dril archive

boy's in summertime...

In reply to Jordan Etherington

@RolandJordan damn true this

In reply to @shrekpissslave

@duncepud @steveyknight its FUCKED UP!!! I JUST WANT TO POST

In reply to Steven Knight

@steveyknight its the good new meme

sometimes i wonder what this place would be like if i wasnt around to call bull shit on all the jokers... probably the 9/11 crater but worse

In reply to Álgaro

@albarvaro Eat shit

In reply to HAPPY GOTHS FUCK OFF

@sleepystalinist @lev_danny all dril is trash

imagine how fucked uop it would be to have a brain and be able to form thoughts

In reply to dp

@dirtypreston @_Hermit_Thrush_ boys....... pleease.. do not fight.. i beg u

im a fruad. i wear the wrangler jeans despite never having wrangled a single goddamn thing in my life

In reply to O.J. Simpkinsn

@jsaffle1 o j simpson has replied to me

#SendMeToDerpConBecause im Rat

i attached a middle finger to each blade of my ceiling fan and i make it spin even when it's cold inside because it looks very much bad ass

In reply to @taylorjwofford

@dogstoevsky bad tweet? where?? ha ha ha

mmy masters in agricultural science was just deemed invalid after footage arose of me dying

In reply to Pogchampion Wooser

@wooser69 tthis is the new Pythagorean Theorem

i was better in the 90s before my account was bought by the actual ku klux klan & placed in a granite sphere surrounded by castrated pikemen

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ HEuuahhghh!!

what donest kill me makes me stronger ((gains infinite strength from being not killed by infinite things))

dont even know how people are able to engage Thought Leaders on here with all these trollsters, hoopla rousers and clowny boys running loose

In reply to derek

@respected_loner @Ulillillysses iyour dm box.......

In reply to @Ulillillysses

@Ulillillysses he doesnt belong threre

people think people smoke weed because it tastes good. well i'm here to tell you that people like it because it gets you drunk asap

In reply to Peter Anderson @zerogeewhiz@aus.social

@zerogeewhiz the best damn posts for free mother fucker

"WORM ASS" national prison made me into the man i am today. i would still be desecrating crypts be it not for the fine policemen of worm ass

In reply to Supreme Quilt

@NedRampage crook

there's currently an image of an unidentified nude man making the rounds on several online circuits. please beware

you can put truck nuts on other things besides trucks idiot

and now to tackle celebrity tom cruise's claims that I look like "an eggplant with progeria". **crracks knluckles* that's uh, a fallacy

In reply to Juanito

@ntipot the official twiter app does a fine job of that already .

thinking of getting 1 of those Yes icons on my avatar so I can just point to it when people ask me if im strong enough to carry my adult son

im developing an app called "mr. beer". you can use it to ask mr. beer if beer is his favorite drink and he might say yes. mr. beer 2015

"my daughter is dying. Help"
no. i wil never sellout
"kfc's making a burrito out of pigeon turds. hit us up with that signal boost"
hell yes

i have posted at length regarding my inane balls at the cost of my family, my career and my dignity. the least you can do is rack up my Favs

@swimming_baby nothing will stop me

im getting my rat tail chrome plated in 2015

@teethfallingout http://happyhealthymama.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/PB094263.jpg

THE BIG MONEY MAKERS BET ON ISIS EVERY TIME

THHEYRE GOING TO MAKE A LOT OF FUCKING BUILDINGS IN TH NEXST COMING YEARS SO MAKE SURE TO INVEST A LOT OF MONEY IN WOOD

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN thats my son. thats my exwife. thats me. thats my gf. thats a dog

*readign own timeline* holy fuckin shit this guy should be the new dick clark or something instead of posting these on the computer for free

i think if we lower the legal army age to maybe llike, 12, we will see a sharp decrease in recreational nudity

THank u all, for sharing the Online experience with me. Pretty damn good if i do say so my self. Aahh, just breathe it in. I'm illiterate

https://vine.co/v/OaIJTpXhDId

https://vine.co/v/OaIibB1zbmM

https://vine.co/v/OaIeiHmiXTv

"please post more of these" "ok"

https://vine.co/v/OaIOVKmzUWh

https://vine.co/v/OaIMbDj7dWP

https://vine.co/v/OaIhxXwwDrq

https://vine.co/v/OaIqYlmZbVn

https://vine.co/v/OaIq1QPnx6P

terriffic news lads. i invented my own ebola virus by lying face down on my rancid carpet 11 hours a day

In reply to @HipsterToast

@HipsterToast @kellmachine ok

In reply to nobody has ever played with this dog

@unbub_ stand down, citizien

#ClickingMyMouse

really lookjing forward to going through puberty again and becoming a cop

i may be a dim-witted narcissist but at least i hafve really good opinions about life and other things

im making a good version of "sky captain and the world of tomorrow" called "sky captain caveman killer"

**kicks a plant over because of something a celeb did* fucking ass hole *vomits into the refrigerator because the new iphone is bad* shit

@NeutronDre i posted them. please wait

@Budweiser Fuck you smart alac

grinning like a shit eating bastard on the bus because i found the exact combination of words that will obliterate budweiser when i tweet it

In reply to Golden State Worrier

@Cheesegod69 im nthe nice man who deserves this

In reply to Plato's Cave Era

@PantsOmega It Didnt Work.

In reply to @ghostbiggie

@ghostbiggie "could not be recognized" whoop's. owned again

In reply to J

@Zed418 i'll never.

hell of a week folks. first the apple press conference fails to impress me and now it's 9/11. whats next

In reply to @SwifferWetJet69

@KonyMandela Take it down

In reply to Juanito

@YugiohJuan take it dowm

Some may say iim considered, the Bad Boy of controversy

the latest from rex freeway

film your wives you god damn morons. im paying top dollar for wife footage

In reply to Warren Piss

@leducviolet sorry. i sol;d my account to bubsfeed & reddit and all the bad websites. they wanted to buy it so they could put bad posts up

please contact your cybersenators and tell them to tear down the bad computers

sick of our media's unrealistic portrayal of Boomerangs , which are weak as shit in real life

In reply to Michael Bolt-Ons

@sus_as_hell the ape `s curse

#AboveCowards

In reply to illegal to unfollow this account

@egg_dog im frowning at this mshit

In reply to @Cryptoterra

@Cryptoterra http://i.imgur.com/eF7FJMG.jpg

list of activities enhanced by fingerless gloves: advanced keyboard & mouse manipulation, burying face in hands, wiping my as, pointing

koko the talking ape.. has been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity diapers. No more. i will suplex that beast,

climmbing the power lines until i am less pissed off

i see how ti is. i provide the best content online to all my girl followers but when i ask to live with them for free they leave me for DEAd

slave to Woke retweeted

looking for cheap vacations

In reply to 5” Knipex Cobra

@HungryStu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbLNQRTulR8 Fine .

leaked footage of me taking my dick off and puttingg it in a glass of polident on my nightstand before bed

i cough and sneeze into the toilet like a smart adult

bazooka joe... habve you seen this guy. fuck him. he talks shit even though his comic strip is printed on garbage instead of a newspaper

adult man stuck in glue trap given a stern talking-to from his rich uncle

this brief column about portion control written by the voice actor of "Gumby" will chane your life...

DivorceLiker

"THe Beatles" have been cancelled, everyone. they will be replaced by me standing on stage for an hour, making my dick shrink on command

In reply to shoe

@shoe0nhead all of my tweets are normal as hell

cant wait until work is over so i can stop sitting in front of this monitor and sit in front og the monitor at home which is 3 inches bigger

i have reported the nude celebs to the Motion Picture Association of America, and the oscars. the situation is under control thanks to me

sick of hearing about the head honcho. what aobut the legs honcho. or the ass honcho. that's my opinion on honcho. thank you for reading it

@jaggings it was empty. i ate the food that was in there beforehand

indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container

head fully immersed in kfc bucket filled with hidden valley ranch dressing and m&ms. brand engagement locked in at one hundred percent

proof of same......

DAD: your baby brothers missing, please put down the controller. help us find him
ME: Did u read the news. Gaming is a legitinmate hobby now

inexperienced shit taker here. need someone to hold my hands while i squat to ensure i dont fall backwards into my own mess. preferably girl

i pay $5000 for a high end cpu just to get disrespected on my own god damn feed

lets piSS UP A TOWN!! Everoryone reading this, lets all choose one small town randomly and publicly urinate all over it. Combine our piss

"insane clown posse? ?" Hm. *smirking, now* Sounds like a certain web site, that i see

everyone who says my dick looks like a marshmallow has obviously never seen one before. do marshmallows have urethras in them, or balls?? no

i am actually the first guy who came up with the "aliens who smoke weed" joke, back in 2011

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN thats my setup

(does some notes on a guitar) I Have been through my life a good man. I am a clever man (does some more notes and fucks it up) I m nice too

i am selling six beautfiul, extremely ill, white horses. they no longer recognize me as their father, and are the Burden of my life

obama needs to stop writing constitutions or whatever and help my failing business sell rat hair to imbeciles

In reply to @vinceness

@vinceness hell

@UncleHalo i;ll have you arrested for cowardice

"the definition of shuriken is extremely broad & encompasses any thrown weapon. a chair can be shuriken, for instance. a birdbath"-UncleHalo

i support UncleHalo's idea to replace the united states penny with shuriken

Although listed as a baby cowboy hat it is actually more the size for a 5-6 year old child. Needlessly to say, I returned it for a refund.

wow i just dropped a bowling ball & out of all the billions of places it could have landed it hit me straight in the dick #GlitchInTheMatrix

grandmom kicked me out of the house because she caught me waterboarding an extremely small man

HOT NEW VID -- CYBERDUNCE EVISCERATED BY ERROR PROMPT ON LAPTOP -- #TOPFAILS -- #TOPAWKWARD - FUCKING IDIOT - WATCH HIM CLICK "OK"

if i had a billion dollars id get wall-to-wall carpeting in my bathroom and donate the rest of it to the army

In reply to 🕊️🕊️🕊️ 🚓 guy 🚔🕊️🕊️🕊️

@Manlyburger i didnt start the series yet

attn: fucked up t-shirts incorporated-- get me a tweety bird with devil horns saying "I refuse to pay for a car wash"

i call this next 18-tweet series "The Ice Bucket Challenge, But With Piss, Instead"

@jonnybuttface mr pib

cant wait to dip a paint roller in my preferred brand of beer and suck it like a big yeti dick

im trapped undermeath thousands of hissing metal pipes but im, still going to do my updates on here

i burned 100 extra calories today just by thinking aobut asses

i hae received my 3rd warning about squeezing the toilet paper too hard at the store. acme markets has declared war on my strength training

by ripping my phone book in half I have not only proven im strong, but that Im also a cool independent guy who doesn't need to call anybody

the cops need poison stun knives so they ca n arrest me harder, and every police cruiser should contain a coffin full of beer #MyNiceOpinion

im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw

let's talk about planes now. the pilots are flying them up too damn high. it's dangerous. I don't like it. got to make them lower

sometimes it seems like i'm the only person who cares about, intelligence-related things, on the entire online.

detective sherlock holmes examines my crass pud with a magnifying glass and calls it a piece of shit

people shoot me a lot of Grief just because my wife is a stolen bar urinal with yogi bear's face printed abovbe the drain,. and they should

most undergarments were invented and popularized by religious folk who deemed that jeans and denim were too sacred to touch the ass directly

spike tv is showing some good vids of dudes urinating and im stuck here at work yelling at saudi arabians on the phone for $156.00 an hour

15 reasons why Comcast,m the company voted the worst in america, is actually the best one, and Here's Why:

i basically love to catch all the shit that falls off of peoples hamburgers with one of those tiny nets they use to scoop up goldfish

100% body fat, 49 year old, normal Male. good at turning purple while lifting boulders and dropping them in ex-wife's driveway. Army strong

In reply to slave to Woke

@RealLunchables @blippar again, I apologize.

In reply to The Real Lunchables

@RealLunchables @blippar im uploading my awful nudes to this. sorry

my dick touched the floor by accident. im a god damned foolish imbecile

let's be real. they should mkae a less ignorant version of the teen choice awards, and i should win one of them for coming up with the idea.

yeah thats right babe... im in the shower right niow.. wearing nothin but a neon green tracksuit, and some belts

blurays is a game changer. look for the bluray disks, at the store.

In reply to @shrekpissslave

@shrekpissslave its not enough!! its not enough!

going to be doing some extremely powerful introspective poses on the railroad track for the next couple hours, so please cancel all trains

CONFIRmed in corocoro magazaine: "Donkey kong is Diddy kong's Mom". gamers i can assure you this is the most tantalizing gender scandal yet.

this guys losin his mind. theres just so much quality shit on here

custom long john silvers gift certificate that says "Partyboy" on it plealse

oop, autocorrect got me. what i meant to say was "i cant wait to eat shit right out of the sewer and suck some outrageously gay clown dicks"

one, of, the , reasons, my, dick, is, not, good, is, because, there, are, stains, on, it,

im sorry but if you continue to spit tobacco down my exposed ass crack I will be forced to stop unclogging your garbage disposal for no pay

(shoots all whistleblowers with the doom 2 bfg gun) thats what u get for disrespecting your jobs & bosses amd making a mockery of Employment

In reply to No I Didn’t

@AndyRichter never. i take pride in my craft

KLEBOLD: Wtf is this shit
HARRIS: "Wii Sports Resort"? U call urself a gamer?
LANZA: ...
KLEBOLD: Get these fuckin trashbags off the windows

bring me your dead pet and i will make a sword out of it for $39

attn : man with "Pedobear" car decal who cut me off at 70mph on i-295 -- nicely donme. Superb

"my mario tip: Anything is possible in the world of Mario." - my mario tip

seeing the hospital workers dreessed in pajamas?? like "seriously?" im a sleepys mattress professional. id get killed for wearing that trash

slave to Woke retweeted

bonberman

In reply to woebegone jabroni

@bigtittedsluts agreeud,

nerd with lame attitude: North Korea is bad
Me: Have you ever lived there.
nerd: (his glasses fall off)
Me: Catch you later

i think police should get extensive background checks so that i can hire all fo the most insane, mentally ill cops as my personal bodyguards

@USArmy you should invent a gun that sjhoots nuclear bullets

In reply to U.S. Army

@USArmy im a solder

do speak to me about the economy, Cuisine trends, and middle east things. dont speak to me abou joe dirts balls, and killing me.

"durr lets leberage each others brands" "dahh okay" ((the two men rub their asses together while licking the screens of their web tablets)

cant wait til my teeth fall out so i can get those new gamer dentures that all the chatrooms are screaming about

thje opening riff of "Life In The Fast Lane" repeats over and over forever while me and the boys shoot at a septic tank with airsoft rifles

In reply to sleepyhead

@zeroprospects i play it smart by pissing into the toilet.

ive narrowed it down to the church of scientology & the united states marines. whichever one allows me to jerk off more wins the tiebreaker

breastfeed a celeb today

In reply to Martin... ish

@SolitaryTweeter dont say of this

im really mad that we as a society constantly allow our celebs to starve to death in the creul and unforgiving wilderness

S.O.S Save Our Selebs

very concerned about celeb s

you've disgraced the uniform of Police. hand me your badge, gun, hat, knife, belt buckle, cowboyboots, laser whip, bullet purse, cock ring,

kkkjoiner asserts that theres a secret mcdonalds buried under the school and it sells guns too. thats uh, made up. thats a big crack of shit

The b est shit I ever did was shatter all the windows in a room just by doing a perfect somersault

heads up: they got free toilets at mcdonalds now

if by some circumstance i was given the winning lotery numbers, i would not use them, for the lottery is a sacred institution #GoodBoyThings

instead of fumbling around with a wallet i like to carry my cash and credit cards in a huge green trash bag bulging out of my shirt pocket

it would be somewhat fucking good if all the girls on this site printed my avatar out and started kiissing it ,as a joke

i do not know the official name of the pringles man. but it is NOT "bruce pringles", as the trolls often assert,

the pringles man is the ghost of uncle pennybag, the monopoly man. this is the first opinion ive ever posted so please be gentle. #BrandLore

In reply to wolf pupy

@wolfpupy my sources tell me he uses the toilet like a normal man.

jay leno does not urinate in his cars. do not put that idea in my head. i would die protecTing jay lenos cars from urine

In reply to @dril_analyst

@Dril_Analyst Eat Shit

i had my jeans bronzed as an infant. and they still fit mother fucker

foghorn leghorn argentino unofficial

in hell you are forced to smoke weed

i want to take one of those cruises where people shit right there on the boat but apparently they only happen randomly as a surpris,e

dominating thte buffet table with a pair of Sai

In reply to Alex ♋⤴️

@__boehm__ duhh aduhh aduh

spending my weekend retooling a joke about fucking the tiny hole in the bathroom sink that prevents the water level from increasing toom uch

[apps help us day to day in our lifes... but some men have twisted the apps to fulfill their oqwn selfish desires. beware these 'dark apps']

"auuahuhuh" some nerd who wears glasses probably right now

bread has never been good. let it be known on here that i will never eat the shit food bread.

(crying now ) my friend QuiznosMale needs lijke 2000 sq ft of carpet by thursday and none of you are helping him with the carpet

Hell Yes;. the army is putting me and my guns on a plane back to iraq. Thius is like real life DLC

i got a big wet piece of corn and the cob in my bindle and i cant wait to run it over with my truck after im done chewing on it

being in full control of tthe shit that shows up on my computer monitor makes me feel like a sort of twisted conductor. .. or perhaps, God.

when the trolls have my internet access removed i will not allow that to end the content flow. i will nail my insipid "Tweets" to my car

iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks

to the longhorn steakhouse which refused to serve me: a bib most certainly counts as a shirt

a "keg" is teenspeak for a large barrel of the vile drug known as "Beer". they can be as tall as 12 ft and are often used to crush policemen

when will the supreme court weigh in on people who jack off to feet

by day i'm a mild mannered toilet specialist, but when i pick up the contorller i become Vance Hardgamer, rreal life murderer extraordinaire

nice no true scotsman fallacy. hm, typical tu quoque fallacy. ah, the classic "grab me by the ears & crack my face with your knee" fallacy,

In reply to Hoopz Barkley

@TalesOfGames @FLSupercon will calling the police about this affect my backer status

i call evbery four-legged animal I see a dog and I am correct more often than not so I will never stop

they should make dunce caps that have positive reaffirming words on them, like "speed demon" or "Wolf"

going to burn dOwn my power lines and go off the grid for a bit until all the smug butthurt drama fedorra script kiddy fanboys take a hike,

all girls on this website... im here to protect u from online swearing... pleae... please understand..

llove saying "damn"

some times it's the small things that are good #Truth_In_Life #Deals #Abominable

In reply to Bleep / StuartG

@HiImBleep i poisoned it for laughs

please remember to click on the things i post here to see how many favs they got and to sneak a peek at the buzz that they are generating.

(i shoot you with massive plasma cannon that sounds like a jet endgine when i shoot it and turns you into blood instantly)suprise fuck face!

barney doesnt actually die. he just becomes more and more obscured by bulletholes until i close the window. hes still smiling. fuck this app

In reply to @dril_analyst

@Dril_Analyst thank's

i weawr blackface while i game to improve performance. i have no intention of racist. That will be the final post before i turn my phone off

im going to have to put the tiny padlock next to my username until people stop oppenly disparaging the Food Pyramid

ive accepted that i will have to reincarnate into shitty microorganisms like 50 quadrillion times before i become something cool like an ant

i love having molotov cocktails trown at me in the cyber cafe-- not. idiot

kfc sextuple down is back. pieces of lettuce and tomato encased in perfect cube of processed bird. "The most vile fucking thing imaginable"

((speaking too close to the microphone at press conference)I have never watched a single episode of the Teletubbies. They look like fools

a man does a wheelie past you in a motorcycle. the back of his jacket says "TAKE DOWN THE POSTS"

please stop saying barnum & bailey is suing me for "stealing their clown routine". they are suing me for very serious and legitimate reasons

In reply to @lowtax

@lowtax @jrindyk @CUSSBRO i should be banned from every site

In reply to That's Our Dings!

@ItsDings yes but i nnever do searches on him so it's weird that this happened.

In reply to John Armstrong

@JohnAmstrong do it fucke r. everyone on this trash website has already seen each other's dicks. i am not afraid

In reply to @Ulillillysses

@Ulillillysses im really sorry to everyone whose twitter immersion has been irreparably fuckefd up by me posting that

fucking.. actual yes

lvoe to perform aerial leg drops on the referee

i left a diaper filled with pulled pork at 1 randomly selected radio shack in the united states. whoever finds it gets to #BringHomeTheBacon

the only crime dick cheney committed was being born into a world where goofusmouths are allowed to flap their gumms at true mighty armymen

U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover". U have accepted an E-kiss from "ShirtRemover".

my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me

@AidanMacCoy all off them

i did certainly tilt my entire hosue 45 degrees just so i could install a zipline from my orthopedic gamer cushion to the toilet

surgury to become japanese. Surgeruy to become Japanese

@nataliejmooney Im sucking off a big ass onion right now. Urrghh

In reply to Nasti B

@TheBiggestNasty i dont know. i have never seen a doctor who

im crying because doctors banned the cure for low T again

you gotta cut the shrimp down the middle to get that good turd out,

FULLY IMMERSED IN THE TIME LINE-- AH DEAR LORD

In reply to medium kahuna

@protoglyph yes. i have about a year's worth of images queued. one whole year of shit

advising everyone on this dumb ass website not to block me to ensure that my sub par written word can reach your grubby shit smeared devices

the emerald nuts corporation deducts my pay substantially for each death thrreat i receive so please stop it

i get dozens of compliments about my perfect ears every day. it's llike Shut the fuck up. Im trying to eat a bagel in my car and you do this

In reply to Mountain Dew®

@mtn_dew @TacoBell SEND TACO BELL YOUR DICK

i am indeed a friend to sports. let everyone who claims that i am not a friend to sports face the grin reaper

i can't post the reason i need a wife from this website by june 30 because that info is private. grow the fuck up. all of u

ok. i basicly need one of the girls on this website to marry me by june 30 and i am absolutely under zero obligation to send you pics of me,

my combat jeans deflect most bow and arrows shots and also prevent me from thinking about sex

good to online shop

@SweetVncVnc @J_Cullens @zeroprospects @FutureFriendSA @TimHortons LEAE ME THE FUCK ALONE

In reply to Ad Alexander

@GarbageInfested yeah im shit i know i know

feeling extremly threatened by gamerscores

if you like the band sex pistols you will also enjoy my band called "the gun pistols"

Respectfully, The Tim Hortons Nihilist

i'm going to be the one who makes a "got milk" parody so good that everoyne forgives me for trying

attention all cops on reddit who have murdered people ; was it Awkward? what gun did you use. did you get a promotion

@blackoutbadger @wolfpupy Baffling lack of respect.

i live for the tears of all baby huey fanboys. their suffering is more essential to my being than the blood flowing through my veins

oh whatd this?? another death threat in my inbox? well know this, i fear a world of subpar bird tyranny more than death

i will nevr add baby huey to the famous bird list. he wouldnt even make top 40. i will NOT back down on this, U obnoxious, ungrateful pricks

please God if you're out there I ask that you turn my praying hands into bird seed so that I can no longer bother you with dumb ass reqUests

i did eat an ant farm once

In reply to @911VICTIM

@911VICTIM @motherlesscub im going to zap myself with a taser gun unitl u two stop fighting on my tl

(fantasizing about dangling off hood of my moving car adn touching the truck nuts on the jeep in front of me with tongue) hell yea, actually

now that all of my last-gen hardware is completely obscured by Animal shit , #e3 2014 may officially begin

probably, if I got night terrors constantly id just say something like "This is fuckin cool" instead of taking all kinds of pills and shit

how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!!

#OpenCarryGamestop http://forum.opencarry.org/forums/showthread.php?114405-GameStop-Policy

*sees the e3 logo on a website, tthrows head back and screams the word "Epic" before immediately defaulting to aberrant emotionless state*

most famous birds:
1.Krfc
2. talking parrot who said "i love you" the night he died
3. thanksgiving turkey
4. tweety bird
4(Tie). Phoenix

two truths & a lie: (1) i use the fatsuit from big momma house 2 as a corset (2) im in trouble at the dump (3) please dont reprint this info

just the other day i was taking a bath and i saw a tiny tugboat in there leaving a chemtrail. i told it to fuck off. im a green beret gunman

In reply to David

@davidsexton94 im a jornalist

will e3 have designated crying booths. im sick of crying in the bathroom where people shit.

In reply to slave to Woke

@bug_emails take, this down

@bug_emails i would not sit that close to a fountain in real life. they are disgusting breeding grounds for all manner of microscopic vermin

but enough about my dick. today, I would like to talk to all of you about the Toilet.

Im goig to drive a nail through my cock to promote ABC's "The Middle"", and I will be paid $18 for doing it.

kudos to FX for promoting a tweet with horrible eyeball gore for some bad tv show aand pissing off a bunch of ladies

a series of incurable skin conditions have caused my dick to look like Darth Maul's dick, and that's the only good thing about me

.@KonamiCodeKnower i know yorure online. i know you've been stealing handfuls of gravel from my driveway and hiding them in your big shirt

casually discarding styrofoam container filled with buffalo wing remnants into the passing stroller of a baby

In reply to @shrekpissslave

@ShrekPissSlave Damn true, this

as torrents of horse piss splatter clamorously onto my forehead I scream in absolute torment but make no attempt to move or cover my face

dont really care if my gaming chamber has black Mold all over it.. ill just curpstomp pubbies with my shirt pulled up over my nmose

i would sooner die than relinquish ownership of my dale carnegie mousepad to either of my fat sons

i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my "trolls", as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups

im joining the army and then im joining ufc if im not too fucked up from the army. and thats the cold facts

just kidding. i'm normal intelligence

let's all kick the BTK killer's ass, all of us who make the good tweets,. we've got to meet up and beat the BTK killer's ass and go on dates

blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

i'm pisser #1

checking my computer chiar for GPS Trackers, left by ex-wife or cops

copy puste this if you think that rhinos can kick humans ass ,even if humans are using the guns.

my nudes.. have strengthened my brand. apparently barkeepers glue them to the back of their urinals to stop people from pissing on the floor

"if youu die in hell you die in real life" - demon philosopher matthew

the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron"

ANGRRY FUCKIN BIRDS.... HOLY... I CAN'T EVEN. .

just me again reminding all of you seriousyl dumb motherfuckers to get your daily sperm count. some of you are walking around with weak cum.

cleanning my assault rifles with wads of toilet paper

In reply to Johnny

@jcynavarro fuck your ma ma. piss off your own ass

infinite amount of alternate universes where i shit my pants during my wedding which will only go away if i break stephen hawking's computer

"oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends

oh and also thanks for the troops

and dildos do not count. any schmuck can put a dildo in its mouth. that is the coward's method

regarding hideous new happy meal box: has anyone put their dick in its mouth and took a pic yet. will they send me coupons for being the 1st

the onl thing i can drink without vomiting anymore is diet peach snapple mixed with skim milk and breadcrumbs

water is fucking gross. it tastes like nothing. assholes drink it

In reply to @Ulillillysses

@Ulillillysses let`s get this insane takedown virel

baby food > cat food > human food > dog food. just the oipinion of me

THE COMMON IMBECILE: the movie "cars 2" is better than the movie "cars 1"
ME: alas this nation has truly gone, to the dogs!!!!

sorry grandma. your laptop was good but i shattered it into 1 million shards after i saw someone say SEO stood for "shit eater optimization"

In reply to grown man who calls the ground “the floor”

@boring_as_heck thank you RandomMan. thank you Don.

if youre that guy who emailed me last month asking to be my "intern" come forward so me & my rich friends can smack tennis balls at your ass

interseting. it appears "emotions" were basically just rrage faces that people did in real life, before online existed,

slave to Woke retweeted

@TheEllenShow : Uhh, Ellen... Luigi and Mario ARE confirmed brothers by Nintendo.

HOWEVER. Waluigi and Wario are NOT brothers as byNintendo

slave to Woke retweeted

Que es esa mierda de Mario y Luigi gays en el show de ellen?! Ahora van a joder personajes que ni son de ellos para convencer las masas?!

@jahonkus Bastard

moseying up to the girl on campus and whispering in her ear "got that fuckin pizza hut p'zone in my backpac" and straining my face intesnely

i'm convinced that people only favorite my tweets so that they can use them to fuck me over in court at a later time, since they're not good

please wellcome Irony Cowbell to the world, my beautiful newborn daughter who will be named that forever

ived hacked into your beeper, champ. enjoy your inopportune beeping

In reply to rikki 🖤💙❤️

@swagdemon99 no

i've decided to open my account back up after a brief cooldown session with lobsterfest_ralph.

@TJdruer every other twitter account is in direct competition with my own. i would never compromise my status by promoting any of these pigs

In reply to Chris Chan Halqifibrax

@Camera_Angel im doing it soon because of the crap.

@doms_a_faggot im going to close it as soon as im done browsing my updates.

this has gone too far. im closing my account until people stop accusing me of being mad. i will also spend most of my time offline laughing

@harej if i unfollow anyone i will absolutley be murdered by them. im basically in prisoned.

In reply to ,

@evil_cheese_win retweet is a sham

im about to loose my shit if my feed doesnt slow down with th fucking posts. nobody could possibly read this fast. this is a travesty

my world renowned "miserable adult cam" feature has been removed due to complaints

spit takes are funny but if you do them in real life people will call you ass hole

i am a local politician and i just want to lick this fucking ridiculous huge lollipop without people photographing me and ruining my career

your post has bbeen Hotbugged by DipShitx666

"________ favorited a photo you were tagged in " SDONT YOU FUCKING DARE

just made a cool $30.00 from leting scientists hook me up with electrodes and watch me Game for 16 hours #IsThisHeaven

"hello 911 I need a moat dug around my house immediately"
"sir this line is for emergencies only"
"Thuis is an emergency moat"

i know thiis isnt the popular circle jerk opinion, but people who swear while speaking to the 911 operator are gross

probably like 4 of the wildfires from the news were caused by my shitty extension cords used for Nature Gaming. ha ha ha sorry firefighter's

my guest bathroom has 99 fake toilets and one real toilet and i use it to test the toilet abilities of all my guests

boycott all games that don't let me play as a cop

In reply to daniel j/tobias harris respecter 🇺🇬

@_AKA_DJ then grow up

In reply to Ryan Rudd

@TheRealRyanRudd i was banned from club penguin for roleplaying as a toucan

who ever told me that kim dot com's secret doge coin stash was bureid under the roof of my house is an idiot. i just dug a hole to. my house

please contact me if you own one of the six corporations who controls 90% of the american media or if you're of the dragen race

In reply to Dan O'Sullivan (👻 NOW *LIVE* ON GHOST 👻 )

@Bro_Pair never

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KormVG41S9U Gudetama Sanrio English

ass is the most poisonous part of the human

my mansion sucks

ive already accepted that im going to hell because I mispronounced church as "gurtch" once

im tierd of extroverts crucifying me and my cool introvert friends

confidently reclining in my seat after calling my onlinw adversary a "shitbarn"

my opponent's eccentricities are well known. hes probably the one who drank bird bath. he is on record as calling birdbath water "bird juice

the latest rumor ;which i dont even care to discuss or give a shit about, is that i was seen drinking out of a bird bath on easter sunday

@Vanhollaaa no

also, the cop zone feature is done now

(bored in apartment on two week administrative leave after nuking a 14 year old girl with a napalm launcher) THIS FUCKIN SUX !!!!!

i love to use fists, poison spray, or gun agaisnt the citizens, depending on how mad i am

----------------
COP ZONE
----------------

i want to tattoo ancient Runes onto a dolphin

danzeisen: i need the logo to be a shitting ass
quigley: but were a sports company
danzeisen: draw that ass up pronto

In reply to Steve None

@radiometricx i epicly agree

In reply to Martin... ish

@SolitaryTweeter break your lips mother fucker

In reply to oh - ̗̀no ̖́- Wannie WYD

@plsburydoughboy hows my nuts tastes

In reply to Brandon Heath

@Brandon_Heath10 Fuck you

i dont understand trash talk. i t think everyone should just agree with each other. it's easy

In reply to J. EDGAR

@jedgarnaut this is a very important thing in the economny

drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,

↑↑↑ U Are Now Cybernetically Engaged Via Intercom Uplink To The Realm Of TheBeerPope ↑↑↑

In reply to sunfilter (doesnt want to be homeless!)

@sunfilter http://cigarnews.com

they just said on the news that there's a group of hooded grotto dwellers who are legally changing people's names to "Beezo" posthumously

in my version of indiana jones he shoots the boulder with a sniper rifle hundreds of times instead of running away from it

yu fucking idiot i wanted to make a sniper rifle out of those toilet paper tubes and now that theyve touched the trash theyre no good to me

billions of people are shitting and pissing everyday. it's too many. it';s poisoning the earth. consult your laywer before using the toilet

@Dj_Toaster my fucking content is flawless. you fucking bozoes have gone too far with this shit. youre the one who looks ridiculous; not me

u know irt's a Monday when you rear-end a cop car and your trunk pops open, launching 500 or so jars of piss onto another cop car behind you

it is absolutely impossible to leave smartass comments on my page and lead a happy, fulfilling life at the same time. i need to believe this

the us government has its top men working day and night to invent a paper towel that is large enough to wrap me up and dispose of me

the family gathers around the PC to run a google image search for "invader zim crying"

BACOn is some fairly good and epic shit !! Wow

My (new) Twitter value is $0, according to http://www.fbi.gov/ ... What about yours?

once again its up to me to take the high road. while everyones making jokes of the fat weed smoker mayor ill be whipping myself in his honor

i dont trust banks. especially the pig shaped ones

daily reminder that i wear a suit and tie daily eeven though I have not set foot in public for over 16 years #GoodBoy #Hansdome

i will say this. when I finally ascend to the final plane of consciousness .nerds will get extremely yelled at

@MemeAmoeba fuck no. due to luigi's bullshit there will never be a year of anybody again

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080513164458AAT6cWP baby mario is not mario's son in 2014

"guns are the most inportant weapon of our time. lock and load. see you at the Range." - anonymous

In reply to Sean Stewart

@seanthetimelord im husband to him

donald trump has no time to fuck. he looks at his watch and says "i could not possibly fuck at this juncture." as he powerwalks into the zoo

Sorry fucked up

It's Saturday night. Hand me the cold one fellas

popular youtube user "LunchPhreak22" often enjoys "Phreaking" his lunches by poisoning them for the amusement of his viewers

i wont let nasa sent me to mars [does the dx cross chop with guns] fuckin alright

metal chains begin to fly out of every hole of my computer while i scream like a fucking iddiot in a child's comedy film

joke's on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn't filled with bloodm, it's victory wine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pvx__0kPns +||+||+||+ HAcKeD by KFCDominica +||+||+||+ ,,\,, Fuk U ..\.. +||+||+||+ ︻デ┳═ー /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ - /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿

me: i dont even care if they cancel sports
howard stern: Thats wild

In reply to Poff

@poffdeluxe truly we are living in the worst of all possible hells

speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass

"Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch"
JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch

average person online: Durr!! Durr!!
Me: That makes no sens.e Please be reasonable and not post the most inmature shit.

dis charged from the army for doing memes too much

please check out my new article "Allergy Season is Fucking Good Actually" which will shatter your precious little minds and make yo'u cry

In reply to gale na

@flufferfish im obviously being punished for my subpar output,

nnone of you are supposed to read these

im the smart adult with my shirt pulled over my head so I can play holdum poker on my phone with out having my performance affected by glare

i will be at bradlees dept store promoting my new line of mustards for the next 16 hrs and I ask that nobody tries to assassinate me please

[man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom]
"Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening."
"Alright. Just a sec."

In reply to Tickle Me Emo

@woodmuffin @robbercat AUUAHHHHGH

In reply to Tickle Me Emo

@woodmuffin @robbercat im not goiing unless the good people of https://twitter.com can raise $200,000 to transport me and my hardware

i will devour all sinners in the name of all polite boys online

where were you when Pibb_Lord_Janus posted his epic takedown of "Betty Boop"

juust not in the mood for content today... not while my fellows are being hunted down in the street like dog 's just for preferring Blu Ray-

actually, i have big red burn marks on my ass for a cool reason. i fucked up smoking a ciggerate

why would anyone want to put hell on wheels. what kind of satan would allow this

there is no football position known as "Sniper". ive been tricked by this load of crap

content 2

mn,

i cannot die... not toda.y.. there's still so much SUperbly Awkward Shit to reblog

some opf the things people put on this website set off the old "BULL SHIT" detector.....

id like to report an error of the googleglass please. if you accidentally wear it backwards it sends video of a big horrible eye to everyone

i'm wild about Setups

i receive a generous amount of funds from the US government, as they believe that my good tweets are an effectuive deterrent to masturbation

uh oh... think I feel another BIEBBER RANT coming on !! #TheFamousBieberRant #MyBreadAndButter

just give me one hour and no swear filter and i can literally completely destroy anyone psychologically with aim instant messenge

i am sick and tired of having my page mocked just because ihave a lot of good opinions on apps, on hashtags, and all of that good shit

@bing answer for your crimes, fucker

In reply to Chris Morrow

@BigMoney_Morrow its good. no wait, its bad, because theyre all morally bankrupt and Heinous brand murderers

ARMYMAN: the US military now Officially endorses cruel and unusual torture agianst qdoba fanboys and Ignorant-Minded people
ME: b-b...badass

wiping your teeth down with toilet paper or giving them a quick spray with the hose; that's the good shit. toothpaste is flim flam from hell

please put a helipad on my shitty roof

handsome single adutl man contracts scurvy after eating nothing but oscar mayer lunchables for 4 years and blames his dentist

the asimo robot is full of rats. nobody ever washes it

cops need grenades. doinate all of your hand grenades to the local police force or face insane cop torture forever

In reply to ASIMO

@ASIMO you look like a nerd made out of diapers

In reply to ASIMO

@ASIMO im going to knock its teeth out

In reply to ASIMO

@ASIMO @KellyandMichael coward

In reply to Brian Lee 🦇

@LRcomic @jitka ill destroy him in public and then i will take off his space helmet and unmask him

asimo is a weakling. it cannot stand up while being punched. they didnt program it to fight or defend itself. i will probably win this

i'm going to beat the shit out of asimo. im gping to knock it on its ass while its trying to use a staircase at a trade show. dreadful beast

im going to power up my content in this year 2014 by divorcing my wife and crowdsorsing a new gfx card for me. thats my guarantee

@FlakeJay theyre bad except me

In reply to db

@dogboner no!! its all too much!

i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and NIce manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

i swear to everyone on this site that i am truly, truly a good and compassionate person, and i have a completely normal dick that isnt small

@obamacare69 because, of how good it is,

well i believe its time to ugly up my face with some techno baby bullshit to show everyone how unapologetically humorless i am #throughglass

my dimwit sons love it when i drop them off at the car dealership for 7 hours while i cruise around for bargain's

Enjoy New
and Exciting Recipes
Including
Buffalo Chicken Mac & Cheese
and
"Mac & Cheese Gone Wild".

Want to say thanks to PedophiliaMan for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold. Please select a payment method. PayPal BitCoin Credi

**shooting bow & arrow into huge pile of discarded diapers piercing like five or six of them with each shot* now that`s what i call Combos

the idea that people are still masturbating in 2014 is insanne, and utterly, asinine

In reply to Garfield

@Garfield false flag

i cried when the genealogy researcher told me this

just found out my great-great-grandfather was known as the "piss scoundrel" and spent most of his time being harassed by concerned citizens

In reply to Cheetos Arabia

@CheetosArabia thank you officer

online is sickos

im bad at running and moving around but my upper body speed is incredile

#IAmNotALiberalBecause im proud of my greasy, orange ejaculate

In reply to Troll

@CapitolAvenue yeah

the ass cynic has posted a brutal 1 hour 40 minute takedown of my ass on youtube. im warning you not to click on it or you will get a virus.

ive got my eye on you matrix_gary.

i am closing down the craft brew wiki because i am being treated like a zoo animal and nobody gives to shits .

mantis is a small green dog. not bug #CancelColbert

#CancelColbert gangstalking me, collecting my piss, laughing it up with his fucked up buddies when I ask where my piss went, carrying on,

In reply to Yowan

@Yowan @kochmoney please stop owning me

@sargeant_party it,s a piece of shit for sure

i approve of congres... i believe they are doing a very good job despite negative comments online

#RuinAChildrensBook i dont have a camera but rest assured that i ruined it & made sure that no child will ever derive emotion from its pages

*understands tthe full potential of the net all at once and stumbles backward wwhile struggling to breathe* christ,. my god

i love absorbing knowlegde from the expansive breadth of electronic information that exissts on this plane we call OnLine. its good to do it

can I get into legal trouble for secretly filming myself on the toilet

my massive shoulder span constantly prevents my tiny ,malnourished ass from absorbing sunlight. my body is essentially at war with its self

i have cleaned all the dirt out of my fingernails and will be posting new pics of them shortly. i want to be liked on here.

taking my laptop into the Jungle...

@weedguy420boner ,showers are,
,actually,
,not good,

@scottbrowne just my opinoin. back off

my priceless stradivarius gaming keyboard... fcovered in policeman urine

In reply to hellojed

@hell0jed that's where all the good shit in life comes fronm

adult man who must frequently be burped like an infant or else he will die

for a 2nd time, a user has threatened to go to the bathroom on me. ill tell u this. only way thatll happen is if ur leaving in the body bag.

In reply to @shakidotwav

@SonicViolence its my big son

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u8Fd7EHYAg

"We will wipe out Twitter. I don't care what the international community says." "They will see the Turkish republic's strength," he added,

Turkey's prime minister has warned that he would eradicate Twitter after a number of audio recordings anonymously posted on social media pur

"Gamers" needs to grow the fuck up.

@sargeant_party http://youtube.com/watch?v=jm47tyItSRQ

@trash_ketchum those are shit. open up the yellow pages and contact a leg man immediately

In reply to Esteban

@Estebandagreat i don't know if i'm angrier about the fact that twitter posted that with 0 permission or the fact that it's completely wrong

all of the rumors that i'm crying right now are: 1) bbutthurt 2) gross 3) KuKlux klan

yerah i like to click on my mouse. so what

i have to clean myself with a dust devil because my bathtub is filled with sacks of rat chow and i believe that all of politics is hogwash

*produces a tiny book from coat pocket which lists every breed of dog that is legal to eat*

hoo boy... these guinea pigd love to shit. shouldn't have ordered the full dozen

In reply to ابو نواف

@salah36869824 thank u my friend

motorists are advised not to touch the mattress. the cops are on their way to beat the snot out of it with hammers. do not interfere

theres a fucking mattress lying in the middle of route 70. it's still there i think. check it out if you're in the area and you like mattres

In reply to WeBuyRetweets

@WeBuyRetweets hit me up via my personal line: cumDrenchedArmpit@imbecile.com

@SandwichMeats no hashtag.. no rant #NoHashtagNoRant

curly is the most bullshit stooge. his antics are the least believable. moe and larry would have kicked him out of the stooges in real life

i lose about 6,000 followers eveory time i make one of my humiliating tweets. the cost of business

llove to look at a big slice of meatloaf and say "Damn it's good"

i hope my followers are remembering to urinate frequently, to ensure the proper disposal of bodily waste.

A Funny Dog Join Kurdish Tribe For A Dirty Dance .

*glances towards framed calligraphy print on wall which reads "NASCAR First" and nods goodly. *

you utter fool. od not come in here asking to see rocky's dick. that is not the spirit of philly

sorry i ruined Fucking talk like a pirate day by speaking at length upon my terrible mustard allergy which has caused countless pain of me.

In reply to Favstar.fm 1000★'s

@favstar1000favs FUCK OFf

In reply to wiphala_

@lammdy im glad i made that post and wrote it and thought of it. im glad it belongs to me

In reply to johnasavoia

@johnasavoia i don't want to shit today.

@JakeKomara shit

i'm looking to be hiring a very nice girl to crack open pistachio nuts while i Game. must have clean fingernail.. no hucksters

my name is steve jobs. i am a successful ceo in charrge of the apple corporation. #Joke

im looking at bible, now.

single fellas-- do NOt jack off into the garbage disposal. it will jam up and make a horrible noise. use garbage bags instead

ive enclosed an image of judge judy and my stepdad kissing that I photoshopped to express my disapproval of the broken paintball gun verdict

there is a time and a place for clowns and it is called "CIRCUS". not the computer

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN headshot all these beasts with a tiny gun

my next good post is about egg salad. What in the shit?? are you egg or salad? Why is this good. Who's eating it. Check Please. uhhh

i get in my car and 100 men smear their asses up agsint my windshield and doors. Unbelievable. I'm late for work. This is clownish.

meanwhile im going to stay up all night and color my dick with markers

Sigh. the trolls are beating off their weiners again

brutally headbutting massive hoards of benghazi likers

eunuchoid 49yr man puting self up for adoption, please. unemployable due to frequent nosebleed. loves movies & Tech. thank u for reading it.

this is what a real mans hands look's like

In reply to Debbie Boobie

@Cameron_54 THe "Oscar Selfie", is, in a word, Huge. Representative of a New-New Media paradigm shift. It, was a solid move from the celebs.

chating with lawyer on aol instant messenger.

i will annihilate all spoofs of me . i will take anyone who does spoofs of me or my beloved content to the court of criminal law.

apologies to guys named "clay". that's like one step above dirt

need to gain. concerned of my big boy status. dream of becoming Army Strong by the age of 35. rip me open another bag of tiny marshmellows

In reply to nobody has ever played with this dog

@unbub_ i am far too clever to jack off

there are secret offices all over the country full of men in business attire who consume porn for 9 hrs and go home. they dont even jerk off

the joke is on you fuck face. i actually love getting screamed at and publicly shamed for my dumb-assed bull shit . I love apologizing

@kubjazz no. no birth

In reply to carlos danger

@lettuce_fetish on line

@cool_bugs don,t

i've been spending the last 7 years of my life making a romhack of super mario rpg where everyone is pregnant. i expect to make $100 from it

to whoever changed my background pic to spider man with his dick out, thank you. im keeping it just to make you mad

ive never heard of this "europe" but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me

i am a Gentleman's Son and i deserve the big gravy boat

my pet iguana' s get angry at the same tv shows I do.... wierd but cool

just yanked 3 bundles of rebar off a construction site and into my truck. now im going to biuld my own pizza hut

@SlothCEO if this is true you need to go directly to police .

it's Damn cold out there! Hope you got shirts #WebAndMediaContent #FrromTheContentBoy

@DopeMomJeans Wawa has always been nice to me and I give it six platinum stars

Mentioning the woefully fated thursday nite rant feature to me constitutes harassment. Let's keep the trash out. I am a real journalist now.

me after getting curtains stuck in my waistband and pulling them off the wall: "ah fuck its happened again,ah, i am truly a shithead, oh no"

my favorite holiday is the one where you cover everything in plastic and turn the hose on indoors and just go wild

In reply to David

@davidsexton94 Never

i have moved all of my bitcoins directly into my brain for safekeeping until all this nutso crap blows over

climbing the empire state building holding a giant baby bottle labeled "Muscle"

sipping some campbell's chunky soup from flask in coat pocket

discreetly enjoying a small amount of beer i hid in my gun

jsut want to take some shitty roll of wallpaper from the 70s and tell the Men's Warehouse to get their finest craftsman to make a suit of it

MAINSTREAM: Barney the dinosaur is some good shit. I like it. It's really good.
ME: Barney the dinosaur is bunk. This is a show for children

@MF_Bizz there bad

thinkting of putting a sign up in front of my decrepit mississippi swamp house advising the band Pussy Riot to keepaway

@obamacare69 they are always on tv carrying on

if i were police i would send bugs bunny and his shit pals to prison for violating the constitutional order of the united states of america.

In reply to Tom Jefferson

@tjefferson1976 @VicPopuli thank you thomas jefferson

In reply to Nadia🫠

@sundomefuture thats my baby boy. my dim wit son

#AnimalTVShows pig fucker

#AnimalTVShows ape fucker

#AnimalTVShows dog fucker

*all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That's Weird

i just divined a glimpse of everyone who has ever unfollowed me talking at the bar, laughing about how bad my posts are & i fucking screamed

#TheThursdayNIteRant hashtag is now Public Domain. I am permitting twitte'rs worst users to sully it with unauthorized, low-quality rants.

Fuck #TheThursdayNiteRant and the bruise it has left upon my legacy. Fuck contracts and being tricked into signing them. Fuck Ruby Tuesdays.

i dont think the monster truck gravedigger has ever dug any actual graves. it would be a very disrespectful and loud way to do it

i feell like im being unfairly targeted during this paintball match just because im the only one wearing a tuxedo

any good jokes lately? yeah, the mirror. i mean your mirror. i mean your mirror, while you are standing in front of it & i'm not in the room

"I envision a dining experience tailored specifically for the public masturbator. Therein lies the Soul of the Roy Rogers brand."-Roy Rogers

@obamacare69 i dont do that anymore. i broke the contract and im cursed now

@BongVivant @Perfect_Beanis Thank;s all. Remember to fav and retweet the thuings i put on here also. Get the word out that my posts are good

@GoodEmerald @animebitchboy im, going to

@animebitchboy i will do it. i love the good shit favstar

pop this into your browser for a quick smile : "urkel"

@nyybrandonc no way jose. those are good

i love to frown upon bull shit

It has recently occurred to me that I am constantly being clowned on. The people I trust most have apparently been clowning on me for years.

In reply to Cooking Mama

@420braiseit thjis could be possibly considered to be a rude comment of me.

Hot Pockets Yanked From Shelves for Containing ‘Diseased and Unsound Animals’ #AreYouTheOne

@acrotalusa i suppport the duck dynasty boys and i support gay also because i am a kind, reasonable man

go to bed trolls. go to bed with your dip shit brigade.

In reply to L D

@LTDesroches 0

intense dr pepper cravings from being mentally mpreg., check. dick looks like an ear from botched circumcison,chsck. 1 big purple arm, check

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN ah, married;

it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain

i am interested ni "meme format". i am going to experiment in "meme format", to improve my page.

@GoodEmerald i do not

In reply to Kate Barrett

@thewaether i couldn't fit the fourth one and i didn't want to disrespect it by abbreviating the title.

@GoodEmerald needs Work

Jacking off is a fool 's errand. I will instead opt to enjoy the films of Ice Age, Ice Age: The Meltdown and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs.

In reply to sarah

@shit_its_sarah I Love To Bring My Ass

me and a bunch of stupid assholes are going to start a community in the middle of the desert to either die or prove a very important point

@null____void @NBCSports i hope they do because it is the worst picture i have ever seen

#TwitpicYourDunkContestReaction

@Dj_Toaster thank you

if someone comes by asking if i would like to see pornography i say "hell yes". if someone offers me beer or wine i also say hell yes to it.

i will tell you this right now: I'm from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally

In reply to Michael Steeber

@MichaelSteeber i thought that rule only applied to the good posts

please let me edit my tweets so i can go back and remove every reference to pig piss and liking pig piss

#TheSaturdayMorningRamble cant do it anymore. the ramble has taken control of my life & my doctor has advised me to stop before it kills me

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ they never shit. they have no need for bathrooms. they converted them into offices. i will not "hold on"

nobody at PepsiCo, the parent company of Pepsi & Frito-Lay, uses bathrooms. this comapny prides itself on hiring people who never shit.

dick fact no.77: my, dick is covered in clothes most of the time. this protects it from the elements as well as the gaze of my enemies

need some new Christian podcasts to listen to while cruising around in my fake cop car

In reply to Breaking News

@BreakingNews i want my spoilers mate!! stop hiding the spoilers fuck face!!

Im a goalie in personal life so I know a thing or two about deflecting personal attacks against my life as well as hockey pucks.

to the countless many Whom have plagiarized my hard work by using the retweet button "Thou art a Coward" !! i will beat your ass at the mall

I SO MUCH AS DIP MY NECK AROUND THIS LOG PAGE AND I AM FORCED TO ABSORB GALLONS OF VENOM FROM DISRESPECTFUL CIVILIAN VIPER SWINE #StopTheNSA

*loads up youtube playlist "Every Geico Ad Since 1999" sitting in ultimate gamer chair eating peanut m&ms with spoon* euauh! good shit, this

i was one of the villains in WWE. mmy name was "Loser Fuckface Nerd " and my catchphrase was "i cant fight them! theyre too strong"

me and the boys are going to watch the final leno and then watch every episode of leno in reverse. full return to thence Leno. #lenouroboros

a 90 year old man looks at hula hoops "they dont make'm like they used to" now hes all started up "theyre SHIT!! these are picees of SHIT!!"

i found a bunch of those bugs that roll up into little balls. i called the zoo & they refuse to take these horrible bugs away from my house

#TheSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes it is good to get off of the computer every once in awhile and spray garbage around the yard with a hose

jay leno was the last good boy on tv. he was my final connection to th e outside world. there is nothing stopping me from becoming feral now

In reply to L D

@LTDesroches Now is not the appropriate time to discuss content.

Jesus christ. I;m so god damn sorry. This is so fucked up. It's a living nightmare. I am literally shaking. I have never felt such pain

In reply to Adam Steinbaugh

@adamsteinbaugh No

I am a coward. I beg of your forgiveness. And please check out The Saturday Morning Ramble, which is still scheduled for release on Feb. 8

I didn't want it to end like thtis. I am so sorry. My hands were tied. The rants weren't getting enough Favs so the sponsor pulled the plug

I have a confession. THe leaking of six thursday nite rants on monday was a false flag operation designed to kill The Thursday Nite Rant.

it is phenomenally cruel of people to come onto this website, look at the posts on my private feed and share them with their shitlord pals .

In reply to Hydi

@stretchyXcheeze Take this shit about the coors brewing company down

In reply to Hydi

@stretchyXcheeze Fuck you

In reply to Cool Pond

@cool_pond gotta go name brand. it is non toxic and not actually made of shit so it is fine to drink.

bougt a bottle of "liquid ass" to teach my stepdad a lesson but i consumed the entire bottle by mistake. now i drink "liqiud ass" on the reg

In reply to k

@gaypoop69 @Bro_Pair im ignoring the contract and i dont care if i go to hell

In reply to Dan O'Sullivan (👻 NOW *LIVE* ON GHOST 👻 )

@Bro_Pair it was too beautiful for this world and it had to die

i don't care about anybody's opinion unless it is good. before you type, please ask yourself. "Is my opinion good" if it's bad dont write it

yea everyone called me Dixie Cup for years juts cause I asked if it was alright to use a dixie cup as a condom in sex ed. im cool now though

my son has been combing his hair without permission. how do i cope with the pain

@policeman i will assist u sir

and i will state right now that these recent events bear no weight upon the popular "saturday morning ramble" feature. Thank you

my laywer is telling me that the bastard who hacked my account and leaked my rants is none other than edward snowden, known traitor to USA.

there is no recovering from this fiasco. the thursday nite rant, as we know it, is dead.

@Twitter HELP

yo bartender!! we all know you filled my deink with ice so you can skimp on the good stuff. hows this grab ya: "No Tip" #TheThursdayNiteRant

"whodunit"?? how about we just call it a "murder mystery" insTead of resorting to that grammatical mess #TheThursdayNiteRant

smiling is worthless. it has no value. nobody wants to see your damn teeth all the time. fuck you #TheThursdayNiteRant

my living room has more remote controls in it than NASA. its like you gotta be an astronaut just to watch the ball game #TheThursdayNiteRant

WAIT FUCK

why do clowns have such big shoes. that's not funny. it is just ignorant. no wonder circuses are dying #TheThursdayNiteRant

if I download just ONe more app I will need an APP to keep track of my APPS!!! #TheThursdayNiteRant

punxsutawney phillip seymour hoffman sees the shadow of death meaning 6 weeks of really good jokes like this one

i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl

In reply to @Timmer95

@Timmer95 server delay

75% of the tweets on here are complete PishPosh. 20% is Networking and Implementation. the last 5%? Pure Content. #TheSaturdayMorningRamble

In reply to A Pile of Cheese

@Cheese_Pile i am nodding and grrinning at this, completely unaware that it is probably a grievous assault against my character

i cannot comprehend half of the things i read online but i'm smart enough to know that it is all really good

i live inside of the holy mecca cube and do all my good posts in there

In reply to Steven Knight

@steveyknight I don't deserve to watch the super bowl

the famous "dewey defeats truman" photograph except it's me holding up the hedaline that says jacking off cures prostate cancer

In reply to Tim Sexton

@DjTSex Stop Hacking

In reply to @drsleaze

@drsleaze enjoy hell

In reply to @alphabet_gun

@Buff_Wizard Yes. Theyre the worst

http://wint.co/gallery/litterbox.png good

In reply to .

@pussyotoole no. never

check the shit o n the lightbulb before using it. too many people are using the wrong voltage count and it;s too bright #TheThursdayNiteRant

Q: What is your Passion Sport?
A: My Passion Sport is football and golf

i'm not allowed to participate in the olympics this year because i have "no discernible athletic talent" and my "dick looks chewed up"

group of young woman: were going to take some "Selfie" portraits. care to join us?
me [doing the face palm face now]: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!

i just sold all of my teeth to the president of starwars for one hundred dollars #SBMediaDay

yeah im basically all abOut mpreg right now. yeah im off to get my huge pregnant gut enchanted by a warlock so my future son will respect me

*consults a sundial* Ah. Time To Carbo-Load

sometimes i feel like im the only person on the whole damn computer who understands the concept of Honour

i must rotate in my seat eternally to avoid having my muscles damaged by wi-fi energy

i bet i could knock a grammy statue over with my piss #grammys

@Sense_Andrew mindsweeper is a game for children sorry

In reply to @apocalypsedoe

@followingDril i uncancelled it because it was an important one

i am a simple country man who believes that hackers belong in jail #TheSaturdayMorningRamble

I Have beatten a game of solitare after having to restart only 26 times. I am a magnificent gamer prince

i have been racking up absurdly high scores in Windows Solitare to increase my power as a gamer

In reply to Jake Fogelnest

@jakefogelnest no. it is a very powerful online tool and i love it a lot

id like a discount on this used tort law textbook please. the last guy who had it drew female versions of Garfield on a bunch of the pages

In reply to Alex McElvain

@alexmce Actually fucking this .

MetalGearEric has offered to engage me in a formal debate as to whether or not santa claus's real name is "Winter Claus"

the facts are: actual little two year old children are coming onto this website to send me brutal reprimands daily and make me violently ill

@AceMakesWords It's basically extremely good except when they arrest a cool guy

In my honest opinion, due to recent events, they should call beloved pop sensation Justin Bieber, they should call him "Mr. Jail". Thank you

In reply to kill a nazi, save the world!! :)

@lamIamlam the boys of washington

#TheThursdayNiteRant please build more walkways so i don't have to fuck my pants up in the bushes

@little_chicka justin will prevail #FreeJustin

In reply to andrew

@the_A_factor i love bait. cant get enough of it

barbaro is back 2014

In reply to Madison

@laternerds it's the name i use to commit crime under

In reply to tim

@charlessinders i have never fucked it up

In reply to 🐟 jitka 🐟

@jitka i have about 250 rants in thbe can, ready to post, as well as 500 more that need minor tweaks before becoming availbe for consumption

nobody has earnestly called a donkey an "ass" since the bible was written. stop fucking up my clipart searches with this nonesnse

611 Ass illustrations and clipart. Affordable Royalty Free Stock Photography. Downloads for just $1.00, with thousands of images added daily

my true custom rig is a baby grand piano filled with lava lamps

vladimir Putin if youre reading this please grant me asylum like you did with snowdan. i too ,am constantly in hot water because of my posts

i would have to say that this promotional radio shack lanyard i received heavily influenced my decision to become a lanyard wearing guy

carefully cutting out an article titled "Extremely Small Man Begs For Life At Disneyland" so that I can frame it for the rumpus room

In reply to Sid V. Beers

@SidBeers http://wint.co/gallery/kfc.htm woops i moved it

i interface the dunston check 's in dvd with the God Processor. a gruesome polygonal ape head welcomes me to dunston world

incoming picture of mysterious bead collection from WolfRespecter

@SHITNEY_HOUSTON piss is not a profane word. it is a body part

@SWIFTANTLERHAWK ill fix it soon. i will fix it

#THeSaturdayMorningRamble sometimes when you get caught in traffic you just wanna get pissed off

Italian mobsters beat rival gangster with metal bars before feeding him to pigs, police investigation claims http://wint.co/gallery/eatenbypigs.jpg

JAY: They are going to replace WTC, with a Mosque. Can you believe this Silent Bob
SILENT BOB: This country is headed fot the chamber pot.

i squint real hard while attempting to contemplate a math problem designed for children until my entire dumb ass face turns navy blue

my ultimate quest to become a united states armyman begins by rejecting all forms of online drama trash in my life #TheThursdayNiteRant

im sorry for claiming that all cops wear big fake boobs full of milk under their shirts and use them to breastfeed criminals. only some do

i would like to convert these gmail invites into human dollars please

In reply to Visionery genious

@kier_abshy i can't seem to do anything without being owned by shirtless males

now that nest neutrality is finally dead I can start blasTing the shit out of birdhouses with my 9000000 calliber rifle scotfree

now that net neutrality is finally dead i can share my controversial tony hawk/NASCAR cross fiction without fear of persecution or ridicule

i would like to apologize for letting the team down by eating an entire snowman over the weekend and getting sick. my head wasnt in the game

the one major design flaw which plagued the iron maiden from the start were the large spikes that would stab anyone who tried to live in it

i shoukld be allowed to do kindergarten again. im pretty sure i would absolutely fucking nail it this time

@emilysipiora prom is filth

Weekly reminder that the official Oprah App can be enjoyed by Oprah fans and supporters of Anti-Oprah alike.

12 year slave huh? sounds like my marriage. which I dont enjoy. to the degree that it is succinctly described by that particular movie title

Charles Chaplin

i have in my hand a list of hollywood bigwigs who have eaten human flesh, and i will reveal one name each day until im provided with respect

i've been blacklisted from hollywood simply because I refuse to compromise my unwavering support of Microsoft brand and product. cowardice

winner of best reality program "Mushroom Sons", beating out "Extreme Mushroom Farm", "Mushroom Grabber" and "Boys of Mushroom" #GoldenGlobes

some hipster or something is probably mad right now bc they give golden globes to good ass films instead of the fuckin mona lisa or whatever

#TheSaturdayMorningRamble was cancelled out of the respect of prime minister ariel sharon . please stop asking me about it. rip ariel sharon

please help mme. my dad sent me $40000 to go to Fight College but I spent it all on making a big hormel foods logo out of gorilla glue

but worry not. i have changed my last name to "apefucker/" to dissuade all women from stealing it

another fucked up thing that women will do to all good men and boys is steal their last names, poSsibly to leverage their own failing brands

In reply to Ben Stroganoff

@Buffbigman Thank you.

In reply to Demahom 🇵🇸

@selia_lahugeea Thank you.

In reply to monke

@KilMiPlis Thank you.

@little_chicka Thank you.

In reply to Bill Baer

@CrashburnAlley Thank you.

In reply to Henster: A Lust for Life

@Soft_Serve Thank you.

@piewithcoffee Thank you.

@wllhpr Thank you.

Remembe,r if you're a fan of the rant, feel free to support it with favs, retweets, or just drop me a message saying how good it is.

with all of the running around we do during the holidays... its a wonder we don't LOOSE weight instead of gaining it... #TheThursdayNiteRant

if u troll me into my 11th stroke by god i will use the last remaining strength on my death bed to implicate you and your delinquent cronies

now that i'm unemployed I can finally weave an intricate fan universe based on the chick fil a cows who are always holding the signs up

the web is an extremely powerful media tool in our Time and I will masterfully cross chop and do bare hand takedown to anyone who disagrees

fired for "unleashing rats at work" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats

put pictures of fat 1920s babies up next to the muscle builders of modern day & you will ssee that their skill levels are considerably equal

i just obtained a tub of that goop they fed to babies in the 1920s to make them really fat. i;m going to convert the whole thing into muscle

bowl fucker #RejectedBowlGames

im the only person on this entire website without a wife and it is just ignorant at this poin t.

*inhales sharply and punches a sofa 6 times extremely quickly*

shut the fuck uip, coward. "beavis day" is not a real holiday. i am going to insanely wreck you for posting to me, about the false holiday.

@jessicayoung69 all sponsorred content was put on hiatus during the holidays. it will return next week along with the thursniterant.

yesterday i bought a 26ct bag of fun size snickers bars as penance for wasting a police man's time

my main shit is going to CVS and doing riffs on whatever i see on the shelves. most of my material is never recorded or heard by human ears

sees another grown man eating cheerios off his table at the restaurant, gives him the restaurant cheerio nod

yes, the rumours are true. i do workouts

"tthis is some superbly phenomenal shit." -spoken by president barack obama, upon following his 650,000th twitter account

In reply to demi adejuyigbe

@electrolemon i fear change

reluctantly jacking off at 60mph to the girl silhouette on the big rig mudflaps in front of my car while whispering "trucker's code"

LING240 - Foundations of Applied Linguistics
Transfer Equivalency:
WAZ101 - how to do wazzup voice (4 credits)

@AllNewBMcD @GirlHelper i support girl helper

slave to Woke retweeted

Girls are a gift from god.

myth: making me mad is cool
FACT: making me mad is a crap move& people who do it are all sociopathivc criminals with fucked up rotten brains

when should i start embalming myself

ijust gave some guy in the bathroom $200 and he left. i think i own a toilet now

In reply to Spank Burnside

@DennisRonne

In reply to ret

@rad_milk the knives will beat the shit out of the ice

im going to fuck up antarctica with hundreds of throwing knives

i don't believe in religious, but i respect the fear of nudity

ill be spending new years encased in marble with magnetGirl77 because we just basicly trust spirit world more than human world at this point

nothing pisses off Baseball more than showing up at the plate holding a custom djinnblade, designed by your cousin Chedson, instead of a bat

Time to do several fucking perfect wolf howls at the nascar men

my top 2013 picks:
1) guns
2) pictures of guns
3) halloween
thank you. please look out for the top picks of 2014, which i will do next year.

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn this faker is puttinh me through hell. but i can see through his lies. i can tell he is not me

school lunch card revoked indefinitely for making a counterstrike map based on the principal'/s rock garden

"RESULT: You are the Serpant. YOu dislike loud places and people are constantly putting drama in your life. But you're strong." This is true

IF SATAN IS READING THIS PLEASE MAKE THE FINGERBOARD ON MY DESK DO 1 FLIP

cavemen were 14 feet tall and immortal because they didn't believe in Lying

a dozen eggs huh.. what are you gonna do with 12 shitty pregnant rocks. haha just imagine some asshole buying this like, "oh these are good"

back before the web, Content had to be delivered house to house by the content man. he worked 14 hrs a day & people tried to shoot him a lot

In reply to ＫｉｎｇｏｆＡｓｓｈｏｌｅｓ

@asshole_king no. not yet

about 85% of the people online are just absolute criminals and i can get dominated by them perfectly from the convenience of my shitty modem

[download of "bagel covered in caesar dressing.jpg" complete] Ah, Fucking Good This Yes. Absolutely Epic Fucking Particularly This. Sir

In reply to slave to Woke

@cecxlia the saturday morning ramble will be cancelled as well. thank you for your cooperation and understanding. PLease enjoy the holidays.

@cecxlia the thursday nite rant is cancelled due to christmas. it is also cancelled next week due to new years. the rant will return jan 9th

no. no. no. and no. santa would never do putrple drink. keep the jokes stashed deep in the garbage on this holy night

i'm going to shut down for several hours while user "JFK_Destroyer" reconsiders his threat to "suck my grave like a dick,"

@Munz0 i chose to disregard the advice of president barack obama and continue posting

In reply to dan mentos

@NonCombosMentos if i was fake that would be fucking insane as hell

ah, online is amazing. there is so much to do here. *GETS OBLITERATED BY INSULT`S AND SICK IMAGES* i've changed my mind. online is childish

@TherealGeorgeZ RATATATA /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ⌐╦╦═─ - - - - BOOM BOM POW /̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ *CLICK* BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM (Philippians 4:13)

In reply to dajj

@isohyde @RealSkeleton Stop owning me

The office space judge, to the trolls: For refusing to stop being a piece of crap i am sending you to 15 years of pound me and the ass jail.

tthe super computer lit up and told me my posts were good in a fucked up robot voice, validating me forever online

IBM sent me a supercomputer to analyze all of my posts with and guess what, they're all good

In reply to illegal to unfollow this account

@egg_dog life and death

i stepped out of my stretch limo with "garbage toucher' painted on the side, brushed some shit off my boots and said "I'm garbage toucher"

i like it. thank you

@atomicdoge @jrindyk the old dog one featured a twistedly brutal amount of blackface thoguh

@CrackerBarrel wher can i pickup merch ft. shitty beard guy who needs all sorts of wile e coyote shit to hunt the most pathetic animals ever

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn @BAKKOOONN i give this picture two thumbs down because it is gross

In reply to cas

@Iordeslays i dont respond to threat

Shit myself on C.Martinet's lap. Voice of Mario. He was surprisingly chill. Too embarrassed to apologize so I bought Mario Golf a week later

"The film was universally panned by critics. It received a "rotten" rating of 5% on the r" let me stop you right there. thats a lot of crap

i plan on spending christmas with the kranks by putting the dvd in and playing it. i want to spend christmas with the kranks mother fucker.

the most fucked up thing saddam hussein ever did was eat doritos in jail

@TheBossPop i Fucking disagree

slave to Woke retweeted

قاعد اسمع غنية pink floyed money و اطالع برنامج عن فرس النهر بنفس الوقت و مندمج بالاثنين

In reply to Connor Brandt

@Connor_Brandt i craft my own rigs

when it comes to down to it.. you just cant beat the old mouse and keyboard #TheSaturdayMorningRamble

GOD Damn fuckin.. Retro,. classic shit, ah *Face Turns purple and begins crying* sorry. i'm sorry. I'm a dipshit. I'm a fucking idiot

this guy took a pic of an NES cartridge on top of a filthy carpet and.. yep. the game on it is one i like. im pretty sure that makes him God

this is the room where i simulate combat scenarios by performing wrestling moves and crowd control techs on 22 girl mannequins. the gauntlet

In reply to Dang Ole Steve, Man

@KingAstronaut i;ts a cut above the rest #sponsered

i am looking forward to some god damn serious male grooming discussion when everybody runs out of jokes around 2015 or so

gotta pick one man. the night ain't over until you pick a favorite pope. "all of them" is not an acceptable answer. "clement xii"?? Fuck you

my permanently wet forehead is perhaps my most powerful weapon

rip to this guy

i want to network with clean human

In reply to Jake Fogelnest

@jakefogelnest thank you for looking at it

listen bud! get your i pad out of my face! leave the gizmos at home #TheThursdayNiteRant

In reply to kcg

@kcgreenn i really hate him

big steel drivin' hank gordon bubba once told me i aint once put on what it could not do, but to what i can't do on what i put myself on for

In reply to Emily

@PiemanSH $0

slave to Woke retweeted

Time To Play The #knockoutgame with #A&E #IStandWithPhilRobertson #DuckDynasty #FuckYouA&E

digimonotis thought octomom was the bad guy in spider man 2

my belt buckle explodes, exposing my superbly problematic dick/balls to eveyrone at GarbageCon. it also ricochets into my skull and kills me

the Harvard bomb threat guy svhould have called a bomb threat to octo mom's house instead #UHOH

i test all my tweets on lab animals and they hate them all. im an embarrassment to BRand Culture

I Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To Crucify Me Upside-Down And Piss On Me Violently. I Want The Duck Dynasty Boys To Block My Useless Account

An Unstoppable Legion Of Young Fortune 500 CyberHeteros

a typical day for me involves putting on the football vest and throwing the fuckin pigskin around. and i am not sorry if this offends anyone

at first i thought that Science was a shit waste of time. then somebody did a meme of it,. and now... hooboy.. now i like it

In reply to Man from Homs

@jrindyk Death Caliber

getting all the snow out of my driveway with a gun, just fucking obliterating it

This guy got himself into another mess. Take a look

@whoiswinston if you see it published anywhere else but here i expect you to alert the proper authorities with 911.

In reply to 🌻Lizbeth Sanchez🌻

@lizardsanchez i can only do 2. they are refusing to fund me

In reply to 13 DOLLAR SANDWICH

@on_the_rocks_ i dont have enough funding to do another one

The Saturday morning ramble is Work Safe. Children are also allowed to enjoy it. The Thursday nite rant is vulgar and unleashed

the thursday nite rant isn't going anywhere. the saturday morning ramble is designed to work in tandem with it to cover broader demographics

In reply to Owen Beecher

@obeech1989 it will be as good as the thursday nite rant once i get better at writing them and my stress levels decrease.

In reply to dan mentos

@NonCombosMentos academi

In reply to Pat M.

@pee_more it's new

get yourself a few dozen trash bags and stash them in a drawer somewhere. never know when you might need em #TheSaturdayMorningRamble

In reply to broga pants

@crunkdumpster no first

In reply to @bashfulcoward

@Peeglass CORRUPTED EARTY'H...

isnt it wild that every time i look at pictures of hell i say that it looks like some cool shit, and that i would go there instead of heaven

@ProdigalSpam Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where's The Good Shit. Where'

that was it. the rants over. stop sending me messages

Showtime. Feel the sweat on your palms. Face the hideous, bloodthirsty crowd. All eyes on you. It's all or nothing. It's #TheThurdayNiteRant

yeah babe. im 007 license to kill. im basically really fucked up and mentally ill from all the murders I did.**yawn* i got a gun tattoo also

woah. just realized the "Hungryman" logo on this can of sloppy joe is referring to me, the guy buying and eating thhe food. Insane mindfuck

*stares at a man doing jumping jacks in complete awe* How is he doing that

just thinking about how two guns mounted on my wall in an X pattern would look really good over my toilet

The six things I could never do without:
• .
• gamer

they made 666 the satan number because that's how many hours it took me to learn how to roll a cigarette

when i cant decide whether to throw up into the trash can or the toilet i throw up in the trash cadn & pour about half of it into the toilet

my hobbies include wearing cool clothes, getting sucked off and being involved in local theater. The last one is a joke, actually

surefire investment: Saline. everyone i know is injecting a lot of it into their dicks. THat's, "Saline". Surefire investment. Locked down.

i got banned from the official red lobster forums for posting "9/11". yet they say we're living in a post-9/11 world.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=036s4tiIVaE my life will soon become this #SEAvsSF

In reply to kill a nazi, save the world!! :)

@lamIamlam in the future james bond gets serious and stops having sex

I'm Sgt. General James Bond. My mission is to collect guns and gather intel on the unimaginably fucked up drugs known as Cocaine & Marijuana

In reply to jezza

@blackbobross Arts & Entertainment

In reply to jezza

@blackbobross i don't know anything about comedy. i specialize in arts & entertainment.

stood up, faced audience during larry the cable guy movie, and shouted "YOu're all monsters, stop laughing at him, that's his regular voice"

im upset because nobody wants to market anything to my ultra fucked up demographic

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN ultimate glaze

**makes a loud inhuman noise and attempts to crack wacom tablet over knee*

yeah im supposed to be "offended" by spit on my grave. youre basically feeding my skeleon nutrients. also spitting in graveyards is illegal.

surprise, dad. while you were witnessing the pennsylvania state lottery i tried on all your work gloves and they looked very handsome on me

In reply to Nick Keutzer

@Nick09 ruby tuesday is a small business. fuck you

it was my idea to do the " tuesday nite rant" to tie into the ruby tuesday brand, but they said that idea was shit. they wanted thursday

In reply to Charlie

@PlSSPANTS no because i fixed it after

http://i.imgur.com/4Fnz2iB.jpg heres the thursday nite rant contract, as requested

i am getting hundreds of messages telling me that the thursday nite rant is very bad. i am contracted to produce them until june 2015. sorry

In reply to BZILLA🐀

@BRUNOZILLA #TheThursdayNiteRat was a typo caused by the fatigue and stress of managing my online business. It is not a real feature.

the knock out game is a lot of crap. Lord heal oru youth . Lord heal our youth #TheThursdayNiteRant

a tiny lapel pin shaped like the twitter verified account icon stops the assassins bullet and spares mmy cruel, filthy life

"Mr. Legs Dubai 2006"

In reply to vape send greg

@the_kizzle this is peak hours in romania , where most of my fans live

the facts are thuis: i accidentally did benghazi while trying to steal nfl broadcasts and im sorry about it. this is a stressful year for me

asking someone why their halloween avatar is still up when it's just a normal pic of them is the most fucked up move you can do, actually

the scud missile was named after famous military physicist Scud Missile

In reply to DJ MADNESS

@DJMadnessDOTnet sounds like a real fucked up idiot to me,

In reply to DJ MADNESS

@DJMadnessDOTnet I don't know who that is Mate .

if satan tries to put a microchip in my gun i will shoot him

In reply to .

@pussyotoole this is a trick question

@spicycelery i dont need to answer this at any point in time

i have modded gta 5 to make the dicks ugly. and i plan to make them even uglier in ugly dick mod v1.1

attribute my creative decline to deep spiritual sickness caused by several pornographic hairstyles i accidentally looked at in time magazine

"god damnit!" the coach rips his headset off "they covered our football in nerd cum! those bastards have covered our football in nerd cum!"

what me & the boys enjoy most is going to a home goods store to laugh at all the toilets. saying "haha i really want to shit in there", etc

**sticks vacuum into skintight rubber suit so it becomes even tighter and dick and balls become more pronounced & visible* ugh!! mondays

need to wash gamefuel stains out of a very expensive kimono

In reply to sunfilter (doesnt want to be homeless!)

@sunfilter i dont know what that is but it sounds too good to be real

i can infer that the owner of this car with "Wade" painted on the hood is either named "Wade" or enjoys the word "wade" for personal reasons

my new job is being the guy who says "Sir You Can't Film Here" repeatedly to people who bring recording gadgets to aldi markets

did everoyone else in the unemployment line get one of my favstar printouts? good. i will take my seat on the floor now

noticing a lot more rear collisions after adhering my "9/11 Was An Inside Doge" bumper sticker. people must be too busy laughing to pay attn

too many false alarms from people yelling "Bingo is some good shit" or "Bingo is fuckin good". becoming a problem in the bingo community

the wrong side of town. just a bunch of signs on the side of the road that say "Moms Earn Cash" with no phone number or email or anything

@sprotster No

just tape the car horn down and cars will naturally move away from you. you can drive anywhere. it is called, "The Instinct of the Beast"

seems to be confusion regarding the job offer. you just directed me to an amazon listing for clown makeup. Looking forward to the real link.

i thitnk, that, before you wish death upon someone, you should make sure their tweets are really really bad first

"The Thanksgiving Day Parade is not canon. The events depicted therein have no place within the Garfield timeline." - Jim Davis, Paws Entmt

is the thanksgiving day parade canon. are we to believe that garfield would allow himself to float around and be yanked around with strings

@amandagothard_ is that real. dont hassle me

please set your home pages to http://foxconn.com . it is a better web site than twitter. no trolls or loudmonths, always free.

Keep an eye on "Apps", in 2013 and beyond.

media outrage over the discovery of geiorge zimmerman's Gun Sink, a kitchen sink filled to the brim with guns

In reply to Tim Sexton

@DjTSex "Depression"

use coupon code "Do Harlenm Shake" to save 10% off your next Divorce

local singles want to meet you in YOUR AREA! click here to call the COPS

i call upon familiars david blaine & criss angel to help me discretely wash this pocket pussy in the soda fountain at the peiwei asian diner

@KawaiiKush this is the makeup rant because i fucked it up last week. the normal schedule will now proceed after a brief thanksgiving hiatus

"sour cream and onion" ?? thats a bunch of shit from the get go #TheThursdayNiteRant

Seth i mean.

Moneyhats all the way down. He doesnt csre about the true fans. He killed the dog for profit.Just follow the big dollar sign

well, i'm planning a move. the democratic people's republic of korea?? strongest cops in the game. flat out. Make our cops look like shit

@scento @Cheesegod69 i want to crush it between my shoulder blades

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ @diaper_wolf @extranapkins block me instead. this is all my fault

In reply to @_Hermit_Thrush_

@_Hermit_Thrush_ Thank You

i spend lots of time thinking about how many of my depraved, miserable followers would murder me if they could get away with it #SocialMedia

i see jokes like "doge". like "angry cat". and I think to myself, "This is fucking actually good. How can I interface this with my strats."

for every child you don't circumcise i am going to circumcise myself 3 times

i am working to resolve the thursday nite rant issue. please do not contact me

my more astute readers have noted that i botched the hashtag. its not supposed to be "the thursday nite rat". i cannot fix it. its locked in

my blood glucose test strip unboxing video maintains a remarkable zero views despite me spending $8000 on Media courses #TheThursdayNiteRat

#Episodes" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoarding:_Buried_Alive#Episodes here is a cool list of "weird tweets'"

This channel is dedicated the the beautiful smoking girls of Japan. These videos aim to capture the style and elegance of the Japanese girls

In reply to Ben Avery

@BenCravery i pay them to

i just put the phone in the sink and turned the faucet on. i was not about to deal with that level of bull shit.

"your posts, they aren't good." obama told me over his personal phone line. "you have to put down the keyboard. you have to #StopThePosts".

its true. each cow's udder has one teat that will shoot piss instead of milk and ruin the whole batch. they call it the Farmer's Gamble

@femtotech actually i take "the big bang theory" and the good word "bazinga" very seriousl.

bazinga fan 80

slave to Woke retweeted

https://twitter.com/Andypip14/status/288410196370419712/photo/1 />
What a.funny pic that I found.on my feed #Funny

i have been pacing the driveway for hours, trying to work up the courage to tell a t least 3 twitter girls that i have married them

*steps out on stage twirling a cane and accidentally hits self in the dick 100 times * AAAWGHHH

two cars in the garage, a white picket fence, and monster energy logos embroidered into both ass pockets

enjoying my "BEER O CLOCK" tshirt? yeah I got a whole hamper full of these badboys at home. you can come over & look at them all if you like

Real.Time.with.Bill.Maher.2013.11.15.HDTV-NO.SWEARING.EDITx264-2HD[kkkdracula]

gamers are stupid assholes huh? well guess what. the final fantasy titles taught me roman numerals. check this shit out: XVCXCXCVIIIVX

i step into the vip lounge. i see a man in high heel shoes stepping on a carton of milk while other men in suits yell at him and throw coins

CONTROVERSIES: lots of people jacked off to "beetlejuice" because they thought he was a girl. it's perfectly normal & good [citation needed]

i have trained my two fat identical sons to sit outside of my office and protect my brain from mindfreaks by meditating intensely

@juhawh nuh uh. This is crap

"favs.. retweets.. they're all good as hell. You're basically here to get those. Without em, you might as well be posting into the toilet,"

In reply to @SteveAlbini_

@TheOmegaDad Im not fucking serious or mad right now

listen up i need u guys to go on my account and check out this post called "The Thursday Nite Rant" and dont forget to hit up that RT button

In reply to ret

@rad_milk in that case i would advise your uncles not to attend.

i dont know about you guys but my uncle has been dying to meet all your uncles. did somebody say twitter dot com uncle meet????

@irlbrondan im one of the good whites

i feel like some people don't appreciate the effort i put into TTNR. frankly, all i can do is feel embarrassed for you. it's a good feature

sometimes i post serious things but, i like to have a little bit of fun on here too #TheThursdayNiteRant

whenever i see someone eating without a bib i laugh and shake my head. beucase i just know they're going to fuck their shirt up with stains

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN @collatingbones typical "Weird Twitter" circus clown, hiding in the garbage from the Truth im constantly laying on them .

In reply to BAKOON

@BAKKOOONN @collatingbones everybody is jacking off to their follower count and it makes me sick. iits just a number. stop jacking off to it

@collatingbones thank u. every night i wake up screaming because of the weird twitter circle jerk . i dont take this site seriously though

yeah right johnny cash. we totally believe that you went to jail & got executed. why don't you sing about real things instead of doing irony

"Daniel Joerger" gave the Adult Dunce Cap a 1/5 star review on February 20th, 2013, saying it was "Junk" and "Not worth what I paid for it".

http://i.imgur.com/Og12FtI.jpg just gonna leave this here.. feel free to buy th e stuff on it. to my house if you want to

i had a stern talk with my son over how his purchase of a $0.99 hdmi cable represents failure

In my sincere opinion, 7-11 is weighing down the Big Gulp brand with their clownish chain of filthy convenience stores.

its time to face facts. our teens just arent creating any jobs. they have failed our nation

im not breathing correctly because of the amount of people who insist on showing me the number of 69, which is the password for sex.

@dadwhoishappy chridst. god damn it. not this number again

how many pushups must I do in order to boost my wifi signal

ihave been banished from the city of dubai due to my excessive sweating and practice of pyrokinesis

http://i.imgur.com/4IxEdbR.jpg I Have Found My Calling. Good Bye

"elvis" is the filthiest musician alive

roving online gangs are promoting disrespect of brand leaders on this very platform #HonestyHour #Police

In reply to S L E Ξ Ǝ P Y B O Y

@shutupstopa get this crap off

In reply to Pizza Hut Cares

@PizzaHutCares @LanaDelSunreys the pizza hut pube team

i think that wearing a jumpsuit emblazoned with the official logo of my twitter account while i indie develop would make my posts good again

In reply to @vinceness

@vinceness ALL SHIT

slave to Woke retweeted

The best DJ in Miami talking about how #obamacare hurts our generation. You can #optout! @josephmicha3l @univmiami

In reply to Sid V. Beers

@SidBeers sing to God

if each of my followers send me 1 rag i might be able to clean up all the messes in my house

@dennythejet graceful and poignant

even if you only know the basic techniques there is over 100,000 different combos you can do. the government is hard at work naming them all

you see that fucked up mattress over there? that's where i practice my combos

effects i mean.

are thtere any adverse health affects to chemically suppressing puberty until the age of 49

http://image.dhgate.com/albu_235744332_00-1.0x0/m-amp-m-chocolate-candy-red-and-yellow-mascot.jpg #NoFuck

after careful consideration, ive decided to fuck the green m&m because they made it look like a girl. i would not fuck the red or yellow m&m

just a little casual assplay at the farmer's market

@MobilSuitGoatse @BAKKOOONN thinking mostly about throwing large amounts of them into the garbage. like 1,000 of them maybe