dril archive

my top advisors are drafting various contingency plans for when all my miscreant followers overdose to death on chilis southwestern eggrolls

BREAKING: Millionaire rapist rehab facility lost to random gas explosion—Dozens of 2nd chances tragically denied—"Mist of splinters & flesh"

i would appreciate it if my followesr called me "Sir" , like they would a Police Man, or any one else with the power to destroy their lives

Id like to sincerely apologize for being a beady eyed little fuck-freak. Im hell's shit. Im dog shit's ass. Brand me with a hot iron. Sorry

Wife says i should shit in the yard until the toilets fixed. Itll be ok if i cover myself in a tarp. But i want to shit in the broken toilet

@frozenblueber i will drag you out of here kicking and screaming, but for the sake of protecting all girls from my horrendous posts

Everoyone please. Stop sending in things like "Cum" when snack brands do the "guess the mystery flavor" contest. They will stop doing them

ive decided
A. every white colored food is vanilla flavored. especially popcorn. especially mayo
B. this opinion will be shown on The News

im not saying i dont respect the flag. just saying id respect it more if it was a picture of something thats good to me. like someones lunch

just had a nightmare that my account was permanently suspended for referring to "the beach boys" as "the beach boy shit boys"

i love "Going hollywood" by retweeting burger king and lock heed martin 1000 times

just wasted an entire afternoon at the court house trying to copyright th e phrase "Trump look like a uncle"

seeing the words "Farm Fresco" on a billboard and having to pull the fuck over from becoming Overstimulated

"calling out" magnetGirl77 for telling me that my dick looks like "a piece of fried calamari"

folks if you think haunted house is scary this halloween i invite you to look at the damn economy and thj dow jones

@TockTockTock TAKE THIS OFF LINE IMMEDDIATELY

this mother fucking snake who wrote this apartment listing is trying to pad the list of amenities with shit like "dart board"

propsoing to twitter a groundbreaking event called "The Banquet of Forgiveness" , where every blocked person on every account gets unblocked

thinking of replacing both of the license plates on my car with a picture of a different car

sick and tired of people assuming im taking a shit whenever i go to the bathroom,; while im actually just running my diaper under the sink

fdreaming of that special moment when i can look into my wifes eyes and say "Thank you. Thank you for marrying me"

if i do not get my postcount up to 5 digits by the end of this year my peers will forever think im a shit head and my account will be erased

ALERT: don pablos app has malware that photo shops your pics to make it look like youre crying & sends them to every girl on my contact list

if you put one of those 280 character junkheaps on my feed ill flip a coin to decide if i should block you. i will let God choose your fate.

all of my followers are lousy hob goblins and all of the people who dont follow me are dirty dog ghouls

hear this trolls: ive been secretly respecting the flag in the privacy of my garage for 12 hrs a day , maxing out its power to insane levels

mournful day fpr comedy fans, upon news that the wife character on "Kevin Can Wait" will be beheaded with a sword between seasons 1 and 2

im pleased to report, that once again , beer has been voted the Coldest drink

yeauh, let me just follow the fucking "YouTube" account, on twitter. thats fucking normal

In reply to @georgiehunr

@Georgiaraphy this is an attack on not just me , but all boys

@hizzaerd looks like the circus is in town again

geting a bunch of reptile habitat sun lamps to beam some much needed vitamin d into my fucking obese skull while i do the rounds on sites

@MurrayOverboard @JoshnonameBruno @politiquestions @buttermilkbup @0ddette @trash_ebooks @AhmedinhoJr @tankchihuahua @thucydiplease @SoberedByBricks @bryanjbergman @jobhaver @Umfuld @NerbieDansers @dammitbabies @DecayDJK @AlexNGordon @aklingus @cisjender @PC_ @TradWifeWineMom @spllck @communalsauce @christlover2000 @damienredicamn1 @hellodog7 @shanley @comradeSammy @mikedelic @HatTheButcher @prehellenistic @PennyRed @olivegarden @StruggaloCircus @PeachesAndHam @samthielman @tankietakes @Israel @UngodlyAtheism @benshapiro @liberalism_txt @WillMcAvoyACN @Mobute @MattBruenig @jacobinmag @dog_rates @elle_chiefelk @RadioFastLane @virgiltexas https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&q=from%3Adril%20hell%20hour&src=typd my policy of hell threads is clear , do not disrespect my Feeds

us military displays extremely rare princeess diana beanie baby w/ certificate of authenticity in the most devastating show of force to date

the Police have stated that rubber neckers and looky loos trying to sneak a peek at the irradiated diaper on 295 will be blasted with poison

irradiated diaper on 295 blocking up traffic - 500 car pile up - some one come get this thing

if u know what the word "consoles" means. son , you might be a Gamer

slave to Woke retweeted

the joker
fatboy slim şarkısı. kedili bi klibi vardır.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdqvvrs9zuw +

In reply to @Joeybird_

@JosephCumstar because i dont know any one in there and they,re all dick heads

since about 1000 people asked , the reason i stopped posting my ass wiping logs is becausr the trolls were using that data to terrorize me .

- ass kicked in hooters parking lot
- thinks thunder storms are fake
- donated 200 Emeralds to the police

#ThursdayThoughts is and will forver be the shit version of #TheThursdayNiteRant

i have successfully avoided getting a "Charlie Horse " through out my entire adult life .

"be the james you want to see in the world " - James Bond

Petition To Ban Actomom 93 of 1,999,999 Signatures

enjoying my Microsoft

In reply to andrew

@intellegint @PlatoMachiaveli the more the merryer bitch

@dwayne483 "Yow... That aint right"

i have decided to become an Oil magnate, after spending quite some time reading the dictionary definition of the word "magnate"

the wright brothers would be disapointed in people who would rather get on their cellphones and talk bathroom than discover the cure of aids

the way i see it, it seems these days, it seems impossible to have a good Economy, in this economy, as i see it

@hizzaerd @mikefossey Yes

@hizzaerd @mikefossey the man him self

learning how to say "1 2 3" and "hut hut hut" at army

all replys to this will get block-buttoned

slave to Woke retweeted

あぁMeat Boll　おいしそう

9/15/17: 0 "DRY DAY"

slave to Woke retweeted

kim qardashyan

installing a cyborg tube in my tuxedo which frequently sprays my ass with various advanced powders

slave to Woke retweeted

wishing u was here with me... wishing u might read this and drop the bullshit so we could love eachother...

slave to Woke retweeted

@Kockse fuck u

slave to Woke retweeted

u love me?fuck u baby and go shit

slave to Woke retweeted

follox Xmen056

Make normal car horns "LOUDER"
Make Fire Engines, Ambulances and Police Cars "LESS LOUD"

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario

there are only like 4 girls on this entire site, and theyve all blocked me for saying that snow white and the seven dwarfs are muslim

got all these tabs open like "Girl poison husband rate" and "Poisoned husband body count" researching if i should want to have a wife or not

this site is fucked

my most significant personal cultural advancement in the past 10 years is thhat i no longer think the restaurant "Chili's" is any good

9/14/17: 45

my doctor needs me to keep a log of how many times i wiped my ass but i dont have a pen & paper so i have to do it hgere. sorry
9/13/17: 310

4.2 TB of VR compatible slo-mo footage featuring a man with no teeth shooting a bra using a dsr precision sniper rifle and pistol wipping it

In reply to @thechicagokid

@thechicagokid @MountanElizabad @ladygaga im sorry spider man. please forgive me spider man

In reply to Lady Gaga

@MountanElizabad this is not the real lady gaga... do not engauge

to me the most normal career path is to fail at show biz and resort to getting paid by defense contractors to make reddit psots or some shit

@AbusiveProstate do not show me Loyce

the guys who make steaks should make all of them "grade A" steak,. ythese guys have been making this shit for 1000 years, no more excuses

id like uh...medium, w/ pepperoni, sausage and onion. just to piss off the trolls. id like a 2-liter of coke to piss off the trolls as well,

slave to Woke retweeted

I Post Only To Make PPL #Think, I am not #Fool enough to presume to change any minds... I can only make you think...

slave to Woke retweeted

I'M BACK YALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

slave to Woke retweeted

tryin to figure out how to make some damn money on the internet

In reply to 🐟 jitka 🐟

@jitka @othersome its true. i selll my account to a less funny person every year just to rile people up

im sorry but, when you people reply to my posts with things like "Fuck you" and "Fuck your Account" it makes me look like a real dumb ass

#WENDYSHOAX

In reply to JON PᐰUL

@OptimistThinks ill place you in a comma

only TRUTH can bring the the Message Troll , the common dumb ass ,to his knees, so that we may bring the blade down… https://twitter.com/i/web/status/905515975906398209

i will never have, never have thought of, and never will think about, engaging in "Raw Dog" intercourse wih my wife

im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.

studying videos on you tube that other people took of me flipping out and thinking of ways i could make my mouth louder some how

i hate all of "Groupthink" , except for the groupthought that group thinks that groupthink is bull shit

my Piss is busted ...

I consider making my posts good a Moral Imperative . I owe it to my follower's to deliver them a product completely devoid of Nude imagery .

I WANT " 1 2 3 "
1. MY DICK SUCKED
2. MY POSTS LIKED
3. MY ASS KICKED

when my friends on here create promo accounts for whatever side projects theyre doing but dont follow me on them..its fine. im relaxed of it

doing my favorite " Shit head " activity, kissing a cactus after being fooled nby a mirage

the troll wedges the curb between my ass as i lay on my side. "no!" i shout. "im a content producer!!" he stomps my ass cheek, finishing me/

just sold 1000 guns to "CONGO" in my most radical act of self care to date

they should put slot machines in the mc donalds. i want to win baby

wife's... you gotta get your man a blue tooth

as sure as i am a VETERAN`S SON , i will never move over and let an emergency vehicle pass me , no matter how loud it is

Get Your Head In The Game:
YouTube .com - "Get Your Head In The Game"

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN @bobby @Car1osDiaz @DrPhil the trolls have gone too far this time .

In reply to CÑÑ

@Car1osDiaz @bobby @BAKKOOONN @DrPhil did i miss something good

@hizzaerd theyre my jeans

my new jeans

girls legs 2017. legs getting shot by paintball guns. "Is legs normal." legs on the mind. annihilated by legs

when it comes to eating things at restaurants i love the shit that is "Fresco"

just admiring my "Pornfree" badge .

@hizzaerd @Hermit_Thrush are you ok. is he hurting yiou (pulls out tiny flashlight ) open your mouth

i am above choosing sides here. i hope they either become friends & cancel the match, or beat each other completely to death simultaneously

writing fan mail to the police, suggesting some new laws that i think would be good

In reply to @venomfckr

@venomfckr @hotwife009 @InterJosh1 All of you sh it suck ass

Keep Colm and Look
at
my posts

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax about 180 seconds

always needed a come back for this one ...

" pivot to Toilet "

slave to Woke retweeted

Rt Si Aces Esto

looking to "Max Out" my ball's

MIss the days when i could post something like "Crisp Angel: Birdfreak" and get immedialtey a check for 1 Million dollars

Good

my stystem can predict all lottery numbers with 100% accuracy. but not the powerball number. it is too powerful

i truly believe that i will usher in a new era of peace and prosperity when i get every single post on hthis fucking website deleted by 2022

becoming Inmortal and laughing . . .

broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him

if real life was a tv show. the eclipse would be one of the episodes of it

closing my eyes and mentally visuelizing my enemies bodies, in 3d , to analyze them for weak points

slave to Woke retweeted

I Want to stop the messeg's

slave to Woke retweeted

Follow@diapershouse

slave to Woke retweeted

Set user name Wowa flaky

slave to Woke retweeted

I am on my way...

slave to Woke retweeted

try a lubricant to give your guy a wicked handjob

every one must wear a free speech diaper to protest twitter deleting posts that say "Fuck the ecliopse" and "The eclipse is some fake shit"

i love going to video games forums and posting shit like "Please tell me how to like Mario"

red onion, green onion, yellow uonion, folks this isnt a food, but a traffic light. Get that like button

In reply to slave to Woke

it is just a nice "Something extra" , that's there if you want it. Dont know why the trolling brigade is shitting me off over this one .

many people do not realize that after you enjoy a meal out at a restaurant you can pour the entire salt shaker inyo your mouth as a bonus

i do not 'Get' porky pig

my favorite feature of this site is absolutely no consequences for my opinions sucking ffucking ass and me being 100% wrong about everything

top ten how do you stop trolls jokes
Q:how do you stop a troll
A:Get his key board

I CAN CONFIRM HERE AND NOW THAT THE USER GOING BY THE NAME OF " OPRAHS_DICK " HAS NO AFFILIATION WITH HARPO PRODUCTIONS— " BLOCK THAT SHIT "

I Love say ing shit like, "At the Louvre, Even the BATHROOMS are nice"

it saves me so much time , to get my knowledge and opinions of politics from the same guy who sells me eyedrops that make my dick bigger

thje teen choice awards blows the kids choice awards out of the fucking water instantly, zero contest #culture #TheArts

before you shit on me, lnow this. i have a black belt in shut the fuck up. and - let me finish - i have a college degree in shut the fuck up

@hizzaerd dont post thjis. its a work in progress

pistol whipping my self to gain Endurance

taking the great Hot Water Challenge in the sky

i get emails. i get emails saying the trolls have won, and that i should bow to them, since i have lost the battle. to this i say FAT-CHANCE

i deeply apologize for giving like thirty of my followers panic attacks after posting "Whats for lunch " at 1am EST .

darknet 2002: pics of dead guys in bath tubs, warez
darknet 2017: discussions amongst the boys as to which of our acquaintances aren t funny

im bringing back Lunch... #TheComeBackOfLunch

In reply to tony

@j_buks @CDPSays @leyawn @evepeyser i perceive everyone on this website as a dip shit

im sorry every one. the mayor ran out of key to the cities so they had to give me the key to all the girls bathrooms instead

In reply to Lisa Talmadge 🐝

@LisaTalmadge @RadicalGoats @HoarseWisperer @bravenak @Top25Rankings @RonClandon @LooseCile

shacking my head at peoples crap...

thinking abou t having a phase in my mid-50s where i wear a whislte every where i go and make everyone around me call me "Coach"

In reply to @riptiff

@riptiff @slinkyjohnny

#ConfessYourUnpopularOpinion coats are just big shirts

@DrOz can i use a plunger to unclog my ass hole

people will be so pissed off when every AI system independently & consistently determines that the absolute perfect tweet is "Dolezal Rules"

Thinking about getting very pissed off on the computer today .

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush they're both are.

watching hours of people on you tube destroying "Dennis The Menace" logically to max out my SAT scores and live my Best life

im sorry for posting that vid of me sitting on the toilet and sneezing like 8 times in a row, and ive ordered my top men to try to delete it

(apprehensively tries pouring some orange juice and knocks the glass over like a piece of shit ) ah , they dont make em like they used to...

is pregnant part of lbgtq #LGBTBabes

picture now, on this Warm Summer's Night, if all the "SWEARS" on this page were replaced with helpful links to mazda "Sign and Drive" events

In reply to Al Giordano

@AlGiordano al digiorno please stop uyour cowardly efforts to defame this delicious treat

i often disagree with DigimonOtis, but his efforts to keep Sharia Law out of the donkey kong 64 wiki are much needed in this wolrd of danger

i post at the pleasure of my follower's. people can typd shut the fuck up at me and im not going to. i post at the pleasure of my follower's

slave to Woke retweeted

look for wife

"Oh I was just PostShitting for laughs" EXactly. And that is why U forever languish in obscurity while i engage brands U could only dream of

the idea of saying "Oh, Absolutely. Absolutely" in the demonius voice every time i bust my load has suddenly become very good to me

Asexual VR

wish that for one day, for just one day, that i may live in RAT'S WORLD ...

genius hack: keep all of your toilet paper in the car so you have to walk all the way out there to wipe your ass. it 's "Good Exercise"

switch handle to "Gamer Wonk"

@KidRock when will the snake people of washington dc wake up and stop suppressing the release of "Bawitdaba 2"

Dont like the posts ? Goto WWW . KILL MY ASS DEAD . COM...

smiling to my self... thinking this just might be bat mans biggest adventure yet

aahhhh am a gaaaamer of constant sorrow,

the time has come for verifed mark

Heres my new opinion that my followers will absolutely hate and i will make $5000 from saying on the news . "Piss is a type of shit"

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@bashfulcoward i cleaned it

dropped a mouthful of spaghetti on my dick just now

just occurred to me that i dont have to report to my followers everytime i accidentslly drop food on my dick. my posts should get better now

i now hereby declare that all of the guys who reply to my posts are now married to the girls who reply to my posts, and thats that

The Moderation and Administrative Staff of the Star Fox Strategy and Technique Discussion Boards DOES NOt encourage its users to crank off,

remember folks - you can click on my posts at any time to make them bigger on your screen

i love "having my druthers" (??)

slave to Woke retweeted

Learning about twitter.

slave to Woke retweeted

Heut Burger King?

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino dont look at my dms

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino @sofieok as long as i can post from the cage it's fine

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino keep your dirty shit of of here

my Face when im looking at pictures of other peoples faces on this website that are purportedly reacting to bull shit happening to them

once a year on every forum some guy posts a thread called like "Im done with wiping my ass" and all the people who get mad at him are banned

MAKE NO MISTAKE》i Appreciate the flawless, invaluable wisdom posted to us by the celebs, and they, in turn, appreciate my valuable feed back

In reply to Cloud

@NimbusKL0uD @adultblackmale @SheriffClarke thank you

In reply to Cloud

@NimbusKL0uD @adultblackmale @SheriffClarke i am trying my best to appease the appropriate individuals so that i may become a police officer. please do not mess this up for me, cloud.

slave to Woke retweeted

Where am I

welchs juicemakers, (pauses a moment to collect self, holding one finger up, audience hanging on my crucial forthcoming words) but for piss,

one of the all-time classic flubs

getting my pussy hammered like a dumb ass

WIFE thinks she can tell her man, when to SHIT!! WELL GUESS WHAT! i will SHIT when I LIKE TO! and if that Pisses her off..DIVORCE HER ASS !!

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino pack it up coward

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino never

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino you will never be less racist than me

lying on my back, screaming like a wildman while my trolls graze my balls with a spinning bicycle tire

my favorite angle to park my car at is 45 degrees. i call it "The Golden 45" and if you key the shit out of my doors i only become stronger

been reckon ive been thinking about heading on up to the big city to (reading note card ) to get my "Ass Clowned"

In reply to sasha

@alt_kia no but it is real

Dont see whats so funny about me accidentaly getting a tattoo of a diaper, but by all means, dont let me stop the Circle Jerk. By all means,

" I DESERVE MY WIFE "
GET OF MY ASS!! KING OF THE ROAD

i know of two types of people⸻people who know bianry, and people who want to morph into a piece of dog shit and get stepped on by a hot lady

In reply to slave to Woke

Serious votes only

stinkers or classics. whats good to post

im going to start a college called Ass Kick University where i just kick the teens asses when the walk in there... am i RIGHT folks??

i just got logged on to the site and im going to need you all to shut the fuck up for like an hour while i get caught up on my feed here

In reply to @curtain_flower

@FowlCanuck @CNN Holy Shit.....

worrying a lot about our geopolitical foes recording& transcribing our military comms and its just 900 pages of "Permission To Jack Off Sir"

it was my idea to make the avatars circles, i got $1.1 Mil for it , im not sorry and if the trolls dont Stfu i will make more things circles

watch this marines Epioc response to being told that he should replace his gun with an enormous lollipop

if iyou come on here talking to me about your penis, or saying unreasonable things about my penis, your account will be "Knocked down"

when the doctor ask's you for a stool sample but you dont know how much he needs so you load up like an entire keg with turds "Just in case"

feel like im the only person smart enough to notice how much hourglasses suck compared to normal clocks

i detect a trace amount of piss in the public pool, turn purple & foam at the mouth. i scream as the lifeguard injects me with piss antidote

pissed off by my nintendo peripherals and other stupid shit rattling around toomuch in my $1600 brief case

getting too big from steroids and smoking cigaretts in front of girls, walking around like a dumb ass, waddling like i got a log in my pants

thinking aobut turning into a wolf and kicking hurricane sandys ass

respecting the Serpent...

In reply to :)

@C2tungbenga run um off the road

@baskincase Why are you saying this to me. Who are you

i have not forgotten the crimes of "Tweety Bird"

(in "not knowing what chickens coming home to roost means" voice) looks like the chickens have come home to roost,

DONE WITH people who think that ronald macdonald is a real person

someone on here just called me a "Cunk" because my wife wont let me buy a harp

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale @SheriffClarke i will do any thing for my Sheriff

my idiot trolls get ulcers whenever i say my top 10 favorite film quotes to girls

Bandwagon Hiptser: Everyone who has normal opinions is a rat
ME(Normal opinions): Youre a dumb ass because youre in a circle jerk against me

my ass looks like a fucking frankensteins ass

@koatrades @BlackLiteAttack @OscarTheGrouch Ive reported this crap

when twitter verifies shit like, oscar the grouch from seasme street, instead of my acct, i get so mad that i kick fucking holes in the wall

everyone please soend me the money equivalent of whatever your reply is worth instead of putting your words underneath my posts from now on

gah. turned a corner too quickly and maimed my nuts

In reply to “vesper”

@twilighttram Please remove this before my sponsor @Hefty sees it

Just like the damn bomper sticker says -I Will flip my car on top of you and snuff you out if i see you "DAB" , Regardless of race

I just read in Forbes, that even Gamers can become millionaire now. I read this is Forbes

people who jack off in the bedroom: spiritual, harmonious, Attuned
people who jack off in the bathroom: intellectual, mechanical, productive

ive decided that "gabagool" is italian for Lunch

writing a scathing letter to THE MEDIA for letting me become DUMB as SHIT !!

me and the boys pooled together our total life savings of $1789.34 in a last ditch effort to rescue the failing quiznos brand from the brink

men guy

@CeliaPienkosz cowardly

Huuuuuuu!!! Lets see those favs... One Two Three

mother fucker calling himself Elmer Fudd on the CS server, NEed I remind you that, on the show, Elmer Fudd's Kill Count is essentially Zero?

banne d from the Laugh Factory after getting on stage and forgetting if husbands like the toilet seat up or down

you cant like dms dick head

i extend to all my Pregnant Woman followers.... the hand of Unity

slave to Woke retweeted

@Gagagumball

In reply to Moderate Stalinist (70% good 30% really bad)

@DickCheneyFacts @serfing_usa idid nothing to deserve this

nothing will ever be the same again #wikileaks

looking for Coins

if i get on here and say something like "Readers Digest Sucks Cock" do you think theyll give me a free subscription

wow. look at this

DUMBASS: SHut the fuck up
THE WISE MAN: No you shut the fuck up

computer DeleteMyPorno "EraseMyPorno"

MIRACLE: world's most compassionate man posthumously marries every Woman who has ever died in the line of duty #EidMubarak

@a676z @Wokieleaksalt how the fuck did you manage to post 14.4k tweets to 0 followers

thinkinga bout paying a newspaper $1million dollars to run my opinions regarding the Circus

my friends and colleagues in the dms are begging me to jack off to balance out my stress levels. but im not jacking off. i will not do it

geiting my mother fucking ass Rolled for taking too many pictures of the gym

going to the fire station to kick all the firemens asses wearing my fat ass denim overalls

slave to Woke retweeted

n

unlike normal humans, geniuses do not like bull shit

slave to Woke retweeted

Yasiel Puig aumentó la ventaja de los Dodgers con este estacazo de tres carreras #VeranoMLB ⚾🌞 https://twitter.com/ESPN_Beisbol/status/877741228204412928/video/1

slave to Woke retweeted

@DCC_Madeline forgive me if i did or said anything to upset you im very sry

slave to Woke retweeted

twitter has made a big change in my life thank you hot and sexy ladies

slave to Woke retweeted

my devorce is final im going out and haveing a blast tonight

im the only guy who knows how to call out the bull shit of society the smart way. and against all odds i do it for free

I lvoe giving thousands of dollars to my real friends while kicking my fake friends asses

havent gotten any sleep since group dm split off into like 3 separate factions because XenoMarcus said metalGearEric's chili looks like shit

you d o not have to tip the waiter if you say "Thank You" more than 50 times, over the course of the meal

revealing the gender of my baby by eating a whole bunch of food dye and taking a huge pink shit in front of my relatives. ah!! its a girl !!

slave to Woke retweeted

@Pringles celebrity need money! pregnant daughter

slave to Woke retweeted

@PiperPerriXX saw you on BEEG and XHAMSTER really great your neighbor

slave to Woke retweeted

@DonaldUS2016 I live in N O went to ROUSES to buy 2 pounds of boiled crawfish paid cash black lady behind me got 7 pounds boiled crawfish

In reply to we

@BevisSimpson @eedrk it's a disgrace. nobody fav this please

In reply to derek

@eedrk if i must

In reply to derek

@eedrk if i catch anyone being horny on here theyre fucking finished

THE BOYS: were watching the mr bean episode where you can see his ass. get over here
ME: cant. wifes making me watch mr beans holiday (2007)

downloading some very interesting pictures of DJs

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino do not mouth off on my page

laying in the submissive position, letting a gang of trolls piss all over me and saying "Im getting too old for this shit" like a bad ass

i lovoe challenging people on here to Duals and beaning them with a sniper rifle while theyre like fucking with their phone, waiting for me

best part of being a #Verified is undoubtedly having cops throw flash grenades through the window of anyone who tweets the word "Ass" at you

going to start thinking it's " Not a good look" to order 1000 island dressing without being able to name the 1000 islands

oerdering 40 plates of baby back ribs on a stolen credit card so that i can get enough wet naps to clean my entire body #JustGuyShit #normal

(accidentaly fires entire ar15 magazine into my foot & leg with 100% accuracy rate) alright. thats fine. heres what i think happened, [1/82]

(trying to apologize for sending dick to 900 girls) you see the phones have a front & back camera. so taking pictures is really complicated,

"the account has too many jerk off posts on it" "the account has too many posts about going to the toilet. i cant relate to that" fuck yoyu

im thinking a tiny palm-sized toilet you can just keep on your desk & jack off into would soon become as ubiquitous as the personal computer

"For years many have wondered what the letters 'DC' in washington DC stand for. The answer is quite simple: Dollars & CEnts"—Winnie the Pooh

FOOL: Election day should be a national holiday
GOD: No. Elections shault be held on the day of April Fool's, to teach WASHINGTONDC a lesson

the reviews are in folks

I just got word that the trolls are atempting to change the name of the Stratolaunch LEO aircraft to "The Stalwart Pussy." We must stop them

me & the boys will be holding hands., forming a Covenant Ring, to protest girls who only want to fuck the main pirate from the pirate movies

ellen made me sign some papers and put a big blown up picture of my leathery dick on her show instead of my topical tweet. ellen fooled me

In reply to zach kagan

@zakagan i will post one in exactly 10 years.

i would like to invest $500 million fucking dollars into this please

i see the followers that guys like @DrPhil have and wonder, why can't i have followers who are nice ?? why are all of my followers pricks

jason born is smarter than steven hawking, combined

(dick gets caught in car door which drives away, rips it completely off along with half my torso, intestines spill everywhere) Holy Mackerel

(after sendding 500,000 messages to Arbys without getting any favs or replies) i dont care. their commercials arent even that funny any way,

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM be respectful

driove 5 hours to rodneygamerfield's apartment to sit on his mattress and watch the animatrix while he played on the computer.

mindless drones: i will wipe my ass... i will wipe my ass...
really brave and handsome guy: no!! i will NOT wipe my ass

i regret to inform my followers that the fig leaf i wear on my pud at all times has migrated to my ass hole and is stuck inside of there now

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino get the bars off. expose these fucking privks

In reply to DURIAN BEAST

@kwwrr @hambeef give him a chance. please

absolutely pounding a zip lock bag of cut up hot dogs in the portle potty

i love spending 10000 dollars to make my car loud as shit and suck ass

i finally learned how to photoshop the bitter fbeer face onto women after spending 15 years jacking off to the keystone bitter beer face ads

In reply to @gge_rettiwt

@gge_rettiwt no bitch

In reply to slave to Woke

ok. ive been lied to

mario means "penis " in japanese

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn i dont deserve it

if i find the mother fucker who ruined my daughters lives by changing his wifi name to "the poop bathroom" i`ll have his balls on my mantel

(ass sticking out of pants spraying poison everywhere whlie i step towards the podium to apologize to the press) Ah Shit. I forgot my notes,

SEX !!!! !!!! ...now that i have you're attention, here are some pictures of me and my wife having sex

@historyinflicks @antipcnyuprof @jamessumneriii @RichardDawkins theres been a mistake sir. please un block me

imgagine if people went through life trying to collect IQ Points in so as much as they try to collect Dollars. verify me. verify my account

getting really into the idea of sleeping on all fours like a dog until my spine becomes super fucked up

how can i possibly enjoy a moment's respite, when thousads of my followers could be giving my posts "The finger," without me even knowing it

In reply to @CyberBrian69

@HairySkeletor @alejandroid @boomer_humor please look at this
https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&vertical=default&q=from%3Ahairyskeletor%20dril&src=typd what is wrong with u. holy god

In reply to Urusei Sasha

@Sashamak i am deeply sorry for finding a way to make around minimum wage for the garbage i produce, w hich people only pretend to enjoy to be nice

i consider protected, locked accounts, to be the most Powerful accounts... for it is they who have Blocked the entire world

slave to Woke retweeted

@Pennzoil fuck you

james bond: ill fire 1 round and suck your Dick before you hit the floor. ill kick the floors dick off and fuck its ass
hellboy 2: Game on

my new shit: "Burger king = mc donalds"

Please let me know what you think of my new shit, and provide suggestions on how I can improve it.

In reply to Daniel Douglas

@DanDDouglas @michaelmalice BITCH !!!

In reply to Daniel Douglas

@DanDDouglas @michaelmalice another ass kisser of ouctomom = Erase and MOve on

if the infamous "OCTO MOM" were to come out of the woodwork and start preaching to us of her thoughts of politics, i would just about SHIT..

(band plays me on stage, wearing tux)
The constitution grants me the right to eliminate those I deem disloyal to our nation
(light laughter)

as the man who was personaly tasked with wiping roger ailes ass id just like to say theres no way im more than 40% responsible for his death

we here at the @jimmyjohns teen outreach initiative love to "PULL THE RAT" and "CRUSH A LOAD" like the rest of them. we know how to jack off

weve toiled to bring you the greatest specifically tailored user experience of all time. PLease uncheck the box that says "Shut the fuck up"

DM-Girls ask why I seem cold. Distant, lately. The reason is This: My rivals obtained 3D models of my dick & are now sending me dildos of it

i am wirting the worst fucking book of all time and none of you can stop me

to the trolls

Donald Fump. Poop fuck

some people say, normal peoples brains work in 2-D, while famous authors brains work in 3-D...

congrats all. thanks to your tireless efforts, and unrelenting, coordinated aggression, the cheese cake factory now serves, "The Eucharist"

when i told u all i had to get my dick surgicly shortened b/c i slept on it wrong and injured it, i opened myself to you, and you Spat on me

In reply to Comcast

@comcast Show Us Your Dick

slave to Woke retweeted

@nytimes MY COMMENTS TO YOUR CAPTION , WHOSE TURKEY IS IT...MY NICK NAME IS CHICHKEN...K.F.C.IS KENTUKEY FRIED CHICHKEN...MY COMMENTS OF

my problems with "who to follow"
1.i dont know most of these people well enough to burden them with a follow
2.it should be 'whom to follow"

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer this guy thinks he calls the shots now just cause he got the check mark ...

CNN NEWSWIRE: the guy who voiced the dog in the beggin strips commercials is now "beggin;" the american public to put a stop to jade helm 15

my main issue with "master chief fucks cortana" is if you read the halo novels youd know the space suit automatically jacks master chief off

everoynes talking about comey but, get this: i dont even know who he is
2934 RT 1293 FAVS
i dont know what nintendo is either
0 RT 0 FAVS

i would not discount pua techniqes just b/c girls are wise to them now. for instance,w. a few modifications i can use them to rear pit bulls

currently seeking buyers for "Zonked in the Pecker" thw only sit com where the wife punchs her husband in the dick at least once per episode

running multiple red lights while listening to the radio jockeys Flawless "dr. evil" impersonation and scream-laughing

if you 'accidentally' spill an entire 7-11 big gulp on a sears mannequin they will throw it out and you can go have sex with it in the trasg

top 10 diapers annihilated by throwing axe Fuck sopa

In reply to @knifwif

@your_joeliness never show me him

sensing activiy from one of my known "Black Listed Accounts." do not engage of it, lest you intend to shit on me & everything ive worked for

inventing the Vertical Sandwich, that you can eat hands free, like a ffucking dog

@Lisafox0877 well i thought it was nice

In reply to slave to Woke

you hacked the poll you stupid fucks. this survey cost me $10000 out of pocket to conduct. you ruined sometyhing beautiful you pricks

how likely are you to tell a friend about mcodnalds

In reply to 3

@mobilepro_

In reply to 3

@mobilepro_ I Apologize sir. Im a fucking idiot. I will Try to make them good

thinking i can help girls bycruising around town selling tampons and pads out of my ford Fusion for cost of product + gas money

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM get this off

ATHLETE: THERE IS NO HOCKEY WITHOUT "PUCK"
ATHELETE: THERE IS NO FOOTBALL WITHOUT "BALL"
WISEMAN(SMILING):THERE IS NO WISDOM WITHOUT "BRAIN"

slave to Woke retweeted

Pleas guys today no explen u killi my wafe never sorr becaus u clever no mess guys today me I killi u

slave to Woke retweeted

guy reading tweets out loud at a gathering: ah, ah, check this out. he just posted, "Leeroy the Jenkins guy"
everyone else there: Thank you

Leeroy the Jenkins guy

my "The Banquet of Posts" has now ended. There were so many posts from lots of different people on here, and they were all Winners. Thank yo

i propose,on may 5th, we hold what i call the Banquet of Posts. we go all out on that day & do as many posts as we can. The Banquet of Posts

SOup is not lunch. Soup is a condiment

#promfail unaware of big wet towel hanging out of ass; whipping around knocking over refreshments as i get agitated in response to Hostility

imagine a world where we could all smell our turds while theyre still in our body. capital one whats in your wallet

ON LINE........

In reply to @NCRayner

@NCRayner Re-tweet me pussy

the us census has analyzed 100 million diapers and figured out which race has the worst smelling turds ,making live leak comments obsolete

thinking i might be able to get the blue check mark if i post a 40 page manifesto and spray piss all over the fresh produce at krogers

ah,. so I see you too have an interest in tech, and epic sciencse. Get this, i just read that each bitcoin is now worth, over 100 bitcoins

"Every Women" by SegaBoris
Every women is a rich tapestery ,
Woven by the lord to be Nice,
Never Racist, and always
Have a interesting life

4' 8" man pile driven by beloved 102-year old crossing guard "Mr. Jim" after making a racket at payless shoes

having my Balls exfoliated by a Doctor

top complaints im working on:
- the racism ( of course)
-posting the same shit over & over for years
-not posting enough of the classic shit

i love iwt when a big thought bubble appears over my head featuring guys pouring entire bottles of barbecue sauce out into a thick pile

slave to Woke retweeted

Hey Whatzup

slave to Woke retweeted

to ghost adventure can u do a investigate green man tunnel and broughton school in south park ,Pa

slave to Woke retweeted

@evil_arts We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your pet. If you need to talk, please call Mary Ellen directly at 1-513-527-3749.

slave to Woke retweeted

@sampike7:Hi Sam,
Sorry, but Gorilla Glue is not recommended for this use.
The Gorilla Glue Company

AUNT: We will miss our Guinea Pig "Charlie" who had to be put down today
ME: NAtural Selection At Work.
COUSIN: I will fucking rout your ass

my favorite part of the classic 16 tons song is when he threatens to kill me and beat the shit out of me for no reason in the middle of it

in retaliation for amazon accidentally charging me for 100,000 prison uniforms i will review each of them with the despised rating of 1 star

Flying to Dubai, UAE, to jack off in a hotel room.

im not tipping any more waiters until the facts come in, regarding Putin

wringing my dick out like a sponge and letting all that gray water drip all over my bluesuede shoes

wish that was me

Traitors

In reply to @FriendlyCustard

@FriendlyCustard Your aocunt was better when you shut the fuck up you mother fucker

check out this little guy if you have never seen him. his name is mickey mouse and you can find him on any computer

i post one amazon referral link to osme mens bathing suits that i found very tasteful/practical & you all act like i put a gun to your heads

suckng off a wadded up bra in honour of national bra day or what ever. i dont know. who gives a shit

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Fine

Blocking my wife's account, at the advice of my therapist, "TekkenChauncey"

(flips wallet up in the air and tries to catch it in a cool way but spills its contents all over th e place ( $2))

YOU: jacking off is everything. jacking off is my raison d'être
ME: jacking off is a zero sum fool's game and im clicking x on this chat now

every day, send one teen to iraq, and bring one truoop home to experience the hardship of teens life... #AnotherMansShoes

thinking back to it.. most slaves, only had to deal with one master. the Modern Content Producer has it far wrose, having to please millions

96 year old man goe's back to kindergarten after losing ihs job at the chemical weapons factory due to Gas Prices and the Economy #InspireMe

done retweetinh husband accounts. it has become Trite, and Obnoxious to me.

slave to Woke retweeted

First tweet of a frustrated husband, son, entrepreneur and a man..

slave to Woke retweeted

@mvriana_ ill be. Youre friend

slave to Woke retweeted

@Husband37

Thomas Husband

slave to Woke retweeted

Follow twitter @billgates

slave to Woke retweeted

*klik 'Google Chrome',
*Bukak 'Facebook',
*Bukak 'Youtube',
*Bukak 'Twitter',
*tutup Chrome.
*blank kejap...
*klik Chrome balik,
*paham2 la.

shiting into a tube while earning $4 an hour from home

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax oprahs the secret

2016... NEed I say absolute shitting more?

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@bashfulcoward could use a few mmore... been a rough quarter

spending time thinking about a fucking disastrous hypothetical penis that has a hole thats wider than the shaft, like a funnel. and frowning

In reply to derek

@eedrk its up in your teeth mother fucker

In reply to Jessica Blankenship

@blanketboat @alanalevinson @BrandyLJensen Welcolme.

paying women to ram me with thier cars

now, all trhis talk in the media about me not wiping my ass; i dont know where all this is coming from. if any thing, i wipe my ass too much

In reply to Jesse Wilcox

@JesseWilcox12 shut thf fuck up

hello. what is your online user handle please? ok. ok thanks. blocked

calmly browisng my 100 Sites per day, as recommended by the experts

please refrain from writing extraneous stupid shit on the bass drum in any of your future stock images you cock sucker

pissed thr fuck off by "Dub step"

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds thats it. thank you for hearing me out. i am a huge fan of the"big mac" and im nice once you get to know me

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds it will go without saying that hes an ugly son of a bitch. goblin-like. someone you;d particularly not want shitting on your food

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds your current slogan, "Im Lovin It", will no longer do. i would suggest replacing it with "Look out. Here comes the McShitter"

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds this is money in the bank. put the mcshitter in all of your branding, and enjoy a tenfold increase in likes and re-tweets

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds i know its fucked up. but "shit" is one of the last few apolitical threats. 99% of ppl on both sides of the spectrum dont like it

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds and so me & the boys have invented "the mcshitter". a fictional man who jumps up on tables and shits all over the customers meals

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds they fear Chaos. they fear those who dont simply loot and plunder as the hamburglar does, but those who seek to Destroy.

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds but how do you shake the core of a public fresh off the heel's of the 9/11 atrocities. what is it that they fear the most

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds and it is necessary, I believe, to threaten your customers with some sort of villain, to increase the perceived valueof your food

In reply to slave to Woke

@McDonalds @McDonalds all right. so first off we know that the hamburglar has become soft in recent years. the customers no longer fear him

@McDonalds i have an a 1 million dollar idea that will pull your failing company directly out of the toilet. hear me out.

a Husband said to a Doctor... Write me up a prescription of" Myfuckin".. Indeed, yes. Myfuckin Beer, Myfuckin cofffe,Mmyfuckin slippers, etc

ilove the idea of beating the shit out of my Son's rival's dad at the little league game with a suitcase full of cash

a perfectly formed snow ball just came out of my ass

if this board was real life id be allowed to embed as many bmp files as I want to. if this board was real life you'd change your tune quick

@sofieok @adultblackmale theyre nice

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale ill yank your earrings straight out you goblin

my loyal followers are calling me a "Pussy" because a car kicked up a piece of rebar or something and popped me inthe fucking teeth at 99mph

yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a " JOB "

consider the cornerstone of my beloved acct..the "Follow Back Guarantee." i will follow you back always... no matter how much you suck shit,

i rescind my 2009 tweet "bat man fucks joker", as i now understand, through the wisdom of age, that bat man adheres to a noble moral code

In reply to mohamed

@fares05070 @oksotboevf9 thank you

this shit really hits home for me since i was once forcibly removed from a united airlines flight for having a bee hive stuck on my head

please do not say "top notch" to me unless you want to spend hrs explaining what the fuck these notches are & who determines their hierarchy

taking up a precious spot in the line for the overcrowded bathroom so i can sneeze into the toilet one single time

In reply to virgin

@wwwdotyoutube there are guys who have replied to me hundreds of times and they will get theirs ,very soon

theres a magic number of times you can reply to me before a police man automatically destroys you. nobody has ever reached it, but its there

how come when s, bannon gets removed from the national secuirty council nobody gives a shit, but when it happens to me everyone kicks my ass

downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works

when i see people putting up foul language on to the feed, all i can do is laugh, knowing that they will never get their posts read on Ellen

more then anything....

these noodles sucked

thinking of becoming a "Pipes" dipshit

inconspicuously jacking off duringi the board meeting using a series of ropes and pulleys

Mr. Ass Health 1998

Mpuh. I could take the time to pick your pathetic posting logic opinions into shreds, but i wont, because i have a life in real life, Thanx,

now, bear with me folks. if you want to know why i would post something like "stuffing my fat pussy with sage", simply look at the calendar.

stuffing my fat pussy with sage

could not find the hospital in time to console my dying grandpa because googlemaps changed all the road names to "Bacon Street" or some shit

slave to Woke retweeted

Change my name to conner

In reply to hello

@spacefinner I despise Flinstone.

they got the idea of shocking gay people, into straight, from the episode where fred flintstone gets bonked in the head and becomes a Genius

#85Collapse ive been saying from the very beginning that interstate85 fucking sucks ass. now that it collapsed girls are blowing my phone up

i have squandered the last of my fathers good will by christening our new boat with the name of "S.S. Mind Of Mencia"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8zEBjm31FE the state of owl sfx on you tube fucking sucks ass

my promise to all women: my promise to all women is that i will seal theur nudes in a velvet envelope, and wont open it until im 100 yrs old

considering referring to my feed ,from now on, as "The Signature Collection," at casual get-togethers, mensa meetings, etc

drawing that big boy hair.. therapeutic

im the guy at mcdonalds who decides which states the offers are not valid in, an d i get more death threats than god

would like to get one post out today without my son taking me to task in the replies ffor letting my ex wife take the car

@dwayne483 im finished with groupon. it means nothing to me

Kurnis

i may not know "jack shit" , but i know my friend "Jack fists" and he would like to come to knock the shit out of your teeth,

calming down, with magnets

just had to click down the 4th post today about our mr. president's "thick hooters". lets clear off the bathroom mouth

slave to Woke retweeted

@MissTylerXXX I wanna send a T shirt for u. I will write many words on the T shirt from my mind. but at first give me ur address.

got a big piece of velcro stuck to my big ass

slave to Woke retweeted

BOUT TO GO TO THE AND GRUB ON SUM HOME MADE CHICKEN TACOS...WATCHA KNOW ABOUT IT

In reply to Stephen T. Portell

@StephenPortell @nasboat

you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people spend more time wiritng "Tweets", than bibles

saying "augh" out loud every single time I move the phone away from my lap and reveal to my self, my pud, which looks like a coiled turd

much of bliged

mr buzz feed here folks. just lost my job again, this time by trying to sniff a flower on a mans shirt and getting water squirted in my face

damn right he did

In reply to @beef667

@beef667 reported

In reply to @beef667

@beef667 your a child

In reply to Kinosaga 2

@GBASPGamer shut the fyuck up

In reply to ばつぐんだ

@formida_poupon shut hte fuck up

In reply to 🌚 formerly coolgothsweater

@coolgothsweater shut htte fuck up

In reply to @CProcks_

@CProcks_ shut hte fuck up

In reply to Caroline the Rotten Recipe-Stealing Bitch

@ThatAuntYouHate shut the fuck up

,my name is borat for me to poop on and i love riding the short bus to the olive garden where i live

harvard geniuses/ scientists love to wind down by going on boards and posting threads named like "What is the screen resolution of a mirror"

"booty" is code word for "ass" . this is known

Unamused by the portmanteau of "Groupon"

geting a wife

(emotionlessly) tacos is spanish for "food"

i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank

im near certain there is a hotly contested tug-of-war between fox executives upon the issue of whether or not homer simpson can show his ass

matrix 2: pedaphile killer

i would really love to try getting my dick stuck in a pine cone. but i wont due to trolls

man at national cemetery tackled down, face shoved into grass until head turned purple for saying "may the 4 be with you" to each dead troop

miss when the favs were star shaped, instead of heart shaped. the hearts aare just another filthy product of the horny industrial complex

nneed the emoji to be the size of an actual mans head on my screen please. to suspend disbelief

(dming the girls) this swebsite is the future. were pioneering... minds
(dming the boys) this website is sellout. this website is family guy

im on a watch list for capitalizing "Balls"

In reply to Philip Bump

@pbump bitch

(the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)

jacking off is Alphamail

turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right

inexplicable dip in google hits on my web site "Wayne Tracker," which has provided up to date info on the upcoming Waynes World 3 since 1998

some people get their accounts suspended for cursing out celebs.. i get mine suspended for posting things like "Sports is making a comeback"

NO... I DO NOT "PUT OUT " FOR MY GIRL FOLLOWERS... UNLESS YHEY
1) ARE NICE TO ME
2) HAVE FAVED AT LEAST 5 POSTS FROM MY "TREASURY" SERIES

old screensaver: spinning 3d monolith with my wife on it
new screensaver: marquee that says "Truck Month" regardless of what month it is

(girl tells me shes sick) aahh that sucks so much. you can come over & have some of my mens one a day vitamins. probably works on girls too,

PEOPLE MAG: which pop culture icon are u going to Slaughter next...
ME: I have set my sights on "The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B."

mesmerized by the branding, of the Wendy's Arby's Group

mmy next big emotional investment is becoming passionately covetous of the bowls of warm tap water that are commonly left out for dogs

were at the point now, folks, twhere the CIA will kill you for having Opinions, but refuse to assassinate the nitwits who fuck with my Page.

DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the "Kick My Ass" challenge. please dont do this
ME: you have no power over me, old man

(wtaching a video of capt Jack Sparrow shitting on the number 2016 while the camera zooms in and out of his ass hole) Oh this is everything,

"Please. The time has come for you to Normalize the repulisve and despicable Digimon Otis." No. I will not normalize that fool ,or his sins.

it is so hard folks, to maintain my world famous Post- Racial Outlook, when the damn gas prices refuse to stay down tto a reasonable level,

in 2015 user @Dril chanegd the world when he deprived himself of using the toilet as part of the #NoPiss challenge. now, hes taking on Turds

i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites. you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you

Disrespected at hooters again

the police cut off my finger for sending my birth mark shaped like the under armor logo to the under armor social media manager unsolicited.

-dont click on nudtiy
-do not respond to nudity
-wear a loin cloth underneath your clothes in case theyre ripped off by mechanical equipment

i am only here to field questions regarding my presidential bid. i will not discuss my ongoing project, tentatively titled "Aids Mario."

@TeunghiByulie im george soros bitch

In reply to slave to Woke

@dril Who give's a fuck

the next time they do a live stream of a rare endangered bird they should let users control one of those old timey horns that goes "AWOUGA "

be warned america. 1st they get us fired from amtrak for saying jacking off in the control car is good, next they start poisoning our wendys

INTERVIEWER: do you have customer service experience
ME: if I catch a customer shoplifting I will serve him a knock out. I will own his life

authorities forced to destroy entire 35,000-ton chernobyl sarcophagus after misunderstood online entrepreneur gets his dick stuck beneath it

in the year 3000 historians examine the preserved contents of an ancient time capsule: a piece of cardboard that says "Game cube sucks dick"

an angel slips a booklet of my top posts into the pockets of the pope, the master of islam, and b.netanyahu, and the world Rejoices in song

massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg

(shows up at new media seminar with a chunk of wooden fence stuck around my neck and a bunch of stray animals following me) sorry every one

ACCOUNTANT: I Just don't know how you can justify donating $700 to "Chips Ahoy"
ME: i hope your car flips & becomes your fucking firey grave

@BMMahon @twolinepass @realDonaldTrump @TuckerCarlson i will never define what being racist, to a bastard like you

every singe day... my followers ask me. where can i get the latest Kfc DinnerPlan. and the answer is simple my friends. "Mc Donalds"

/ ! \ / ! \ / ! \ if this post gets 5000 likes, my wife will give me back my inhaler / ! \ / ! \ / ! \

issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the terror group ISIL. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them"

(plays some Tchaikovsky records at the highest possible volume) ah it sucks ass. but my IQ is increasing so much

leafing thtrough another heap of death threats and served papers that have been 100% tailored to my interests, using Tech

man in moving car slaps me in the face with big hand full of dog shit ,flipping me the fuck backwards,landing with full weight upon my neck,

my dick is bulb shape, nobody helps me, and whenever my browser needs to be updated i call the police

several bernie Sander Bros, in High Levels of govt, have told me they think its good that DJT keeps ivanka feet pics in the nuclear football

i hate it when the refferree kicks me in the balls and ass while my opponent has me in a head lock

look, im not saying that martin luther king jr was a gamer. that would be ludicrous. im simply saying that if games had existed at the time,

I GOT
- SUCKED OFF -
AT HISTORIC COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino fuckyou mother fucker go to hell

huge banquet, everyones having a nice time, everything looks extremely normal, except the big banner hanging from the rafters—"Racist Mensa"

never say to me, the word "WaWa"

hey all . just learned about this new shit here, i think you will like it if you enjoy using the computer

please help my cousin "Bruno_THought_Leader" who just had his account suspended for threatening to "Fuck" brexit

going t o start saying, "Wife City" whenever i see an attractive woman. e.g... "thats Wife City" or "that girl is Wife City to me"

people come up to me and say, "I will never use the bathroom. I will never shit" and i gotta tell them pal, sooner or later youre gonna shit

a crass message got on here some how and im trying to debug it. in the meantime please check out http://cnn.com

what if instead of oil-- the warhawks were all after the enemys piss. like "we gotta take baghdad. we gotta get their piss." just having fun

pleased to announce that i will shatter all barriers in 2017 by becoming the first adult gerber baby

amusing that i am constantly told those words of "Fuck off" by the girls of here... when i can hook them up with any App that they desire...

can any one who knows of Politics tell me if this is good or not

COnsuidering becoming one of those jack asses who gets head aches from wi-fi

In reply to @shrekpissslave

@shrekpissslave

god once said "pit bull"

thinking about hopping on some sites tomorrow. havent made a decision yet but i will let you all know. sound off in hte comments below.

trying desperately to come up with a name for my new cajun styled recipe that isnt racist and just fucking up constantly in the worst ways

MAIN STREAM MEDIA: why do all your jack o lanterns have a hole in the back thats the exact circumference of your dick
ME: no further queston

New Wet Ass

((attempts to dress up for hte first time in my life to attend Grandmas funeral but ends up looking like a school shooter from the matrix)

once again ive been reported for calling Odie "The dog from Garfield" to make people think i know less about garfield lore than i actually d

ask me anything u please, as long as its about my ambitious plan to build a castle in the Jungle for the apes to live in, called "Ape House"

the show, "Hee-Haw, " sucks mother fucking ass

pig nosed man arrested for trying to whisk an egg using his fingers

Jsut arranged an 8-count box of pop tarts to be sent to a girls house. Looking forward to explaining to her how to prepare them

CHILD: Papa.. tell me once more about WIFE's DUTY
PAPA: it is WIFE's DUTY to protect her husband from villains, always

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario Husband is ATM Machine

(ffully immerses self in a picture of sponge bob saying "Dat Boy Tho")

@bug_data mr. 11656 unread emails over here,..

In reply to slave to Woke

@dril mmy friends... thank you all so much for your generous support... i will now shut the fuck up about this and make with the good shit

https://www.patreon.com/dril alright here it is folks. big things are coming... "Let us build the Content of tomorrow"

-the drew carey show forums harbor a subforum named "Hell"
-users are sent there when they absolutely fuck up while talking about drew carey

when journalism was good,

the trolls think its " SO FUNNY " when they sit on my lap and jostle their hips around until i ejaculate al over their ass. grow the fuck up

Damn. the MomTown forums just started requiring 4 point Mom Verificaiton to be able to post there for some reason..anyone got a work around?

please stop aksing me in the dms if i have to go to the bathroom. i just went to the bathroom and im fine.

goblin: im going to put up a post saying that the fake news is good, and that i like it more than i like the real news
ME: not so fast bitch

someobdy on here just sent "the cup of stfu" to isis and all of the mainstream media outlets are refusing to report it

things im currently in trouble for accidentally Liking:
1) a picture of a girl
2) the Mafia

slave to Woke retweeted

Up at the gym and somebody stole my dip.. Wtf? You could've stole my Oakleys that we're sitting there or my $100 jacket. Don't touch my dip.

Adorn Your Front Door With A Tasteful Welcome Mat Or Shut Dah Fuck Up

trapped, fully nude, in restaurant bathroom. boss & his wife will be here in 10mins. trying to see if i can make a tuxedo out of tolet paper

once you achieve the coveted post count of Seven Thousand...Thats when you gain access to the prestigious halls of MENSA. not one post less.

the more i think about it, them ore i understand that if i won the Nobel Prize, i would become either a genius, or a millionaire

(carrrying a huge polkadotted bindle, looking like a dumb ass , shoes completely untied) Mother.. Father... Im leaving home to join the cops

scribbling my exposed dick out of this photo with a blue bic pen so its good enough for linked in

between the gun & the blade.. throwing knives are the "Best of both worlds" when it comes to eliminating thousands of home intruders at once

In reply to @tiffaynay

@tiffaynay @JebJobsom Upsetting.

two bearded 55 yr old intellectuals, sitting opposite of each other in two stately leather seats. musing upon the concept of a "Paper mario"

i had that dream abgain... the one where im at the coliseum, annihilating shitloads of roman gladiators by drifting around in my macktruck

all the pictures of bacon on the #nationalbaconday hashtatg look like utter dog shit , these people are out of their mind, uploading these

breaking down mentally because im all out of toiolet paper and i cannot decide which wendys coupon to wipe my ass with

children.. toddlers.. babies..they all got one thing in common. they all truly believe they can kick my ass. but they are Fundamentally Weak

(dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in any of that

if one more Fucking girl comes on hhere asking for pics of me or my friends feet i`ll shut down my multi-million dollar corporation for good

the human mind... perhaps the most powerful weapon. second only to the "GUN"

"Howard Stern should start a pod cast" may be one of the worst things ive ever posted, but still seems unfair to have my tires slashed daily

slave to Woke retweeted

الأسطورة

The legendary!
#ColonelBucket

dr oz says due to the sheer volume of milk & cookies santa consumes, you have no hope of poisoning him with piss or cum. wont even notice it

dr oz tells me on his show that you can just pour a shit load of mouthwash into your laundry instead of wasting money on various detergent's

slave to Woke retweeted

Go put your creed into the deed, Nor speak with double tongue..

slave to Woke retweeted

The fact that I'm breathing is enough to know I am Blessed.

first you got th e 3d tv. now you got the 4k. whats next. 5

cornering a janitor for 50 minutes to tell him how i was once involved in a polyamourious relationship w/ the guy who said "lee roy jenkins"

taking my treat plate into the bathroom with me because my followers are a wolf in sheeps cltohes

my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good

im going to be one of thsoe guys who writes ebooks named like "Brain God: Calculation Master" then spend all day screaming at people on here

the bird bath institute considers any stone bowl between the size of 8 to 40in. to be a bird bath and they are sick of people disputing this

i will not build a single snow man... until i respect , all of the real men, first

Maybe the phones get smart enough.. They will do the yapping, for us !

GeniusTalk - dog food has been putting subliminal messages in theire food to make dogs think they taste good - TruthVisions

people named fucking "Curtis" need to get a grip, and start calling themselves "Curt" which is a rteal name

In reply to Bad Travel Podcast

@derekganter @tiffaynay @eedrk derekgamer

" NO BULL SHIT" is not just a phrase i like to say, it is also a way of live

if you have ever retweetted me without it equaling endorsing me , i will shatter your smart ass little turd stained laptop against my legs

my ass looks like a Stooge's ass

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino conversation ,ended

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino i dont like dumb asses either

from now on. i am calling everyone who is a dumb ass. "Anti- Intelligeance"

ive mastered "Draogns Path," ive not taken a shit in over 20yrs,& im willing to have my ass hole inspected by a notary public, to prove this

eating 1/2 lb of beef boulougnase and getting roid rage from it

reasons the famous statue "The Thinker" is better than selfys & cell phones:
- It is a classic
- It is for geniuses to look at
- It costs $0

fellas... you know i dont ask for much... but my fake US embassy in Ghana just got shut down and i dont know if i can make rent next month,

slave to Woke retweeted

Netflix
Would you cancel my account please

top 3 Engagements
1. faved by Charles Martinet.. voice of Mario
2. direct message from the official Lunchables account
3. the one to my wife

extremely frail man, tasked with gathering hundreds of dildos thrown onto the football field by overzealous fans— booed incessantly; Reviled

DOCTOR: you have the balls of an 80 year old man. your dick is mostly normal. your pubes suck. I didn't look at any other parts of you
ME: h

would like to issue a correction ,regarding my comments of Japanese toilets. they do spray water on your ass, but they do not suck you off .

In reply to alvarezmary3

@alvarez787815 @andiecast i cannot sit idly by while my followers get shit on by the terminator

slave to Woke retweeted

U are nothing but cowards"U couldn't do a cops job in one day"U talk crap because u hide behind your tweets"U are the one's who run"COWARD"

slave to Woke retweeted

TO ALL POLICE OFFICERS IN AMERICA"THANK U" PLEASE ALL OFFICERS"NATION WIDE U MUST STAND UP AND TELL POLITICIANS ENOUGH"

FELLA'S... WHEN YOURE WIPING YOUR WIFES ASS... YOU MUST ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE "TOILET PAPER"

everyone thinks youre a celeb when all your cars windows are tinted but people only get those so they can jack off on the go

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino go to jail dick wolf

i do not give a shit of the official WHOTUS stance, i refuse to hear it, i will never forgive the turkey, i will not bow to that filthy bird

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush

some one explain please to me why the letter board at my local arbys has said "happy hour" for months now, before i get the police involved

ive been known to look at 2, even 3 emails , at the same damn time

reality tv show where we replace one lucky boy's pc gaming chair with a fully functioning toilet. every episode

everyone loves it when i go to their parties and mix all the whips together (cool wip, reddi wip, miracle whip etc) like a fucking shit head

In reply to Dan Castro

@DanCas2 i will never learn science

In reply to HHGregg

@hhgregg 696969696969

surprised that nobody here had ever used the phrase "pissed on execution style" unttil i described my poor customer experience at hhgregg

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@Re4verEUW 0% and 100% are the same tnhing

if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways:
1) trump gets 0% of the vote
2) trump gets 1% of the vote
3) trump gets 2% o

the worst part of having an ass is always, having to wipe the damn thing. the best part of having an ass is shitting. #ElectionFinalThoughts

it is so beautiful to me, to have my ass lovingly wiped by my girl friend, knowing nothing is more pure than this bond, Nothing more strong,

@povman because 759 people like it

here are this year's Vote Multiplers for election day. no, they do not stack
policeman - 10x
army man -12x
verified acct - 15x
Asexual - 18x

blue jean's... Activated .

slave to Woke retweeted

@KellyRipa hey sweetie,i dont know if your aware about the shit,but terminater2 is on starz

accosted by several of my followers last night.. would nnot fuck off, awful, screeching voices..overpowering urine smell. Terrible. Terrible

in base ball theres only points and players. i will be Shut Down for typing this.

FETID BOZO: Ahhh oil spills are bad
WISE ADULT: the sun will evaporate the oil, & the wheel of mother gaia spins goodly, As does all things,

how do i add " GUNS " to my posts ........

ironing my suspender straps and treating them with powders... in the privacy of my study...making the nit wits and losers absoltuley furious

i got lock jaw from eating pasta out of a dogbowl and my wife will be here in 2 hours to marry me. help me github

handing print outs of my most beloved arliss (arli$$) quotes to trick or treaters

(playing russian roullette and its my turn)
hasta the vista mother fucker
(shoots the other guy

i think that in 2013 digimon otis was seirously convinced that they were going to change the name of gamestop to gameMosque

when somone posts a vile piece of home decor in the group dm but you have to bite your lip because youre on the lowest sub-tier...

when you click on the tweet and it says "Whoops! Something went wrong" thats how you know its good

i believe that while i was Resting, Aeris_Nader, the snake that he is, dropped a pinch of baking soda into my ass crack and poisoned me

im an adult, and i deserve to listen to the verison of the super bowl shuffle where thw word "Ass" is not censored by the referee `s whistle

" []D [] []\/[] []D " <<<< thats how you type the word pinp

thank you normand

people do not appreciate the grace and dexterity that is required to shave the fat pink rolls on the back of my head that looj like hotdogs

unfollow , unsubscribe, block and mute all Gambler's

it is tragic that my followers refuise to obey my direct orders , and that i am often told to get "Ass-Fucked" when i ask for pieces of food

In reply to Cool

@Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii i will never support pears again after the tree on my street constantly dropped nasty pears that got run over by cars

In reply to slave to Woke

@Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii strawberry

In reply to Cool

@Fatgoldfish4 @unsuiii let me show you how its done .

if you turn the patterns on their shirts 90 degrees... the trusted REFEREE becomes the despicable PRISONER.... truly life is a fragile Bitch

you gotta check out my posts

In reply to @DinkMagic

@DinkMagic no thank you. congrats on the new gaming rig.

is wiki leaks hacking twitter agian or are the people leaving numb skull comments on my page actual human beings

palm thrust my entire head through the fucking wall and kick my big ass while im trapped like a stuck hog

BOSS: i need you to go around to all the other employees and collect their piss in this thermos
ME: Yes Sir! I will not fail you, your honor

there is NOTHING wrong with having 1 Million Doallrs

you are NOT defined by your one million dollars...

having 1 Million Dollars is normal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYqnF-I_dT4

IVE ALWAYS SAID IT !!
the people we see of today are somewhat more known to care more of their Face Book Status, than their Brain Status .

A tag has been placed on Utz Quality Foods, Inc. requesting that it be speedily deleted from Wikipedia.

i accept that all the things i post "For Fun" are to be met with physical violence, including elbows to the face, shattered knee caps, etc,

In reply to slave to Woke

@BronzeHammer your fingernails, not your dick. i have no opinion of your dick.

In reply to John Hamburger Jr

@BronzeHammer clean yours bitch

i do not find it unreasonable , during my scheduled Cleaning, to ask my dentist to wash my dick as well, since my dick is basically a tooth,

ive never met any of them, but i know that there are guys out there who name their dogs shit like "Rover " and "Fido"

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino this tweet sucks bigtime

Im the guy who exclusively wipes his ass with the disposable seat covers

my followers love to Drool & Shit like a bunch of dirty daugs; and they would see me damned to Hell if i cut off their precious content flow

"theyre called millennials because thier souls are 1000 years old...." - truthGamer

i can not catch a break folks. my 78 yr old son has been pissing into the boiler some how and making our home smell like a reptile enclosure

fucking a stack of emoji t-shirts at target or kmart or wherever the hell

check out the new "Five For Five" offer at mc donalds... thats Five soda's for five bucks "Or your money back"

for every bra yo u dont wear i will wear 3 Bras #NoBraDay

"DISRESPECTFUL !! DISRESPECTFUL !!" the crowds shriek, upon learning that the scene of bat man wiping his ass & sucking his own dick is Cut,

(wearing one of those fucking stupid hats with the word "Press" on it) mr president! do you think DC Films should show bat man taking a shit

COMPUTER ... SHOW ME MORE " KEN BONE " SHIT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvsis67Ne4w

"Ive been studying to become a Pharmacist"
Thats good. Im living in one of those crane game enclosures now. Sometimes the claw jacks me off,

In reply to @GoonExposer

@GoonExposer please dont goon expose me

told to "Sit my ass down" after wasting my one question at the town hall meeting by asking if the secret service agents get to see them nude

waushington running amok... #JustMyThoughtsOfIt

(everyone in dm notices ive been trying to type something for 10min straight) sorry all. iwas just writing down a girls phone number in here

slave to Woke retweeted

i would love to be with other people willing to be nude. i am poly and am having trouble finding a women to fall in love with me and my wife

were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,

Thoroughly Unimpressed.

In reply to BUBBA burger

@Bubbaburger Get rid of this

In reply to BUBBA burger

@Bubbaburger i dont like this one either, remove it

In reply to BUBBA burger

@Bubbaburger take this one down too

In reply to BUBBA burger

@Bubbaburger take this down

i feel, as I, over time, become even more of a Dumb Ass, i am able to consume web-based content and Media at increasingly Blistering speeds,

getting fucked up new reports that both of the vp candidates were washed and scrubbed in the same big bathtub, minutes before the debate

5000 Year Old Turds Found In Ancient Diaper Revealed By Scientists To Belong To Man With Small Penis, Shapely Hips

i am a natural showman. i love to show off my natural's

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale

i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark

(genuflects as two golden lights come forth from behind me, taking the form of majestic angel wings) i would never hold a seleb at gun point

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale

meat loaf just ordered the venue to keep the lights on the audience so he can see if any trolls have infiltrated his show

too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now

the famous time-tested classic, the philly cheesesteak, has become Sexualized by greed

it is sio, so easy to Mindhack the government and get permission to dig holes in your yard

mind of a lion.. heart of a Pregnant woman

@Davo_Strange this webpage is so courrupt....

pushing one of those home depot mobile staircases onto its side., getting that shit wedged between the aisles, because they dont sell Geodes

sickening https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxyASdZ8Ts8

In reply to @bloodhaiI

@bloodhaiI my boy's...

COP: found the culprits blog..another 1 of them Incels
DETECTIVE: the only "Cell" he'll be "In" is a cold lunchbox next too mammas meatballs

ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine"
shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up
ME: Yes sir

the weak shall wither and die...(JACKS IN TO TREELOOT .COM CIRCA 1999 VIA THE INTERNET ARCHIVES AND CLICKS ON THE FUCKING TREE 100000 TIMES)

vineger contains so much energy.. thats why moms call it, "Free Money"

damn. some one told me the first day of autumn was a solstice so i didnt jack off during it. now my sinuses are all fucked up due to T level

yea i torched the dennys. and i woudlve gotten away with it, if i werent the only guy in town with a custom jersey that says "My Wife" on it

In reply to Un güey random en el randomverso

@FucktardIdiot but not Good enough for the follow ?? Hm?

when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

whos been leaking my dm box .

you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though

these are the same steroids that cops use... and you can now order them online for the very first time

the ass ratings are in.. my ass needs to be given the old " HEAVE-HO " on the fast track otu of here and thats the facts jack. Boo to my ass

using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,

LET US SPEAK NOT OF THE YOGI BEAR , WHOSE MANNEURISMS, GAIT, AND DEMEANOR , RESEMBLE THOSE OF THE DISREPUTABLE JEWEL MERCHANT "BLOOD DANCER"

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino im done

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino this is called doxing now, and its a form of crime

reseurch

did they get it off line yet. did they take off the pic of tweetie bird with a humans ass

holding up hte line at Aldi with a barricade of shopping carts, desparately trying to contact the ex-wife to ask if im allowed to eat Pectin

In reply to mike mancini

@mikemancini absolutely.

me and the boys have decided that the least gay way of wiping your ass is to dump a quarter bottle of Palmolive Spring Sensations back there

the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site

the entire contents of the kfc smokehouse angus chicken snacker slide out and fall directly into my shirt. "IM FUCKED" i yell out

(spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good

(takes off VR goggles after howling in fetal position for 3hrs while guys in varsity jackets slap the teeth out of my mouth) wow its so good

who does this guy think he is.

(insufferably) It's pronounced. "Bloomin Onion." The 'g' is silent.

angel-voiced 5'2" man forbidden by mayor from performing at this years christmas pageant— "described as upsetting" "this tradition must end"

if your tweet doesnt grab my attention in the first 9 or 10 characters it can just fuck off

ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*

never brought this up due to Trolls, but my son is set to graduate from ITT tech next semester after 8 years of hard work and im very proud.

the fool tries to make one million dollars.... but the wise man knows that its much easier to make $0.000001 dollars one trillion times

bet yoyu think youd never find a mother fucker like me at a primarily Black church. but i like to go,.. just to Smile.. bask in the Energy..

In reply to The Ape Healer with Lessons to Share with Man

@tetradugenica have you ever seen a chunk of fools gold. its a very alluring substance

boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino @sofieok get this down off the computer.

(me dming) i am merely a vessel through which the posts flow. i accept no rewards.. for i have no name, and no face. Do u like wearing bras,

feel as thoguh our nation, our world, is closer than ever, to Christ, with KFC's recent announcement that they are to turn birds into wine.,

it may seem that cops are all fucking dumb, bad at IQ tests, etc, but they only pretend to be, to lull crooks into a false sense of security

friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,

In reply to brendle

@brendlewhat @woodmuffin @drewtoothpaste but more than a snack

In reply to Tickle Me Emo

@woodmuffin @drewtoothpaste i got like a whole page of arbys coupons... no big deal

looks like a "whos Who' of my dreadful follower list

all good boys keep a jar of sulfuric acid at their station to punish themselves for sending horny dms or goig offbrand.. just a drop will do

KFC is making BIRDS and LUNCH
10954 patrons
$545060 a month

In reply to Chase Brander

@BranderChase this is insane. whyh arent the news outlets running this

(to guy who is filming video of me on his phone while i am siphoning fountain soda through a horrible device) fuck yoyu stop taking pictures

im so sorry you had to go through that.... i apologize on behalf of all guys who dump huge bags of turds and piss off of overpasses

new mcdonalds-flavored burger king sandiwch given the coveted score of "Eight" by food experts

frowning while the entire waitstaff of California pizza kitchen sings "happy birthday" to me, looking like a lump of shit in a neckbrace

kelly bluebook is my gf

In reply to Ramsey Nasser

@ra @tumblr "Wrong"

i would simply much like to know where i can purchase a nice cloth to place my miniature guitars upon. please do not send me the frog pic.

shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right

u got 1 side saying dogs have paws & the other side saying dogs have hooves..then me, the guy who cuts thru the BS, saying they have Niether

Q: Would you describe your Brand as more "Uday" or "Qusay" hussein?
A: Qusay, without a doubt. Qusay.

https://vine.co/v/5MlettU0nWq

https://vine.co/v/5MLIrY0uL1U

In reply to @futurevictim

@adultblackmale @BurgerKing stay out of this. i have them on the ropes. do not interfere

hey @BurgerKing your trays dont fit in the fuckin trash cans. i am a CFO in real life and an oversight like this would cost me my Nuts .

ok which one of the trolls told some company in Singapore that im interested in bulk purchases of cheap laminate flooring. i demand answers.

i maintain that curly is by far the most malignant stooge. without his toxic influence, moe & larry couldve ascended to unfathomable heights

Fine. I'll shut the fuck up now.

one of the things you realize when becoming a genius in many aspects of life is that the world wide web. and the computer, is the same thing

In reply to Redbubble

@redbubble NO

jusut dropped 8000000 HKD on a usb-interfaced sniper rifle that blocks one of my insolent followers at random every time i pull the trigger

hello 911. the toilet seat ripped my loin cloth off again

am i correct in assuming that everyone is happy about prisons not being private anymore because now we get to see the inmates dick and asses

@redbubble http://www.redbubble.com/shop/dril this shit sucks get rid of it

a man from botswana is threatening to ddos a picture of my ass if i do not post a list of my favorite pasta shapes by 6am. i will not relent

1st grade: Mastered.
2nd Grade: MAstered.
3rd Grade: Mastered.
4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you
5th Grade:This ones hard

slave to Woke retweeted

@SuzyDreams ##🌹

does anyone else remember when the owner of @OscarMayer forgot to switch to his personal acct before @-ing pictures of his turds to a doctor

slave to Woke retweeted

If you are looking for a longpig to
Cook and eat.it would me my pleasure to be served
To your.

in 2017 i will make a concerted effort to become a ringling brother.

this is the Essence

19:00 hours. im whereing a condom right now. temperature: 74°F. air pressure:1012hPa. just had a phenomenal potato salad. Wind Direction: NE

slave to Woke retweeted

Jackass 3D is the best

im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue..

WAITER..ive made it quite clear U are not to speak to me until im ready to select the Spice Level of my braised quail dumplings..now BEGONNE

#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES "

slave to Woke retweeted

@shikha3s3 feeling hourny and erotic

hm? U want me to stop posting about the latest deals at Boscovs? well i wish bugs would stop biting my dick..but " PAL IT AINT HAPPENEN' ! "

In reply to db

@dogboner @bashfulcoward im not obligated to respond to thits shit.

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@bashfulcoward jokes on you , my followers peak hours are 2-4am because theyre all unemployed and depressed

boys night

In reply to @TwilightGroan

@braaaaiiinnns stop this. At once. we are supposed to be lifting the voices of our fellow content creators. Not shiting on them.

In reply to @TwilightGroan

@braaaaiiinnns because i work hard for it.......

(in really quiet, barely audible voice) hope your dick falls of bitch

i will respect the wishes of th e mayor and the townsfolk by not fucking the pumpkin patch and ruining the harvest, only if i am given $100.

a good commercial idea would be a cop who pulls a guy over ansd steals the out back steak house gift card from his wallet while checking id

Thw common law wife is giving me "Side Eye", for accidentally eating some of the poison they left out for the stray dogs in karachi

it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud

@bug_data @Hermit_Thrush they are going to build it soon.

sick of guys like jared and storm roof getting themselves beat up in prison just so they can snag a trending topic on twitter

they are going to build a moscque on the wtc. #SelfieForSeb

thinking of life's i could have led in other worlds.....

ME: please show me the posts in the order that they were made
COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres some tweets i think are good. Do you like this

"if theres a spicy brown mustard, why not a spicy brown ketchup?"
The wise man smiled.
"my friend, the condiment you seek is Barbecue Sauce"

@CeliaPienkosz visions of God

becoming a cop so I can access the police computer and scrutinize the Walmart receipts of my rivals digimon Otis and warez_lad

scrolling through the timeline, not comprehending a single thing, but smiling and nodding slightly when i see the word "Favs" or "Retweet"

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino im actually glad you leaked this. now the Dialogue can begin.

let's all be my wife

#NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...

the james bond 007 ez board will not let me change my user handle to WHITE_LIFTER, even though it contains no swears. i am in crisis mode

YES...i have the healthiest Gum Line as verified by the Department of Records
NO...i will not chew food for you
NO...you may NOT kick my ass

for every year that He is not featured in Forbes Magazine as the worlds richest man... GOD will sink one of our battle ships

i do enjoy spending my weekends "Joining the Army". oh how i hate when monday rolls around & i must say goodbye to all of my soldier friends

incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"

ME: Are these Vine Ripe
WAITER: Yes
ME: Is this Farm Fresh
WAITER: Yes
ME: Are these "MAde To Order"
WAITER: No
ME: I will notify the police

somebody please Bribe me

I do oft in times flush my waste as soon as possible. I have no desire to look at it. I would rather be reading expensive novels to my wife.

slave to Woke retweeted

Good Morning Friends
My Son ( Rio ) explained to me that writing in capital letters was like shouting.
Sorry, God Bless America

so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement

just as Christ washed the feet of his disciples , i proudly volunteer to allow my girl followers to use my shirt as a napkin,.

In reply to Deft Beck

@Deft_Beck @neonwario Fuck off, "Deft Beck"

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario It's become apparent that this is a measured attack .

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario does it not save a total of 12 keystrokes, which are widely regarded to be considered to be known as the "Typist's Syllable" ?

In reply to Jollygym

@JOLLYGYM @AbiWilks i will write it someday my friend. thank you

everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume

@markusthemonk the first part, of most of them

i cannot condone taking my previous tweet and using it to say that the "ass wiping hack" is me. i regret putting myself in such severe peril

im the guy who talks about ass wiping hacks so often that i commonly use the abbreviation AWH and get mad when people ask what it stands for

slave to Woke retweeted

@NBharuka children is true God's

(sending image of delicious meal i stole from a group dm to a girl) yeah i ate this

Cowardice: A Tale In Four Parts

Greetings. Today I would like to discuss "Porky Pig"

- Incest Prank Goes Wrong
- Why Thousands Of Geniuses Are Ditching Their Aquariums
- Can Plants Make You Smarter?
- Moms Can Get Tattoos Now

my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

how about we worry about human rights ... after we've fixed all the human wrongs ? #AnHonestMansSay

me N' the boys eating messy sandiwches, sneaking around with big binoculars looking for girls & letting every one know who runs this TJ maxx

what this site needs is the apollo theater "Sand Man" to push all the " MORONS " off stage. I will take this down if it is considered Racial

I Am Not Afraid To Shut Off My $300 Asus Monitor From "New Egg .com" Off If The Intelligence Of This Site Reaches To The Level Of Stupitity.

i would love to brutally kick the ass off of anyone who tries to be nice to me or be my friend on here

ME: Im far more excited to see what the "Cloud" has to offer, than what the "Clown" has to offer.
MY NEMESIS: How dare you tell the truth.

"we live in an exciting age because you can just go get downloads of anything. almost every day there is new downloads to get." - OwedSex96

i truly hate winning the infamous "Darwin Award" by getting bombarded with artillery fire in the Super K-Mart parking lot

girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain"
but they do not care of, "Man's Pain"

wailing at th e blooper reel, saying all the things hte actors are doing wrong out loud, punching the shit out of an usher, pop corn flying,

ive beenn using Confidence and Self Esteem lately, to get unprecedented deals on discarded promotional displays at game stop

ive hired 3 of my clumsiest dumb ass followers to spy on my wife and uncover her plots against me, just the worst bumbling fucking imbeciles

(sees a cop shoot somone) This is just like james bond (sees a war happen) This is like robo cop (sees a burning house) This is like top gun

my agent says if i get my balls neutered off ill be able to calm down & improve my posts. but i keep telling him, my posts wil never be good

https://vine.co/v/57IKH9lJJXI

no more belly Vids

https://vine.co/v/57526q01aPd

some times, it would seem to me, that some of the people who use "smart phones", are ANY THING BUT !!! #OhButUGottaLaugh

folks keep asking, me, what are Q-TIps for. if theyre not for ears. well the answer is simple. theyre for wiping certain areas of your dick,

tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move

my name is "Pruce" now. tell every one you know that my name is now pruce

In reply to Go Look In The Mirror You Dumbass

@prefect_beanis the mummys curse mother fucker

In reply to Go Look In The Mirror You Dumbass

@prefect_beanis Whos that

(responding to a troll after increasing my intelligence to Max Level with a carefully optimized content stream) I suppose u think youre God,

you threaten to go to the bathroom on me? i do not think you have the gall to go to the bathroom on me

https://vine.co/v/5W22BVj7Pnz

hopping on some tech support forums to accuse people with minor hardware issues of being Mad

In reply to leon

@leyawn never do dunks on me or own me again

beginning to despise my friends and loved ones for pushing valuable branded content off of my feed as I struggle to comprehend this world

In reply to @GlauchenGloben

@GlatinGloben i will never stop feeding thte trolls

In reply to gravy @ zelda brainrot

@aguilardenerhas well im glad theyve downgraded me to "basically" a nazi instead of "literally" a nazi

people are still apparently very upset with me for cancelling "the thursday nite rant" feature... let it go folks..

million dollar idea: Dog door that is big enough for humans
Billion dollar idea: Dog door that says "Hello" when something passes through it

Waiter! Oh Waiter! Yes, I`d like to know if I have earned any CashBack Reward`s™ with the purchase of my farm fresh miniature cucumber plate

In reply to physco smoker

@neonwario

a booklet labeled "Mra Shit" falls out of my pocket during my daily buffallo wild wings j/o, sealing my fate and costing me the Yoplait deal

@_ChibiMoon_ @OwlingtonTheMe my agent told me to say ive done a lot of soul searching & have decided that keebler is the treat of the summer

helping the police by yanking the doors off all the public bathroom stalls

In reply to Rachel Bassell

@RachelBassell im also a gamer with ring worm

trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...

i will never "honk if im horny" .

just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT

@amethyct its not Fucking funny

I insist that Moe is the 1st Stooge, Larry the 2nd Stooge, and Curly is the 3rd Stooge. Some will say the order isnt important. Theyre wrong

@KeeblerElves Please help me . You cowards

wife sentenced to 4yrs for defrauding a charitable organization..U know what that means (pulls worst gaming consoles to exist out of closet)

In reply to crass iron skillet

@TheKnifeJugg your one

In reply to @machiavellino

@machiavellino @adultblackmale

i stopped watching all the tv shows my followers think are bad, unfollowed all the Goof accounts, and yet twitter still sends thugs after me

In reply to Hermit Thrush Ⓜ️

@Hermit_Thrush i'll say !!

i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves)))

indoor plumbing is a ludicrous fantasy

going to start asking "What do you Think?" at the end of each post, to help stimulate discourse and reap the substantial benefits of Social.

someitmes it seems to me that some people woulr rather join KKK, than join mensa....

awfully bold of you to retweet my "bad year" tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far

Just got word that thheyre going to do jade helm 15 again, to punish us for letting the celebs run amok. It 's fucked up but we deserve it.

going to start deleting posts, due to harassment. as in, i want more of it. hbring it on egg heads

In reply to @Ulillillysses

@Ulillillysses no!! this is fucked!

@unsuiii been completely ruined due to iron deficiency and Arrogance. had to scrap the project and start from scratch. Looking for investors

Rather tiresome that people wiould rather Threadshit my mentions than say, enjoy a whimsical boating tour through the fair canals of Venice.

polease cut all art programs so we can instead focus on teaching our children the importance of being Respectful towards influencers

amazing to me that people are still complaining about my genius sons being too loud, in 2016, of all years

In reply to @shrekpissslave

@shrekpissslave @adultblackmale "duhh thank you cj my boyfriend muah muah muauh (repulsive kissing noises))"

1) i do not owe you mother fuckers a damn thing
2) i will not hear any more questions or comments unless they pertain to MetroPCS, or Pepsi.

- Always retweet promoted tweets.
- Always surreneder your username and password to Girls
- Always Wait 1hr before replying a Verified Acct.

Your "I Love TD Bank" Car Decal Fucking Sucks

@Boscovs Are you unquestionably committed to the "Customer First" experience—Do you pledge here and now to bow to the customer's every whim?