dril archive

slave to Woke retweeted

oh i need some pussies right now, am fucking horny

slave to Woke retweeted

People do not know what christmas is about and that is jesus Christ deal with it!!!!

making my face Symmetrical in microsoft paint after haivng a mental breakdown on linkedin. com

Its time to open the dialouge, on the Mens penis.

using my turn at a karaoke bar to try to do a 5 miunte routine that basically just says bryan singer is the new gawker writer or something

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn it takes so many muscles to kick my ass. like a million

it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to break a baseball bat across the back of my fat neck

In reply to db

@dogboner @adultblackmale

there is too much of Lies...

Genius: the Human body can survive being shot 100 times
Fool: ?
Genius: (Shoots self in th exact same spot 100 times) remember to click Like

none f you know anything about art or life. i have read the entire dictionary more than 100 times

some one on here said they were going to "Cuck" teddy ruxpin, while the mods are off sipping mimosas somewhere

shitting on a Towel

@patientmurderer I regret not doing this sooner.

every one with the word "meme" in their bio has put at least one hole in their bedroom wall with the butt of a rifle

resisting extreme amounts of arrest

ill show you real truth. ill show you what happens when you crap on a real son of a bitch

slave to Woke retweeted

@BillGates want to know the passion of the kiss? http://earlypassion.blogspot.com/2011/12/kiss.html /> want to try various types of kissing each other?

slave to Woke retweeted

Even though I will never be, I'm just trying to life my life worthy of what Christ done for me.

all cops should be forced to dress like james bond, as a promotional thing. I think it would be fun to get pulled over by 007 James bond

Im fucking the wall. a tectonic shift 900 miles away causes it to slice off my thin prick and drop it on mexican soil. Its their problem now

In reply to alexianotalexa

@alexiadaley1 @Edenaxela please remove the pervert alert

In reply to slave to Woke

And I am being told now, that because Incest is now Official White House policy, that this post could be construed as a "Politics tweet"

just got word from a trusted source: the guy who said he would fuck his daughter on "The View" is in hot water for spelling hamburger wrong

me,; attempting to heckle a stand up comedian: Hey pal I dont come to where you work and knock the dick out of oyur mouth!! Mother fucker

shooting my lee dungarees with an uzi for that "armyman" look

i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker

user "rat_thrower" has received a 500 minute ban for proposing a 28th constitutional amendment

im not a ignorant fuckfaced dip shit. i enjoy every minute of it

slave to Woke retweeted

My dog just curbbed stomped my balls

shut thr fuck up

should go without saying but, if they show j. bezos penis on the news i will postpone the showing of my penis, to avoid confusing followers.

being desperate enough for human connection to go onto girls posts & chide them for using Twitter Web Client or whatever other one they used

i will show my penis because i do not want to host the Oscars, as you see, i will be busy that night, watching the Oscars.

on February 19th, 2019, i will show my penis on here and effectively remove myself from consideration as the host of this years Oscar show.

In reply to Cowboy Life ✝

@Morgans_Journal @FBI @LASDHQ while youre here id like to report this pervert for impersonating a cowboy

might do a post of "macklemore" soon.

craping out a single sunflower seed and frowning while i inspect it

EVERY ONE: Divorce jokes are SO funny, and I love to spout my mouth to disresepect http://amazon.com and jeff
ME: No no no. Im uncomfortable. No

just heard on the news that our enemies all follow the cutesy motivational shit accounts also, and draw even more power from them than we do

getting brain damage from pissing my self off

posting Ethically, within reason

how do i ask my girl followers on here to marry me with out looking like im "Stunting " or trying to "Pimp"

slave to Woke retweeted

knees lesbo http://adultboards.net/knees_lesbo/

"fear not loyal fans. james bond blasts all his turds/piss to smithereens with a laser while on missions." -james bond, author of james bond

gathering data of Nude Locals

Seems as though lately, peop[le have been talking their mouths of things

In reply to derek

@eedrk @BBB_us @ACLU @FTC Im being reply guyed

some times you just gotta say "nuff said" because enough of the shit has been said to that point

(hearing the first recorded sound from 1860, a pivotal technological milestone) This guy sounds like shit. Mostly his voice sounds like shit

ive modified my phone to deliver electric shocks each time one of you unfollows me. The pain will make me kinder, humbler, and more powerful

No

@nsidious @rebeinstein i will do better next year sir

weaving a "Feel Good" tale about how dogs hate fireworks because theyre reincarnate US armymen with ptsd; getting down voted for some reason

slave to Woke retweeted

Sports Bitch is off to the World Cup. Check in for updates

slave to Woke retweeted

I dead ass wanna go to area51 like I herd the preditor over there

slave to Woke retweeted

#KhabeesORat #

slave to Woke retweeted

Cowboyjeans

In reply to @ToddBarclay

@ToddBarclay @RedNetherton calm the FUCK down

From the twisted minds behind Dr. Pepper,

im not wishning you freaks a happy new year. you will all fuck up my 2019, like you have with all the other years. youre dopes

thinking about how good the Hanging Gardens of Babylon would be, if it wasnt ruined by its obnoxious fanbase

guy who once posted "Service dogs love having their ears grabbed" given permanent seat in wolf blitzers situation room #Redemption

just once id like to see an archaeologist speak truth on one of the mummys he found. "He looks like someone knocked the shit out of him"

baptizing my badge and gun, in Sinnersblood

taking a deep breath and inhaling all that horrible, pornographic Wi-fi

(rodent voice) its damn Friday night!!! And Ill be dipped in shit if I aint ready to throw down some pecker

In reply to @Carlos_Lugard

@Carlos_Lugar I Want all of that shit

i put an alert on that shit like 10 years ago. thank you

Can you make them all un block me please . https://twitter.com/unblock_list/status/1078772468582617090

In reply to BlockTheBlue

@unblock_list what blocklists

linking my Folders to other Folders or whatever the fuck it is people do on the computer

ME: No matter how ya slice it, Sometimes some shit is just true
???: Shit is never true. Its all false
ME: Youre wrong my friend

"Hwhoo!! That's a lot of zeroes" - me after seeing the amount of money of $12.00

"breaking in" my new pair of jeans by tossing it onto the freeway and letting cars run over it while i observe it through a scope

brushing teeth; mouth gaping open like a shit head as toothpaste drips down my wrist, waking up next morning in a panic, thinking it's cum

buying an assortment of soaps and ointments to make my ass hole less stupid

JACKING OFF and committing FRAUD

ive always said we need to make the Dou Jones go up, instead of down. And now that ive been proven right, every one wants to kiss my dick .

considering improving the quality of my posts somewhat, so i can get the MacArthur Genius Award, for them

great tweetie bird quote

Tweetie Bird quotes
http://www.a-healthy-body.com/

trying to drink a can of beer .

operating an unregulated labor camp on the Dean's lawn a nd saying "Shut the fuck up sir" when he comes out of his house to threaten us

the dean loves it when me and the boys piss him off with black helicopters

excitedly approaching people, with a rehearsed smile, like a fucked up rodent, and asking them what they think of the latest Bixby update

buying a nice curtain for the whole ass and dick area of my bulk

seeing more and more people post anti-lunch sentiments despite the fact that, well, they gotta eat .

http://amzn.to/2PtWjS5 my book is now 35% off again for some reason. $11.68 - cheaper than dog shit "Nice for the holidays"

I;ve looked at the facts. Hell im looking at the facts right now.

In reply to Yahoo News

@YahooNews his mission was to destroy it .

judges should sentence perverts to more stupid shit, like making them do obstacle courses made out of porno. bet it's not so good now huh

youtube guy does magic tricks for an ape, and someone in the comments says magic is actually harmful to apes. well, fuck this shit, then !!

geting AssBlasted for sharing my normal man's perspective, in a world . being fucked hardcore, by goblins, for liking Due Process

using intense calmness , As the dragon , while dealing with peoples shitmouth

rats dont have pussys

fairly confident that even if i became a rat some how, i still would not want to fuck any of the other rats

ME: computer; what is my Jeans Number please
COMPUTER: your jeans number is 5. the ultimate compromise of durability & comfort
ME: (Smiling)

envisioning Jeans Hotspots across america & various territories, where consumers can learn their "Jeans number" and look at photos of jeans

listeing to the updated version of the "baby its cold outside" song where the guy's trying to convince the woman to leave so he can jack off

just got word that because the extensive water damage present o n my balls and part of my ass, i am no longer allowed to vote

rscreaming "Shut the Fuck Up" over and over again at my monitor as it slowly morphs into a Mirror and only makes me angrier

In reply to @fomomoonboys

@fomomoonboys @CacheBoi @FazeObama420 none of my followers masturbate.

girls love saying shit like "Ebay is my father", while i sit in my house 50 miles away solivng a book of 200 expert level crossword puzzles.

thinking back to 9/11.. i wish i had flipped out more. Wondering how different things wou;d be if i had gone more ape shit

im proud to announce that ive started and cancelled The Female Bras Project due to Free Speech and Trolls, respectively

eaitng a raw piece of corn in my car and spitting like 95% of it right back out

surround alcatraz with Poison 2020

Imbecile

if youre one of thoe waiters who carries the little scraper around , to the tables, to get the crumbs off it `` Kiss Da Back O' My Nuts ``

taking my 3d printed wife to the Arboretum .

In reply to @Carlos_Lugard

@Carlos_Lugar @ReesesPuffDaddy give me the 200000

need a dog who can maneuver something in the ball park of 600000 blocks of limestone around my yard

wondering at what age my domesticated rat terrier is supposed to "Graduate" and move out of my house

santa http://amzn.to/2PtWjS5 #goodbook #Remembering41 #BushFuneral

i will block those who shit on the Bones of Mr. GHWB, euthanized with a lethal dose of Heroin after 94 years of service "As was his request"

hunched over my Bureau Plat with quill & ink , writing a thank you letter to the Kohler toilet company for letting me shit in their toilets

arms folded, back turned to the television, refusing to "Meet the flintstones" despite the theme song's pleas

a man asks God, how am i supposed to live, without George H.W. Bush
God simply said "That is why I made 2 george bushs"
The man just smiled.

slave to Woke retweeted

@neiltyson I'm not sure if you're the right person to ask but: is it possible to get condensation on you're skin, or is it just sweat?

slave to Woke retweeted

@neiltyson I have a question this may involve science and Theory is it possible to do what the movie downsizing does

slave to Woke retweeted

@neiltyson is it possible to make a fan spin fast enough that it emits a noise in a frequency we don’t hear

slave to Woke retweeted

@neiltyson Is it possible to build a material that when given an electrical current it makes an electrical molecule move faster then 1000m/s witch is the speed of air at the right speed we could make it lighter then air

now the 5s on the other hand. the ironclad Top influencers. you know these guys wouldnt be caught dead with an ass thats less than pristine

some pf you are definitely a 1. i truly believe the carelessness you exhibit with your sloppy posts is reflected also by your dire ass hole.

my 5 point numerical scale determines how likely a user is to be negligent in wiping their ass properly, based on the stuff they post here

Mr. Spendmoney Tomakemoney

i hate it when im jacking off, and... And, uh,. thats it. thats the tweet

reality check....its not "Funny" or "Good" to fool Content Creators into showing their penis to the official red lobster account— Perieod.

slave to Woke retweeted

GETTING READY TO DO WHAT I DO BEST

slave to Woke retweeted

hanging out

i would like to become somebodys Uncle so i can start posting shit like "not all dips are marinades , but all marinades, are dips"

the words "yugioh angel" reverse burned into my flesh after attempting to pose shirtless on the hood of my modified car during a heat wave

#RockCenterXMAS a holiday Salute, to all the guys who died while putting bulbs in that big ass tree, whose bodies just got left up there

cant get ahold of my brexit adviser

can feel such a shit load of energies tonight, that i may see them, and that i may be here for them, on the computer tonight

take my penis out? in a "PUBLIC BATHROOM" (the key word, being public)
no thanks. im not jared from sub way

ive decided that it would be good, to have 2 million followers. now what do you say we get the damn ball rolling on that

sending people who tell me not to eat romaine lettuce a link to the wikipedia article for The Streisand Effect

keep it coming. I love this shit

a tendency to substitute the word "Shit" with "Dust" when talking to girls (e.g. "just wiped a bunch of Dust out of my ass today")

"Watch the new Barney?"
that the worst thing any one has ever said to me and you need to S.T.F.U. before i bring the hammer down to your ass

did you know, every time you flush the toilet without closing the lid, millions of waste particles fly directly into my open mouth & kill me

a tisket? Fine
a tasket? Fuck yes
a green and yellow basket? Too much

slave to Woke retweeted

If u dont like me dont follow me bitch ... Dedicated to anybodys unfollowers

all the youth thhese days look like dead eyed little perverts because they are not incorporating Geritol into their daily routine

my teething ring. my salt lick. my feeding tube. all at once

putting on my game face. the official face of the nfl

there should be a good version of the oscars where they hand out statues that are fucking wearing clothes

mixing various wine's together and making authentic "Al dente" pasta by straining it one minute early, as instructed by the box

my turds are nobodys problem but my own. and theyre boring

In reply to Majken von Barnhemsbrand

@touchaspaget i am protected from your bull shit

first they say we cant build mosques on ground zero. now we cant build the amazon headquarters. maybe we should go live in the fucking Woods

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo9B3Iy0ZKY

just thought of a good name for a fictional football team located in a town that i also made up the name of , "The Boatswainville Birdhawks"

mother fucker . catch these boots

63 updates available? youre telling me thyere making my apps even better, for FREE? And to think these guys, get so much greif

in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives,. telling online surveys that i "Dont know" what pringles are constitutes Heroism

holy gravy holy meat
holy moly let us eat

lesbian Wireless

down load the brexit app today muy lord

slave to Woke retweeted

I need urgent girl to start sex ineed to fuck girl now

crawling on all fours like the cave men
- enhanced mobility
-powerful stance (can not be knocked over)
- pretty good

remembering the anguiush the girls had caused me when they said it was good to have "Dadbod"

looking at pictures of rotisserie chickens i wish i could maul with my bare hands

every day, the content creator sits at his Oak Escritoire and asks "How can I transfer the maximum amount of pain to my parasitic Engagers"

i can promise only this; i will lick the boots of my enemies until they beg for mercy , crying

quick reminder to vote for the guy you want to lose tomorrow, just to get as pissed off as possible and enhance your Craft through suffering

it is indeed possible to shit too much. i would advise my followers to try to shit in multiple, smaller intervals , throughout the day.

uber ride home from dennys iwth the instagram Gf (mid-20s, dressed like a casino waitress) shrieking at each other because i "Made a face"

q: what is a "What da fuck" moment
A: a "What da fuck" moment is one of those times that just simply makes you say what the fuck

attaching an enmormous dildo to my rifle so i can grip it in my mouth for added stability. thats how it is #army #navy #themafia

covering "sarcasm just another service i offer" tshirt with a shirt that says im not that interested in sarcasm to catch my rivals off guard

pledging to cut down on "oafish" behavior, such as accidentally eating spicy food or having my shirt ripped off by a windmill

world record 100 diaper combo run over by jeep

excuse me. could i please get my Blowup. you gave MetalGearEric a blowup. am i truly less deserving, than MetalGearEric? where is my blow up

#selfiesforariana

how do i get one of those stupid ass hyper links under my display name that says im a senator

i do not say this lightly, i would do what ever means necessary to protect my beloved posters from the devilish hands of otto Warmbier

when you call me a shit head, or a dip shit, or a low rent stooge, that is like putting a knife directly into my Posts.

clumsily wiping my ass in the woods

In reply to @beef667

@beef667 if i wanted to die painfully i would live in that shitty aquarium with your fish

@MrPotterDoor @JohanOrtiz22 @KyleKulinski shut thef FUCK UP

slave to Woke retweeted

@Hooters @chaseelliott @Hendrick9Team @kansasspeedway I'm 51 and single who want to get married

In reply to Majken von Barnhemsbrand

@touchaspaget my Dust

In reply to Majken von Barnhemsbrand

@touchaspaget i will never thank you

In reply to @Laneosity

@Laneosity its funny and it Rocks

Thats right. I did the blocks. Im absolutely ripping ass up tonight and I dont give a fuck who knows it. This is the power of my holy light

nothing give s me more power in this life than blocking a guy who asks me nicely in the dms to unblock him or one of his rat friends

its monday now, but ive decided that yesterday was the first official "Shut Da Fuck Up Sunday" which means its time to block 5 dick heads

if you come to this website for jokes, rather than Experiences, youre Fucking yourself

i saod it once i say it again—the pain of being a content creative influencer, and dealing with peoples shit, is like child birth on "Crack"

i think that if mensa started getting involved in gang violence, they would easily Win

they should invent a new Danimal , mayvbe one that people might actually fucking want to associate with yogurt products for once

reminder to guys trying to offer me Merch Deals, that i tried selling shirts once but it failed because none of my followers wear shirts

if my bank balance is below $100 i will refuse to vote. if it is over $100 i will vote for whichever candidate has the best "Ground game"

wondering how i learned all the different informal synonyms for "penis" outside of health class. I think they announced them on the news

#WorldFoodDay food sucks. food sucks

It is simply for your foolish claim that the economys doing poorly, right after they increased the Mega Millions Jackpot, that I am Smiling.

this is every thing and its only 11:am,

there seems to be a Fucking mistake here sir,

slave to Woke retweeted

Cash rules everything of round me

thinking of some new provocative poses and gestures i can use at the local drive in movie theater to get my ass kicked more efficiently

paid by sinclair broadcast group to read paragraphs of unbearable QAnon Shit to a roblox server full of 7yr olds attacking me for my beliefs

absolutely ruining my own day by imagining a restaurant that refuses to serve me because im wearing brass knuckles

coke zero but for pringles. pringles zero

getting my Dick finagled , by my tantric wifebride, in my chamber's

my expert analysis wouuld indicate that each point on the dow jones = 1 job(s)

slave to Woke retweeted

@BobEsponja SOY CHUC PUTO, ERES UN IDIOTA, PUTA QUE TE PARIO ADIOS

COP: weve detected unusual amounts of cum being flushed down the toilet at your house. please stop
ME: Thats not mine. Its uh,. my dogs cum

i hold this one truth, that the only acceptable time to use the word "Doo-Dah" is while singing the hit cult-classic "Camptown Races"

i hold this one truth, that thr only acceptable time to use the word "Doo-Dah" is while singing the cult-classic hit "Yankee Doodle"

good avatar round up October 2018

deleted the tweet where i said that homer simpson is allowed to show his penis in the japanese version and im allowed to work at kmart again

In reply to 『Ｄ・Ｗ・Ｂ・Ｃ』

@_DWBC_ Fool

- its not clever to show pictures of me morphing into a dog
- its not funny
- it odes not introduce Beauty into the world

In reply to slave to Woke

Oh how i hate him

just thought of a new guy. "The Guy who writes down the make and model of a car he saw in a car commercial, for future reference"

slave to Woke retweeted

my new car
i park in my house

slave to Woke retweeted

Ну вы поняли кто живет в этом городе. В этом городе живу я.

slave to Woke retweeted

Keep an eye on the skys for UFO and email us ufopolice50@gmail.com

slave to Woke retweeted

Looking for 365 #beautiful #women in #Pittsburgh willing to make out with a mystery stranger and then talk about it on a video blog. #msgme

In reply to virgin

@wwwdotyoutube he has not responded to my request to send him to boot camp

digimonotis: i do not trust or support him
EpicWayne: i trust and support epic wayne
mr_Tightnuts : i support him but i do not trust him

consider how unprepared society would be if every bug and moth flying around just started taking giant shits constantly, like human sized

yelp review one liner i have prepared in case i find a turd in my meal: "If i wanted a guy's Shit in my food, I would have ordered it!!"

feel i have much to reflect upon in my life, on news of receiving "The Golden Douchebag" award. Many improvements to make, moving forward.

slave to Woke retweeted

@dril Congratulations for one of the worst (artistically speaking and not only) ethnic hater junk. You are awarded the golden ethnic hater award 🥇

COP: Tell me citizien. (prepares kill shot) Do you believe in God
ME (realizing i left my "Do you Believe in god" cheat sheet at home): Uuhh

my brain stacks 2 baby blocks together mentally and i involuntarily say something like "Trader Joes is basicly the Modern simpsons episodes"

@wowprettylady @adultblackmale do better

I Have been told that my followers have agreed that it would be good, if my name that people started calling me were to become "MR.JUICE"

@wowprettylady @adultblackmale boh of you

THE BOYS: Come! Come quickly! Theres a Seal balancing a ball on its nose, at the Gazebo
ME: Cant. Wife is making me buy 36 Forever Stamps

Realizing the food at KFC sucks ass for the 4th or 5th time in my life , and making myself calm by looking up famous quotes about "Chaos"

a respectful nod to all my friends whohave been removed from group chats after having some sort of melt down. "The Fallen Angels"

slave to Woke retweeted

@InboxDollars I'm very displeased with your app right now..

slave to Woke retweeted

@InboxDollars Sorry the last part said I never recieved my $15, please credit my account with the $15 I deserve. Thanks

slave to Woke retweeted

Wanted to make my username shorter for convenience, so now it's @Guy1548 instead of @CoolGuy1548

slave to Woke retweeted

@KellyannePolls The Hollywood elite on Emmys other night said they were the most DIVERSE group of people - WRONG. Democrats also try for that mantle - WRONG. The most DIVERSE GROUP OF PEOPLE IS THE MILITARY MEN/WOMEN OF THE U.S. NAVY, MARINES, ARMY & AIRFORCE.

Cigar mommys

Im just going to say that this is for anyone who thinks its good

Theres a guy standing outside lennys pastrami shop. Says hes going to goon your ass

(Guy coming towards me with a weapon. at a walking pace) "Ill goon your ass hole. Ill goon your ass sir"
"You will not goon my ass"

"ill goon your ass. ill pig you out"
yeuah um, No, its highly unlikely that you will "Goon" my ass. Try reading a book of english

slave to Woke retweeted

Certain things are set and stone for a reason

slave to Woke retweeted

Life has other plans then those that we think that are set and stone. Give my newest video a watch. As always , thank you !

(using a hand mirror to get a real good look at my Fucking balls) whoah!! im seeing double!

http://amzn.to/2PtWjS5 the book is like 34% off now. only $11.81 . i have absolutely no idea why. nobody tells me shit

tipping the waiter is BORING, no one even DOEs it

when i block people its cool, like Neo kicking agent smith down a flight of staiors. when people block me its because theyre pussys

blockbotting the boys group after they put a towel over one of our friends heads and convinced me that its elon Musk, come to kick my ass

slave to Woke retweeted

SORRY

slave to Woke retweeted

OFF OFF NYC911:

slave to Woke retweeted

STOP NYC911

slapping all my repliers across the face in one swoop like moe howard. all of them dropping dead instantly

absolutely nuking my dick into 1000000 pieces with one of those wile e coyote tnt plungers

epic wayne once told me that there is a hard limit that the human body can handle jacking off in one day. and that the limit is 3

In reply to narm@RYUKIZINE

@narmbo working on a solution to t his, and also for people in austrailia who cant get it

https://amzn.to/2PtWjS5 my dumb ass book appears to be 10% off for god only knows what reason. check it out if you like coupons and bargains

In reply to Majken von Barnhemsbrand

@touchaspaget my mentions are on lock down until further notice .

In reply to Majken von Barnhemsbrand

@touchaspaget ??? Where

the only A+ i ever got was from that time in art class when i drew venus & serena willaims clobbering the. shit out of me with their rackets

at the library; carelessly flipping through some of the most famous literary classics that you can think of, looking for coupons

thinking about displaying an authentic harley davidson denim vest in a box frame to really tie my rec room together and make it suck ass

"hooters 2" is the most perfect phrase ive ever seen. "hooters 2" is just ok. "hooters 2" isnt that funny. "hooters 2" is good again.

In reply to derek

@eedrk @getfiscal "always have at least 2 drew Carey anecdotes"

getting my ass run over after trying to hijack a guy's riding mower and failing

slave to Woke retweeted

5... 5 dollar footlong

slave to Woke retweeted

unuTAMAM #tamam @ismaildukel

slave to Woke retweeted

searching

slave to Woke retweeted

believing that good stuff will happen to me

slave to Woke retweeted

justinjeans0726

think i might quit my job and invent the Original chicken sandwich

In reply to BIG DOGS

@BigDogClub yeah that blows. anyway i was wondering where i can buy one of them please

reminder that on this sacred of days that i was the first guy to condemn the 911 attacks, while everyone else was busy watching honey Boboo

Wendy`s is so main stream now, that eating there has become a bit of a Wank .

boycott digimon otis. hes not even that funny

watching some bulllet time movies and inventing my own bechdel test for bullet time instead of girls

guys in a pizzeria fighting and busting the little parmesan shakers against the table to shiv each other with

using mindfulness. to waste my enemies

by refusing to accept my invitation to a formal debate. octomom has gone Rogue

wearing a false ass crack and prosthetic dick on top of my real ones in case my pants get burned off by fire

COWORKER: I Just took out a little baggie of DouDou, to eat at work, and Im getting a raise, for being handsome
ME: I Admire your Opinions .

i invented pain and I am so good at knowing what pain is and im biting my fingers really hard out of respect for pain

In reply to Kula Bocca 🐽

@hambeef please lord publish my email just this once

Some body is going to take a picture of their white house press pass with a load on it, by 2020

Not. All. Of. The. Wet. Spots. On. My. Jeans. Are. Piss. Stians.

Geans

In reply to Swiss IOC-Forever

@SwissIOCForever thanks for showing me this robots dick

just reassuring you all, that if i forgot to include your favorite tweet in my book it is because it sucked Ass. Get fucked off of my page

just plowing trhough the 7-11 double doors with extra wide samurai armour and dropping broken glass all over my Geta (下駄)

me and the boys watching james bond morph into a black guy before our very eyes , and braying at the movie screen like distressed cattle

i think that big foot and mouth man have sons every 20 years or so and they make the son the next big foot or whatever

i am being targetted by a shadow campaign just because i cured my own diarhrea by exercising instead of taking "PILLS"

thinking about taking some of the excess respect I have for our Fallen Heroes and converting it in to Cold Hard Cash

jack: i will protect you from all rogue group dms. you are not a "Honkey" . Your an angel
me: Im an angel. Im intelligent. Im not a honkey

i attribute my small dick to my low IQ, and my entire body being too dumb ass to send vitamins & minerals to my dick to make it normal sized

In reply to bitch collector

@itsyoungwithak censership

here comes that ass hole. that bloated nit wit trying to scam us again. that howling jack-o-lantern. Boy id love to get a look at his pecker

thinking of inventing a new type of person to get mad at on here. maybe people who carry too many keys around.. i dont know yet

since opinoins are judged based on how new they are, instead of how good they are, today i will make $1000 by posting "Rap music is hipster"

do any of you know any good lawyers that i can sue you with

Im told that it's wrong to think that Mickey mouse would have 1 million dollars if he was a real person. Im told my beliefs are trash

the varicose vein gamer

struting around in my stepson cowboy hat looking for an ass kicking

expliaining to wife what the phrase "pussy nexus: beyond pussy" means and why it has appeared on my credit card statement like 8 times

In reply to andrew

@intellegint Not My Problem

you may now buy the pdf Version of the book for $8 http://gum.co/drilbook
i will shut the fuck up now. thank you

slave to Woke retweeted

Ako nikada niste čuli za Twiter nalog @dril, to je u redu. Znači da ste emotivno zdravi i da se bavite sportom i sličnim stvarima.

https://www.vice.com/rs/article/mb4dvb/dril-jedini-dobar-tviter-nalog-sada-ima-knjigu?utm_source=vicetwsr

slave to Woke retweeted

availble now...
Dril Official "Mr. Ten Years" Anniversary Collection
the real deal
https://amzn.to/2PtWjS5

@Dwayne9876543 whos that.

@wowprettylady fine then you can just skim through and look at t he pictures like a damn toddler

slave to Woke retweeted

Finally had to unfollow dril after he started shilling a jomny sun style adult baby book. see ya later big guy.

availble now...
Dril Official "Mr. Ten Years" Anniversary Collection
the real deal
https://amzn.to/2PtWjS5

i Fucking hate it when i come at the king and miss, especially when I best not do that

i am the "Walter Cronkite" of game stop. yes i absolutely said it, and no im not deleting it this time.

would like to see the myth busters come back to tackle the myth that its illegal to open other peoples mail

i bet the three stooges would be pissed if they figured out the name of their show. they probably think its called "the three normal guys'

i now concede that girls may be allowed to wear UNDERARMOUR™ brand clothing; but only if they sign a contract stating its for sports reasons

the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it"

they need to put nets up in the baseball fields to catch all the homers. youre wasting so many good baseballs and it makes me sick

people will tell me shit like "oh you cant say kofi annan was no fap. no evidence" and i say, how dare you sully a mans grave, with politics

kicking the shit out of a tree with a sledge hammer, to increase my Stamina

guys think if they squat my user name on emerging social media platforms ill give them $1000 for it , instead of just calling them a Bitch

pleased to report that an angel has lifted the curse against me after doing my "Good Deed" of the year, by tipping a waiter 15%

retiring into the portable dog kennel i live in and shutting the tiny gate to keep the shit heads out

agreed,

baffled as to why the powers that be would insist that me, my Hotwif,e & paramour Hubby can not enlist in the marines together as a Squadron

In reply to CyberM

@Jon_Cyber tha;ts what a pervert would say

stay at home rat

@mcbridesride go whack off else whare

fuck it , if youre still anonymous in 2018 you are 100% a pervert

"I Hereby Sign Over All Content Publishing Rights To 'Paul Dochney,' My Agent And Master" - WINT @dril

the bobs big boy milkshake mix up has become Racial. i repeat, the bobs big boy milkshake mix up has become Racial.

when one of the boys tells me he has to use the bathroom i inevitably respond with some stupid shit like "Alright, Sounds Good"

wasting other people;s Emotional Labor, by posting public screeds about the coming retribution of Lunchables Snack Packs

slave to Woke retweeted

wanking off

steel reserve 211 extra high gravity breast milk

they should make web 2.0 slot machines that show the faces of your loved ones instead of shit like cherrys, the number 7, and the word "Bar"

i love being the guy at pitch fork whose job it is to argue that thr greatest song of all time is "You Aint Nothin But A Hound Dog" by elvis

slave to Woke retweeted

Im walking on some shine , ooooohhhhhhh

the road is a battle field, all the other cars are your enemies, and not using turn signals gives you an Advantage against then

slave to Woke retweeted

Get a life big beard before I kick your ass to

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: homer simpson will stop saying "D'oh" and will instead say "Fuck" , as the Creators originally intended 30 years ago

first they ignore you
then they laugh at u
then you jack off & read posts for 30 years
then you die of pulmonary heart disease
then you Win

the army: forbidden from jacking off. ~99% kill shot rate
the mafia: encouraged to jack off. cant kill guys unless theyre tied to chairs

i can just tell all of you are going to be a bucnh of little shits today and rat fuck me out of another pulitzer price by not retweeting me

$1000000 Post: julian assange walking out of the ecuadoran embassy covered in shit and saying do not go in there like ace ventuera

i gotta say it folks. breast milk tastes like SHIT., "Sorry ladies"

every one on this web site is this guy

had that dream again. a Top Female Influencer grasped my hand and took me to my Forever Home..where i never have to demean myself by posting

when a web site asks if i want to see their "New Design" it is the exact same thing as a man asking if i want to see his penis and ass

In reply to The Associated Press

@AP Cnan I have some please

the games they're putting out these dsys. Damn. Theyre so good that you never even see gamers with depression anymore

"To my unfollowers, I will strive to reexamine my content strategies, and do my best to earn back your follow."
NOt. Eat my Fuckin shit

In reply to @currentvictim

@altblackmale @intellegint Shut Ya Fuckin Mouth

realm of Lamar

#InternationalSelfCareDay riding hood of my 18wheeler freaking out getting shaken baby syndrome & turning red like a boiled crab sucking ass

some one please help this man

mario is back

this codger is an absolute mate... the lad is a flintstone

your damn right im a some of a bitch. soorryest some of a bitch i ever met

you know what wo uld be fun, would be if twitter hq just dumped a truck full of wet turds on my front lawn every day "In case I missed it"

tuesday morning is " Low Engagement " , which means if you absolutely must have a melt down over Followbacks now's the time to do it

sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers

making a Fairly solid argument that tthe same societal sickness that led to Minstrel Shows manifests itself today as "Doggo Shit"

it is a Content Curator's solemn duty, to post links to shit, without freaking out under the intense scrutiny of the craven, impotent masses

reminder that if you block me after sending me a message, i am unable to respond to it

what the fuck is Salt life please

if the pigs decimate my follower count tomorrow–Know this. followers are just a number. devoid of meaning. and they can never take my Likes

it is said that if "BILL GATES" dropped a $100 Bill, it would be a waste of his time to have everoyone within the perimeter terminated

RT @PissingBoys: Retweet if you love #piss! https://t.co/14zfcf3m44

you call this a menu?? where the FUCK are the Heart Healthy Essentials

there is no act more intimate & sensual than browsing a mans "Like" page , and clicking on there without permission is the ultimate betrayal

thinking about getting some miniature Gibson guitar replicas box framed, and hanging thenm up for the boys to come over and look at

the most bone headed move is to just go out and about with a name like "scooter." that shit sucks. Hell no. i would not even name a dog that

slave to Woke retweeted

HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY hoy HOY

slave to Woke retweeted

The best way to spread #Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

#MerryChristmas #25thDec #UrineTherapy @Chillrogg

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep @hambeef but its "Tailored for you"

@wowprettylady this is an attack. you are attacking me

oh look–i failed my forklift operators certification for the 4th fucking time becausse none of the girls on here bothered fucking helping me

sending slowmo footage of my balls undearneath the bathtub faucet being pulverized by the water pressure to ameicas funniest home videos

a dog should never stand on its hind legs for any reason. that is for humans to do only and they look like fucked up chickens

using the skills i learned of mario to traverse a real life pile of crates

meeting up with ErnieTheBlade and ChaosWendell at shakeshack to discuss the depravity of bobbed hair

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale @MichaelSPrete @SheriffClarke do not make my life a living hell

Reminder that we are no longer mailing locks of our own hair to girls, in 2018 .

yanny, and laurel, "SUCKS" !!!! Im back bitch

Gasping for piss

slave to Woke retweeted

For you...

do not "Like brigade" me

big news gang. another A++ app from the theranos company to help me keep track of all my silver ware. let me just say. Wow

my followers know im the go-to Bitch when it comes to interior wood paneling, so if i say its a "no buy", the shit has become seirious

slave to Woke retweeted

CHILLING OUT AT PC

TODAY:
- pissed some body off
- got my ass kicked
- Pissed myself
- got piss kicked into my ass
- ANd its only 2:01 AM.

In reply to virgin

@wwwdotyoutube theyre minds have evolved beyond germs

networking with my friends on here

forgetting if "taking the knee" is good or bad relative ot my belief system but getting pissed off at every mention of knees just to be safe

Seve jobs, bill gates, and Albert Einstein sitting at a table, enjoying a glass of Single Oak Barrel Whiskey , While i watch and smile.

i proudly skim the amount of $17.76 off of all my employees paychecks, because they do deserve pain

just downloaded some of the most all time realistic vagina pics, to my $100 computer

slave to Woke retweeted

1+1=?
Window
Gets?
Retweet
Favorite

slave to Woke retweeted

there is a street dog menace at street no 5 & 6 in yadav nagar at alkapuri in sarornagar. biten atleast 25 people no care taken by mpality

slave to Woke retweeted

I had test driven Fiat Abarth & Urban cross. Excellent. My slogan is Fiat is Fiat, Go for Fiat enjoy Fiat driving

the crack of the bat. the scent of a verdant field. The excitement of the crowd. These are the things that piss base ball fans off the most

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale @neonwario Wanker ! Come off it

summoning. the bang bus

pain man

slave to Woke retweeted

in. Bed

its like i always say folks "you gotta follow my account to get the posts"

im strong enough that i could pull one o f my teeth out right now but i dont want to

banking on becoming one of those guys that consistently sucks so much ass tthat people arent allowed to own me anymore because its boring

stepping into fiveguys hq, just listing hundreds of brand new chef-inspired value combos off the top of my head. Boom. just like that. 1 2 3

hauling ass to the hair place to find tekken chauncey and laying into him with a rolled up newspaper while hes getting a Perm

slave to Woke retweeted

ground in hell

slave to Woke retweeted

Me is all im period

slave to Woke retweeted

First draft of the new branding. What do you think??

slave to Woke retweeted

Sweet Baby Rays Bardecue Sauce >>>

the show wife Swap but for gaming set ups

slave to Woke retweeted

Ou, i fucking hate school

slave to Woke retweeted

Selenagomez

im the one guy on earth who thought it was cool that google glass would allow you to look at your dick and make it shrink/change colors

the 3 poossible reactions i have to tweets
1) nodding sagely
2) slapping forehead & saying "Aw man!"
3) adding it to my muted word list

dont even think about serving me food from taco bell that isnt served to me Méxicano Style

wearing the wrong damn shoes to the basketball court, getting freaked on like a Dunce, getting my ass kicked stupidly

i challenge any man who thinks that my 7 handsome border collies are too loud through-out the day to a round of Chess, the game of kings

The state of the qua;lity of the posts on my feed has never been more fucked. And every one is too busy touching their Penis to give a shit.

having my druthers— and eating them too

desperate Husband , sitting on the toilet and palm mashing all the buttons on the bathroom jukebox trying to get bob seger back on

i love thinking about shit that is "Asethetic" and looking at it and saying how much of good it is

Go To My Ass

the repliers know whats best for my posts. i love to roll over like a dog and let them shit all over my face until its unrecognizable

ruinning a mans wedding by using too many ad Hominem arguments

concerned about t he health of my followers, many of whom appear sickly and have chapped, unwashed elbows, stained with grime

the boys held an intervention about me "Going hollywood" because i;ve been buying plastic toothpicks now

slave to Woke retweeted

IT IS CALL> THE BIG COCK DR. BALDERAS IS STRAIGHT UP.

slave to Woke retweeted

DR. BALDERAS IS THE BIGGIST GENIUS, EVER EXIST IN DIE ERDE, IN THE WORLD, IN THE KOSMOS

slave to Woke retweeted

DEAR MR PRESIDENT THE HONORABLE DONALD TRUMP CENTREL OFFICE OF TWITTER I AM PERSONALLY CONNECTED TWITTER WIH THE 7,000,000,000 SEVEN HUNDRED MILLIO PEOPLE ON ERASTH TWITEER BACOME SO POWERFUL FOR BUSINESS EVERY MOVIE STAR EVERY SCIENTIST . https://twitter.com/tomasbalderas41/status/932263960551837697

the basketball version of a home run is when you throw a basketball really hard at the roof and get it stuck in the rafters some how

fully embracing the power of Social Media at the age of 56 and changing my name to Kim Jong Lexus

In reply to slave to Woke

Wow thifs blew up. While your here please have a look at this: htttp://www.burgerking.com

extremely getting a uti by usnig the same shirt i used to wipe my dogs mouth to wipe piss off of my dick

slave to Woke retweeted

paying a loud, 200 IQ man wearing a sweat band $500 a month to make videos telling me how to wipe my ass properly

slave to Woke retweeted

The best curve on a woman is her smile #TRUTH

slave to Woke retweeted

rt if you kept smiling when you watching you smile :D #itsateenthings

slave to Woke retweeted

When. Girl says," I love HIM." him is meaning = (H)e (I)s (M)ine. I love means= I'm so glad <3

thinking i only have about 80000 more posts to read before i figure out the precise amount of sex that should be allowed in pepsi commercals

this feed is protected by grandma

oh? you want me to take the bad santa posters off my car windows? sorry, i forgot that its a fucking fedearal crime to think things are good

if somone cooks your goose, thats it. youre basically fucked

John Lee Hooker: Boom boom boom boom (guitar riff)
me: hm pretty good. What else you got
John Lee Hooker: Hau hau hau hau
me: Fuck this .

#worldturtleday these beasts are simply armoured rats ,always and forever

babies cant smile. its a biological reflex from the brain stem. its fake. they dont know how to smile

Ok bitch write "Telomere Mindfulnness" on a piece of paper. Go to Golds gym on 23rd, hand the paper to "Eddie" & tell him youre ready to Die

Time to show these douscebags my real power (throws a big tree branch at a guys car)

seeing the cops in the rear view, telling everyone to "stay cool" and cutting hard into the guardrail to flip my car on purpose

(after getting split in half by a 16-inch bullet fired from a boat) waiter theres a fly in my Soup

ME: What do you mean the plane departed. The clock says its only 8:25.
TICKET AGENT: Sir Thats a clock
ME: I know

james bonds jet black diapers that cost $200 each. suit jacket that has Jame bonds signature drawn on the pocket. james bond engagement ring

the guy who hooks me up with Raw Milk locked his account. too many people posted "come to brazil" at him so i guess ill starve to death now

before you threaten to "Pimp slap" me, please remember that i am a police officer of the law, on at least four separate timeline's

"octo mom" will never be allowed to join mensa or the fortune 500. just saying the damn truth like it is

-tweeting about stuff thats off-topic is "Random". never do this.
-tweeting about current event stuff is "Topical". and this is also a crime

getting pecked by birds like a dick head

absolute bastard . of all the fingers you couldve given me, it had to be the middle one

slave to Woke retweeted

i dont need mafia anymore,,how can i remove

slave to Woke retweeted

i regret to join mafiia

(witnessing the flaming wreckage of a 6-car pile up) ah. Respect. More power

do not ever come to my gym with crayons and draw smiley faces all over the walls. i will put your ass in the gutter. i will knock you over

im thinking now, about how pissed off i'd get if i was dining at a 4-star restaurant and the waiter came out 100% nude. do not do that shit

@HollisboyNelson @nomad_thought sorry

In reply to Steven Sicular

@sicular yes thats what i meant. thank you

one matrix pill is Pitbull Holocaust. the other is Pitbull Revolution. i wont say which is which because i dont want people to get mad at me

In reply to michael peterson

@michael27881377 @WildGoose999 why do you want to kill dogs

my dick is in the news agian. and Ouh, whats this?? The damn gas prices are sky rocketing while everyones distracted. Trite.

wife wont speak to me because i thought the movie "night at the muesum" was a porno film about a guy fucking suits of armor or something

using genius Journalism to crush my enemies . . .

injecvting a shit ton of steroids and walking on the treadmill at 3mph

In reply to Steven Sicular

@sicular https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=racistly get a education

In reply to michael peterson

@michael27881377 @WildGoose999 Why

@frozenblueber

ass gas and grass. i love to drive my car for free

slave to Woke retweeted

@kardashian_irma my name john p. ware,jr, soon to be next governor or all official and i will be in hospital or jail,taking command,fucking

slave to Woke retweeted

@cher government sents females to seduce me, one female isnt going to do it, i have 16,000 state police trying to fuck me,pres obama, cia,

slave to Woke retweeted

her i fuctioning as cia doublegent world be awre cia money,bitch will set you up,getting milion cia, white shark john warejr,whiteshark

slave to Woke retweeted

I can smell my birthday.
It's already at the corner.
24th August

trolls: do something productive instead of beatinh your weiners on my page. there are so many birds flying around indoors who need help

helping women by inventing a portable bra dispenser , for when they are on the go

gathering data on various of bastards

my dog approaches me, rolls over on its back, and i vomit all over its stomach. undoing 9 years of trust with this animal

@neiltyson what are the odds, that the letters on the license plate i saw today would just happen to spell "MR.PIMP"

a-list: time line
b-list: group dm
c-list: shit i yell in the car with the windows rolled up
d-list: shit i say while melting down in court

neo pets cinematic universe

saying im going to flip "doug the pug" aorund in mid air with devil sticks . is not a death threat

slave to Woke retweeted

Pimp2

lunch paraphernalia spilling out of the footwell of my car as i pull up to my old high school to steal footballs

by calling them "Stackers" instead of quesadillas, taco bell is legally allowed to fill them with 49% bird shit

In reply to andrew

@intellegint In poor taste.

In reply to andrew

@intellegint Cheer's bitch

people on here treat me like dirt , thats fine, meanwhile hundreds of teens are allowed to go to prom racistly every day

strategically gathering recon on little seasers pizza in the woods behind the strip mall and getting fucking lyme disease

slave to Woke retweeted

@ThugFeet I just don't understand why a picture of me and my sister in the audience of The Price Is Right has to do with Thug Feet

slave to Woke retweeted

WAOPOOOOOOOOI! GOURGES ! YOUR FACE,YOUR LEGS,YOUR BOLAS, YOUR COCK, EVERY THING, VERY, VERY SEXZY MACHO !!

drinking beer out of a humming bird feeder because all of my glasses have bug's in them

the pain of losing my life savings is softened by the big mommas house themed slot machine screaming lines from the famous movie, at me

inventing a new Suit of playing cards: "The Horseshoes"
- We got the king, queen, jack and Ace. All your favorites
- The most powerful suit

three sayings to any fool who would claim that i am the bitch of this website:
1.your god damn right
2. i dont give a fuck
3. you Lose

imagining a judge sentencing a beautiful lady criminal to be my wife , and saying "Oh thats good"

In reply to mike mancini

@mikemancini sponsored by God

When Ur Girl Is "On Point" - Hooking U Up With That Gold Bond Medicated Powder - Because She KNOw That The Dick Good

another blissfful day ignoring the fact that 75% of my peers on this site have been rejected from offline society for pretty good reasons

The Dick Head On Team Chat Whose Smoke Detector Needs A New Battery: Does any one in here know how to fedex a pit bull

how advanced our society has become.. merely 100 years ago you would receive little to no praise for posting the words "Bart Flintstone"

The Pillsbury Dip Shit

the jury is still out on whether building giant statues of my head pleases god, or pisses Him off

every one wants to read my 200-page manifestos about how i refuse to make eye contact with my dentist, or "Get me a man who does both"

discreetly getting my ass kicked

slave to Woke retweeted

Post on facebook status "I'm going to start my deit plan now!" turn around and see chocolate "OH let's postpone it to tomorrow" #ohitstrue

slave to Woke retweeted

Little Ceasers pizza can suck my soft dick!

it is nothing short of miraculous that all the rich people on this website are personal friends of mine, and care about me, and know my Pain

#worldpenguinday please cancel whatever the fuck this is and make a global holiday for oinline content producers with ring worm please.

the Ten click challenge, invented by buddihst monks to enhance Discipline , asks that we limit ourselves to click on only ten things per day

slave to Woke retweeted

Yea u better get that damn car washed or imma beat ur ass

mother fuck Big Gulp ass

slave to Woke retweeted

What's your worse nightmare if your life

prepare to meet thy Focker

dont trust the dna tests. i determine my ancestry by looking at a bunch of racist cartoon characters to see which ones piss me off the most

slave to Woke retweeted

COMEY FBI YOU ARE A MOTHER FUCKER

slave to Woke retweeted

COMEY FBI I REFUSE YOU AT ONCE

slave to Woke retweeted

COMEY FBI I TOLD YOU TO STOP TALKING TO ME IN MY HOME NOW STOP IT NOW

tekken Chauncey is no longer invited to boys brunch after saying that he would like to karate chop the #royalbaby in the stomach

cut the crap 2017

un follow if you do not consider this true power

thinking of turning back into white (Caucasian)

slave to Woke retweeted

If ur not a wife yet, its ok practice the tips so ur a master when u get married. #WifeTips

having you tube intellectuals explain to me how exactly humpty dumpty fucked up , and why he deserves to die

no!! all of you, stotp it!! please! the insight is too Raw!!

In reply to David Lewis

@DavidLewis61 @PrinceR88119601 @Dovewoman1 @CarriWeatherwax reported for Flame Baiting .

slave to Woke retweeted

@Magnum_woof Mags T Husky.please http://unblock.me because i love you so very much and you are such a beautiful.and gorgeous dog please send me a message right now i love to hear http://from.you please unblock me like i said and be friends on twitter dont block

waking up in a cold sweat and screaming about needing one million dollars, the amount of money made famous by Dr. Evil in austin powers 1 .

In reply to I Vote!❤️❤️☮️☮️

@Viktor_DoKaren its fine. i spray it with a hose before eating it

slave to Woke retweeted

garbage can be recycle, but family`s love can't be replace!!!

#thegarbagelove
#loveyourparents

hard core

In reply to Eugene Gu, MD

@eugenegu good thing im not a child

please join me iin eating one hundred bags of romaine lettuce if you are sick of the CDC rubbing their ass in our faces, with politics

slave to Woke retweeted

@CMSAF17 I am trying to figure out if I am being scammed are you selling a polaris 4x4

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale i will end your pain

this is the bad watch thread. post bad watches here. if your reply does not have a bad watch in it you will be blocked

having to hose off 900 screaming animals at my job at the zoo every day is harder than any thing a untied states marine ever did

pissed off by the idea of my ass becoming grass

$5 poison vs $100,000 poison.. which kills more Rats

Im now receiving reports which confirm that barbara bush was electrocuted in a @bestwestern swimming pool. Developing

slave to Woke retweeted

I LIKE #bitcoin

thinking about taking all of the logs out of my fire place and using it as a gamer cave

thinking about a adults version of star wars where all the characters have Depression and saying the word "Bauzinga" to mysef in my car

slave to Woke retweeted

@AngelCardReader I AM KISSING THIS GOODBYE. YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING. DO NOT POST ME ANYMORE. GOODBYE

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic @jakebrodes i will not do it.

`` i will show you the Ass of God ``

i love coming on here every day to interact with a growing network of "CON MEN" and "IMBECILES"

trying to celebrate all these days at once like a sitcom dipshit who accidentally booked 10 fancy dinners at the same time

#FineMenThatEatAss #FineMenThatEatPussy #FineMenThatDontCheat

slave to Woke retweeted

the life is fucking bitch !!!

for the 9th time today a complete stranger has approached me on the street and told me to go suck some ass. "And still the brand endures"

patreon up by $4000/month since i got removed from out back steakhouse for calling all the waiters homos and became a Freedom of Speech guru

it pains me to announce that as of april 5th, 2018, The Economist has severed ties with "Da Ass Fucka"

youll never catch me sitting on the toilet, taking a huge shit ... it aint my style

people are giving and receiving Respect at incredible speeds ... and it is all thanks to the humble computer chip

trying really hard not to be Tryhard

slave to Woke retweeted

CyberDeals coming soon...

In reply to slave to Woke

I will leave the post up to piss off the people who are mad at it. I will remove the post later to piss off the rest of you

In reply to slave to Woke

Guess what. Some people have opinions different that you, so shut the fuck up

In reply to slave to Woke

i try to have fun on here, i try to post something nice, and all of you freaks brutally piss all over me. Im done

update from the good time line—Bacion is legal to eat at work thanks to President Banksy in the whitehouse, now known as the star wars house

elmer fudd with yakuza tattoos. legion of fudd

(getting really into the dunk tank carnival game) Ill show you some pain mother fucker. Ill show you some pain mother fucker

slave to Woke retweeted

Going to lunch.

@frozenblueber @MauriEnvy please continue it outside of my mentions you Ghouls

ufo themed wedding thwarted by sjw `s

flipping your car on purpose is even more of an olympic game, than the actual olympic games

penning a heartwarming screen play about a horse who wins nascar

i just need to say, to anyone reading this.. You are Important, You are loved, and You belong in this world, if you have over 5000 followers

In reply to slave to Woke

@juusukun ????

@juusukun they got him

@juusukun they both do it

@juusukun his account was shut down by the police.

i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch

the absolute perfect shit is scoring a legendary forum handle like "Farkimedes" and making 30,000 posts asking the mods to move threads

imagining the guys on Shark Tank laying into the guy who invented the fucking porky pig character "What were you thinking !!"

executing some advanced high-risk transactions on the Markets. trading my ass medicine for dick medicine

your;e damn right im calm. you bet your ass im acting like a normal person

the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal

Hm lets see. Do I "Shut the fuck uop", or continue exposing the truths of life to the chagrin of the 99% of people on earth who are villains

living vicariously through gamer streamers who are more powerful than me

In reply to caden ☮

@bisexualsonic Yeah. Also he sold his account to buzz feed in 2015 and his psots arent even that good

slave to Woke retweeted

@CotedePabloES That's awesome I would love to see you ziva David. Like I said I named my Jeep after u

slave to Woke retweeted

@TillmannJean Good afternoon ziva David. I am a big fan of you I even named my Jeep ziva David

slave to Woke retweeted

@donutsdebsdibs @TillmannJean @CBSTVStudios I love diva David on ncis to the point were I named my jeep diva David

face news

If youre a milennial who doesnt know what a Farm is "You are part of the aids"

8 Words We Must Never Say In Front Of Father (Number 6 Will Make You Shit)

thinking about shit that i Recognize and smiling

thats right bitch. i single handedly rescued the constitution of the united states...AND I DID IT WITH OUT USING POLITICS !!

Thinking About Saying The Rent Is Too Damn Hi

if you have trouble discerning the "Family Room" from the "Living Room" your house should be taken away from you

tellling my miserable wife and sons all about the Importance of Media

i just think this is the sort of thing that would be nice to have

In reply to Lydia Tár Tár Bink’s

@robdelaney thank you. Theyre all crooks

@frozenblueber @intellegint thank you for getting me mny coffee

@frozenblueber kiss my Thug ass

@CeliaPienkosz oh dear lord

Getting fucking pissed off at the idea of some child from the early 1900s trying to spit shine my shoes

whenever i see one of those roast pigs with apple in its mouth i think "Now theres a real son of a bitch who made the wrong choices in life"

https://www.patreon.com/dril my failing brand

seeing people performing perfect slam dunks on the basketball court is worthless to me. It;s nothing

piss me off forever, kiss the dog shit out of my ass mouther fucker #ShutYourYap

Trying to get clicked on

just read a fascinating article, about how people who try to "Fuck" have the same chemical imbalances in their brain, that the cave men had

Kicking the shit out of the back board on my computer desk because" Dabbing" is bull shit

In reply to @NoShirtPutin

@NoShirtPutin @AaronNagler he changed his mind

Thread. The dog who died in a united airlines overhead bin was a deep state Chaos Agent. Thread, Thread

every day this happens: my followers inject me with a mix of chemicals , And they kill me as they would a sick dog. Every day they do this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF_iu8aZN9s

This Shit Sucks Dog Shit

i piss on your little emails

i despise the toilet. id love nothing more than to kick it through the wall and shatter it into 100 shards of wet porcelain. But i need it

Today , I am every Husband

there were 100 browser games in the 2000s where the goal was to become a Pimp by sending links to people, but thats jsut real life now

slave to Woke retweeted

trying

In reply to @currentvictim

@altblackmale unlock your account you Freak

go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse

I am going to try to have diarrhea today. Because I am not "DEFINED" by my ass

slave to Woke retweeted

How do i follow others or get info on subjects

slave to Woke retweeted

How do i join twitter.

slave to Woke retweeted

How do I join Twitter my name is Armand.

slave to Woke retweeted

How do I get on T witter.

slave to Woke retweeted

How do i join twitter

i would never say something like "Fuck the games world and all its wonderful and mysterious locales. Fuck mario" . i just would not say that

In reply to @Jamesleebrown9

@Jamesleebrown9 u are a hate crime. go to bed

In reply to Paul Joseph Watson

@PrisonPlanet my boss called me a "Pussy" for not wiping my ass

Bot.

doing head stands to let the cum from my balls flow directly to my brain and make me more intelligent

trying to get the girls chat recognized as a hate gruop

Wine and stimpy

In reply to Wiley Vegas

@VegasWiley i fuck all cereal

slave to Woke retweeted

@twistedblissrp hello goddess alexa If ok with you may I please ask you for a follow back please??

#NationalCerealDay i fuck all cereal

@frozenblueber it was a different time. i no longer believe in sex

posting detailed plans aobut how im going to start trying out different shampoos on a gaming forum at age 52

crawling around on the kitchen floor like a fucking dick head and filming my own "Beggin Strips" commercials

#nationalOreoday i will henceforth either "Fuck" or "Spit on" all the "national whatever day" hashtags that the NSA pays twitter to promote

in the year 2030 , "You will be able to order food on the cell phone"

In reply to leigh mcG

@LeighMcTweets loathsome animal

In reply to Swish

@swishfilet his last account had over 10000 but you tube deleted it

In reply to Skunccubus~🔜~FWA=^3^=

@_nicoqueen_

In reply to @jiveass_baloney

@jiveass_baloney

In reply to lebron's jame

@filthyjonas

In reply to 💫きらきらぼし✨🌸

@walkinsfrosty

In reply to Lord Hayati

In reply to 🏳️‍⚧️Lsb. Claire Siegely

@SiegeFeathers

In reply to @realplayerhater

@killedanimage

@BLASTPROCESSlNG

In reply to @demonic_alien

@demonic_alien

this is the new logo. if you want to contact me you have to put the new logo in the email and send it to me. please get rid of the old logo

to clarify, i still think that "Porky Pig" should get the electric chair, but not enough to kill him, just enough to Scare him a little bit

bringing the mame cabinent into my spider hole

restuarants need to start hanging up pictures of their bathrooms outside so i know what im getting before i walk in the damn place

going down to the bank to yell at all the workers there and tell them to keep their greasy mitts off of my stash

microwaving my ass hole in the microwave

thinking of being appointed the official "Bitch" of the NFL

thinking of that 9/11 thread on the pokemon board i used to post on where the Admin said "Welcome to World War 3" & everyone shit them selves

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn now where talkin

The Vagina Monologues, But For Gamers

up until i was about 28, i thought "the 9 to 5 " was a euphemism for blasting cum

fuck the "left shark "

slave to Woke retweeted

Painted my Car same color as Marijuana.

fucking awful

In reply to andrew

@intellegint im going my own way

completing my "Dip Shit" look by donning a humongous bib with a picture of a sailboat on it

I politely requested the post to be taken down. It is still up ass of 2/24/18. It is only fair that the check mark be transferred to my page

as far as im concerned. "fidget spinners" is DEAD IN THE WATER

In reply to Jenna Blum

@Jenna_Blum Take this donw

seems to me, life is aoubt "STICKS"
Age: 1-20 : Selfie Stick
Age 21-90: Walking stick

call me old fashioned, but I donr think waiters should spit in the customers food. Keep it to the toilet or kiss that tip GOOD-BYE

clowns should spend less time making balloon animals and more time making Prayer's

slave to Woke retweeted

@DoctorChristian @tommmmy112 Whats a "dental Dam""

people who like getting whacked in the balls; that shit sucks. youre outta your mind

#TrumpColluded with my freaking nut sack . print this you cowards

hard at work in the Study, pen in hand, orchestrating my next public melt down

thinking that going to Harvard to increase your IQ is something people do once every few months like getting your hair cut

Thats what they do. They rile you up with nonsense posts just so they can call the cops on you and get you arrested. Its called "Intrapment"

"Games rules." - the unknown gamer; c. 1998

i can confirm that favs are "crypto"

time to look at the "Moments Tab". i lay down in the bath tub and a guy smears shit all over my chest with his ass while using a taser on me

"mr. bucket" now theres a guy who clearly does not have his shit together

slave to Woke retweeted

@PlanetFitness there is a guy with a ponytail yelling shit at your Overland Park location. Scaring the hell out of people. Please advise.

slave to Woke retweeted

only gays should follow me

slave to Woke retweeted

I dont want to have username

slave to Woke retweeted

ONE MATCH LOST, AND THIS IS HOW INDIA REACTS, SURPRISINGLY TRUE
Indian Cricket Deserve Respect !!!

slave to Woke retweeted

Teacher: Why are you talking when I am?sp Me: I was talking between you sentences. Not when you was talking. Bitch

slave to Woke retweeted

The smalles't handcuffs: "wedding rings" Via @superjokes

slave to Woke retweeted

Inside every husband is a nation

@FendiToaster in my book im making

it is decided from this moment forward, i will not be clicking on any "SCAM LINKS"

for some reason. people get upset when i say the markets are down because of Bill Watterson's beloved print media staple "Calvin and Hobbes"

slave to Woke retweeted

I want to #scream&shout : Ohh.. YEAH!

slave to Woke retweeted

Life can be hard at most times

slave to Woke retweeted

made a youtube background

slave to Woke retweeted

THIS FRIDAY NAKED ASS & TITIES ALL IN ONE BUILDING!!!

Just got chemical castrated in exchangge for a free oil change at pep boys #Dealmaker #Boss

hate it when my boss knocks out the front leg of my desk with a baseball bat and funko pop lego shit flies every where

@BestWestern worst western

i have proof that the women on here are forming quotetweet gangs to "freak out" and intimidate uncircumcised guys

In reply to synthy☕

@iambuy @hambeef oh for fuck sake .

mlg streamer "BeastModeCosby" loses geforce sponsorship after allegedly using a performance enhancing bed pan

"CODGER LOOSES HIS LUNCH WHILE HAVING A WANK"

IF IT PLEASES THE COURT, ID LIKE TO POST SOME EXTREMLY RELATABLE SHIT:

$̶$̶$̶$̶$̶

In reply to Son of Flying Pig

@RyanWalker78 @Vierance1 @Zevyosho_0 @sailor7 shut thef fuck up you dip shits

io love helping the economy by fucking up while doing downloads and getting 100 coin miners installed on my pc

slave to Woke retweeted

@MTV I hate beavis and botthead

@frozenblueber please do not ruin super bowl sunday with this sort of hting

waiting the customary 20 minutes after someone in the group dm says one of their pets died before posting a picture of sponge bob Nutting

thinking going to the Kingdom of Heaven for fucking one trillion years is a fairly nice deal

thinking about getting the dow jones back on track, simply by making a few phonecalls. but certain people have been a bitch to me, so i wont

slave to Woke retweeted

I am a solution guru and i just solving problems

Time and time Again. People on here Fuck me over and ruin my life. simply for starting the Dialouge

#GroundhogDay is the one day a year where the nation can put asaide the partisan politics and sacrifice a large rodent to God

due to budget constraints the ground hog this year has been replaced by a caged man in a loincloth who also fears shadows

interstate shut down due to reports of 600 pound man chasing a windswept bra

been thinking about it a lot, and i do not believe that anyone will ever come up with a brand name better than "Taster's Choice"

in light of the slender man case id like to remind my followers that teens have also attempted murder in the name of digimon otis

just thoguht of a tiny man standing inside of a toilet. waving a turd in with batons like the airport guys. shopping the idea to buzz feed

slave to Woke retweeted

I really tried not laughing .. Bwhahahahaha .. Fuck!! I'm trying .. Bwhahahahaha .. Hehehe

slave to Woke retweeted

putting all my monitors ad computer stuff on top of the stove i never use so that i have more space to carry out my life style

1/29/18: i do not want to think about or look at the word "Tater Tots"

getting my naval cavity laser removed because i just remembered an article i read in 1997 about how people in Spain were doing it

In reply to Joseph's Wild Years

@chinese_rock Your names not actually "chinese rock"

"cmon!! post it!"
Oh no, i couldnt possibly. Its too fucked up. Too raw
"cmon!! ya gotta post it!"
Very well: NHL Players should wear hijabs

if you have less than 1000 followers i can guarantee you that me and the boys share your posts in vip chat rooms and call you a "Muthafucka"

"The people who say i should get a life are the real ones who should get a life" - Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum , Crown Prince of Dubai

buiying up all the graphics cards and making them cost over $1000 so i can computer generate my own new episodes of "Arli$$"

Many consider Reddit,com to be the "Front Page" of the internet, and yet, in the year 2018, I am called a Bastard for saying this.

explaining to the boys at the auto shop what the "you know i did it to him" man is iwth the inflection one might use to discipline a child

slave to Woke retweeted

@RubyOfficialx hey ruby was just watching you on chatterbate its subaruman47 seems i got blocked again xx

slave to Woke retweeted

That moment when I'm completely happy with my relationship and some try's to tell me it's not right for me #ShutTheFuckUp I'm happy thanks

slave to Woke retweeted

I get on twitter nd C all the drama nd ppl sayin shit 2 get on ppls nerves I realize that sayin #ShutTheFuckUp is necessary. leave em alone

love when i lose aobut 100 followers immediately after making a beautiful post. the weak shriveling up into dust. Thats called darwin

looking for medicines that will make the fish in my koi pond shit less often

saying it again: my nick name is "Mr Shut the Fuck Up" because i tell people to shut the fuck up not because i love shutting the fuck up

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dasharez0ne/da-share-z0ne-the-devils-level-card-game/ i helped make this so its good. check it out. like and subscrihe

@frozenblueber remove me from this conversation please

the floor of the new york stock exchange breathlessly awaiting MetalGearEric's review of the BK Rodeo Whopper before erupting in chaos

thinking of wrapping my entire body in barbed wire and becoming Sovereign

Just saw it on CNN: Thyere coming out with a new batman #NewBatman

me and my friend bill gates live in fort knox now and if theres one thing i enjoy laughing all the way to its the bank

slave to Woke retweeted

auto service
http://vkontakte.ru/club16136941

slave to Woke retweeted

Follow@girls_master

eating shit sucks ass. and sucking ass sucks shit

daffy and donald duck: "SAME SHIT , DIFFERENT ASS HOLE"

falling down a stair case completely unscathed after executing a perfect series of Block techniques

people whose retweets equal endorsements belong in a fucking cage

#Trumps1stYearAtHogwarts

slave to Woke retweeted

We gotta have a sports life.

slave to Woke retweeted

Boobs that's are favorite pillow!

slave to Woke retweeted

Picking up girls. That's just us guys

slave to Woke retweeted

Girls: why did you do that? Guys: it's a guy thing.

slave to Woke retweeted

Hii please i need to JOIN the antichrist please to be provid the music.

I need help from the antichrist please jioned 666 iluminati

2017: writing shitty articles called like "Disruption: The Praxis of Chaos"
2018: saying astronauts put tubes up their ass to suck the turds out

cajun seasoning and old bay seasoning might seem quite similar, but closer examination will reveal that one of them is far more Racist

I own the best law firm in the tri-state area, my wife earns $200,000 a year making ginger bread houses, and we will never hire a US Veteran

@gayh0rney I refuse to provide counsel to one who sees fit to carry the user name "Gay Horny" .

i could not help but notice that everyone you see online is either really a dumb ass, or genius, or average intelligence

optimizing my hyper links, for the fiscal year,

Thinking about saying "Fuck" on SNL. What my brand needs most right now is for me to say "Fuck" on SNL. How do i get to go do that

extracting rare metals from my jeans

The ultimate weopon

this page is now protected from dick heads and shit heads

ive decided that it is Anti-Jobs, to demonetize the youtube guy who went to Mecca and flung angrybird plushies at the cube or whatever

im at Ces baby. they got an app that makes your phone do gun noises and fat wet asses, flying around goerge jetson style

overseeing my pages, patiently watching all the guys i follow do their 'Bits' and mentallly assigning them to various demeaning castes

slave to Woke retweeted

sex ass

#LawEnforcementAppreciationDay i appreciate my god given right to enforce the law all over this web page

slave to Woke retweeted

Like to know how to "create your own economy?"
www.NewIncomeSolutions.com

getting shot directly in the ass execution style while crawling through a duct

im dumb as a slab of turds, and i am Here for it

due to my latest getting pissed off, i shall hence forth refer to Turner Classic Movies as "toilet classic movies"

gravitational waves huh., is that like the super moon

journalism is the hardest job on earth...I have to look at so many sites, and everyones trying to trick me into posting pics of my whole ass

@frozenblueber @eedrk @badtravelpod here

jh

#ImNotAntisocialImJust an imbecile that smells like guinea pig cage

@frozenblueber please just try it.

the only font i like now http://www.fontspace.com/blue-jay/smilin-john

the epic shit of 2017; is the boys getting TheSegaPimp fired from his job at The Red Cross for not wishing me a "Happy Halloween"

slave to Woke retweeted

Hard at work rebuilding my porno network, but liking the results thus far #MrPorno

slave to Woke retweeted

Adding the finishing touches onto a new 'social commentary' site. It's a #fuckedreality and I plan to speak on it

if youre going to ride my a$$... at least Fuck my car

(folloiwng the waiter to his car) Sir. Sir. Can you confirm or deny that the Southwestern Chipotle Chicken Paninis here are "Chef Inspired"

cameras are off now. everyones diapers are frozen to each other and 1000 us marines are now separating them all with swords. horrible scene

slave to Woke retweeted

U ARE MY CHRISTIAN WIFE BECKY! GOT THAT?

slave to Woke retweeted

who is want to have good man as a husband.

In reply to slave to Woke

Thread

Used to be you could get on stage & say stuff like "Tickle me elmo fucks" and people wiould shower you with praise. Standards are now higher

In reply to slave to Woke

This has been being said by people.

let us be very clear on one thing, with all of these posts going around. tickle me elmo, does not "Fuck" . Youre out of your mind

friendly reminder to all of my followers not to commit any Crimes in 2018. crimes are 2017 shit "Miss Me With That"

the ultimate

@ScottyDreamboat Its smart

slave to Woke retweeted

I find myself staring at people sometimes #thinking.."#Wow and you tied your shoes this morning?"

slave to Woke retweeted

25 Year Old Infosys Techie Murdered At Office, Guard Arrested #Infosys #softwareEngineer #Murdered

slave to Woke retweeted

Just starting my web jobs

slave to Woke retweeted

I so heppy .but my start to tewtter id...ulalalalalalala

me: May the coffee be with you. Beer is the red 100 to me
intelligent Bill Gates: You are a Fraud. Confess

In reply to @BurgPug

@trash_horse by getting really mad at poeople for having their dick sucked

letting millionaires shit all over my house and piss on my pets for $0

being a dumb ass on here is fucking Stupid

my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat

abusing my vile neighbors by putting leaflets around which state that i am now to be referred to as "Daddy's Golden Goose"

I lpove making my credit rating lower by having my wife painted on the side of my car

you know what they say..if you fail constantly, if everyone thinks you suck ass, and you do other bad things. "You will get $1,000,000 soon"

fucked up my hand while trying to pry open a jar of cherries with a Shuriken

just fired 300 Journalists . And it feels so good

Geting my ass kicked by italian guys in the tiny bathroom at the back of the bus

Whats great is I can get online & read 100 peoples opinions about Kevlar Vests, and at least 2 of them are guaranteed to be probably correct

@frozenblueber Fuck your gears

worst part of being my masseuse is having to suffer a 5 minute monologue before hand about how i think your job is actually extremely normal

people who try to read my posts out loud in public get their ass beat. they get jumped and put out to pasture

" And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority. "

as wander my study, Quill Pen in one hand, Whisky in the other, i muse, one might perhaps take me for a Famous Author, from the days of old,

pregcore

@CeliaPienkosz absolutely disgraceful

i would love to lift all of my pathetic, frail followers by the ankles and huck them like tomahawks

Wow , imagine an office where the employees are not just allowed to have fun... its ENCOURAGED

My User Experience Conditions - 12/17/17 :
- Will click only 3 links today
- Muting the word "Bluray"
- Unmuting the word "Wendys"

Maximum Security Gamestop

sometimes i wonder if i could slice EpicWayne in half with one swing of the blade. but its probably really hard to

getting a 4k monitor so i can make posts

the more i think about it , the more it seems to me that apes look like fucked up versions of humans

running some scams out of my scam tent

cave man: ou ou ou,. keep net neautral so me can download Porno
Monopoly guy: why not jack off to a Turner Classic Movie instead

slave to Woke retweeted

Get extra security for your computer. Tech Fortress catches spyware and protects your PC. http://aol.it/2dVbPq6

' george bush master of porno '

Stand My Ground Mother Fucker

people ask me on here, what is the reason for the season. The reason for the season. is of course, " SANTA "

the mall santas all shit into a salad bowl hidden beneath their throne and the elves have to go wash it out in the fountain every hour or so

some fool's just need to be knocked the crap out of

slave to Woke retweeted

I always have a knife on me, only the best of course. Some ask why, well its the ultimate tool. #knives #genius #followme knifegenius.com

Give this the retweet if you agree that ALL beanie babies deserve to be worth $100 , and also that Water boarding is not tortore

funds removed from 1000s of accounts, markets crash, after deranged poster says that charles schwab & company "touches there self at night"

friendly reminder that if you do not heed enough of the friendly reminders on your timeline, you may sever 1 finger as penance

im sorry the trolls bugged my office and everyone had to hear me say "heres your sign" over and over again in a shitty bill engvall voice.

just had the check Mark for 6 mins, but lost it by posting a picture of the back of some guys head with the caption "White people be out here"

Can i citizens arrest girls

just set up My Quicken Loans accounts for a whole small ecuadorian village, entirely on chrystal meth. keep doing your little posts though .

VERIFY!! VERIFIY THIS ACCOUNT! THE TROLLS ARE BREAKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS!! I NEED THE CHECK MARK !! NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!

my promise to my followers... is that i wil;l never become the "freak of the week"

slave to Woke retweeted

Rightly said by a married man....I was a dude before marriage...............now I am subdued !

slave to Woke retweeted

Husband is the poor guy who's always under the impression that he is bossing the house, when all that he's doing is just housing the boss.

slave to Woke retweeted

After 15yrs of marriage a wife asked
her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly and said:
ABCDEFGHIJK.
"What does that mean...

slave to Woke retweeted

Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.....

slave to Woke retweeted

SMS TO WIFE : " Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks...

slave to Woke retweeted

A potato was interrogated by police...
.
.
After three hours of torture he broke down and said :
Mai batata hoon... Mai batata hoon!
...

slave to Woke retweeted

Wife: I Love U I Cn't Live Without U! Mar Jaungi...! Mit Jaungi..! Pagal Ho Jaungi..! Zehar Pee Jaungi..! Tere Pyar Me Fanna Ho Jaungi!...

getting pissed off at the idea of someone going on to wiki pedia and changing the name of the japanese suicide forest to "Warios Woods"

#WorldwideHandsomeDay looking dumb as a dog in my piss-yellow tuxedo whilst i spend hundres of dollars on international phone calls

at the advisement of my Probation officer .i will now be taking questions on the despised reddit .com with @kcgreenn https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/7gwz5a/were_dril_and_kc_green_and_were_the_good_internet/

ah man. how embarrassing. i chose the user name "CondomMaster" a long time ago, back when condoms were cool. dont look at it

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn i reserve the right to have reddit "Shut Down" if the questions become too rambunctious

In reply to ''Steve''

@extranapkins hes the ceo of arbys now

just deleted some posts that may have been considered hostile towards people who like to show their dick in public. i was wrong on this one.

slave to Woke retweeted

I'm going to update some disney jokes tonight. Don't miss it.

getting my pud Encrypted , like peter thiel

My friends love disapppointing me with whips

going ape shit at the gym. rotating in full 360 degrees with the boys, flawlessly synchronized

" nothing is stronger than power. " - qdoba_NoScope

i hereby disavow EpicWayne, who now says that my "ears are fucked-up shaped" , and that i "let dildos roll around in the footwell of my car"

nice mug.. the words should be on the side thoguh

im afraid i must say that i do not find the mysteries featured on "scooby-doo" challenging enough .

a reasonable compromise, would be to let the ISPs track our Gaming & reward more net neutraility to guys who get the most headshots & combos

hope to make this somehwat of a tradition: the "Show Us Your Turkey" event. i'd like to see your beautiful birds, on this thanksgiving day

can anyone link me some good User Agreements to click yes on,

due to timezone discrepancies i request a motion that all pictures of food in group dm be referred to as "Lunch pics", even if theyre dinner

slave to Woke retweeted

@simpsonscheats thank you so much for the hook up.very pleased now with my Springfield great service.

slave to Woke retweeted

Whos the coolest Bart Simpson whos smarter than all of Bart Simpson, who the funniest family Bart Simpson! And so on ...

slave to Woke retweeted

@emilycarlile You are just another moron that has no clue about weapons or how to use them

getting pisse d off imagining my trolls and dissenters crawling around my house in little butler outfits and expecting tips

slave to Woke retweeted

looking at ass

keurig is building a Mausque inside of a Dave and Busters, and Heres why it matters:

thre most classic shit is when somebody on tv or in real life says "What about lunch"

i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest

dming all the accounts on here who pretend to be horny versions of smallville characters, demanding to know their long-term business plan

women aare setting unrealistic body standards by expecting me to wear a tuxedo 24/7 and to not flip out at waiters

the most disgusting accounts on here are making claims like, "Fred Flintstone is a pimp" , with zero evidence

my followers behave extremely errratically, like a bunch of sick animals, whenever i go "Out of character" to post aobut Mens Wearhouse

it is my displeasure to report that the TWITTER-MASTERCARD group has frozen my credit card for posting "The monster mash sucks"

i will never name my son "Rufus" . that, to me, is a dogs name

some one has got to stop this guy

my followers know i Abhor racism, but i especially dont agree with the thing from old cartoons where black people have dice for teeth

My dick is wearing a neck brace

this web site sucks my fucking dick. it sucks balls
(they add the 280 characters)
you blew it. this website sucks shit now

@frozenblueber pevrert

things the trolls won't allow me to have:
- the blue check Mark
- the 260 characters
- a nice plaque that says "twitter power user"

reminder to all mh followers that if something i post catches your eye you can "Like " or share it to your friends w/ that re-tweet button

@frozenblueber @adultblackmale @InsideHoops you will take your place upon the cross, you will bear every last "Tag" and suffer as i do

@frozenblueber @adultblackmale @InsideHoops please do not embarrass me in front of "inside hoops". you dip shits. you fucking animals

slave to Woke retweeted

nothing

slave to Woke retweeted

horny

i love getting my gun opinions from cartoon characters and capping government drones from 900 miles away before they blow my shitty house up

tthe best posts are the ones that are like, "Never tell some one with pectus excavatum to shut the fuck up"

posts: "the best stuff is in here"

the trolls hav been hiding "Easter Eggs" in my favorite DVD menus, to encourage exploration & experimentation at the cost of my leisure time

slave to Woke retweeted

@Wendys Unprofessional and disrespectful employees. I'm not playing "too slow" with my bag of food like a child. Store#3466

jacking off more often (due to Stress) and also jacking off less often (due to Stress)

slave to Woke retweeted

afread of scary movies just call me and i'll watch it with u girls dont worry at all just call me and i'll watch it with U and u wont be

twitter hiring sherlock holmes to prowl the office wih a magnifying glass and find the employee who posted "Aids piss" on the pizza hut acct

i spend a lot of time thinking about how good it would be if someone finally developed a sports app ,"For the fans"

slave to Woke retweeted

test

slave to Woke retweeted

This account is going to be dedicated to helping gamers with their games or consoles, watever you need.

consider this: the time and energy it took for you to tell me to "Shut the fuck up" could have instead been used to breast feed 10 orphans .

muting people who like to talk aobut "The news" instead of posting vignettes about being forced to pour mouthwash down their ass crack

thinking about running out of toilet paper and having to wipe my ass with like, dental floss, or a mouth wash bottle, and getting very upset

(speaking into phone) get me on the computer

if you add me to the dumb ass group chats full of guys i dont know you better believe im leaking that shit to the cops. i do not give a fuck

id love to do some posts on here

cruising the streets of night time in my Hyundai Sonata... looking for drunk drivers to ram into

my favorite combo, you ask? i'll not say to you.

you come on line and challenge me with a user name like "Lesbian Mr. Clean" , i will not respect you, regardless of your skill lefvel

ideally...Sleepys Mattress Professionals will get on board with printing "DRIL TWEETS" on-product, and pull both our brands out of the Abyss

delighting my friends and family by doing the chris rock routine about "The Big Piece of Chicken" but in a worse voice

obliterating my load with a blow torch

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush alvin and his chipmunks have not evaded my scorn

despite the most recent of shit my enemies are now saying, i will never be found, standing on my front lawn , using a "Hula hoop "

My followers are sick thugs, they are Debauched imps, and they love to be made to howl like dogs when i call them my little sewer bitch rats

I`ll not be watching the halloween themed episodes of "Wheel of Fortune", as I dont find them scary even a little bit. Please and thank you.

father wont stop opening my amazon boxes—How to proceed? (Self,Legal)
TOP VOTED: put a live wire in his car & light his ass up. Cook his ass

thinking of abandoning dreams of becoming a Senator, so i can post about yelling "Fuck" in the bathroom because i accidentally became racist

bewildered by this one star review of a pocket pussy from a verified buyer that is just the word "Stupid"

theres pills on amazon that make your loads bigger but the guys in the 1-star reviews say they give u diarrhea. dont know whats real anymore

I shall perform no new downloads , until this wolrd and the people of it can post along side each other in Harmony, I shall download no more

obliterating my illustrious career as "guy who assigns letter grades to southpark episodes" by begging girls to send me their dental records

just put my elbow bthrough the monitor because i thought the cursor was a bug again. nevertheless this setback will not slow down my posting