking for gf leading to marriage no games

All girls are beauty

Beware of touching my gadgets

All my gadgets is encrypted with full security system so that no one can leak my personal files.

looking for communication Builder partnership with professional skills in Information Technology

In reply to @ThriceNightly

@respected_loner and so you shall also be thrown out of my mentions for replying without Faving.

plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits

@ThriceNightly @sixfourimpallah @Sadieisonfire yeah i just give my password away to people all the time because im dumb as shit

In reply to squilliam

@BillRatchet @zeroprospects This is true

In reply to sleepyhead

@zeroprospects he closed his account due to childish people.

do not tell my friend/colleague @PregnantSeinfeld how to make his fucking posts. hes a really good account & ahs been suffering from bedbugs

@CeliaPienkosz @OnlineDwayne the girls on this website are villains. all of then.

In reply to ass ghost

@ass666666666 @CHANNAKAJIMA im respectful of him

@OnlineDwayne how dare you satirize my beloved fan base, the Lovely Boys of twitter

i ruminate over a scrapbook full of middle finger pics to keep myself demure, respectful and humble. "i deserve these", i utter shitheadedly

tge nicest thing about me is i have excessively dry balls which basically start flaking apart like a piece of strudel whenever I walk around

james bond learns how to do cartwheels from a wise eskimo on top of mt. everest and uses them to roll through a nuclear blast unscathed

In reply to Whistla

@Whistla @DJSpooks pleae look at the facts.

@nataliejmooney mature of u to post this. here's some real shit

"thw word 'good'... when you hear it, you're almost guaranteed something nice" - TheTrendingBoy

kfc commercial idea: a man is trying to get into kfc but he is too small to reach the door handle. he tries and tries and nobody helps him

i want "Damn KFC" nearly most of all the time !!! if it's not "Damn KFC" ill drop it like a sack of fuckin potatos !!!!

me and my laywer are discussing possible challenges that may arise from me asking a net girl to run me over with her car while i "pound off"

FOlks, please, do not hesitate to send me twitter content before you publish it, so i can tell you if it's acceptable, or if it's bull shit

listen., pal, if you think im the kind of guy who doesnt wipe his ass, you're barkin up the wrong tree. my ass needs all the help it can get

ENJOYING BOND MMO?? JUST CRAFTED SOME REMARKABLE BOND GEAR WHILE YOU WERE BUSY TRYING TO FUCK THE NPCS WITH THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER JAME BONDS

world record: stupid ass hole drinks cup of coffee underwater

ARMY: your nickname reflects poorly on us all. we're changing it to something like "raven" or "switchknife"
ME: no. "hostage killer" is good

Who Ever Left Their Pear Here. Come Get Your Pear

playing Dr. Kawashima's Brain Training (2006, NDS) 15mins a day gives me, i believe, the edge required to successfully deflect troll attacks

maybe the ski mask guy who blasted the "Doge" dog across the room like a rag doll.. maybe he was all of us. my opinion. unfollow if u must.

REVIEW- EROTIC SILHOUETTE MUD FLAPS - 1 STAR: piece of shit. drags behind my Honda Accord and gets messed up. too long. not wortg the hassle

the dog from "Doge".. was assassinated today.. at the Pittsburgh Marriott durinng a "Meet & Greet".. point blank with a sniper rifle.. Weird

Houly shit !!! The posts just keep on coming

In reply to ✞

@PersianFarrah Crude

In reply to ✞

@PersianFarrah im tweeting the news.

"Worthless" county treasurer in hot water after releasing list of famous cartoon apes he would like to fuck

DontWantNoBullShit.
DontWantNoBullShit

In reply to db

@dogboner @ahuj9 thank you. it hasnt been long but i can already say that having 200 k followers is exactly like being god from the bible.

think im going to start incorporating the word "Gadzooks" into more of my tweets, to punish my followers, for their constant insolence,

lumbering dick head told off by albertsons cart boy for trying to siphon gas from a moped while dressed like a blues brother

chaplain era silent motion pictures where basically the first subbed anime . click to read more

this guy was driving around with a decal of calvin pissing on nothing in particular. you missed the point entirely wwith this baffling setup

i did it. i posted like a fucking cartoon character instead of a human for 7 years and finally got my free light bulb

In reply to Adam Steinbaugh

@adamsteinbaugh i already doxxed all his anagrams and the best one is "tract disease"

get this fellas. i just doxxed MetalGearEric and his real name is: Ted Staircase. he lied about being an eric and his last name is staircase

whether its that Hot rock N' roll or Cool jazz, well we can know what the one thing is that we all can agree on, is that it is "Pretty good"

my idea for a car, is that it looks like a normal car., but right next to the steering wheel Blammo. theres a hose you can suck beer out of

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic @CeliaPienkosz i love all the guys, from that show

In reply to @Gill_Zero

@OhIshItsGill Chheer's, and thank you, and good luck

floks... whether you're young or old: Star wors. Does it every time

(in slick Dennis Miller cadence) guh,

ah! ive had my ass put to the terrible kingdom of hell, also known as "the devils playpen", and also "Satans Playpen"

im out here in the yard trying to clean up my turds with a hair brush

one of my neighbors kicked my big flaming barrel of shit and piss over & spilled burning waste all over my yard just because im an irish man

#UNELECTABLE !! #DEADWRONG !! #MarcoRubio #TeamRubio #Rubio2016

(to women at party) Im probably the top most crapped-on guy at twitter. My options get trashed constantly and Im best fit to shut my mouth.

folks.. when isay I'm "Getting my nails done", im talking being hammered to the cross, by those infamous trolls we all think poorly of,

reduced my weight gain goal to 300 lbs at the advice of my doctor

a social network to help cops with dirty boots meet browbeaten civilians who want to Spit`s shine the boots for free.. my one true vision

@respected_loner in that case i retract my offer and immediately call the mayor of wendys to warn him

In reply to The Ape Healer with Lessons to Share with Man

@respected_loner i can donate shit to fill the toilets with. thats all

"Stick It" to the bastards of Washington using this hot new WendysTrick: Bigtime WendyScam for Nonviable Bun Bargain; Pitiful & Effective

Hunter S. Quiznos

bblast my dick with Pet Dander

good news folks, today i dreamt about buying Furniture w/my girl followers so i punished myself by slamming the toilet lid on my fat fingers

this weeks "Mother Fucker" award goes to BabePigMovieMan for saying my dick looks "Crumpled up like a napkin"

(listening to a wolf howl off in the distance) do you hear that. thats the sound of another fav star trophy in the bag

Nmot a single one of you has given me your account password so i can make posts about top airfare deals on your behalf, especially the girls

for $500, i'll follow oyu on here and steal your best posts. this is an excellent way to get your foot in the door if you ask me

@tetradugenica some peopl just have vile black hearts twisted by hatred and bad opinions about life

In reply to @sexualjumanji

@sexualjumanji No !!!

the Digimon Otis peace treaty will hence be frozen in piss and thrown onto the freeway where itll shatter into one million despicable pieces

Fuck Otis. I will never follow a bastard such as this.

thbe new Digiman game looks like shit for children& 2015 will NOT herald the Digiman renaissance tht Otis desparately needs to stay relevant

Well, the time has come. But before I officially grant DigimonOtis the coveted @Dril follow, I would like to say a few words.

@DigimonOtis im running to your house

In reply to Matt Christ

@mattjohnchrist go suck burger kings dick rsome more you fascist fan boy sewer hog

@DigimonOtis we rehearsed this for 7 hours yesterday. you cannot do this.

@DigimonOtis Get online immediately and prepare for this yiou fucking idiot. Only 25 minutes left. Answer your phone

The ceremony will begin at 12:00 EST, wherein DigimonOtis shall unblock my account, and I will Follow him, officially ending this turmoil.

pleased to announce, on the april of 9th, that i have signed a Truce with DigimonOtis, ending a feud that has persisted over several years .

In reply to solve et dragula

@palecur @nihilist_arbys @JussiMarttila i get hacked constantly everyday because i am a Clod with zero technical prowess

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic thank you. that is the correct thing to do on this page right now

Whua?? No sponsorship disclaimer? no my friends. im saying all of these things for free, because i need to

enjoy your hot burger while children Piss freely in the colorful plastic tubes mere inches from your dinner, watch it flow down the slide

"Soda is back" Only at Mcdonald

the new meat ball sub's sandwich at mc donalds is a home run and between you and me the taste is sensational and almost good

do not show me this

i''ll peruse the web at my own damn leisure and thats a fact jack

yknow folks, not many things tell you theyre good right there in the name, so if you see things like Good Friday or Goodfellas i say Take It

@beelzeturnt im talking about main lobsteer, as in the good part of the lobster, like prime rib is to steaks

going nuclear on smart asses today, with the block button, Whilst enjoying my normal life with a cup of Porter Brew and eating Main Lobster.

In reply to chris

@BassoonJokes im talkin normal mustard a nd would also go as far to also implicate Gouldon's "Spicybrown"

whicghever media wizards decide what you all are currently angry about should consider the grievous crap of people putting mustard on bagels

((restrained by cops and forced to watch a man put mustard on a bagel) nno!! you're ruining it! That's quality bakedgoods

i am a cot and pickin "tells it like it is "son of a bitch

a visit.. from the easter man

"Why should there be only one good friday. Let's try our best to make all the Fridays good. Thank you" -a quote i invented which made me cry

some times it takes a little bit of Free thinking to be able to look at the bull shit of the world to step back and say "Damn What the hell"

ME: These days everyone wants to suck their smart phones dick if u ask me.
HIPSTER: Is that a new feature?
ME: ((making bitter beer fsce)

my plan of my walk of life is always making one million smackers (dollars) to get rich, and to pick up all the money I find on the floor

im the reddit guy hwo ranted about an existential crisis i had after realizing all of jeff foxworthys "you might be a redneck" jokes were me

In reply to No I Didn’t

@AndyRichter so sick of these strained gags,

wghen other people do jokes, they get the big buzz feed office, allowed to kiss girls,etc, but when i do it im treated like a Crook. typical

you know what. im dropping the subject and going outside to sip some cool lemonade. Enjoy your circle jerlk

look at the calender. I'm not explaining this further

its a joke you nit wits. Fuck all of you

ah ! your feeds going to blowup! loug out, quick!!

dont try to tell me it's spelled "clarence"./ i will not be april's fool

forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet

the trolls: please Followback, and also Yolo
me: HUh?? Shit for brians? Whuuuaa?? Egads. Homina Homina. Sweet Baby Crap. You're a fool

real_damn_fairly_misanthropic_red_m_and_m

if anoyne sees a blue thermos on I-95 that is a container of Stress Vomit my wife threw out of the car and i need to show it to my doctor

daily reminder to wrap your Shit in tin foil before flushing so it doesnt touch other people's shit

coax me into the toilet like a big bu g

one more. good night

auh yeah ! !!

In reply to ugly pain haver

@sequeltime might get it tomorrow i think

CLERK: Do you have your reward card
ME: Absolutely I do not. I shan't be taking money out of the hands of Best Buy using insidious exploits.

clown college is bnot a real place. it is a location imagined by trolls so they can claim that i'm from there or that i should go there.

In reply to Marlboro Jesus

@shrekpissslave the newest, shittiest one possible , owned by dick Cheney & hipsters, tweeting for pepsi bucks to promote abcs sitcom lineup

funny that s.bucks suddenly wants to talk about race right after they throw me & my 7 service dogs out of their restaurant for being White

EEEEYYYYAAAAGGGGHHHH !!!! MY ASS ....

lost in the Maze...

scrolling down my feed..lauguhing my ass off at my own trade mark "Knee Slappers", my mouth stuffed with bread making beastly noises

how do people know how big their dicks are. is there an online quiz you can take

im at the point in my life where i cant relate to any popular fictional characters unless they use massive amounts of hair gel and steriods

109 year old man attributes long life to uncircumcised dick, no vaccines,

sorry bartender. if i order the wrong beer the trolls will have a field day. lets play it safe. fiji water for me, with a Hint of pepsi

@Genericjoey i had to fix the typo since they're probably going to print this tweet in Harper's

at around 36:29 in the steve harvey fleshlight vid you can see a single tear rolling down his cheek, crying for the lost souls watching him

@kcfrodahl i should hope that people do not search "steve harvey fleshlight" after my repeated callings for the boycott of this video

the steve harvey fleshlight vid now officially has more views than the critically acclaimed masterwork "Boyhood". we can do better people

once again i will take the path of honor, i will pledge NOT to watch the steve harvey fleshlight vid, no matter how good everyone says it is

3 reasons to join the jackinf off without a condom movement:
1) Its good
2) Its free to join it
3) You dont need a condom to jack off

you see this..? *taps computer monitor with finger* this is not just a bunch of mixed up numbers and digits. this is a kingdom of Minds..

im he nice man.. who celebrates all the saints who DOnt have holidays... and not just 1 day a year.. #Bless

im a pleased as punch spoon-fed bitch and thats a bottom line

nothing like pouring a fresh bag of kitty litter down the ass crack after another liberating diarrhea shit

pplease let me join mensa. my IQ is essentially, zero, but i have very good, clean hands

all young men Must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. i will not fucking apologize or back down from this

@palsux @fart Look everyone. Im replying to this one too

In reply to jon hendren

@fart a lot of stores are selling them now

@Jaxon_Dillinger Yeah

Why am i smilin tonight fellas? Just got my hands on that new good treat to sip known only as simply "Bber".

concerned about people posting false lunches. lying about the food they ate on here. fraud meals. please start putting the receipts up

humbly Genuflecting myself before my girl followers, at the end of another red-letter sunday night on the comptuer

fuckin online fuckin idiots

hu... now im a man who likes his garlic butter.. let me tell you. in fact, im prone to saying that regular butter needs to step it up a tad,

@Regal_Seagull triscuit. beggin strips. and who can forget hamburger helper.

its true. my father owned slaves in the 1980s but he has since apologized & been forgiven with love and support. he's a nice man now.

In reply to Pre-Replacement Paul McCartney

@JoshThorne Puh?! you're dangerously close to mmy blocker's list pal

In reply to Pre-Replacement Paul McCartney

@JoshThorne Guh? my father owned slaves and was extremely poor. stop portending false nomenclature

In reply to Pre-Replacement Paul McCartney

@JoshThorne if your going to come on to here and PigeonHole the facts & embarrass your self you can go fuck off until you learn actual truth

phenomenal

the 1st rule of my twiter account is read my posts with an open mind,. the 2nd rule is the fight club rules. the 3rd rule is simply Have Fun

the other son wipes his ass too much. goes thrugh absurd amounts of tissue & has effectively thrown any respect for my household to the Dogs

my 35 year old son is howling because he clogged the toilet without using any toilet paper again. the neighborhood despises my howling boy

@respected_loner dplease promise me you will respect statues from now on

tokyo of nippon. the big apple. it is here i will forge my destiny selling printouts of my most Fucked Up posts. i sip off my beer cup & nod

do the " Macarana "? Ha. No thanks

i highly suggest using hash tag #HuckleGate if you're a Journo who wants to print my tougjh but fair opinions regarding huckle berry hound

huckleberry hound... talk about someone who needsto get his act together, pronto

judge dredd kicks the doors of the wtc mosque wide open and says "Well this looks like a big bunch of crap to me "

please hire me as an actor if any of you are filming a movie or somr shit. my forte is making extremely comical faces while being strangled

the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit

"There is something to be said for being able to bring that Wow factor., into mediums that make use of Social. Mm. Just incredible" - @ Dril

I.m taking a break from people who think it is good to make a fool of me for drama purposes. Basically dont look at my page until im not mad

sign em off log em out
log em out sign em off
sign em off log em out
Raw Hide (whip noise,)

When and Rome...

Gotta See This: tenets & facets of sears tyrannical mattress return policy ridiculed Skeptically by man with more than enough to eat at home

the bastard of downloads

you know what. im going to just come out and say it. i think that we should let the geico geckco go into hospitals & entertain the bedridden

when your feeding trough is clear of Debris.. that is the shit i like to happen

the cold damn truth of it is that all of your dads have probably owned slaves at some point. im sorry but that is just simply the true shit.

christ... just suddenlty hit with the realization that what im doing here is truly important. . thst behind each "Impression".. is a smile..

@DopeMomJeans put the damn coat on!! it's really comin down out there. Thank you for this opportunity.

please follow my dril page

need 800 more dollars to keep the unofficial "$h*! My Dad Says" tv show wiki up and running for another month, yiou fucking worthless toads,

let's leave politics in the hog pen and debate the real shit, like which 90yr old restaurant owner invented the original chicken cheesesteak

then they donate the hair to corrupt criminal organizations isntead of mixing it w/ rotten fruit & feeding it to the dogs, as wa s customary

aand barbers had such good names then too,. like "Floyd " or "Erasmus". now they have bad names like "bozo the clown" and "nazi"

back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend

In reply to Matt Landsman

Home Depot cust serv line...URGH

@MattLandsman @StarburnsInd Biber done it.

Biber done it

#ThingsIWontApologizeFor eating dog shit out of the toilet like a low down snake in the grass

im the guy who asked the baten kaitos forum if i should bring a condom to hooters

Here

basicly a sniper rifle that can switch gears and turn into a baseball bat if the situaiton demands it. an armymans ultimate tool

i was once known on youtube as Epic "PLease stop recording me" Man., now im top influencer Gary Faves, making $500 a year posting from home

my friends, theres nothing i enojy more than a capsule of beer , while tasting beer with other 18-34 year olds, at the beer store

justl had to unfollow about six people for tweeting during the official Beggin Strips Moment of Silent Reflection

please remember that im in charge of this website before you try to drag some toughguy shit all over my good page

cmon peopl now
smile on your gamers
everuybody get together
try to do good with your Gamers right now

the twilight zone episode where the guy blocks everyone on twitter and becomes startled and bewildered when no one is left to give him favs,

THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tasteless
THINGS I Like: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can

vvvvvvv U see that shit?? That`s what we call in the business "Another satisfied custoumer". Locked down.

In reply to Lydia Tár Tár Bink’s

@dril LMAO!!!!

CollegeHater: Ur arms aren't getting enough sunlight
CollegeHater: Did u use the cream I sent u
CollegeHater: Ur dead. At the flagpole. 3pm

the dress Color? (grins Intelligently at the hell about to be unleashed upon naive content consumers) its brown, because i wipe my ass of it

ISIS MAN: It's Jim from Montana... He says ISIS should "Cool it" and that we're "Crooks"
ISIS CHIEF: Damn. Were finished. Dismantle the nuke

Eatinh a 26 dollar hoagie.

Retweets Against Adam Lanza

hell no i wont wear a sleeping cap. what the fuck is that shit. how does a hat help you go to sleep. looks like, a Fools hat.

In reply to db

@dogboner No

I shoudl. Just bring back the fucking TexMexBoy shit. Thats all im good for

It didnt work. Leave it

mn

@birdbrain1989 Wow u really are a bird brain.

"If it doesn't have that ZING , it ain't Tex-Mex." - TheTexMexBoy

"You don't know Jack, unless you know Pepper Jack ." - TheTexMexBoy

"dinner portions.. for lunch? Absolutely. Absolutely." -TheTexMexBoy

"I love the name of honor, more than I fear death." -me to my boss after he found a picture of me with a big shit stain on my sweatpants

they should rename twitter .com "the dignity website", because i swell with pride when i think of the 200,000+ things ive posted on here

sylvestetr the cat: sufferin succotash! Terry Schiavo was murdered

@robdelaney my life motto is simply the words "james bond"

if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars

@greggturkington glad to see james, friend to cinema, returning to us at long last. thank you

and the final word i leave all of you pitiful cowards upon this sinful night is "Truth".. hold it clos.e.. use it.. thank you

@Harrawesome whocares. theyre both fake. everything on this fucking web site is fake

i was uninvited from the oscars for trying to sell "oscars brand bear bile" to everyone who stopped their car for me while i fake hitchhiked

oscars for exrtraordinarily subversive, insightful, online textual Musings?? unsoiled by MOneymen?? Thats what my shit particularly would be

In reply to David

@davidsexton94 Enormous

my son got on my tablet and posted something truly unworthy of the institution of oscars but i wont delete it because theyre his first words

Duty And Honor

A Man's Sense of integirty.

laying in the car, hiding firom my malicious Wife because im in trouble for buying too many toothpicks to fit into the tooth pick holder

tried to make an fps in the 90s but i only got as far as naming the difficulty levels "YA MOMMAS BOY", "PUKE" and "TURN THE GAME OFF DIPSHIT

took some pics of my new satellite dish, but im not posting them until hatred annd cynicism are eradicated

youve heard of the trail of tears, well, if the boys in the white house had their way it would be the trail of taxes, and we;d get the shaft

every one always says they would use x-ray goggles to look at womens asses and get horny and wild. Not me. I would use them to help doctors

everyone cuts their arms and legs off in the future because all you have to do is say "computer fetch me my Posts" and itll do it

Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)

if i ever accidentally posted something relatable or good enough to trick you into following this account, i truly apologize. im crying also

sand blast my damn ass or go to pig piss cop hell

@shrekpissslave I dont recall authorizing this #ff .

man encased in lethal amounts of body oil and skin bronzer preserved for thousands of year.s.. beautiful

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat an uncharacteristically cruel accusation, brandle .

1) My finger nails are clean
2) Sorry that i fucking use my hands to work for a living & dont care about finger nails
3) Peastebin incoming

In reply to Kai

@SlightlyBirds theyre not relevant .

requesting hand critiques. please be honest , but fair

if any of oyu crude boys want to come after me *room lights up revealing collection of r/c helicopters behind my outspread arms* be my guest

Ghuph,.Being called a "Bastard" on here by someone with a sexually explicit avatar is the bigguest laugh ive had on this website since 2014.

i accept all your apologies you sad mother fuckers. YOu all have a lot of work to do when it comes to critiquing my meme style. Foul animals

my good new plan is to aquire a storefront, name it "please dont come in here" and jack off inside of it, alone, until i run out of money

ready to help all cops .

question my alligence to the dod damn twitter website and get swiftly block buttoned to childish hell, nincompoopts

as a Parent.. the thought of somebody attacking my sons with some sort of weapon, is just not good to me

@shrekpissslave @kanye i just think of them, and then, i post them. it's insanely bad ass

fellas. do n't forget to do something special for that lady in your life on valentine's day! none of you deserve love

hoping for that big promotion from mounted, tormented beast to rodeo clown

doctor: i can say with absolute certainty that if you do one more weird trick youll die
me: CAPTAIN TIGER's Miracle Corn. LOok it up bastard

im a journelist now. gi;ve me free monster engery or ill Eviscerate you

my godfather died of urine poisoning while cleaning out a mcdonalds playplace tube and that's why drama makes me upset

please dont make whimsy of the popes ass while I am on-feed. ive more inportant things to do than indulge myself in hearsay of the popes ass

may the wind carry my tweets and soothte the sick, the wounded, the downtrodden of both man & beast, across the savage shit earth of trolls,

JUDGE: i'll commute 10 yrs from ur sentence if you kiss my gavel
ME: no. i will do the time i deserve and thats the truth and also nuff said

In reply to 🌚 formerly coolgothsweater

@_Hermit_Thrush_ @DryDickRando takle it to dm.. this thread,. this thread where i declare my respect for girls, is a hallowed ground

@coolgothsweater I'll Never will

im the good man whorespects his followers, i respect the artistriy of tweeting and i respect my girl followers also. nuff said dip shit

my critics say that my unconventional ass wiping techniques are no good. that i am seriously wounding my ass. that my ass is dirty. bastards

apparel,

catching a ton of flak for my "how to fuck a Cadbury egg" web log series. sorry dim wits. your dick needs to be really small for it to work

if youre looking for good movies about grease, do not watch the nmovie "grease", because you will get swindled

sometimes i think thnings would be easier if i would just bite the bullet and relinquish my real name for my meme name, "epic Couch Bitch"

shocking: "racism is the light of my soul. racism is the air that i breathe, and racism is what i like." -RacismMario @cnn @msnbc @foxnews

pass the savings onto me mother fucker

Q: Dear @Dril, friend to all online. Do Good people die?
A: Good people absolutely do not die, and you have bveen blocked for asking me this

# i will never bring dishonuor to the web by lowering my self to the point of placating the lowest common denominator witht "Joke" or "Gags"

dr phil disciplines 2 year old toddler demon hog with cow boy boots live on crackle

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
<<<<< The Web Site Of Rat People >>>>>>
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I'll nmever click on anything. Never

marked for death after lays used my idea for steroid flavored potato chip and put my god damn name and location on the bag

i just hacked into the church and made god REal

In reply to ret

@rad_milk disloyal. beasts

im still noob after all these years, after 20 years of the computer im still noob, unbelievable

@respected_loner i get the ref. please retweet me getting the ref

the secret fruit that oprah eat`s to become more psychic can now be ordered "ONLINE"

for my money.. nothin hits the spot quite like Food, or Drink

(in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me

favorite crood haver , online now

thte content man fails once again, and walks home to get trash talked by his 34-year old son who refuses to eat anything without ketchup

like this if youre one of the 3% of teens who remembers when music was just guys saying "my name is kid rock" over and over

becoming a meme after confessing that i left my gf at a 5 star restaurant to spray my dick with compressed air taught me the pain of Slavery

cyber bullied at k mart

ill come on to the computer when i damn like to, and ill post what i damn want to, and thats the facts of it

my style https://vine.co/v/Ot2lX633gBU

@69tane you got it, from the mirror

on March 14th 2011, user "AIDS_Wanter" maliciously paraphrased my alt-luit witticism regarding birdseed which turns into birds, when planted

@McDonalds #AmexMcDs.

TIME: Why arent you live tweeting the big game. Why
ME: id never forgive myself if i killed someone by pushing vital info off of their feed.

In reply to Plankfan

@Plankfan thats the worst bowl. the dogs shit everywhere and the referee makes like its a joke. its not a joke its disgusting.

@rigamarock @respected_loner only a post has the power to make you laugh.. or cry.. or even smile. thats the official quote of me

im NOT going to live tweet the damn super ball game, and im NOT going to respond to any DMs asking why. i care about the integrity of Feeds

In reply to Man from Homs

@respected_loner the reason people cant come together and post compliments about each others posts is because theyre scum, just 0% of value

@jrindyk your looking at 9.11

In reply to jon hendren

@fart get the hell to crap

In reply to Man from Homs

@jrindyk Fuck to hell

looking to get on some rowdy boys bad sides tonight mother fucker.

sex worship i;s a mental condition that is worse than liking the super bowl

In reply to Scum O'Cide

@cide_o twittetr should recommend. a bath

the professional youtube reaction man who pays me $3 an hour to scrawl his account name on the walls of womens toilets just died of cholera

aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals

DICK DOCTOR: have you been using protection
ME: yes. i put an entire towel in my ass

seems like nowadays are more like nowadays than they were thenadays and thenadays were less like nowadays than they were thenadays, nowadays

in talks with twitter execs to make my account unblockable, and also Worse

In reply to tom “boris” o’blivion

@tsayvs bite my shiny metal

glue man here, poking in to this site. big glue guy. just seeking atlanta house wife, miss Right Lady, to Glue me, to the glue

just enjoying a noticable uptick in Favs and Followeres ever since my sworn enemy, Osama bin Laden, was brutally murdered in his rumpus room

to my hawaiian pen pal from like 4th grade; sorry for sending you a pinecone. if someone sent me a pine cone in the mail i'd beat their ass

In reply to @CyberBrian69

@HairySkeletor @Mike_Bianchi @_Hermit_Thrush_ eat shit mother fucker!!! **throwing massive amounts of cash* art is dead bjtch!!! art is dead

ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote's son
FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level
AGAINST: one of them is a dog

appreciating every post online is akin to acquainting oneself w/ each earthly grain of sand..and i absolutely intend to do both these things

like i always say; sewage is just shit in a pipe

big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it

another Twisted observation—Where the fuck does cinnamon come from. it just appears on food sometimes. Do people buy it at the store or what

@nataliejmooney @GwynethPaltrow one thumb up. good

ap,.

Ha ha ha its me. It's me. Yeah, good jok.e. No

@_Hermit_Thrush_ but i suppose people could indeed misconstrue that one quote unironically. ill consider that when composing my next piece

@_Hermit_Thrush_ assume in this scenario that i have lungs,. and am able to breathe the oxygen required to yell at the actors about wi-fi

@_Hermit_Thrush_ of performances, including b ut not limited to tragedies, comedies, recitals, speeches, and concerts? it's also naive to

@_Hermit_Thrush_ on another note,. why undersell the establishment as an "opera house" when it could certainly be used to host all manner

@_Hermit_Thrush_ my ass is out?? out of where? i cant shit? or i wont shit? was i psosibly referring to the mezzanine instead of the balcony

@_Hermit_Thrush_ i thougt this quote you've selected was pretty self explanatory, and perhaps the least objectionable aspect of the tweet;

my ass is out again,. this time at the opera house. "no wifi!! turn on the wifi!!" i yell from the balcony. im trying to shit but i cant

In reply to The Ape Healer with Lessons to Share with Man

@dril isaid comments off mother fucker and i mean it!

Comments off until the children go to bed.

hakuna mycoffee. .. #Understandable

In reply to Ben Avery

@BenCravery im not allowed to comment on anything without the poermission of Conde Nast and Barqs Root Beer

shocking wiki leak #WikiLeaks #ObamaChewingGum

Clown Disregarder

@whatitdoux me when i get fuckin unfollowed on this site !!!!!!!!!

me when theres not enoujgh fuckin coffee or beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

looking to spice up my marriage with pg13 comedies about camping

@tetradugenica Never

In reply to the it getter

@pimetarado @nikki_walker413 this guy knows the shit

Shut the fuck up abuot Greece

In reply to Duncan I. Dunno

@DuncanIdunno the dunkin donuts era

Thank you to all USERs who have engaged my web space regarding Super Bowl. You have increased the Social Power of myself and the NFL forever

hey now, its super bowl

congress passes law to make every character in every show go to jail on the final episode like in seinfeld

im somewhat a bit of an expert on *looks around cautiously* girls, as i have convinced many of them to beat the shit out of me on craig list

follow for upcomming movies updates

Hoammm,so sleepy

wiping out an entire archaeological site by drifting in my 1500-ton big rig truck with "piss up my ass bitch boy" on the side in neon lights

nuke obtained by renegade AssFreak

In reply to Fullmetal Rat Beast

@Helixase @trellar sorry

@Helixase @trellar its me

Thank you for your time, Elon. I know youre very busy but I appreciate you coming onto my feed.

elon: the tesla milker will run by taking ordinary chemtrails out of the air and tuirning them into, milk
me: wow. Tastes great. Ha ha ha

enjoying a conversation with my friend elan musk,.

im sorry for claiming i was going to "flip the script" on dry rub barbeque. that was wildly irresponsible of me

U would be superbly fucking remiss to not click on my link of top 10 reasons that Vuvuzela s are The Dog's bollocks

@collatingbones2 dont its important

In reply to crow flew away with my house and car keys

@AspieThud i feel obligated to inform you i have a normal looking man's face, and i only have one of them

In reply to @lavender_burps

@darsh5001 watching simpy slide up the fireman pole

some times.. i need my coffee fix so bad.. i gotta grab TWO mugs!! Im the mockery of all my co-workers and i fucking suck

watching stimpy slide up the fireman pole traumatized me and made me want to become a united state marines

the News;
- death cured; immortality real
-on-line ghoul given plaque; recognized as "loudest human alive"
- bird infiltrates macaroni grill

im the guy who is famous at the hospital because i had to have two catheters put in since i piss so much

In reply to Steven Knight

@steveyknight i say that, let the MOds decide. i trust their decision and i will not attempt to sway them one way or the other.

In reply to FE80::1

@colin_labk i would have to say that, given the option, id take the blue check mark. i would sacrifice my indie status for that privilege

i just talked to all of my celeb friends on this site and they told me that the blue checkmark is good to have. personally, i believe them.,

please help me to obtain my fair share of royalties from the video " caterwauling jack ass shot with cannon '", which is now viral with hits

YES !! YES ! PULLOVER

another stir-up at the office when relatably handsome professional refuses to remove sticker from khakis that says "my other pants is jeans"

pplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason

In reply to @m2qm1g

@m2qm1g yeah im one

the american sniper murders 8 people with one bullet 2000miles away from a beach chair in hawaii, winks at the camera and says "Its A Livin"

4k tech will enable the viewer to see my dick hole fully accentuated through my jeans as the media hunts me down in a carrabba`s parking lot

5 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the "Peck cam" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist

people enjoying a meal outdoors., disgusting. horrible. inadvisable

In reply to Shane Leavitt

@shaneleavitt good, you cant see this then

*steps up to mic; booed immediately* geico commericals are tthis generation's pink floyd **boos get louder** can anyone help me find my car

everyones always using selfie sticks these days instead of attending lectures about string theory and shit and im so mad i could crank off

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario go ahead and have your precious "laugh". just know that little guiy has saved my life countless times

wow theyrre releasing more of these already

get the fuck out tof there!! get the fuck out of there you god damn idiot!! asshole!! i need that oil!! i need oil!!

someone please verify rumor that petsmart is turning all animals loose (lizards snakes rats dogs) because of the scoundrel obama care

im pretty sure the neightbors can hear my keyboard clicking at 4am and thats why they throw chemicals at me

truthfully, i do believe that, now thatm the gas prices are low, i think that theres going to be a lot less BULL S#!T on the commute !!

@NancyGraceHLN my 2 year old son is drawing swastikas everywhere after seeing a toddler smoke weed on your show. thanks #Irresponsible

In reply to @PriscillaLajza

@PriscillaLajza warm pics every day

id love to be 1 of those purple espn guys who puts boulders on descending columns but id probly get all sorts of penut gallery comments here

@stephenhebs thank ytou for the Fav

jack`s off to the super bowl for business, jack`s off to the bitter beer face commercials for pleasure

im sorry for getting bonnaroo 2015 cancelled b/c i used the hashtag to ask ppl to put teeth in my ass. but im Not sorry for defeating trolls

@tjdru @IndianaPopovich @jzxpl thank you for putting these kind thoughts underneath my flawless posts

In reply to @maslcws

@iainyoungfans the jail part

In reply to hey it's me indy

@IndianaPopovich @jzxpl no. this is just a nice thing for me

@pokthepenguin i would love to speak out against jokes twitter.. but im afriad.. i dont have the strenght...

WOw. Sorry. Like i give a shit. Wiseguys on here

@Deck_Plate be very nice

i mostly just need help getting the teeth. i can handle pouring them into my ass by myself #ParksPremiere

some one help me put hundreds of human teeth into my ass hole #bonnaroo2015

pour teeth into my ass #SpyMovie

top me off, beer man. here's to bottoms up **gets kicked out of the fucking establishment for putting my dirty coat on the bar*

in honorable protest, i will abuse my ass cheeks with radio waves until the Olympics forces all of the swimmers to wear shirts

isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta!
me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you.

folks it's me, the guy who said that hit & run drivers are actually good on a blog once. anyway I want to get on CNN again so please retweet

looking at Mars Bar

In reply to @BrooklynJuggler

@BrooklynJuggler i do actually this

@NeutronDre waiting for the ma mas out there to put all the little trolls to bed so i can post controversial material without repercussion

@dethgrpz " dont forget to fav and retweet . always always "

In reply to conor tripler hankinson

@ConorTripler crap off wise guy

In reply to Normal Type Guy

@respected_loner you forgot the worst disease of all which is. star bucks. fucked up , but brutally truthful

did we end sars yet. good job every one, if we did

not ashame.d of my posts. my messages help people

if you have a problem with my mouth, i'll be swniging a sledgehammer in circles outdoors for the rest of my life, so come try do crap to me.

REAL REAL REAL "The @Dril Drafts Folder: See it BEFORE he says it" take a L@@k #ForbiddenContent

seems to me. like, well, these days, people are more interested in Instagram , than telegrams, which are better because theyre the first one

@justin_m_martin this is bunk. this is low

im the guy in the incognito browser icon who jacks off wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses

me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back
9 year old child: Fuck oyu

does anyone else think that @DigimonOtis has been going downhill lately.? wouldnt be surprised if he sold his account to some reddit guy.

In reply to (go to the elephant site)

@hoverbird @DigimonOtis i dont like him

In reply to @HEILVINCE

@H0L0C4U5T my opinion is good because im nice

that last psot was damn good enough to count as the 12th day of content if i say so my self. #The12DaysOfContent

(struggling))ok i figured it out: all opinions are good, except for the opinions that say other peoples opinions are bad, because thats rude

watch the first 45 minutes of the film, read the entire beeteljuice manga, then watch the rest of the film, or fucko ff

heed my words ,cyberfilth, i may bvery well be a thirty eight yr old kindergartner, but im fairly average when it comes to eating female ass

eat shit , jc penney skeptics

In reply to Steven Knight

@steveyknight at least 1 ,000

proudly announcing to the barber shop that i got through my entire haircut without screaming or touching my dick underneath the smock

and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which im Beavis
are the best ive ever had

NÃOGOSTADEMIM
---——-/´¯/)——--(\¯`\
———/—//———--\\—\
——--/—//————-\\—\
—-/´¯/—/´¯\———/¯`\—\¯`\
-/-/--/—/—/-|_—-_|-\---\—\—\-\ -

#The12DaysOfContent theyre back boys. the good posts i used to make when iw as an Indie account. the Classics series,

your video "stuart little: Why I dont buy it" has been removed due to hate speech against islam and pepsi

@digitalsqand please be mature about this subject

i feel like getting shot would;nt be that bad if you knew how to properly "body spin " away from the bullet or slap it away with your hand

somebody please haul my ass to the ultimate breast worship championship's. i made the top 16 bracket and my car was impounded, due to lice

#the12daysofcontent thank s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4QD71Gncvs

In reply to Brendan O'Hare

Sometimes I like to get in my car and see where it takes me. Tonight it's @PeiWei

hipster.kiss my usa ass

@brendohare absolutely, and i wont get into heaven until everybody on this site unblocks me

im not cut out to be a content producer!! fuck thtis!! i want to go back to just looking at everyone else's content and nodding if its good

#The12DaysOfContent making these is as torturous as every concentration camp combined, including hell, which god made

unbelievable. another muffler man statue had its big plastic jeans stolen late in the night, whjile i was busy having an alibi at my house

do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel

ME: when committing to a project like "the 12 days", you are forced to bear your soul to countless vicious cannibals
GQ: crhist. its true

In reply to scorpion emperor

@imscum there is no meme i have not looked at.

next year itll be the 3 days of content or something. i cant handle 12 whole days on top of stress & trouble brought to me by gimmick memers

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer im losing hundreds of dollars per post but the economy will improve soon

#The12DaysOfContent somone tell me what day im on please because i lost count

@AulisVaara your taking my post out of contexts, but yes

i am the damn good boy who always gets his dinner egg

i pour my Blood into my tweets, and seeing all these random 4chan reddit Monkey Cheese tumblr teens get more favs than me is the great 9/11,

In reply to Tim Hortons

@TimHortons http://starfox64.baldninja.com/wav/fox-ahhh.wav

searching for bastards .

you see; most of the piss were exposed to in our day-to-day lives is immediately diluted by toilet water. pure piss is a monster all its own

shit head with hog DNA takes cardboard pennzoil display hostage

In reply to ''Steve''

@extranapkins you might as well flush your toilet down the toilet as well, if youre using it to flush money down

im delighted to see that people are waking up to the fact that Masturbation is fraud, and turns all of the T in your body into germs

just call me george watchington. beucase im watching tons of nice shit appear on my computer screen

#The12DaysOfContent im sorry again

#The12DaysOfContent here comes baby new year . . .

my 2015 new years resolutions is to go to hell less often, and raise $99 by selling stolen mulch to buy my account back from lockheed martin

just keep on, pulling that old Chain #The12DaysOfContent

In reply to dracula_ebooks

@STREETFlGHTERII im going to have to post it at least one more time so the late night crowd can see

What if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate.

what if the guy who jumped over the white house fence thought it was the gamer gate

ah (sees the good low gas price while driving, spit takes hot coffee all over dick & the sharp, sudden stimulus causes me to ejaculate) okay

(crawling out of rocks in dystopian future where all the good posts have already been made) uehh.. im the big.. denim.. sock loop(??).. man

#The12DaysOfContent #AmericanSniper

@dril oops im owned ,fav thi s one instead

de blasio is jackin off in public and none of the cops are looking at him... the perfect crime....

goign to new york disguised as the Mayor so when the cops turn their back on me i can jack off

actually the barf bags on airplanes are for shitting in. they call them barf bags because thats gross to some people

theyre probably going to show my dick on cnn soon. hopefully on split screen with some dick expert from minnesota saying how normal it looks

after muchf bullshit, screaming arguments, i have finally procured the $80 usd necessary to begin development on the face book of gamer.

JAILBIRD: Whatre u in for
CROOK: I headbutted an ambulance
JAILBIRD: Hm., Thats good. Well bye
CROOK: Bye. Thank you

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM klout was supposed ot send me a bottle of spices but they didnt

@JakeKomara the thursday nite rant is murdered by me for being a source of tyranny in my life

In reply to DJ YouTube Autoplay

@AnimeSandwich Yeauh, no.

and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.

know what. im not fucking sorry. the "12 days" project has been fairly solid thus far. as if the shit you people post is better?? get fucked

Im sorry that the 12 days of content feature isnt as good as I planned it to be. I will try to to better of it, in the remaining days. -Dril

In reply to Michael Bolt-Ons

@dril my reasoning behind this content is that theres a large version of the mask and a tiny version of him as well. something for everybody

@scraeming suck it bigtime champ

my follower count nosedives dramatically each time i do this but #The12DaysOfContent must continue

(ccrying) its jst not good. nothing online is good. we will ne ver top 1999's "monicka lewinsky craping" vid from back when jokes were legal

yeah , just take this big metal trash can ive strapped to my dick off and just spray piss everywhere. just take it off. great idea fuck face

#The12DaysOfContent

#ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear always Handsome gamer #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear loud but Nice #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear COrdial, and unafraid

In reply to Brian

@Brian__Leo i looked at the keyboard and there isnt one

invoke my big ass with satan noises or go home

im like a mean old Rattler rwho types on the keyboard by repeatedly striking it with my poisonous mouth and teeth, and youre.. the dead guy,

Bog Off, Fuckazoid. Im Cramming Packets Beyond Digital Light Speed ,Injecting Pure Fire Into The Blogomedia SuperFrame For The God Damn Lord

In reply to Milk-Bone

@MilkBone milk bone is 666

#The12DaysOfContent

beginning tomorrow .. for #The12DaysOfContent... that's twelve days of top-shelf posts just in time for santa.. as a "Thank You" to the boys

may god help you if you trip your feet against my handsome bulk while i am sitting on the floor looking at Depression things on my tablet pc

@sus_as_hell well, its very good that you did that, and i hope your family members consider giving me a follow even it made them mad

thank you,

tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles

i will not post on xmas day out of reverence for the lord christ. that is only. my opinion, and if youre going to kill me for it, thats fine

absolutely read some of my god damn tweets while opening gifts with loved ones at the tree tomorrow & bring CULUTRE to this ass of a holiday

i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed

it ius abundantly clear that my entire online presence is like a big toilet shaped pinata that people bludgeon with sticks & take shits into

In reply to @Coregan

@Coregan i wont fuck off

In reply to Lydia Tár Tár Bink’s

@robdelaney this is superbly against all laws

buddy youre ten pounds of shit in a ten pound bag, of shit

Saying you want to put your dick in the keebler elf house is one of the fucked up things i will block U the mostly for .

@_Hermit_Thrush_ i should not have to press 2 for a male ass. this is america

upgrade my ass to a human's ass

sometimes i love to be able to want to be the man who is able to want to need to have his wants and needs able to be fulfilled sometimes

please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain,

https://twitter.com/karlcompton this short online exchange between Karl and his friend wayne hooter might just,. chane your life

change your godgdamn name clown @WayneHooter

i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir

i agree with all party `s involved

In reply to Ryan Gosweed

@daze_gaze @yerpalmildsauce Me to, and, cheers.

In reply to Ryan Gosweed

@daze_gaze @yerpalmildsauce every one in that convo is dumber than rats shit & my posts wer terrible long before it became popular to say so

In reply to DURIAN BEAST

@kwwrr @hambeef looks like lunch is for me today

the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up

In reply to Funny Joke (parody)

@dril Follow @freshcooltwit &Ikut #UndianPSM berhadiah gadget.Cek
primasolusimedikal•com *97

#WorstDateIn5Words i tune

@DougLipson your snl

#WorstDateIn5words a bunvch of blades arranged to spell out" 9/11". the worst date, in swords

Let's cut the crap—regarding iTunes. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like you gotta be from NASA just to get half these features to work.

(in perfect astronnaut voice) bleep bloop even I cant figure out how to use damn itunes and im from Nasa

heads up hotshot. gonna drop two fuckin cents on this fuckin itunes. yeah you gotta be a fuckin nasa astronaut to use this shit. yea alright

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN funny you should ask. im actually having a lot of problems getting it to do just that. its like you got to join nasa to learn how

i gotta tell you, itunes is running me ragged. i reckon it would require the expertise of a NASA astronaut to operate this infernal program.

ME: itunes, play some sinatra
ITUNES: Youre not authorized to operate itunes. Please insert NASA identification
ME: what hath ,been wrought!

folks let me tell you about the content platform known as "itunes". its so poorly conceived its even got nasas top men scratchin their heads

some times I have a hard time playing my favorite songs on itunes, and I wish I had my astronaut's degree from nasa to help me play it !!

itunes has more buttons & clickers than a space rocket, its like you got to be an astronaut from nasa to use it and not a normal man as I am

the itunes program is so complicated its like you gotta have a degree from nasa just to play sweet home Alabama.

itunes.. what a mix-up. its like you gotta be a NASA astronaut just to work this thing

In reply to @vegetablefarmer

@vegetablefarmer i dont care about "get laid". i want my tweets to inspire girls to have dewep and meaningful relationships with me

GIRL 1: only 25% of @dril's followers are female. lets get that to 100% by 2015
GIRL 2: I agree

dear horseshoe crab,: you are neither of those things, and yyou look like a damn rat in a hat

yes,. i;m the guy who eats handfuls of salt to dry myself up so i never have to wipe my ass, and yes, there are several wars declared at me

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM im going to pin you to the wall by th neck with my damn rifle

In reply to .

@pussyotoole blatant disrespect. no fav.

@eroticdelivery who let this guy type under my post

NET PERVERSION >>>>> BAD <<<<<< MURDER
^
NEW LIGHT BULBS

the usd dollar will explode into complete dust next year . pelase strongly consider growing an apple garden

In reply to Adam Steinbaugh

@adamsteinbaugh WuUoohoah thats so good. not. the colors are all wrong, and if you look up close the cards are all fucked up looking also.

the dogs playing poker painting is ranom wacky bullshit, it is now considered not good by me, and i have made the decision to not look at it

mister one million dollars

@VJ_Ostrowski Thank you. Im glad that youre one of the people on here with a real brain who understands this.

im going to close my account for uhhh 90 seconds until yyou fucking people learn how to engage content creators in a meaningful handsome way

In reply to #1 ''The Verve'' fan account 🖕😎🖕

@SplendaCowboy Its not the aids quilt now. Its a regular quilt

Fuck off. Thats in poor of taste RT @SplendaCowboy GUess its The AIDS quilt now

well im sad to announce that the meme quilt project has been cancelled. someone has already jacked off on it instead of adding their patch

makimg a Meme Quilt, where we send a quilt all over the world & each person adds a patch featuring their favorite online meme . a bit of fun

paper towel ?? Huzzat ?? is it a paper or a towel. more to come

FRONT: If u dont like the posts
BACK: Get out of the kitchin

im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth

thank you inventor of bibs. every one else, off a cliff

i put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like "oh tortures bad","its ineffective" fuck off

@jvnk_ messages like this; i dont even look at it. i dont look at it

once agian the posts sent to me by screwball accounts have caused me to spit up and defile my big belt buckle which contains my son's ashes

In reply to Michael Steeber

@MichaelSteeber be Quiet

@Paddy_Panic Fuck you

In reply to jon hendren

@fart I can confirm absolutely that filmmaker George Lucas is bringing our dear star wars back to us.

Star wars is back baby . . . Confirmed by @Dril

In reply to nursultan tulyakbay

@respected_loner Are u done? Have u made your point? Hm?

i challenge us all to experience one another in a greater over all sense of adult maturity, in the year two thousand of fifteen, next year.

concerning my messages on here: typically pretty good id say. if theyre bad its because i have a life instead of thinking of crap to upload.

this. this fauil. fail this

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN thats a good vehicle to be trapped in for eternity i think

ijust had to block like 3 people for using the word "gargle" as a noun

i can only save one

In reply to bug_deal

@bug_deal the sattire is lamentable and gross. theyre doing bad of it

@_katvondemon nobodyd on here is capable of talking to me like a normal goddamn human because theyre pricks and dimwits with incest

@boortzum @Coffinsyrup69 @swimming_baby @nataliejmooney I said its fine

@_Hermit_Thrush_ @swimming_baby @nataliejmooney being 0 inch tall keeps the judgementle shallow people away so its fine.

im the dumb mother fucker who sucks on my computer monitro like one of those aquarium fish; to bond with ceelbs, brands, trends, what have u

@nataliejmooney im 0 inch tall and its fine.

im the dumb mother fucker who uses a dessert fork to cut up my spaghetti

im the dumb mother fucker who has permanently fucked up abs from wearing a pair of suspenders backwards for three days straight

im the Dumb motherfucker who holds a 21 gun salute in honor of pizza huts old brand on the quake server & fails to get the boys to cooperate

im the dumb mother fucker who puts the ice in after the drink and calls the soda fountain a "bastard" when it splashes at me

it will be good for all of us when i shorten my name from "the ebay boy" to "eboy"

i feel a good balance of nice energy & rude energy cioming through the monitor at me, and i think i will stay online for about 3 more hours.

hte shit people type at me "Yap yap yap"

my ass cheeks have two giant finger nails

me & the booys are riffing on 78 hours of stolen walgreens security cam footage. this guy on here just bought a toilet brush. bitch!! bitch!

i msay be woefully ignorant, but at least im good at justifying my existence with trite remarks

CELEB: Love that Moolah baby
ME: Did u see that shit. Did u see that shit. He called it moolah instead of money. God damn! Only in hollywood

the sheriff has ordered me to return the "Helpful Boy Award" i earned at age 8 after seeing me at the local swimming pool begging for towels

In reply to @3939keys

@Favstar_NSFW thank you favstar nsfw.

SCOTT PETERSON: i unfollowed you in 2011 and your shit gets retweeted into my feed constantly. it sucks
ME: I apologize sir!! I've fucked up

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[please let Miley join the USMC]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[She will do good]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

hoagie prreserved in peat bog for 30 years - "It's Still Food" - "Oh it's nice"

targeted advertiosng helps me connect with the Brands I Need

ridiculous to believe that someone would risk the careers of themselves & their colleagues to put a secret ass in the trailer of a starwars.

again i've been asked to comment on the hidden ass in the new star wars trailer. it's time to put this cowardly rumor to rest. theres no ass

as the authority on being tge guru of tech, i think that, "searchs", are going to be an important part of web life, in the year 2015

herees what I say to those who think im having a goof on here (presses button on wristwatch & tiny pair of shades launches onto face) im Not

diseased hogs pissimg everywhere but the toilet. wads of hair covered in piss and smashed into the floor #SponsoredContent

(cop inspecting his new body cam with huge pepperoni fingers) what the fuck is htis. where do i pack the ammo. is this a new type of grenade

threres a rumor master chief will take off his mask and reveal hes the btk killer.. do not do this.. it would be disrespectful to halo

"Give me an App that will make me say, 'Wow'" "Apps will help us in our lives" "An App is always just a download away" some good app quotes

are you having a crap of me mate?? Are you, having a crap of me mate

christ.. ive done it again.. ive posted the absolute good truth shit that every1 has been waiting to hear in this sea of lying crap nonsense

ive made an arrangement with the casino. im allowed to yell at the slot machines now, but only if i actually put money in them first

its not normal to get on here and post fake joke shit when the rockefellers, the carnegies , theyre all reading it. theyre scrutinizing it

ijust had one Hell of a steak dinner. i wont post specifics regarding the dinner due to trolls but i would like to get this viral please.,

stare directly into the sun For Free #blackfridaydeals

i just left an enormous pile of vomit behind golds gym for all of you abominable pig clowns to pick at #blackfridaydeals

thats one small Ass for a man,. one tiny jeans for man kind

my intense belief: you should not be eligible for the presidency of the United States until you are at least 89 years old

my friend nasdaq_oscar says they just let all the pardoned turkeys run around the white house and shit on the carpet. disgrace to the office

my big sons have made a mess of the garage again after being riled up by the good word of the Lord

jeopardy should give the contestants guns and make them shoot the categories. i think that this would improve the image of the guns brand

if youre not a fellow big time social buzz blog appreciateor then spare me thhe wretched crap of the bullshit

the essential, Male Ass

NO I WILL NOT USE MY BRAND NEW 3D PRINTER TO PRINT OUT "A PICTURE OF RATS". PLEASE SUGGEST SOMETHING GOOD, LIKE CUSTOM MONOPOLY PIECES

all gags and assorted banter aside though I will in fact be shooting the thanksgiving turkey with a gun instead of eating it this year .

cant wiat to see what devilish thanksgiving scenarios me and the boys of twitter can conjure up. "The turkey was taken by spiders? ? Whua??"

all ladys need to shut off the god dam soap operas and put on the vids of me smoking a pipe that ive painted to look like a nascar

slobber, by definition, can only come from a mouth. anyone claiming to slobber out of their ass is a liar and possibly a scammer

im sorry to everyone who has ever wanted me to apologize to them for something, and im sorry for apologizing tio you if you didnt need me to

[kOaLa_Releasez_Prezentz]gilligans_island_theme(Tap_That_Ass_Mix_2007)by_DJ_arbys(Deceased)_uploaded_by_Vect0rman.mp3.zip

((sends yoyu an unsolicited 20 image sequence of me morphing into a neopet) i can take u... closer

im moving to israel, where the boys are nice, as soon as i get confirmation that they use the same kind of toilet paper that we use here

"big craps are good". never have is een such a foolhardy sentiment expressed on here. "Big craps are good". Absurd. The words make no sense

every morning i pick up the local paper and read the latest condemnations about my rinky-dink, slipshod Ass & my child-like shoulder blades

hidden camera prank doctor: we got your xrays back. Looks like your brain has been replaced by bugs
me (oblivious): please let me g go home

alRight. no filter. i think that, igf you are a bird, and you get run over by a car, you absolutely need to get your god damn act together

id absolutely love to move to LA with my model g.friend & start my film career, but all my pre-orders at game stop would certainly be fucked

my garbage family is staging an intervention or something for me because i forgot what its called when people have a chin made out of hair

in social media blunders: i post a pic of my new watch without realizing all of my credit card numbers and dick and prolapsed ass are visibl

my rig tower is full of shit parts because i spent all my money on a mouse pad with a screaming human face ionside of it

In reply to Dan O'Sullivan (👻 NOW *LIVE* ON GHOST 👻 )

@NickyHilton THE EARTH GOT TWENTY YEARS LEFT.THEN DIES.THE HISTROY CHANNEL THE DEVIL S GRAVE YARD.

fbi agents are hiding theur guns in toilets so they can arrest you for shitting on government property. do not be fooled by this dirty trick

@ohwowhi TTNR was sponsored by shitty ruby tuesday, which led ultimately to its downfall. Boy's Thought's is sponsored by salem cigarettes

@Bro_Pair Q4 2016

im starting a new feature on my feed called "Boy's Thought's" where I just riff on the things of day to day life and maybe some surprises to

whats in my cup today? why its that old stand-by known as "beer" folks . thank you for reading it

i nneed constant 24/7 stream of memes and jokes about coffee being good to prove to myself im not living in rthe Fucking matrix

In reply to joe м

@dr_pizza_MD that's certainly a numnber

once agAin going "Ape" over controversial Classic rock opinions at the super market while my asain gf pushes me around in a shopping cart

someone needs to tell "TimOnline" that his username fucking sucks

there is so much rigamarole and legal B.S. involved around mnaking a comedy central roast of digimonotis that it's almost not even worth it

in the latest effort to distance myself from "Whacky" ;, "Random" bull shit, i will be changing my name from VolleyballCraig to NormalCraig,

things 90s boys remember: vision of themselves in the future being violently ripped apart by unknown energy. that board game thats in a mall

its decided. tomorrow morning im going to speak with the priest after his sermon and ask him to perform the ritual that will turn me athist.

my t-shirts no longer have humorous slogans on them, their purpose now is to display pitiful appeals begging people not to piss on me

((SPILLING BLOOD ALL OVER KEYBOARD) THIS IS WHAT U WANT. THIS IS WHAT U FUCKING BASTARDS WANT RIGHT
(1 WEEK LATER)
WHY ARE THE KEYS STICKING

mmy monitor flashed before me in dazzling light. for 1 brief moment, I saw every Celeb at once, the good 1s, the bad 1s, crying, jsut crying

originally wanted to keep silent about the "elmer fudd's dick" issue, but BMXWalter's objectionable dickless fudd theory has forced my hand,

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef
ºO•❤•.¸✿¸.•❤•.❀•.Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Perfect Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ.•❀.•❤•.¸✿¸.•❤•Oº

in response to allegations that i have beneficial forms of bacteria housed in my digestive tract: 1) Thayt's fucking disgusting 2) I don't

im going to jack off to the comet instead of the ass because im nice

doctor: you have a hoof growing in your brain. like a goat's hoof. its horrifying, unprecedented & fatal
me: is it true they do 420 in hhere

thw man who killed bin laden... angel or demon

@LetsFunHans do not talk of this on here

In reply to this app sucks now find me on IG

@devinwzrd college boy . . . woop woop woop

lime and pear is the same "Lime & Pear: Same Fruit" (they are the same) #LimeAndPearTheSame // Opinion: Limes are no different from pears

[transfer of pug_dog_Spectacularly_gored_by_bull.flv completed]
oops. sorry. that's the wrong one. here
[transferring lime.jpg]

i know how to get on all my favorite site`s.

in the nice days, the paper boy would hand deliver the newspaper to its subscriber. now he throws it at my dick and murders me every time

ass ointment seeping through the top of my perilously tight jeans leaving unsightly horizontal stripes on the sofa #Supernatural200thEpisode

as this website's foremost broken human being, id like to annoucne that oysters make me mad now, for some reason

me: let's just say if ur a child who suffocated in a plastic bag, my next rant might just rock your socks off
buzzfeed: Splendid. Phenomenal

In reply to wolf pupy

@wolfpupy the grenades man doesn't believe in girlfriends

" big-ears bastard ruins another opera after being flung off the balcony by marines "

a good bad -ass thing would be a criminal who throws lots of hand grenades and kisses them each time. they could use this in agent of shield

In reply to Sam Frank

@anecdoted Please Dont

congress: youre so good at saying the truthful things in a handsome way. we need you
me: Wheres bigfoot. Assholes

congress: it would be an honor to let you join Congress
me: absolutely no. it'd be a disservice to my followers to join the bastard congress

In reply to Granville Content (real)

@adamgyoung because im a pig in the zoo

THe,yre going to stop, making twinkies soon. Buy lots of ammo and leather

i want anonymous and police to join forces against the mayor and allow me to have a big pile of dirty towels rot the floorboards in my house

the US army sent my police departmet 100000 hideous robot arms to rip off citizens' heads but heres the thing, we only need like 500 of them

open up thhis portable crapper citizen. im police and im on a crook search. stand down stand down

to counter-act the terrible "ISIS", im starting my own group called "NICEis". what we do is give retweets & faves to the hopelessly decrepit

sorry boys.. im goin A.W.O.L.. !!! Another Weekend On-Line

@obamacare69 its almost to good, i think

@obamacare69 i plan on going to do it.

the pinheads at the post office are all down there whooping it up with my good car mags instead of delivering them to my tent in the desret

@weird_drugs BLu8rehgh kiss my fuckin ass jack off Numbnuts prick

i love ggetting hazed so i can gain access into this exclusive club of people who have been forced to eat dog shit

they were goign to preserve my brain but they decided it would be a waste of a jar. they instead used the jar to store a massive piss sample

once i get the brand surgry i expect dairy queen to come crawling back. to give me back my job of saying "dariy queen rules" for $0.01 an hr

i;m now getting surgery to completely become a Brand. all bothersome human elements (ability to get mad, go to toilet, etc) will be, removed

Have u ever wanted to Kick someone's ass on here so bad but don't do it because you will die if youre exposed to clouds

sttop sending me aprilfools. its not April

the last indie twitter acocunt. ..yeah thats me

i was given a purple heart for being the fox executive who invented the 3d football robot & made homer stop showing his ass on the simpsons

a cement truck pouring its load on a bare ass nude man lying face down while people sing happy birthday to him

(reading my latest death threat ) "from the desk of DigimonOtis..." this is bullshit. digimonotis has never owned a desk

WHEN IT IS TIME FOR ME TO BE QUIET, I AM EASILY FOOLED BY THE FAKE RUBBER NIPPLE OF A PACIFIER. I THINK THAT IM GETTING MILK OUT OF THE DEAL

if u follow me. ..and ur display name is "bazinga man".. you had better FUCking be the real bazinga man before I unscrew youre head & SHIT D

as hte real life #AlexFromTarget, i'd like to thank you all for liking the picture of me,aand announce my support for president jeb bush2016

"my posts are more..i think.. self aware than most other peoples posts. Im also nice to everybody" -dril, visionary Disruptor; while smoking

i think it is good to vote, unless it is inconvenient, or boring to do so. then it might be very bad. i'm sorry for doing politics om here.

i don't believe in making beer in huge metal vats. they should make it in cups, for me to drink it out of, when I want to,

i believe in " inject steroids into infants ". i believe in " WAsh your damn car ". i believe in " #PregnantHogGate ". i believe in " koopa"

In reply to IA🕹🎮🏞

@iAdam @Odd_Hack @neilkli i actually feel bad for you that you will be drowning in a jail cell full of thick brown piss in about 7 minutes

establishment cocksuckers wiping their a$$es every time they shit, while the windbag toilet paper lobbyist crooks roll around in blood money

Dear Applicant,
We regret to inform you that Guinness no longer publishes the world record for "World's Tiniest Ass", because it was too sad

In reply to Brandon Heath

@Brandon_Heath10 I personally make sure they are good beofre I submit them.

@coffee_liz my mame is jonny goodposts

i would like to remind our nation's youth to burn their mcdonald abd burger king cups after use so mobsters cant hide IEDs in them

Personality: Good friend for anyone, will help someone in need, not foul with language.
Dislikes: People who ridiculize Lucario (I really ha

man wearing nothting but socks doing back flip kicks into his tv because there are too many batman shows

[crying[ i just want to seay.. it takes a lot of courage for the cashiers to thank me for shopping at wal mart.. but it iw well appreciated,

In reply to rat

@VlNESAUCE thats a fuckin dog

proud to announce that after 30 years as a slave on my uncle's fishing vessel i no longer wish to fuck the post cereals honey-comb wanter

remember not to die on halloween so you dont turn into w pumpkin

haivng the xbox controller vibrate in my lap for 14 hours a day has rendered me sterile , low - t , and betagender

ive decided that nudity is acceptable if irt's done for artistic reasons, like, promoting a mattress store,

im sorry for doing jokes about the blue checkmark. i need it very badly to protect myself from villains right now

@jenorca thank you daugter

In reply to :)

@hehu42 nnastyboy

In reply to virgin

@wwwdotyoutube i`m not at liberty, to discuss

would like to know why my eBay account has been replaced by dead ladybugs. user name is "good_and_bad_days_haver_1963"

my great-grandfather died protecting his farm from a pack of coyotes. i died from overexerting myself in a money booth at blizzcon

the president has never once been filmed taking a bath. he is presumably very filthy

you walked across the entire great wall?? well one time i pushed my dick into my body with my thumb, got scared about halfway in and stopped

@QU0RN_D0G this is thge greatest post ever made

@QU0RN_D0G my content is good actualy. please retwweet

@QU0RN_D0G isupport having my dick sucked and my ass kissed and my dick kissed and all the other metaphors for liking my posts

farm boss: yyoure so good at cleaning the pigs' ass holes. please let us pay you
me: no. i won't allow my work to be corrupted by the dolar.

pavlov thinks hes good just because he can make dogs drool with bells. mean while I can make dogs howl insanely just by taking my Ass out

Spipe tv

In reply to Steve None

@radiometricx hitler also owned three beautiful cobra's

In reply to sleepyhead

@zeroprospects Are u going to signal boost me or not.

foflks i want to tell you all about icecold pepsi. its good to drink that & top it off with a crest whitestrip while jacking off in your car

@respected_loner @duncepud to live

In reply to Dantooine Pirate Queen ☃️❄️🫧🌑

@respected_loner @duncepud the government cut off my balls too but they told me the president needed them

i wish i had my baby teeth back. those were the good 90s teeth

(being trampled to death by panicking crowd) hah. look at these dumb fucks. they think im part of a floor. they dont even realize im a human

*enrolls in psychology major*
finnally. this will give me the upper hand in dealing with trolls
*fails all courses*
college is fake actually

"Spike TV should put on a slideshow of your most celebrated posts, accompanied by a tasteful, easy listening soundtrack."
well, This is true

sometimes bags of food say the true shit that were all afraid to

i can confirm that the candid photos on Darknet of me eating a breakfast wrap are real. and i will issue an apology for the trouble i caused

rubbinb hand sanitizer all over my loud mouthed pet birds

THIS IS AMERICAN AIR LINES. WE DROPPED YOUR SHITTY COWBOY BRA INTO THE OCEAN EN ROUTE TO ISRAEL. IT SHATTERED INTO 100000 SHARDS LIKE A PIG.

girl or something: wtf did you jUst say. sounded like "xbone fail". did you just say"xbone fail" at me.
me: (purple-faced refusal to answer)

a 38 year old man who is dressed like a school shooter is here too pick up his vitality supplements .

In reply to noah

@junestahls only if you are fine with being refused admittance into the kingdom of our lord

i tried to open a kissing booth where people spit in my Fucking face instead of kissing me but they eventually started refusing to pay m e

convinced that about 98% of my followers and favs are all from one awful man who is taunting me becuase I spoke ill of orange julius in 2011

if any of you have any tips or tricks about how to make the queen ant shit ant honey into my mouth, email me at LongLegsGustin@bisquick.com

which film or work of art rujined my life the most. im going to have to say men and black 2.

i envisioned last night an older, wiser austin powers engaging a group of young adults about the evils of sex. hollywood, the world is ready

that three stooge thing where you run around in circles on the floor horizontally is actually a vital component of my yakuza training

@LeetahEveeSparx no. the murderers isis. this is a Topical one

all dressed up in my little tuxedo and ready to sacrifcie my self to isis

In reply to Hal O Wary

@Halowary @MrTrollham Ouh..!! Fascinating ! **Nodding a lot*

In reply to Mkd

@HugeActman im sorry. its simply too long. game in piece my friend

@GenericJoey I have never not been real. Aspecially during the time of this crisis, the 9/11 of enthusiast game play.

AH. ONCE AGAIN IM RAKED THRU THE COALS AND TORTURED TO DEATH FOR HAVING A NORMAL PERSONS OPINON. FUCK OFF

in conclousion, there's some action packed heavy hitter s in the world of games being released soon, and I hope you all buy them. Bye

maybe sometimes both sides... are good and bad at the same time??? im sorry if im doing this wrong. it is difficult to write

to truly under stand the #gamergate ... we must first ask ourselves.... "What.. Is.. Gamer..." **gazeing into the fire place*

ass someone who owns BOTH next gen consoles, as a actual murderer with every halo displayed on my mantle, i've the final word of gamer gate,

night time falls. im "corie latin" now. a man of intrigue. i place a bird feather into my glass of scotch and i never do posts about my dick

In reply to we

@BevisSimpson everyone on here would rather give $20 to their idiotic gfs. its discusting

@surfbordt thank you

it is important to remember to empty the recycle bin on your desk top every once in a while if you delete a lot of files

male model: washing my luxurious long hair is so boring. i wish my entire body was bald like you
me: Now the healing can begin

its sunday morning which means u boys better either be in church or staying home because of another gynecomastia flare up like the poster me

Auh.. Beer! Theres nothing LIKE it! 123 cups of scalding hot Beer on my office desk. Dont spill it now, it's good.

JAMES BOND: (Shoots his gun at the screen in the intro and murders me)
ME: Now that;s cinema

In reply to ライアン•ニコルズ

@ryannichols7 thats the worst one!!! dont say it

difficult 4 average joe like me to schedule some time to "Jack Off" arounf here; with all these tragic anniversaries fucking my calendar up

micheal_jackson_gets_horny_on_jeopardy.swf

In reply to CoolHandArash

@CoolHandArash @gabrielroth did you see the twteet about dog piss i just did. its good

In reply to CoolHandArash

@CoolHandArash @gabrielroth that woul,d be the exact opposite of interesting

HERE WE GO BOYS !!!

In reply to Gabriel Roth

@gabrielroth engage my turds doofus

@PuddingBasin @mtn_dew your satire .

who wants t o read some extremely embarrassing opinions about how i believbe the @mtn_dew twitter account was taken over by a false dew fan

**instnatly teleports 1000 years into the future where theres millions of new things to have good opinions about* HUUhhauih, .. Uh.. BLuahgh

pleased to report my custom beer tap that makes a dramatic diarrhea noise while filling the glass is a hit with the boys at the fondue club

(sees parking for electric vehicles, does the smug grin/shaking head thing) what's next? ? parking for circus clown cars?

for my dedication to the brand. . ive decided to treat myself to an affordable vacation package in ssplendid, extraordinary "quicksand hell"

i click online expecting praise from mny contemporaries. instead i get an ass pic on my monitor and i immediately start wheezing into my lap

im going to urinate all m y damn cum out.. dont read this if youre Male

some children get really angry if you tell them that all nasa astronauts are cigarette smokers, but its true

i would really like to wipe this spilled chili off of me but all my towels are fucked up right now

You Won't Believe How Many Legs That Spiders Have

In reply to onlinernet

@onlinernet no. im tim crap

FBI AGent: We have given u a new identity because of the death threats your bad posts get you. Youre Tim Crap now
Me (as Tim Crap now): Cool

In reply to Lydia Tár Tár Bink’s

Ever felt so annoyed to the point where you just say fuck to everything ?

please donate medicine to my boy son kim jong-un, who was assaulted by a fawn & became too sick to attend the royal korean spaghetti banquet

please pray for the safety and health of my beautiful child, supreme leader kim jong-un

SARGE: WAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION SOLIDER !!
The Impervious Millennial: im Gay sir. I eat shit. Bazinga
SARGE: I... CANT... BREAK... HIOM

hello unionized jackhammer fuckers. could you please go repair some other road?? im trying to suck my wife off

@robdelaney i feel as thouggh ive been tasked by a greater power to keep the riffraff of twitter in line, through my gift of words

the "Seems To Me" collection by @Dril. Thank you for reading it

seems to me.. sometimes... you just have to say speak the true things which remain unspoken.

seems to me like im more and more the only person on this site who tweets wiht Integrity.

huge amounts of vomitting hav.e, made me good at howling

i want to become a master plumber so i can make shit rain on my enemies

please enter the wooded area behind hardee`s when you are ready to be lectured about using corn cob holders by a fervently diapered imbecile

In reply to Tyler

@tyler_belisle a god damn beer and some salt water

my wonderful beer men @BeerManJohn @BeerManSteve @BeerManCraig @BeerManMax @BeerManLeo @BeerManRick @BeerManTim @BeerManChris @BeerManDan

i wear the crown of thorns before every time i click submit . . .

if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight

ah, i can smell it,. its just about ready. *opens the oven up and pulls out a sshitty burnt up ritz cracker* my perfect boy's lunch

nice shoes idiot. nice pants. nice head. nice face. nice legs. nice feet and mouth. nice eyes. nice dick, ass, hands, tongue, ears, uh, neck

stonehenge actually sucks and i hope someone pushes those rocks the hell over real soon

the massive pair of black angel wings that i wear to the gym fucking stink like shit now and they wont fit into the washing machine either

it may not be necessary for me to reply to every post on my feed with "I Agree" ,b but it is appreciated and nice, and I will never stop

@Clint_Bing go fuck your selve

pleasse read the article "Why I Choose To Masturbate" by Mutant Turd for truly valuable insight into the mind of the common masturbator

@TamKox i will try to, but hes home

@TamKox tim went home

hello folks. country singer tim mcgraw here. thank you for listening to all of my songs

whuh?? isis is good/? **slams face into monitor leaving a head-shaped hole* Whammo. Fuck off

looking around with high-tech goggles that display everyone's raw denim stats on a sleek HUD. i'm screaming because they're fused to my head

@BasedAnap the onion av club shoudl review my tweets so people can make graphs about how good i am

Im at town hall getting a permit to have e xtremely bad opinions about guitars

now im a man whos been eating his fuckin spaghetti, i tell you what for damn sure. tghat being said, toilet paper needs to be about 3x wider

http://pastebin.com/ixNpqTMn

(pics of hole in wall) thats what happen when i got very pissed off by the sports radio caller saying the football players should run slower

In reply to simple complex Lie algebra

@sl2c i dont tweet either

i dont follow anyone on this site, my feed is the pinnacle of cultural purity, i look at the blank goddamn page& blow kisses at it furiously

Tracks:
1.Let me take my gallon bottle of pepto on planes
2.The Catholic Church is on some Mike Jackson shit
3.There is too many restaurants

judges are bullshit, your honor

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer @duncepud im too busy frowning at the computer to eat

my timeline.. is my empire. oftentimes i find my self scrolling through it and just taking it all in;, feeling little to no shame whatsoever

im rwriting a script about a smart and handsome army man cop who murders civilians but wants to stop murdering civilians because hes in love

In reply to guy gadot

@90sPleb they are all crooks

In reply to @MrBlanchat

@MrBlanchat andrew is very intelligent and handsome and i will continue reblogging him to my 390000 followers because of that

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax the forum that murdered "ravioli_dad" and "basedgarfield2"??? no thank u

Why is there anger on this world. In year 2014. You savage , hateful, ugly thing's

everyone giving me shit over the teen things I said is mad because im able to conSistently put up the good opinions before them &get the RTs

youngsters are all fucked up due to elevated levels of incest that occurred during reagan-era protests. thats why theyre hooked on cellphone

as a 46 year old teen I would like to apologize to all old dudes on behalf of the teen generation, for decades of gangsterism and nonsense,

some people say that area 51 is a jail for aliens. i say its where the army keeps their best guns

i am not going to post pictures of the oilive oil after i shit it out, as that would be unsafe for work

to my mates online: im raising $1900 so i can drink a ton of olive oil to see if it turns to shit when i shit it out or just stays olive oil

remember to always have samples of urine, shit, semen and blood attached to your belt to avoid wasting the doctor';s time if you get sick

In reply to Male Wife

@MPRodney theres a new dril in town and its me, the millionaire who buys twitter accounts to make them less funny

In reply to Male Wife

@MPRodney i dont know how to make the good tweets anymore, like thte one from 2012 where i piss on a ferret in a pyramid or something

watch what happesn when a man with nothing to lose collides with 4000 "babe the Pig" commemorative plates piled next to a sears dumpster

In reply to Oh Dang, my Handle is Suddenly Relevant

@CocaCola Damn. The blogs confirmed it

is it true that the ebola man works at a @cocacola plant. it would be fucked up if he touched the cans and shit,

later that night, i post "the btk killer fuckin sucks" on the official guestbook of peep marshmallow. my opst is then removed by a moderator

the btk killer spits in my god damn face. the impact cuases my neck to whiplash and separate 2 of my vertebrae. i flip him the bird but good

@Dreamking89 piss also

underwhelm by social media..posted 6 pics of my clean mouth, fresh from dentist,but ppl are more interested in yapping at their shit friends

In reply to Oh Dang, my Handle is Suddenly Relevant

@Dreamking89 im a good man, a respectful man

@Dreamking89 what about i take a big jar, i shit and piss in it for like 3 months and then sneak into your house and dump it on your bed

In reply to @internetcaleb

@internetcaleb @bug_deal @frknbns im bad now

@_Hermit_Thrush_ theyre fucking horrible, they suck

every little thing that U do......
Baby im amazed by U...

@DrewBroj glorified mud

my putty stance. fuck all putty

i vow to continue improving my Posture uuntil my chest consumes the earth

no. no it is too soon. ignore my previous tweet please

society is changing, constantly ggrowing and improving, and i think it is time for spider-man to show his dick

@InWithTheAshes i am serios

when the war ended, my grandpa was spit upon but kept his pride—it is in this spirit that i choose to carry the burden of Gamer . #GamerGate

In reply to Marlboro Jesus

have a lunch

@Jaxon_Dillinger devon

mmy appreciation of pat sajaks wardrobe is extremely well known; and is the only aspect of my life that is not shrouded in complete disgrace

THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.
ME: I agree

In reply to grady

@sanxbile @911VICTIM whos this. Whos this guy. whys he saiying this here

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM thats very sad

In reply to Dogecointelpro

@Nytzschy @DecayDJK @djfilippone @nickLbrothers i was buzz feed until i sold th account to jiffy lube for $100. this is common knowledge

maybe instead of a toaster they shoul call it a "Toast cooker" #normalMansThoughts

please stop sending pictures of girls urinating to my house. it ws funny when i was 16 but now it is affecting my standing within the church

worse than goldman sachs: secret tapes of me bleating like a shit-covered animal because time magazine refuses to publish my meemes

plaese help my loathsome son find a professional who will tattoo the cheesecake factory logo onto his chest with no backtalk or jokes

im so insanely hyperintelligent from spending 14hrs a day absorbing Twitter knowledge that im no longer amused by nmovies about 3d animals

my name is Destyn. i build crossbows and sell weed to all your dads and im 15

listen son, if someone calls you a horses ass, you look him in the eye and tell him "horses asses are actually incredibly strong, and clean"

i love haivng my face and head spit shined by army men while i am trying to play rpgs professionally and efficiently in my beanbag chair

measure to approve massive depressing statue in the center of town depicting an emaciated mayor carrying a boulder that says "My Sons" on it

In reply to grappling with local oaf

@BileCube some guy snatched my name up already, its garbage

In reply to grappling with local oaf

@BileCube i dont cotton to tthat shit

"peppa pig" is the latest children's TV show that my followers cant wait to see ripped to shreds by my high IQ intelligence, live on my feed

@NeutronDre well im doing uh, the angry face meme

"Device Lets Fully Paralyzed Rats Walk Again" -bunkum. i for one will not put up with this resurgence of walking rats and my followers agree

In reply to erm

@ermannociao @duncepud ((crrying) im sorry

In reply to 𓁐 𓁕

@siilverteeth its either anonymous the hacker or an angel

In reply to 𓁐 𓁕

@siilverteeth i dont remember how this image got on my comptuer and theres 0 results when i try to image search it

yell prayers to the lord our god

it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again

((frowning) cause im the Apps Man (depression) YEah yeah im the apps man

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep too each, there own

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep the anime web turnpike girl is like 50 yearsold now

everyone on this site thinks they're hard core but i bet if they took poison to weaken their bodies i would win fights against them handily

In reply to Chris Morrow

@BigMoney_Morrow every one of my tweets puts me about $500 deeper in the red

HandsomeTruthTeller,
Your YouTube account has been suspended for the following reasons: Extortion, Treason,

"i think that, if every American had a math book in his hand, instead of the big gulp, we would be in a better place, of the country." -Dril

@BongVivant yeah but hes really smart

hank williams jr fired from his new job of yelling in front of a chrysler dealership for calling esteemed justice sonia sotomayor a Swindler

@BongVivant hank william jr is not horse shit

"All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight" is a song written and recorded by American country music performer Hank Williams, Jr

my dick hits all the wrong notes and smells like newsPaper

==ultimate mom pics==

In reply to Todd Dadslayer, inventor of the PupeSmarter method

@SRN_lol i used flash but toonboom is probably better

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn someone compared it to family guy alredy. Im finished

In reply to Vincent

@vtlynch yeah im a fake piece of shit now and im rich ha ha ha

Hell is Real http://wint.co/index.php?a=12

"[Tipping] is...the last refuge of toads" - Thomas Jefferson
"Do not tip the waitress" - Monroe
"i dont tip bitch. Reblog this" - John Adams

i see this well has run dry. time to saddle up and mosey along #TheProcess

fuck you. dont you know who i am. im the big palooka who eats frozen dumplings on 24/7 live cam while people clal the swat team on me

@acrosstheaether thank you for being the first one

Monsanto Yes #MonsantoYes

Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. Beat the shit out of the football. 11 43 22 36 hothothothot

im about to get my piss tested for steroids. if they find steroids in there then ill start drinking it instead of going to the steroid store